A/N: I dont own Inuyasha. rankly, I don't own anything from it except my fanfics and my fanarts. I'm reposting all the chapters because I wanted to changed it a little. I hope it's not a bother.
MORE THAN WANTED
My Will
•?•
Quietly awakening...
I always, always wish
that these fleeting thoughts
would reach you...
—
It began with darkness. So, perhaps, it would end with light. If it originated with something so dark and mysterious, should it possibly conclude with a hint of lightness.
It began with confusion and slowly, surely persisted in making some sense. It originated with anger and impatience, and will end with love and respect. At least, that was what she hoped and wanted…
The battle began with darkness and it ended with that same impression and taste, rather than what she hoped for. She wasn't sure about happiness, but she was sure it would come to that.
The finality of victory over Naraku brought his reign to an end; the Warring States shall at last find their peace. For almost two and a half years of searching for the Shikon shards, as well as hunting the half-demon-turned-full called Nakaru and denying him his nearly achieved wishes, triumph had now shaded every color of her friend's faces and spirits, as well as hers.
There was a moment of silence, a long pause of hushed sound that lingered among the successful group. It had ended with darkness. Sort of. The blazing dark light, which Naraku had emerge out of that elusive body of his, exploded like a time bomb. It wasn't the darkness that made her want to scream and suffocate. It was more the poisonous toxic that soon came afterward; the quick flight of darkness upon the earth, slowly invading her senses and stinging her eyes.
She blinked several times but had no luck seeing clearly. The poison was slowly seeping all around the area, spouting from the colossal pool of black liquid that once was their nemesis, on the ground. Naraku's clothing dissolved as it fell into the puddle, sizzling and dissipating. Still, fumes of venomous haze clouded the area of the battlefield.
Kagome wheezed and covered her face, burying her nostrils deep unto her palm, hoping that she could only breathe in her own fragrance rather than die smelling Naraku's horrible stench. If she could just run and escape, she would have chosen to do so. However, the miasma's smoke shrouded both her and her injured friends. If she could have fallen on her knees, she would've done that, too. But she couldn't. She was paralyzed.
She coughed, suffocating under her hard-pressed palms. Tears rolled down her cheeks, her eyes turning red in bitter pain. She whiffed in her scent, although she couldn't breathe. She tried to smell her floral lotion, rather than the bitter-sour odor around her.
No matter how distant she stood from the once-ongoing battle, the noxious vapor was still able to reach; to a distance that could extinguish half of Feudal Japan. Her friends lay far from her, presumably unconscious or in an identical condition to hers. She wanted to help them, wanted to purify this fume but her strength was of no use.
When the haze reached her body, she wheezed, her throat attempting desperately to vomit out whatever it was inside her. She paled and sobbed, in desperate need. It had ended with darkness, just as it had started with darkness by Naraku, a villain long gone from this world. But when will this poisonous cloud end and make her world light again?
She gasped softly when something touched her. But…
It was then that she smelled moss and wood. She automatically moved her head upward in daze gazing upon the shadow that engulfed her body and head. The smell of familiar moss and forest came into her nose, a smell so familiar and calming. Her tensed muscles stopped but her wheezing, trembling, and weeping did not. Oh, the pain the poison was putting her eyes.
She wanted to get away, wanted to go back to her time, to get herself a long sleep from this dozen-day's battle, watching and worrying for loved ones. She aided them to the best she could, but thought of herself as of no use. What was she good for, a woman that could not even battle but only fight in one damn place where she notched purifying arrows and waited until one of her missiles indeed hit one of the puppets.
But it was over, isn't it? The whole battle against Naraku was accomplished… right?
The thought didn't seem to want to get through her head. She trembled, non-stop, and wept in pain. But she calmed, little by little, as the figure hugged her closer, protecting her against the poisonous fumes. She didn't stop choking, despite how much poison would clog her mind. However, the shadow enveloped her tighter and, suddenly, she felt as if she was floating up in the air.
She couldn't see it but she felt it, her whole body being lifted and and falling... rise and fall and rise and fall.
Her flight ended when she was brought down on a ground almost unfamiliar, something she had not felt for so long. A ground so soft and lush, so moist and cool upon her naked legs. The beautiful scent of grass entered her nose and her heart fluttered up in the air, inviting the fresh scent of new oxygen.
