A/N—I don't own Inuyasha.

MORE THAN WANTED

Every Heart

•●•

"Kagome..." Kikyou began but stopped.

Inuyasha cringed a little, the name being brought into the miko's lips.

"She is a kind soul," the miko continued. "She is kind and sincere and she has acceptably allowed me to be with you."

Inuyasha raised his brows in surprise, unable to fight the urge to hide it. His smooth face turned stunned as he gazed at the miko intently. Hoping that Kikyou was joking. A little doubt played through his mind over and over.

'Kikyou? Be a joker? Keh! That is a dream never happening, fool!'

He could hear his inner self, laughing. Laughing like an idiot, something he would never do when something funny was shot out loud. Inuyasha frowned. She was not joking.

"She has gladly told me that I can be with you again... and that you can be with me again..."

"Wh... what?"

Kikyou hid the disappointed in her eyes. She could feel the shock, the stupefaction, inside him and his voice in what she had just told him. Was he not happy?

"Do you not wish so for us to be together again?" she questioned silently, looking hopeful and hopeless at the same time. Hopeless rose when the hanyou did not answer.

Kikyou watched the hanyou. She was neither disappointed nor angry with him. She knew what was to come, and she fathomed this to arrive. Her face became expressionless, yet her eyes shone with sadness. She observed the blow her words had caused an impact in Inuyasha.

—
If there were many tears falling down,
Every heart would become gentle.
If everybody expresses what they think,
Every heart can be satisfied.
—

He couldn't think. He couldn't understand. Most of all, he couldn't grapple the displeasure Kikyou's words had shot him.

He was looking at her. But he did not see her. His gaze stared right through her, as if she was never there. Just as though it was the wind that had spoke to him.

He tried to open his mouth, but for the first time ever, he could not think of anything smart or dumb to express. He was just dumbfounded.

Kagome, you... what...?

"Kagome... what?" he asked dumbly.

The echo of his bewildered verbalize reverberated silently around the clearing. Fireflies moved with it, shivering and twitching uncontrollably until they were soothed by the coming of the wind. One firefly circled about his head, buzzing humbly as it quickly flew away when it had badgered the hanyou's sight, rewarding it a dark glare and a quick swipe of the claws. Its light flickered, on and off, loud and quiet. But it did not flew too far for it still kept a watch at his silver hair.

Kikyou smiled, bringing up a hand to her chest-length. Slowly, a bright glowing ball of light flew on the pale palm, resting quietly as it ran to the tip of her fingers.

"I will repeat what I have told the young miko," Kikyou murmured. "I will take care of things that troubles her so. I can control the sight of reality. I can manipulate the very sight of something so worthless and fabricate it into something so precious in one's eyes. I can master as well as disguise..."

Inuyasha gave her a quizzical look.

"When I saw her, what everyone has told me to believe is true," Kikyou persisted. "She resembles me in a way any one can describe. As I watch her in the same clothing as I, I realize now that she indeed simulates my feature."

"Don't come to me..."

He watched as she lulled the firefly—perhaps the identical light-bug that had observed Inuyasha not too long ago—into the midst of her palm. She closed her hand into a soft ball of fist, watching the firefly glow brighter through the gaps between her fingers. With sudden wide eyes, the hanyou watched as Kikyou forcefully squeezed her hand firmly, tightening the space that pressured the glowing insect inside. When she opened her palm, the ball of light was not there anymore, as so was the insect.

Maboroshi...

Smiling, Kikyou reached out a forefinger and touched Inuyasha's forehead. Blinking once, Kikyou's eyes gleamed with faint purple, the light escaped her eyes and ran towards the forefinger and into Inuyasha's head, creating a dim purplish glow in the hanyou's eyes before it departed in seconds. Inuyasha attempted to back away but Kikyou held her power to keep him from doing so.

The slight brush of her forefinger on his forehead down to his lips sent him a bizarre shudder. Although her skin was warm, this shiver was of coldness. The miko pressed her finger slightly against the bottom of his lip, smiling frailly.

