Disclaimer: I once owned a puppy, but he ran away. This puppy wasn't Menchi. My puppy actually looked like a dog, please and thank you. Now all I have left is this computer, a piggy bank sitting on top of it that is painted like a cow, and a yellow stuffed unicorn. Not a real unicorn, mind you, but a stuffed animal. Notice how Excel Saga isn't on my list of things I own.

A/N: I ate a taco salad today, and there happened to be too much salt in it. This isn't really relevant in any way, but I just thought I'd share.

OO

Family Portraits

By Someone Who Should Be Finding Literary Devices for the Book Rebecca, but is Just Going To Cheat On This Foreign Girl Later

OO

The walk back to the cheap apartment where Excel and Hyatt lived was, for once, one in complete silence. Hyatt was wondering if she should be a little thankful that she wouldn't have to listen to her seniors rambling, or if she should be a little worried about it.

She wasn't even entirely sure why Excel was being so quite, seeing that she had been dead a good amount of the time, and the part where she wasn't was clouded by the feeling of about-to-be-dieing.

"Senior?" Hyatt asked finally. Excel, who was walking with her hands in her pockets, looking at the ground, met eyes with Hyatt as they came to the cross walk across the street from their apartment and waited for the 'walk' sign to appear, even though there were no cars.

"Yeah?" Excel asked, trying to throw some enthusiasm into her words, but failing.

"What exactly happened?"

OO

Excel threw the keys onto the nearby table, as they entered the apartment, only to miss because they didn't have a nearby table, hitting Menchi in the head, who awoke with a start, shocked to see her masters home and most likely willing to eat her. She cowered, slowly backing away from they keys and the two girls. They ignored this, and proceeded to the room that held the closet that in turn held all their cloths.

"So," Excel said, "that's pretty much the geist of things. Gist? Uh, whatever the word is that I'm lookin' for."

"I see," Hyatt said as they began to undress and change into their pajamas. "I was unaware that senior still had a family."

"Huh?" Excel asked, making a confused face. "Why's that?"

"Mostly because senior told me that her family all died in a horrible yet justifiable accident involving many, many gardening tools and an angry group of field mice." She paused a moment, seeming to forget something. "Hungry field mice. Drunk too?"

"Yeah, drunk too," Excel said. She caught herself, and laughed a little nervously. "Oh, well, yeah. But…uhm, not really, ya' know?"

Hyatt did indeed not know, but decided it best to not say otherwise. Instead she walked to the phone they had received some time ago due to the generosity of their neighbor (or…neighbors? Hyatt could never fully recall them, nor their names). The red light above messages flashed, and she hit the button underneath it.

"You have three messages," the answering machine said in a seemingly happy voice. "First Message."

"This is your boss," the first message said. "You're fired. Don't ask me why. I have my reasons. Most of them include your inability to keep from stabbing the customers with a large machete and dieing all over the food. Sorry; I hope you have better luck with a new job."

"Second Message."

"Hi, this is Iwata, from next door! Well, sort of next door. Anyway, I just wanted to say that Watanabe has a scary crush on you, and although it's been pretty amusing for the most part, it's gotten a little boring and extremely creepy. So I just figured I'd let you know so that you could start avoiding him, thus providing me my last bit of entertainment." A pause. "Better yet, you could tell him about it and turn him down. That would be a lot more funny."

"Third Message."

"Hello, Excel. This is Ellen. Emily and Esme told me that you were goin to think about it. If I might say something? Okay, I will. Look, I know I was just a tad - - okay, I was extremely rude to you. But you deserved it! Uhg, sorry, sorry. Anger management isn't helping, I'm afraid. Anyway, I just wanted to say that you should really come with us back home to father's funeral. You don't have to stay, and you don't have to keep the property. If you could just come and keep it out of our new stepfather's hands, and then just give it to us, that would be fine. I know how horrible it is here - - everyone is so superficial and fake, it's really quite sickening, and I know you never liked any of that, so I'm sure that's why you left. Just…please. Life here is bad enough. Don't let it get any worse." There was a pause. "Fuck, I hope the bloody machine didn't cut me off before I said all of that."

There was a click, and the blinking light stopped flashing.

"End of messages."

OO

"Do you really think she's going to come through for us?"

Ellen rolled over in her bed and looked over at Esme. They were in some fancy hotel or another, and Esme and Emily were sharing a bed. Ellen couldn't sleep and she suspected that it was the same for her younger sister. Emily, on the other hand, was snoring away, so the eldest girl suspected she was not having the same problem.

"Not really," Ellen said. "But I suspect father did. Otherwise he wouldn't have done such a simple minded thing." Esme nodded and frowned.

"I wonder why she left in the first place. I missed her, you know. You and Emily probably didn't; she was around for most of your life. She was barley there for me." Ellen shrugged.

"I suppose you're right. We are a bit tired of her. She talked a lot, most of the time about things Emily and I never understood. And I think that's why she left. Perhaps she was looking for someone to listen to her."

"You think she found it?" Emily asked, her voice muffled from underneath her blankets. Her sisters looked at her for a moment, but she had started snoring again. Ellen rolled on her side and shut her eyes.

"I'm not sure. I would hope she did, but I get this horrible feeling telling me that she most certainly didn't."

OO

When Excel woke, birds were singing, the sun was shining, Hyatt was dead, and the smell of coffee wafted over from her neighbor's house. She stretched and sighed happily.

"Hey Hyatt, wake up! Or, you know, come back from the dead! I forgot what the word for that was…" She looked around for Menchi, who was huddled in a corner, sleeping a nervous, shaky sleep that only a puppy that fears for her life can.

"Hey Menchi!" Excel said, bounding out of her bed and tackling the poor dog, which woke with a start and with a fear in her heart (ah, how very poetic I'm being today!). "You wake up too!" The dog was indeed awake, and gave a mournful howl to show so.

Hyatt rolled around, smearing blood all over her bed, and opened her eyes.

"It is indeed a beautiful morning, is it not, Senior Excel?" Hyatt asked, pulling herself up and rubbing her eyes.

"You bet your bum it is!" said Excel. "Hey! I'm gunna' get packed, okay! So you need to tell me which cloths are yours and which are, you know, not!" Hyatt nodded, then blinked.

"Senior…?"

"Yeeeeeaaaaah, Ha-Chan?"

"Why, exactly, are you packing?" Excel gave her a toothy grin.

"I'm goin' on a road trip!"

OO

A/N: Aaaaaand I take forever to update! Mostly for I while there I was thinking I wouldn't do this story anymore, but then I was like "what the hell". So, yuss. More of this crappy story! Oh no! Let's dance! ((dances))

An, yes, Excel IS a little more serious in this story sometimes. I mean, you know, seeing three bitchy sisters and finding out your dad's dead, plus the family fortune's in the hands of a step-father who drugs your mom might do that to you.

But then again, maybe not, seeing that it's Excel and all.

P.S. Sorry this chapter was so shortish. /