The figure didn't let her go, probably because she still sat there, trembling violently. It held her tight, its embrace trying to sooth her, its musk scent of moss and forest entering her nose once more. Either she was still in shock or she was still paralyzed; she didn't push the shadow away. She could not think, nor open her lips to speak, but she could see her friends over the shadow's shoulder, her visions still quite a blur. Thank goodness... they were all right.
"K-Kagome…"
The voice sent her eyes flapping open as realization came. The strong, hoarse voice sounded worried, sounded scared. Her heart fell and rose at the same time. She shut her eyes and, slowly, let her arms enfold the figure in return, hoping it was enough to silently thank him.
So he wasn't dead - he was alive! A few moments ago, it had only been his body her eyes had seen. It had just been his unconscious body she had seen when Naraku's torso melted. He wasn't dead!
She couldn't help it, she didn't fight it. New tears descended down her paling cheeks, tears of happiness and relief. She held onto the familiar shadow, gesturing silently that she would never let go when she squeezed him tighter, as tightly as her weakened state would permit.
"Are you all right?" she whispered, nearly frantic. "Are-are you all right?"
He slowly pulled away from her, ignoring her silent protests. Her sorrowful, weary eyes met his golden gaze, likewise as weary and fatigued as hers. He still held her, his arms longingly around her waist as hers around his neck, tangled beneath his silvery hair. She gazed at him, trying to read his eyes.
Why was he looking at her like that? Is there something that bothered him so much? The battle was over! He should be happy! She only wanted him to be this way, to be happy that he defeated Naraku. She didn't want him to worry anymore or think about anything else but to be happy.
Sighing, she moved forward to lay her forehead against his shoulder, dazedly closing her eyes.
It was a wish come true. A pretty long time to have it fulfilled, too. Everything was over, no more problems, no more worries. She didn't want to think about anything else but the emotions of happiness inside her, a feeling of relief with a hint of strange sorrow she couldn't quite figure out.
I don't want to worry right now, whatever it is. I just want to spend time being happy, thinking… thinking… of how free you'll finally be, Inuyasha…
—
Unable to move forward across "just a little more" distance
The way I see before me is always blocked
Every time the days I want to see you but can't pile up,
My strong heartbeat turns into heartbreak.
—
He allowed her to find a moment in time to figure things out. He let her head fall on his shoulder, hoping that she'll feel all right.
She still hadn't figured out what this end of battle meant to her… to him. She still hadn't figured it out yet, but no matter. He didn't wanted her to figure that awful thought out… not yet. All he wanted to do was to spend this one moment in time with her, contemplating a battle that had been worth fighting for.
He didn't want to worry about it right now, not anything. All he wanted to do was to make sure Kagome was safe. Make sure his promise was fulfilled.
Behind the two figures, the demon exterminator grunted in pain, as she tried to sit up without screaming. She couldn't recall the battle too much but she could remember the moment she and houshi-sama were rescued by the hanyou before the poisonous fumes engulfed their bodies completely. Her right hand felt a body lying unconscious beside her.
Sango turned to look at the bruised and blooded frame of Miroku, a terrified gasp escaping her trembling lips. She couldn't remember what happened; only remembered the pain. The pain and grief that Naraku had given them, deceived them. Deceived HIM.
She cried out quietly when the monk stirred at her touch as she placed her trembling fingertips on his bloodstained cheek. She watched as he grunted, his eyes opening and closing again at the blinding afternoon light. Somewhere from afar, a not too young kitsune grumbled as he awakened.
"Are we dead yet?" he mumbled dumbly as he tried to get up, only to find his hind legs collapsing back onto the soft ground.
Oh - the pain!
Beside him, the bloodstained neko-youkai ached, also attempting to stand up. Without much hope, it fell against the kitsune's back, giving up all too suddenly.
"Kagome?" Shippou whispered, his closed eyes opening.
All he could see was a figure of red, crunched down into a ball, as if protecting something, as two languid arms wrapped around its back. Shippou grunted wearily and tried to stand up. He had never imagined himself being part of a battle that would include serious death, didn't picture himself joining the hanyou's side to fight against Naraku.
What everyone would have expected him to do was to stay by his surrogate mother's side, protecting her with his mirage abilities. He had never known how excruciating it was to participate in battle ... he, who had barely even tried to kill a youkai by himself.
He shivered, the wave of shudder coming from head to tail to toe. His green eyes lacking their brightness. He would have thought that he had died after that final attack from Inuyasha or Naraku, but here he was, still alive and able to breathe. He couldn't help it. For the first or second or third time in his life, he found himself scared to watch as Inuyasha swayed unsteadily in front of Naraku, nearly halfway to his death wish.