"Now," she whispered. "You perceive the false image."

Inuyasha stood stunned, watching as the miko pulled her finger away and swung it back to her side. Before he could ask her a question, she simply pressed her body closer to him, radiating warmth he had never known Kikyou had had.

Now you are forbidden to see the true perception, the miko thought. Until I am gone.

—
I was frightened by the neverending night,
So I prayed to the distant stars.
—

He was blinded, he was confound.

Most of all, he was confused.

He couldn't grasp her back, no, he couldn't.

Either way, he couldn't pull her away as well. It was her own scent he had forgotten. Her scent of incense from temple activities that he had sorely missed. Kikyou's smelled of incense as she had fifty years ago.

It was a smell he had forgotten when another greater aroma coated over it. A scent that soothed him every day and night. A scent he preferred to smell rather than... rather than... hers.

But...

Whose was it? Whose scent was it? I need to know. I need to remember. I don't want this smell from long ago to come back. I want... I want... I want her smell back! Whose was it!

'Kagome... it's Kagome...'

Inuyasha stifled a cry before realizing that he had quickly pushed her away. Enough that Kikyou had to stagger a bit to regain balance.

"I—Inuyasha..."

The hurt in her voice bestowed him great regret for ever doing that. Inuyasha bowed his head, hiding his eyes within the shadows beneath his silvery bangs. He went stiff, clenching his fists and teeth, hoping that it would help him from running away from Kikyou.

"What did she say?" he murmured.

Kikyou gazed at him.

"What did she say?" Inuyasha repeated quietly, fighting the frustration in his tightening throat. "What did Kagome tell you?"

To his surprise, Kikyou smiled and turned around, only to walk away a few feet from him. She stopped, where Kagome had once stood, her back still towards him, and closed her dull black eyes.

"She accepted," Kikyou replied melancholy. "It was what we both expected, Inuyasha. She wanted you to fulfill your wish to me, and she has gladly agreed with my favor. We are both one now, and I feel her emotions running through my body. In reflect, she can feel mine. Inuyasha..."

She turned her head to watch him in the corners of her eyes.

"You may say that Kagome is Kagome and I am me," she uttered lowly. "That had once been true. But now, we are one. Our soul has attached once again and..."

She couldn't continue. Even this hurt her.

And one of our soul is and will be slowly slipping away from one of our body...

"What has said has been done and over with," the miko added. "She has surrender to it. I have surrendered to it. We both have done the same thing, never knowing whether it may be right or may it be wrong. But... we are one."

"But... but..."

But... no.

He did not look away from the ground, just kept staring at it. His haori tousled a bit, his silver mane moving in different direction, as well as hers did. He couldn't speak, couldn't move. Only his eyes and his mind were able to do what he wanted to say from his mouth.

—
In endlessly repeating time,
We were searching for love,
Because we wanted to become stronger.
We look up to the faraway sky.
—

I did want this, ne?

'Yes. But...'

I did wish to be with Kikyou again. I'm kinda glad that she isn't going to hell and dragging me with her, anyways.

'Yes. Still...'

I wanted to be with her, right? And I got that wish.

'Still... what about her?'

Inuyasha closed his eyes.

Who?

'Her.'

Which one?

'Kagome... Kagome. The girl who passes time. The girl that you... that I... that we... fell for.'

He shook his head.

I don't know!

'You don't know. But I do.'

I want to be with Kikyou!

'And Kagome.'

No! No... yes. I want to be with Kikyou, but I want to be with Kagome, too.

'Admit it. Having Kikyou's scent suddenly driving Kagome's scent away from your mind is driving you crazy. Admit it.'

No.

'There's a thing called 'change of heart'. In other ways, there's a thing called 'change of love'. Got that?'

No.

'Whom do you love more? Who do you prefer more? Which one affected you more in a way you can't

describe? Which one?'

Keh. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care.

'Oi! You're stupider outside than inside!'

A growl ebbed his throat. He swallowed it back inside, fighting for his mind that what he debated outside was true than inside.

