A/N—I don't own Inuyasha. nothing else to say... but please review after.

MORE THAN WANTED

The Song of Truth

No! Inuyasha's mind whirled. No! Don't make me choose, too--you can't!

He eased the firmness of his grip on her arms, but did not let her go. Kagome wanted to do something, willing to act out something but she couldn't remember what it was. Whatever it was, it struggled to get out when the wind picked up and sent the hanyou's silvery mane fluttering towards her, caressing the sides of her cheeks, and she felt the spots tingle with itch. But she still couldn't remember what it was. In fact, she didn't even really care.

Her face was enfolded, shielded, from his soft hair, and the only scene she could see was his face, his eyes. He had surrounded her, forcing her to speak out whatever it was that he needed to know. His next words pained her.

"I want to be with you."

The utterance was soft, hurtful, to both of their ears and soul. Kagome's heart pounded, she could hear it, the thudding resonation all over the clearing. She kept her eyes subtle, dull, with all her might. She tried not to weep. She tried hard not to break down on her knees and sob. It was hard, yes, but she was still able to do so, so weak, even. Her voice was hoarse, as hoarse as his had been. But, nevertheless, she lingered strong though it did not work for her heart. Her answer pained him.

"I can't."

—
the crimson-stained sun
has illuminated everything; now and the past
is what i have imagined within this twilight
more than my own hands can accomplish?
—

His eyes widened. His heart pounded--breaking.

"Wha... what?"

Kagome wanted to curl and die. She had to say this; she had to do this. Her love for Inuyasha would never go away but his love for Kikyou will never either. It was only a matter of time when he would come to her.

"Inuyasha," she whispered, smiling slightly. "No. Sorry, but, I can't."

The words were like daggers through his soul. They stabbed him in a way that even Kikyou's betrayal could not have created. Didn't this wench understand! He wanted only to be with her! Her, for Kami-sama's sake! Only Kagome!

"W—why?" he questioned incredulously. "W—why do you wantme tobe with... with..."

The stutter made him weak, his legs almost giving away. He'd realized it a long time ago, although he hesitated a bit sometimes. From perching on branches at night, walking ahead of the group, and finding time to rest alone... he'd had enough time to think.

Besides, two years was enough, wasn't it?

Even the power to hide his pain from everything else did not work on Kagome. The smile, the shine, and the soft look on her face. It made him cringed so. He could sense her flinch also, as she watched his eyes narrow in hurt, his lips pursing firmly together.

The stutter made him look feeble, sound feeble. The wind slowed, and his hair picked up soft rhythm, lowering a bit, to give the girl a view out of his locks.

"I'm not making you choose," Kagome whispered. "I'm not even making myself choose. It just... is."

He growled.

"No!" he cried. "Kagome, think this out! You can't just tell me to be with someone else! You can't just force someone to love another person when they're in love someone else...!"

She could feel it. Her heart leaped with joy and sadness. No, why was he telling her this? She wasn't supposed to hear these words from him. It only made it difficult.

But instead, Kagome closed her eyes and waited for the rapid beat of her heart calm down. She could feel the heat from his arms, softly gripping the side of her shoulders. And without even noticing, those warm hands begin to slide towards her back until she was pulled in an ecstatic embrace.

Opening her eyes halfway, Kagome let her arms droop to her side. If she held him in return, she would never stop holding onto him. And he was not hers anymore.

"Understand, please," she whispered. "It wasn't... it wasn't a choice. Understand, Inuyasha. Just... understand."

She shut her eyes when the occurrence of his soft hot breath flowed down her skin and he nuzzled the right side of her neck. She fought the urge to shudder in bliss.

"What's to understand, then? What's to understand, Kagome? I... I don't know why you're telling me this."

You don't need to understand. All you need is to know. To know what I want you to go through. All I want you to do is agree to this.

"Inuyasha... just say 'yes'."

He didn't answer.

"Please."

He held her tighter in return. He didn't want any words to explain what he felt about Kagome. All he wanted to do was... this. He smelled her scent, a scent that he would recognize forever. What was not to recognize when her scent almost blended in his?

"Inuyasha..."

He ignored the sounds around them. All he wanted to focus on right now was her voice, her aroma, and her self. He wanted to hear her voice again, wanted to hear her gentle understanding in whatever form he was in. But... what's this?

She was saying things he didn't want to hear. She was pleading him things he did not want to agree on.

Why? Why does she do that?

"Just say 'yes'. Please, Inuyasha. Just say you do."

Even anger was not the emotion he felt right now. Anger, impatience, and frustrations... they did not conquer the feelings of heartbreak that rose within him. No, they did not. They merely were just toys unwanted and left out until needed again.

And all he could do now was to imprison her within his grip, quietly wishing that things were back to normal.