It wasn't his fault if he was to admit that he had loyalty towards that stupid idiot of a hanyou who constantly threatened and pestered him all the time. Maybe it was just a way to tell the kitsune that Inuyasha really cared for this little guy. After all, Inuyasha was near to being a substitute father to him, too.
Kirara rubbed a forehead against his back, meowing silently. Sighing, Shippou turned to gently rub a small paw against the neko-youkai's creamy forehead.
"It's all right now, Kirara," he assured his tired friend. "I guess the battle's over. All revenges are gone and everything's gonna be alright… right?"
Kirara opened a blood-red eye, her black slits moving to stare at the figures of Sango and Miroku to their right. Then slowly moving to watch as the red-clothed figure stood up, revealing a frail girl sitting down on the grass in front of him.
"I'm all right," Inuyasha responded, his voice still ragged.
Kagome stared down at the ground, placing her hands on her lap. She felt weak and mostly tired. Days upon days of watching something so awful and waiting for it to end had drained her of the energy to keep her self awake and active. Her ebony hair was nearly drenched with blood, not just hers but Inuyasha's too. Locks fell upon her pale face, sticking to her sweaty face.
It was as if she was having a relapse, since she felt a strange pang inside her. She didn't know what it meant, but she ignored it. All she cared about was what lay ahead of her, and her friends.
She turned to gaze up at the hanyou in front of her. Worry spread through her face as she followed his gaze towards the other side of the forest where the black clouds of poison miasma still roamed around the air. It had somehow stopped spreading, as if it could only reach one mile of its surrounding.
"Is-Is everyone… well?" a voice coughed, a little too violently. Someone disapproved.
"H-houshi-sama! Don't you try speaking! The-there's blood coming out of your mouth!"
Sango ripped a part of the hem of her skirt and folded it into a small distorted ball. Quickly but gently, she dabbed the cloth unto Miroku's lips, where large amount of blood flowed out. Panic stroked her hands as they trembled violently, hard to tell whether she was still too weak to tend Miroku's wound or whether she was scared of losing someone she had secretly loved.
Slowly and steadily, Shippou stood up with Kirara and limped towards Kagome. He lazily swung each hind leg as if he was drunk, his high-up bushy tail drooping to the ground. He hadn't slept for days, although his stubborn eyes had wanted him to. And this afternoon might be his lucky chance to get a three-day sleep, cuddled with his beloved surrogate mother.
Kagome watched the unfortunate cloud, her eyes filled with worry. Would it spread the next day? How will it dissolve then? It was a good thing the well was in the other direction, or else she wouldn't be able to...
Surprised, Kagome felt tiny soft body delicately make its way on her lap, a sigh brushing her arm. When she looked down, both Shippou and Kirara had buried themselves on top of her lap, sleeping.
"Is it really over?" Shippou murmured. "Then I can go to sleep now. I can go to sleep now… okaasan, I can go to sleep now?"
Blushing with faint joy, the miko lightly brushed the kitsune and the neko-youkai's bloodied tail and hair, wiping the crimson liquid off. Inuyasha stood still ahead of her, close enough for his bare bruised feet to brush against her own bent knees. Kagome closed her eyes and lifted both youkai, cradling them as she composed her thoughts.
"It's okay now, Shippou, Kirara, Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku," she whispered softly. "I guess it's all over. As soon as you - we all wake up tomorrow, or the day after that… we'll start a brand new day."
It's all right now, Inuyasha, she fought the urge to add as the saddened girl turned to gaze at the hanyou's back, his crimson tinted silver hair flowing with the wind as hers did. Hidden all along in her curled left fist, she tightened her hold of her treasure, scared to let anyone remember that it was for this thing that they had been battling.
It's all right, Inuyasha. Maybe you can eventually be happy now. Maybe we all can be happy now. With Naraku dead… we can start over. If you want to…
—
If there is such a thing as "eternity,"
I want to believe, even if I have to take the long way.
Although I know that I've been hurt before because I'm clumsy
I won't stop; I won't give in to anyone.
—
It was barely a day after they got back to old Kaede's hut, and they could not fight the urge to sleep. Kagome slept in a far corner with Shippou under her arms. Sango lay beside her, and Miroku rested quietly beside Sango.