"Just keep staying like that and everything will be fine..."

What would be fine if he really did stay like that? Would it have been really fine if he just held onto Kikyou rather than Kagome? What would be so bad if he really did choose Kikyou over Kagome? Would that make things better?

Or worse?

"I... I can't."

Instantly, it hit him. Like a boulder smacking on his back when she sat him every time.

I don't get it. All this time, I wanted to be with her.

'Which one?'

Her.

—
The two of us, smiling, meet here,
Every heart has a habit of receiving its dreams.
Sadness has no effect on us,
Every heart gains happiness when it flies.
—

Inuyasha turned to look at Kikyou, rather, her back and narrowed his eyes with regret. The fireflies shone, but died. There were not much but a few left. They had ran away from his answer, as what he would do right now.

"Kikyou," he murmured. "I got my wish. Hai, I really did. And I'm pretty happy about it."

Kikyou's lips smiled, looking hopeful, though he couldn't see it.

You will make everything all right again, Inuyasha, she mused sadly. If you say it right now, I will be both happy and sad. You do not need to answer me so soon. It will only slow down its Destiny.

"Kikyou. I—I'm sorry, but... I... I can't."

—
Someday our souls will unite,
We will give peaceful approval.
—

"Don't come to me..."

How can he not do that?

"Don't..."

How can he refuse it, though?

"Don't come to me..."

It was her. Just her.

"Stay like that and everything will be all right..."

No. He didn't want to stay like that. Especially when he was standing with the wrong woman.

"Stay like that... Don't come to me..."

Kagome... How can I refuse you? How can I say no to you? I would die for you and it won't make any difference whether my heart just beats or dies for you.

"Don't come to me..."

For you. Just you...

"Kikyou..." Inuyasha whispered.

Why aren't you saying anything?

Kikyou stood there for a while. She stood motionless, staring at the ground with emotionless sad eyes. She did not move, nor blink.

The silence killed Inuyasha fidgety and soon he found himself fighting the urge not to run away once again. He was used to silence, to being alone. Long ago, it was silence that mostly bonded Kikyou and him together. But, right now, he needed a response or else.

"Is that your choice, then, Inuyasha?" Kikyo questioned meekly, yet hesitantly.

Certain but dumbly, Inuyasha just nodded. What else was he to say? That he loved Kagome more than Kikyou? That it had always been Kagome who had changed him from what he had wanted be long time ago? How can he say that to the one he had once loved? How can he just tell her that he didn't love her anymore? That everything had merely been a crush or obsession?

No, he couldn't bring himself to do so. He couldn't bring himself to do so. There was still that small past instinct in him where he still loved Kikyou no matter what and he can never abandon her just like that.

'That would mean that you have betrayed her... again.'

He felt guilty. No, it was beyond guilt. It was more and once again, betrayal. He felt as if he had betrayed her again. And he hated himself for feeling such thing.

"I cannot force you to choose, Inuyasha," Kikyou murmured afterwards. "It is not my will to drive you into choosing. Still..."

Kikyou sluggishly turned around to meet his saddened golden gaze, a smile on her lips. She sensed the astonishment in him, and it made her want to smile more.

"Still," she began. "Kagome has chosen this for me. She has chosen my Destiny as well as yours. It is not my finding and desires to impel her into making you go back to me. She has chosen and nothing can stop her from going back."

Inuyasha didn't say anything. He was out of his wits what to do or speak. His mind whirled only to one person.

Kagome had told Kikyou that she can go to him. And Kagome confidently told him to stay with her like that, embracing one and another. Kagome wanted him to be happy and he had gotten what he wanted. But...

I love Kagome.

Nothing can stop that. No hatred would ever propel him to hating her. Even in demon he will love her no matter what. Even in demon, he will always remember her. Even if he couldn't... even if he can't remember her. It was not her feature, but her scent, her voice... her smile. He would remember those eternally.

Turning around instantly, Inuyasha crouched low, preparing to leap onto a branch. He turned to look at Kikyou, doubts in his eyes.