"It isn't my option. Nor hers. It just is, Inuyasha. It just is. Please, just say—"

"I can't."

—
please teach me how to live
a little more vulnerably than i do now
won't you taint me just a little?
that way, even if i get hurt
—

We've crossed this far. We've realized it now and then. I admit I was a little slow and a bit skeptical about it, but that was only two years and so. Sango and Miroku might've have already found out even before us. And I know Shippou knows about it already.

We've played our little game, Kagome. I'm through playing it and I wanna get it over with. Now. Naraku's dead, and everything is fine. I can see and feel you now that I've always wanted to.

"I—Inuyasha..."

I can tell you now what I've always wanted to tell you. I can hold you like this like I've done a long time ago but let me do this a little longer. I want to hold you even if you don't want me to. So I can... so I can...

"I—Inuyasha... please..."

No... no!

Why are you suddenly telling me this? Why are you suddenly forcing me to go to her when I want to go to you!

"Kagome... no. Not... not yet."

He buried his face against her hair, hoping that he can plead her like this, hoping that this will calm his abrupt shaking nerves.

Was he supposed to say yes?

And if he did, would it be a mistake? He had promised Kikyou to be with her after Naraku was dead. But that was only a promise to even go to hell with her. And now that Naraku had gone, did he have enough courage to go back to her to hell when he wanted to be alive with Kagome?

He didn't want to go to hell. Even he would admit that to Shippou. But how can he tell Kikyou that? He wasn't one to break a promise and he objected being a liar. Growing up and learning every little thing from his mother, she had lectured him enough about lies and truths.

'But you'll have to, don't you?'

He didn't know which reasons made his heart crack truly more; the part that Kagome didn't want to be with him, or the part that she wasn't returning his hold on her. Which could only define her seriousness at him being with Kikyou instead.

'I think both sounds reasonable...'

And what would happen if he were to say no?

That was the only thing his mind pushed him into wanting to do, also his heart.

'Your heart—no... my heart. It's gotten attached to Kagome that quick, didn't it? No matter what you and I would do, the thread that Kagome had tied around it would never tear.'

But, is it too soon to believe that?

'And the funny thing is... no matter how much string Kikyou ropes around our heart, it's no compared to the feeling Kagome's cord had constricted yours. Admit it, the love you have—had—for Kikyou... it's completely gone.'

He stayed silent, unable to answer. How can he defy his own thoughts? They had never lied... only doubted.

He opened his eyes and stared at the forest below, the river shimmering in rainbow. His mind and soul were in frenzy, fighting for an answer within his calm outer feature. It eased him a bit to know that Kagome hadn't pulled him away yet, hoping to Kami that he could make her understand.

"I—Inuyasha..."

He concealed his pain by shutting his eyes firmly and pulling her as close to his chest as he could as her pained whispered breath heated the spot it had touch on his chest.

I want to... just let me... let me...

"...Just let me hold you," he mumbled against her skin. He felt a tingle of rapture run through his spine when the skin on her neck shivered. He felt her arms twitch a bit, as if longingly wanting to embrace him in return. But she stopped and let them droop lazily once more.

"If... If you won't let me choose it myself, and do it yourself instead... at least, let me hold you."

—
and lose everything around me
this song of truth will flow through my heartthis dispute will probably go on
about that which is most precious
—

She stifled a soft gasp of cry, suppressing with all her life not to return his grip however trying hard not to sob. She only let him hold her, hoping it would ease her. But his warmth, his croaky voice, and shaky breath only made it worse. It only made her shiver, with fear, with anguish.

'He's not lying.'

I know.

'He meant all those.'

I know.

'He wants to be with—'

I know.

'Then... why are you rejecting?'

She tried so hard to shut her eyes as tightly as she could, the pain around her lids aching.

You should know.

I can't do this myself, Kagome thought, I can't decide what I have to do for myself. I need help, but I can't have that. I... I have to do this myself. Either do it or leave it. And leaving it isn't my options.

She knew from the beginning that they would never be together after Naraku was destroyed. Although she wanted to so much be with him, it would never happen. They were simply two different beings living in each other's space from separate time. A girl from the future and a boy from the past. Despite how much it sounded so romantic to anyone's thought, it wasn't entirely true.

She had sacrificed so many days, so many weeks away from the future, away from her education. She offered most of her school days and weekends just to be with Inuyasha, just to find the Shikon no Kakera, just to beat Naraku. Most of all, just to realize why coming across this place was so important than high grades and enjoying time with family.

And she had already figured that out. It was so simple. From being in this place for more than a year... from spending so many times with Shippou, Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha... from hunting down youkai... it was so simple. Yet, she doubted it before until she had came across Inuyasha and Kikyou together.