There was no need to worrry whether the monk would secretly grope in the midst of their sleep. As far as anyone can tell, Miroku, too, hadn't the time to even move a muscle until he could wake up to a brand new day. The only one who barely had enough time to rest was Inuyasha, who constantly walked in and out of the hut, thinking hard.
At last, he decided to rest on top of the hut's roof, reaching the conclusion that he really needed this rest. He was somewhat fidgety and brimming with anxiety these past hours after the battle. He couldn't sleep, couldn't figure out positively whether these stomach-flopping feelings were either comfort or worry.
Thoughts of the battle came to his mind. A memory he could never forget. An image he would never allow to swallow him up with too much pride. An hour ago, he had been brutally washing Tetsusaiga from a nearby river. It even looked as if he was trying to drown himself as he had frantically dunked himself in and out of the water, ridding himself of the blood that came from his friends. Blood of the friends he had nearly killed after Naraku's mind-controlling ability.
It was a battle worth fighting for, yes. A battle worth giving up one's own lives. Of course, he would allow no one but himself to sacrifice his own life for another. But, of course, that would make Kagome angry… and sad.
Shifting his sword on his chest as he settled his hands behind his head, Inuyasha stared at the midnight's sky. He wondered if counting stars would work his way to sleep... but it was useless. Although it calmed him a little, he couldn't help but worry still.
What would become of tomorrow? What would become of him tomorrow?
—
I think of you
and that alone is enough
to make the tears start to flow now
I always, always wish
that these fleeting thoughts
would reach you...
—
There was nothing else he could do now. Before, he thought his destiny was only to find the rest of the Jewel shards with Kagome. It ended them up with encountering Shippou, Miroku, Sango, and Kirara. Could that have been part of his destiny, too?
He wasn't quite sure, his mind was still cloudy. All his senses told him that his life depended only on hunting Naraku down and slaying him. But since that desire had been accomplished… what now?
Inuyasha scanned the stars, as if searching for the answer. It wasn't long until finally Kagome realized what this end-of-the-battle would mean to her… to him. It was just a matter of time that Kagome would realize there would be nothing left for her to do her in his time… but to go back to her own time. It pained him in billions of ways to even imagine Kagome leaving him.
Even a smile from her could tear me, he thought obscurely.
Half of him wanted the girl from the future to overlook the future and stay here with him in the past. Yet, half of him knew that it wasn't right, just begging for Kami to make sure Kagome forgot about her time, her family. He didn't want her to abandon the ones she loved.
What about me?
His inner thoughts spun his world with questions.
Do I want Kagome to leave? Sure I tried to kill her before, but that was so long ago that I can hardly remember it anymore.
But It was her.
It was her that changed me. Maybe it had been her that made me soft but stronger, but I don't know. All I know is that she's somehow involved. Involved in my life.
He didn't want Kagome to remember, even if she would have to lose memory of everything and everyone, including him self, at least she would still live by his side.
He didn't want her to desert her family. Then again, he didn't want her to leave him, too.
—
I've known all too well about pretending to be strong.
But since then, my doubts have vanished.
—
Someone was calling her. The silent voice that cloaked around her heart pleaded with her for something and she could not refuse it.
Kagome lifted her head up to look at the darkness within the hut. Everyone was asleep and it seemed as if the gentle voice that cried out for her told her that Inuyasha, too, had fallen into a deep sleep.
… Kagome …
It told her, secretly, that it was all right to leave for a while without being detected.
… Kagome …
It told her it needed her help.
… Kagome …
It pleaded with her to come quickly.
… Kagome …
It called her repeatedly, its sad and heartbroken voice fabricating a connecting pain in her heart. Kagome gradually sat up, careful not to wake Shippou and Kirara. She had enough strength for tonight to cloak her scent. It was a weakening ability due to the battle, but she was able to hide a little of her strong miko scent as she deliberately stood up and walked out of the hut.
Her hair billowed behind her, as she went outside. She wore miko clothing; her uniform, bloodied and torn, had been thrown away. Besides, she could buy another one in her time anyway. It worried her a little to wear this miko clothing. It was the clothing Inuyasha would forever see her wear, no matter that he had seen her with it many times.
It reminded him of Kikyou, she knew that all along. But what was she to do? It wasn't her fault if she was a reincarnation of his former love.
No wait, she made a mental thought, he still loves her, silly.
There was no point in denying their eternal love. Kagome wasn't invited. She wasn't entirely sure if she should be jealous or angry with Inuyasha or Kikyou.