"Give me more time," he whispered to her. "Give me more time to decide, Kikyou. Please. I... I have to..."

I have to talk to her. I have to see her. Damn wench, why is she doing this to me! Fuck!

Kikyou merely nodded, ignoring the fact that Inuyasha simply hurdled away into the clearing. She stared ahead, hope filling her eyes.

If she was to be with Inuyasha again, Kikyou must make sure that Fate will work properly and that no one will be hurt. No one but...

She turned the other way and began her march, into a place she called nowhere. Nowhere seemed to be her home. For two years had she been resurrected had her habitation been nowhere. Maybe this Kagome miko from a distinct era will show her what home really meant inside.

Maybe... just maybe.

Then every thing will be all right and back to normal again. Smiling softly, Kikyou looked up at the morning sky, watching as fireflies danced around her, pretending as if they are the souls that once danced around her.

The souls she had agreeably devoured just to live. Now that they were gone, maybe these fireflies will accompany her, instead. Something worth having around outside her body rather than her soul-stealers. Smiling once more, Kikyou closed her eyes.

"I will give you all the time you need," she whispered gently. "Whether it be a year or so, I will give you that time, Inuyasha. Maybe this Kagome will help me find peace and learn love. Just so long as it will make everything back to the way it had been... without me."

—
In endlessly repeating time,
We know why we are living.
We go through the nighttime laughing,
Both of us are mourning, yet we walk on.
—

He found her there, sitting on a cliff he had not seen before. Maybe because they had been travelling for so long. Morning rose in this spot, the sun shone down on the earth as the wind picked up velocity. She was frail and beautiful at the same time. Her ebony hair dancing around her. But before he could take time to be mesmerized by her beauty, she swiftly turned her head around to watch him from the corner of her eyes.

Her face was placid, her smile subtle and dull.

"Inuyasha..." she murmured. "You came too soon."

This surprised the hanyou. Was she expecting him to be with Kikyou the whole day, the whole time? Growling, Inuyasha took a step forward.

"Kagome," he mumbled. He couldn't think of anything to say. All that came out of his mouth was, "Why?". He needed an answer quickly and later was no option.

Kagome smiled once again and turned away to look whatever it was below the cliff.

Do you really need a reason? Do you really need an answer? I don't think I have to tell you over and over that I want it to be this way. That it has to be this way.

Instead, Kagome brought up her legs and hugged them. She buried her chin against her knee and closed her eyes.

"Do you really need me to answer?" she asked.

Inuyasha frowned, walking closer towards her. He stopped suddenly when he felt her miko power fabricate a barrier a few feet away from the girl. He surrendered and stayed where he was, bowing his head.

"I needed to know," he answered. "From you. I needed to know what you really told Kikyou. Kagome... what did you tell her? Kikyou... Kikyou told me that... that you..."

"Yes, I did," Kagome replied nonchalantly. "...Is that so bad?"

The question hurt him so. He wasn't expecting her to sound so... placid. Her cool voice didn't even ring out the clearing. It sounded so dull, so calm, so cool. Most of all, the pain was formidable, no matter the pretending tone. Although she sounded vacant, there was no doubt it was of pain and rupture.

When Inuyasha strove to step forward, he had to stagger back when Kagome's miko barrier expanded. Scowling a little, the hanyou backed away before he was shoved gently unto the ground. The invisible obstruction, still tediously spreading.

"Kagome," the whisper was soft, more likely of a growl. It wasn't anger, it wasn't frustration, nor was it of hurt. It was more of confusion.

They were quiet for a while, a pretty long while. Possibly midway through an hour had past by before Kagome budged from hugging her knees. Casually, she slid her arms under her knees and sighed, a fatigue sort of a way.

"It wasn't her choice," was the simple answer she could give him.

There was no other answer. Inuyasha simply stared at her back, a flicker of dubious clicking in his iris. Her hair flared around her, as if her miko powers were seeping out of her skin. Needless to declare, his skin prickled a bit, rising to alert him that jeopardy will come. But what was there to call danger against this frail beauty that sat before him?