And she trusted that this decision was the right thing to do.

Loosening the tightness of her closed eyes, Kagome relented and thoroughly let her balance fall, hoping that he would still hold her up. Burying her face against his haori, Kagome savored this final touch and hesitantly moved her fingers.

I want to so much, too...

She felt his heart skip against her cheek, and the chance to hold her up himself only made him imprisoned her within his grasp even more. She exhaled softly and murmured his name.

I want to so much to... just to...

She rose her arms skeptically, unsure if she should be doing this. Opening her eyes halfway, she gazed at the silver and red view. She fought it but her eyes still watered. Slowly, she lifted her hands up, sliding them under his arms and slowly against his back, holding him against her, as well.

... Do this. I just want to do this, too...

But the hardest would be to let him go. She didn't want that but she had to, needed to. For her sake, Kikyou's sake, as well as Inuyasha sake. She wasn't entirely sure how in the world she had came to trusting Kikyou all of a sudden.

Before, all she had thought of the miko was that she had been evil ever since her resurrection started. That all Kikyou wanted was to kill Naraku and Inuyasha, and take the hanyou with her to hell. Kagome didn't remember Inuyasha promising to go to hell with her, but she was sure he would still do that. Besides, their love weren't gone yet. For more than fifty years it had never dissipated.

It's hard to let first love go. Even if you've gotten over it, there was still a slight chance it would never be completely erased. Kagome trembled at the thought. Like first love... perhaps second love is just the same.

'Does that mean that all the things he's told you... he's also said those same words to Kikyou?'

—
i've become a rebel, i've overlooked things
even the gentle smiles of strangersif eternity knows what manner of darkness
and when pain will vanish,
—

She opened her eyes.

Wh... what?

'Wouldn't that be true, then? Since the hanyou is almost wise at all this 'romantic' pieces... he might have done the same thing to Kikyou as what he's done and said to you... right?'

She loosened her hold on him.

Then I guess I'm making the right choice, huh?

It took her all her will power just to pull him away. He protested for a bit but gradually let her do it. She gazed at him with unresponsive eyes and smiled again.

"Then... it's decided?" she spoke softly. "That you'd... agree with me?"

He didn't answer. He merely gazed back at her with eyes she knew would not lie. He was still disagreeing but she had to find a way to make him say yes.

"Don't do this, Inuyasha," she whispered pleadingly, surprising him.

Shutting her eyes and looking away, she clenched her fist.

"I've told you this already," she continued. "It wasn't my choice. Nor was it Kikyou's! And I'm not forcing you! And if I have to, I will! Just say yes! It's for the good of everything else! Don't... don't—"

She stopped as she gazed at his gold eyes. She wasn't entirely surprise to find him staring at her with so much pain. It was a suffering she could further feel inside her, eminently in her heart. She hated seeing him look like this.

'But you realize... that there are some things he had told you that he... had never told Kikyou.'

She paused to turn around, facing him with her back.

Like what?

'Your presence.'

What about my presence?

'He didn't like it when you're far apart from him.'

Opening her eyes, Kagome turned her head to look at him over her shoulders, the widespread of her miko sleeves flailing forwards as well as her hair. Smiling, she stared at his eyes.

"It's for our sake," she murmured gently. "I... I don't want to hate you, Inuyasha. I just want you to have a normal living with someone from... from your time. Don't worry about me. I'm just Higurashi Kagome, the girl that crosses through time..."

She moved her head to gaze at the ground.

"I'm just a girl that lives in the future. Maybe I'd been better off staying there and never discovering this place. I guess I was meant to be lonely. I was meant to live a normal life... until I found you."

—
then that way, you shall taint me
i looked always to yesterday, to the castles in the sky
when will i be able to follow them?
this song of truth shall be my guide
—

"Before I came here, I was just Higurashi Kagome... the ordinary schoolgirl who lives in a temple. I was so worked up minding my own business and hanging out with my friends... so worked up in studying that... I never really paid any attention to fate."

Inuyasha could do nothing but listen. He couldn't think, or even talk. For once, he couldn't find the time to act so normally.

"But then... I met you," Kagome watched the grass dance with a well-kept smile. "And my title of being the typical schoolgirl changed. Now, it's hard for me to keep up being a normal girl, a reincarnated miko with purifying powers, and be someone who can see the Shikon no Kakera and purify evil that's tainted in them. I have to admit... it made me a little bit exhausted. Wait, what am I talking about...! Of course it made me really tired. But"—she turned around to look at him—"It... it was worth it. Just to be with you."

He lifted a hand to her, but dropped it. What was he to say? He couldn't reply to her with words. No, words were nothing compared answering her sorrowful remarks.

"K—Kagome... I..."