When the battle against Naraku ended a few hours ago, Kagome could recall little of it, as if it were a dream come true. Before, she could not deny that she felt a little jealous of Kikyou for being someone whom Inuyasha loved. She felt angry with Inuyasha for being in love with Kikyou.
But now that everything was over… she wasn't quite sure anymore.
… Kagome …
"Yes?" she whispered to the air, allowing her feet to guide her wherever the voice led her.
Without surprise, it led her to the Goshinboku. Was she expecting this? Yes and no. Her body stopped a few feet from the colossal tree's broad curling roots that stuck out of the ground as she gazed at a figure standing atop of the largest root that stranded out high off the ground.
If Kagome was correct, that had been the root she had climbed upon on to reach a sealed Inuyasha, where curiosity came to her because of those canine ears of his. It was the same root where she was able to clamber up and see Inuyasha up close. And here, ironically, was another person, standing on that large rootlet. The person who had shot her beloved hanyou fifty-two and a half years ago.
Kikyou stood with her back turned to Kagome, her right hand stretched out reaching the tree's body where he once slept. They were perfect twins, their hair playfully dancing with the air, one loose, one loosely tied. One wore clean miko clothing, whilst the other wore something that looked like she had been digging underground, looking for Hell.
Her beauty was no match for Kagome's simplicity. She didn't blame Inuyasha having someone so pretty and strong-willed as Kikyou. Compared to her, Kagome was nothing but a girl in crazed unrequited love, too stubborn to realize that this love she felt will never match Kikyou's own commitment. Kagome was this persistent girl, who someday would hope that someone like rude Inuyasha would accept her love.
She hated it, but she knew she could never deny her love, never wash these strong feelings away. That was why she would stay with Inuyasha forever. No matter how much it broke her heart to be here in the feudal era.
But she didn't want to worry right now; only wanted to enjoy her time with everyone else she called friends. She didn't want to worry about anything at all.
Kagome gazed at Kikyou's back, misery and sorrow washing over her face when sudden insight caught her off guard. But she ignored it like she wanted to.
"The Jewel is not complete, I see?" Kikyou's cold and tranquil voice broke the silence between them.
Somehow her voice didn't sound as cruel as Kagome always heard it sound. It was as if she sounded… crushed. Kagome hid her face behind the shadows of her hair, staring down at the ground and at her sandals.
"Should I repeat myself once more?" Kikyou turned around to gaze at the other miko.
The Jewel, yes, was not complete yet. That was what overjoyed Kagome a little. If it wasn't completed yet, and she could have more time to spend her moment with Inuyasha. Knowing, of course,that the last and final shard would crush everyone.
"No," Kagome replied softly. "It isn't."
Kikyou gave a faint smile and motioned the girl towards her, her entrancing fingers dancing out towards her living reincarnation. Kagome did not fight back her with stronger powers, but merely took four steps forward. Still staring at the earth below them.
"You are a somewhat smart and wise human," Kikyou murmured gently. "Do you know where the final fragment is embedded?"
Without denying it, Kagome nodded dully. Tediously, she moved her head up to gaze into the eyes of Kikyou. To her surprise, the undead miko gazed back at her with gray eyes of sadness and grief. Usually, Kagome was shot with cold glares or angry threats but now Kikyou's ghoulish heart ached inside hers. A string of woe shot her chest, causing Kagome to grasp hold of her heart.
"K-Kikyou…"
"Child," Kikyou began, "I am the one who called upon you. You are the one I seek… the one I desire to talk to."
"M-Me?" Kagome stuttered. "W-why me?"
As if the question was suppose to sting, Kikyou gently shut her eyes, contemplating. A subtle smile still came to her lips, but the look in her eyes as she opened them made Kagome take back what she stammered.
"Since you are me, and I am you… you are the only one that understands, child," Kikyou answered. "Considering that you are my reincarnation, as I am told, I am offering you a chance to have this one final discourse."
"I-I don't understand…"
Kikyou chuckled. Kagome had to bite back surprise at how blithe that chuckle sounded.
"I have come to talk to you… about Inuyasha."
About Inuyasha… of course.
Kagome nodded understandingly, concealing the sudden pain reentering her soul as well as Kikyou's.
"Your soul and my soul are one," Kikyou told her. "Since you have a larger portion of that one soul, I am still able to feel your emotions. Am I impolite to ask why you are feeling what you are feeling right now?"