What danger could he run away from when he is just standing there behind the feature of a fragile elegance?

—
Memories of everything has settled,
This is a warm place to be.
The stars separate us from the future,
We are always so brilliant,
So shine.
—

"Stay like that..."

Like what?

"Don't come to me..."

But I want to. His mind flickered.

"Don't... Please, don't..."

Her words of not long ago still echoes his mind, like a flashback of pain that will never disappear. And, for sure, this will be one of those that will never vanish from his head. He narrowed his slits in pain, his face falling.

But...

"I want to, Kagome..."

—
In endlessly repeating time,
We were searching for love,
Because we wanted to become stronger.
We look up to the faraway sky.
—

Kagome cringed slightly. Want to what? Want to go to Kikyou? Want to leave? Want to be with her?

Shaking her head hesitantly, she loosened her protection, letting the invisible barrier dissipate slowly, as she motioned Inuyasha safely to step forward. He did not move.

Closing tired eyes, the miko gradually stood up; despite she kept her back facing the hanyou. She didn't want to see him yet. Not when these thoughts poured her head like buckets.

'Are you doing the right thing?'

I am.

'Are you making everything better?'

Of course.

'Are you sure that you can face him now? I mean, things are as bad as they are now...'

No. It had never been as bad as it was before. It's just... what it's supposed to be.

'Will you let it go, though? Will you let everything else go?'

Opening her eyes, Kagome turned around to gaze at the hanyou with warm eyes, startling him. Her clothing swished, her hair moved, her body moved, but her gaze with his did not. She gazed back coolly at his agitated stare, hoping that she could relax him before explaining everything.

"It wasn't her choice," she repeated. "It wasn't hers. It was mine to choose."

Lowering his head a little bit, Inuyasha took a step forward, hesitant that she might jostle him back. When the barrier had gone, he took no second thoughts to quickly marched in front of her.

"Kagome," he fumbled. "Why? How? Wh... what made you choose this? Why—why did you...?"

The crack and stutter in his voice gave away too much, it angered him. He hated exposing weakness, unmasking his sheath of concern and worry. This only proved him to be insipid and foolish. When he stopped, he was close enough to take one more step forward so that his frame could touch hers. And aggressively, he took that step and seized the girl's shoulder, frowning.

She didn't flinched, nor shut her eyes to wait for him to scream. Inuyasha had to compliment the girl's smartness since he wasn't going to do any of those. He didn't yell at her. He only gazed back at her eyes intensely as he could, hoping that she could read his yearning more willingly than spilling them out of his mouth.

"I chose it to be," she simply remarked. "She didn't force me. I didn't force myself. I just... knew I had to do it."

No! Inuyasha's mind whirled. No! Don't make me choose, too! No!

He eased the firmness of his grip on her arms, but did not let her go. Kagome wanted to do something, willing to act out something but she couldn't remember what it was. Whatever it was, it struggled to get out when the wind picked up and sent the hanyou's silvery mane fluttering towards her, caressing the sides of her cheeks, and she felt the spot tingle with itch. But she still couldn't remember what it was. In fact, she didn't even really care.

Her face was enfolded, shielded, from his soft hair, and the only scene she could see was his face, his eyes. He had surrounded her, forcing her to speak out whatever it was that he needed to know. His next words pained her.

"I want to be with you."

The utterance was soft, hurtful, to both of their ears and heart. Kagome's heart pounded, she could hear it, the thudding resonating all over the clearing. She kept her eyes subtle, dull, with all her might. She tried not to weep. She tried hard not to break down on her knees and sob. It was hard, yes, but she was still able to do so, so weak, even. Her voice was hoarse, as hoarse as his had been. But, nevertheless, she lingered strong though it did not work for her heart. Her answer pained him.

"I can't."

—
In endlessly repeating time,
We know why we are living.
We go through the nighttime laughing,
Both of us are mourning, yet we walk on.
—