She shook her head.

"No," she uttered. "I don't need any answering. I guess I can figure all these out on my own."

He let his hand sag to his side, lips pursing.

"But... I—"

"It's nothing, Inuyasha," Kagome beamed softly. "I know that one way or another, we'll be separated. I can't control fate, especially mine and especially yours. I can't change everything, even if I'm a powerful miko, can't I? I can only purify and I was only good for looking at shards. But I guess I was also great at giving you some confidence. Well, that's me... Higurashi... Kagome..."

Don't cry.

"Some way or the other, Kikyou would come back. You both love each other. I mean, fifty-two years is pretty long, right? I bet it is!"

Don't cry.

"Demo..." Inuyasha took a step forward but she stopped him, holding her hand out, shaking her head. It hurt him to see her smiling so brightly, her face lifted into a blissful gratitude. He clenched his teeth, bowing his head.

I don't want to say yes. Even if I have to, I don't want to lose you. If I do, would it make things any better? What's normal anyway? Just being with you is normal enough.

I don't need to be with someone I used to love, Kagome. I want to be with someone who really trusts me, who really knows.

I want to be with someone who can understand me. And you were the only one who understood me, who accepted me. How can Kikyou do that, Kagome. How can she compare to you?

He pressed his fangs against his bottom lips, shadowing his face within the shadows of his silver bangs. Hiding his clenched hands underneath his widespread crimson sleeves, he ignored the blood pulsin gout of his palms as his claws punctured his skin slightly.

Even physical pain wasn't working.

How can I say yes? I don't want to. I want to... but you don't want me to. You... you want to say...

"Don't worry! I can take care of myself. Besides, I'm seventeen-years-old. That's old enough, ne? You and Kikyou will be just fine! I mean, you guys are meant for each other. I can't complain but you fit better with her than—"

With me.

—
if eternity knows what manner of darkness
and when pain will vanish,
this song of truth will flow through my heart
—

She stopped to take a breath, trying her every will to beam happily.

"Now... will you say yes, Inuyasha? I mean... if you want to have some time to think this through, you can"—she offered him her best grinned—"I won't stop you. But I will if you don't say yes. Got that? ...Boy, what are we doing here, standing on this cliff! Let's go, Inuyasha! We can go back to Kaede's hut and rest for a while! Then, maybe I can finally get you to say—"

"Yes."

—
now, please, taint me just a little
please, just taint me, only a little
—

Kagome froze, but quickly gathered herself, still smiling.

"Excuse me?" she asked quietly, although a bit worried.

When she looked at Inuyasha, the suffering look in his eyes had disappeared and were replaced with unemotional seriousness. His grave lips were formed into a straight firm line, gazing at her intently.

"I said, yes," he responded monotonously, with no emotion.

She couldn't help but bite her lip, but she attempted to sigh with relief. Grinning, she placed her hands to her hips and looked back at him defiantly.

This is all I can do. If I can pretend and be happy, I will. Just to try and make him smile again.

"Good!" she replied. "The quicker the better then.Um... hmm... Inuyasha?"

Tediously moving his head up to see her, he turned his head away a bit instantly, cringing at her ever-so happy face.

"Y—Yeah?"

To his surprise, Kagome chuckled playfully.

"C'mon, Inuyasha. Cheer up!" she grinned. "It's not the end of the world! You can be happy, I can be happy... that's fair, isn't it?"

He didn't look at her. Pausing to calm herself, Kagome let her arms sink to her side, her raven hair flying around her back. Tilting her head to one side, she observed the hanyou.

"I'll be fine," she murmured quietly. "I can take care of myself. I'm all grown-up now. Things change, anyways, Inuyasha. And you can't control fate. That's what I thought at first, to change fate. But I knew I was being foolish. I was just a fool changing my fate, wishing so badly just to be with you. But then again, the opposite came true."

He looked at her for a moment, watching her shrug. Sighing heavily, Kagome pushed hair her behind her ears and straightened her clothing. Giving him one more smile, she marched past him, walking away.

"Be happy, Inuyasha," she murmured. "I don't like seeing you like that. I want to see you smile..."

Like you want to see me smile, too.

"Kagome..."

She stopped, but didn't look at him. She was still close behind but far enough from his reach, their backs faced against each other.

"Yeah?"

Inuyasha hesitated, staring at the ground underneath him.

"Am I... am I making the right choice then?" he muttered quietly. "Are you sure that this is the right choice?'

Kagome responded with with a soft breathe and started walking away, forgetting the fact that he couldn't see her lips curve upwards in an uneasy position but somewhat willing to smile still.

"No," she whispered in return, carefully choosing her words and hiding the pain. "You made the best choice."

—
this song of truth shall be my guide...
—