Kagome shook her head.
"It's your soul," she answered with a short smile. "If we're one, then we're one. Even if you're already dead, I would still appreciate whatever feelings you have towards me… or Inuyasha."
… You are good-hearted …
"Besides," Kagome added with a smile. "I think I know why you called for me."
—
There's definitely things I want to show you
And so many words I want to hear
I want to see all sides of you, when you laugh and cry
So I'll stop waiting
and seize my "chance."
—
"Then I do not need to bid you my favor?" Kikyou questioned skeptically.
It surprised Kagome how very hopeful Kikyou sounded, and looked. She felt sorry for ever thinking that Kikyou had only called to kill her, since Naraku was dead and all was well. Kagome clutched the aching heart of herself and Kikyou.
"If you want to," she began, "I'd like to hear the reason from you…"
Kikyou opened her eyes and turned to look at the midnight sky. Her dead charcoal eyes seemed to sparkle with wonder, her face still calm and solitude.
She looks so lonely, Kagome mused sadly, I feel her pain now. It's strange…Now… it's like I don't like her being so sad and depressed. Like I want her to be happy. I know she hated me before, but I feel something changing… maybe, between us. Like she wants to be a part of me. Or, maybe it's me that wants to be a part of her. Because… she's the one he loves the most.
Chuckling at the thought, Kagome shook her head slowly, clearing that thought of her head.
What are you talking about, you silly baka. 'The one she loves the most'… it's not like he ever really did love you. Besides, you haven't literally told him that you love him. I mean, he's just hugged you several times but that doesn't mean anything. He's just a… very close friend.
"Yeah, that's right," she whispered to herself. "He's just a very close friend."
She ignored the third pain that repeated itself in her heart. She had forgotten that Kikyou felt it, too, for the undead miko winced speechlessly.
"Since I have grown this new power," Kikyou began, "it has connected me precisely to your soul and heart. Sometimes, I wish I had not obtained it. But it is the only thing that will keep me walking upon this earth. You know that, do you not?"
Kagome nodded. The bizarre feeling she had felt when she first Kikyou disappeared and, instantly, she knew what this conversation meant.
"I feel your feelings, child," Kikyou uttered quite calmly. "As I have likely interfered with your feelings previously, thus I know I must not manufacture anger in my mind."
Before continuing, Kikyou gazed back up at the night sky and smelt the air casually.
"It is a beautiful night, is it not?" she asked.
Following her gaze, Kagome watched as stars twinkled in this uncivilized era. The beautiful scent of forest and the view of billion stars and galaxies above them shimmered with silver and seemingly gold. The crescent moon shone above them, revealing its exquisite fading curves.
"Yeah," Kagome resolved. "Good thing they invented rocket ships to fly to the moon, and maybe Jupiter, or Venus. If Tokyo looked this pretty in the olden age I don't know why they built cities and hotels and restaurants to try and make things better - not that I'm complaining about better vehicles to come by… it's better taking the bus around town than walking around on my feet like..."
Seeing the odd look from the undead miko fabricated a rising blush of embarrassment from Kagome.
"O-Oh, sorry," she fumbled. "I forgot that I'm still in the feudal era…"
She chuckled and placed a hand behind her head. It didn't surprise her much when Kikyou cast a melancholy look down. It was a secret between these two. A secret even Kagome knew not to tell anyone, even Inuyasha.
"Is it wrong to act so foolishly over something that matters no more?" was the only reply Kagome got. "Is it too late now to differ hatred or am I too late to change the bearings of our mind? Tell me, for I do not know."
Consequently, Kagome could only shake her head no. It wasn't right to lie, or be angry over nothing. She couldn't bring herself to violate such questions that she knew were honest. For that fact, Kagome merely gazed at the elder miko with some curiosity in her eyes.
Kikyou had somehow changed, regardless her outside action. Her face showed cold calmness yet her eyes betrayed her facial features. The old look of anger and jealousy towards Kagome had long gone, only to be replaced with guilt, sadness, and heartbreak. This is something that Kagome could not dispute.
The leaves that circled them shuffled sensitively with the rhythm of the wind. The darkness that surrounded their spaces soon vanished dimly as fireflies came to join their silent visage.
She is so kind; I can sense that, Kikyou thought as she gazed at the human young girl. She must be in her seventeen years, as I am forever, both now and then. She is so kind. I cannot ask her my favor, for I will only break. But Naraku is gone; Onigumo set pace to his peace from anger and possession. I am able to roam freely with these new powers. I am finally strong now… but, somehow, I feel so weak against these odds. Against hurting someone who is also me. Have these new powers purified me too much? Why do I feel so somber and sad? Do I not want to ask her this?
Kikyou closed her grieving soulless eyes, contemplating.
Why have I changed? Why has this thing changed me? I am not so kind; I am not so sensitive. Yet… this child. This child is… she must be the key…
"I will tell you, then, of my favor, if you would like to hear it from me," she began, but paused to add, "strangely, it makes me dismal to tell you such a thing. I know of your relationship, but I must do this… you know of that, do you not?"
Kagome simply nodded. She took in Kikyou's words, hoping she could figure out the rest of this conversation later. She promised her self that she wouldn't get harmed, even with words. She was strong enough to hide her deepest wounds through all Inuyasha's angry words towards her (although she knew he never meant any of them) and she knew that Kikyou's words would mean nothing to her as well.
—
I think of you,
and I feel like that alone is enough
to make my heart grow stronger.
I always, always wish
that these fleeting thoughts
would reach you...
—
"You can say it, Kikyou," Kagome smiled. "You know that I know it already and it won't really hurt me. Not one single word of it. If you tell me yourself, I'll actually accept it truly."
There was pain stabbing her heart. Kikyou felt it. It was not just Kagome's mere lies, but she - in her own fake body - could feel her own pain. And she had never known how painful it was. Sure she had felt the pain of jealousy, but never had she felt such compassion for someone who was willing enough to give away their own love. Extraordinarily, it pained her.
"Your words ring true to me," she replied softly. "For I feel your ache. I feel your emotions as you will feel mine. When time comes for this trial be fulfilled, I will let it go."
Kagome gazed at her closed eyes.
"Trial?" she questioned quietly.
Kikyou smiled and nodded solemnly.
"Yes," she remarked. "It is. However…it is not a test. It is merely an act of sadness and courage and love. It is something that both you and I will slowly accomplish. Please believe this, I do not want you hurt anymore. I have tried to kill you and, for that, I am truly sorry. I have caused you… both of you ... great pains and I will someday take them all back with me. I will carry them in my body someday. So that you will live a peaceful life."
Kagome nodded, understanding it carefully.
"So then," she started, "you want me to…"
She trailed off. She could not finish it.
"The fireflies are like the heart of our soul, yes?" Kikyou answered another question with a question. "It is like a glowing emotion of love. If it may fade one day then the love dies. But if it may glow brighter then the love transcends forever. Remember that…"
"I will, Kikyou," Kagome promised. "I'll remember…"
I'll accept it. I'll get it over with. I'll try to conceal it inside. I'll accept it. I'll forgive myself for this anyway. I'll tell my self that it won't hurt. I don't want to worry right now. I just want to see, to feel, to hear, and make sure that he is happy. That I am happy and that she is happy. Don't want to worry…
Kagome smiled at herself, and maybe at Kikyou, as well.
Don't want to worry…
—
I think of you
and that alone is enough
to make the tears start to flow now
My distant voice can't reach you now, but so that someday
it definitely will...
—
"I am asking you a favor," Kikyou finally began, ignoring the pain that caused them both. It was strange to her, to ache for someone when she was already dead. "I am willing to return to Inuyasha and be of his possession. I am asking you a favor whereupon I can love him again… and he can love me again. I wish to return to Inuyasha. I wish to love him once more, as I - we - had done fifty years ago. Will… will you let me?"
I'll accept it. I'll get it over with. I'll try to conceal it inside. I'll accept it. I'll forgive myself for this anyway. I'll tell myself that it won't hurt. I don't want to worry right now. I just want to see, to feel, to hear, and make sure that he is happy. That I am happy and that she is happy. Don't want to worry…
—
Believe.
—
Kagome had turned her gaze to the ground, her bangs hiding her eyes. However, a small, faint smile came upon her lips. When she turned to look up at Kikyou, the fireflies danced with delight, the leaves dying from their odd flights.
Her heart pounded a little but she easily eased it back to normal. When she read Kikyou's eyes, the undead miko had spoken so sincerely that she could not deny her desire.
"Yes. I'll let you have him. I'll let you have Inuyasha…"
The unsurprising response didn't stir a cringe in either miko. Instead, and oddly enough, it sent a strange relief within their hearts.
—
Believe.
—
No. Somehow… it didn't hurt.