Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

MEME-ANN : I suppose I'm glad curiosity got the better of you lol. I know, I can't even begin to imagine what Connie's going through, and I hope I never have to find out. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

XSARAH : Lol, glad to know that your glad she's clear lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

CAKEEATER : I wouldn't say she's got away with nothing, I mean lets face it, she might not have caught anything from him, but he's certainly given her something or taken something from her whichever way you wanna look at it. Anyways, thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 11

Today seemed like a new day for me. I don't know, but something just seemed to click into place. Maybe Jen's words were finally making sense. You might be wondering who Jen is. Jen, is Jen Witter, the counselor I had been seeing secretly. I've been to see her about twice, whenever I had a class that no other duck was in. We would just sit and talk for a few hours, and she never once made me feel as though she was analyzing me. She listened and gave advice like a friend, though she was much easier to talk to, because she wasn't as friend.

She had suggested going to a self defense class to try and make me feel more confident. At first I was unsure, but after she had given me the leaflet of where the classes were held and the times, I warmed to the idea. I was planning on asking Julie after practice to go with me, and possibly some of the girls from the team, I suppose to make it look like my rape wasn't the only reason I was wanting to attend.

Things with Charlie were no better. He walked on egg shells around me, well so did the others, but I could take it more from them. I began to think he was saw me differently now. I couldn't quite blame him, I saw me differently, so why wouldn't he.

"Jules, have you noticed Charlie behaving differently toward me, since, well you know"? I asked her, as we sat in the quad. We had a spare hour before our next class.

"How'd you mean, different"? She asked.

"I don't know. It's just, maybe it's me, but he seems distant. I mean compare our relationship before, to how it is now".

"Ahh, the whole non physical emotion you two have going at the moment"? She answered, and I nodded gently. "It's hard for him Con's. I know it's hard for you too, but Charlie, he's just, he's trying to be there for you, and deal with his own feelings". She spoke softly, as though she was trying the gentle, gentle approach. "It's just, Charlie has this whole, protectiveness gig going, over us all really, especially you, but he wasn't able to protect you from this".

"But that doesn't explain why he doesn't hold me or kiss me, like he used to anymore".

"Look, you've been through something, that non of us can begin to imagine. Non of us want to make you feel threatened, so Charlie or any decent guy you happen to be dating, would back off for a while".

"Do you really think that's all it is"? I asked her, feeling a little dubious myself.

"Definitely. You watch, give him a few weeks, he'll be back to the old, over protective, head strong Charlie that we all know and love". She told me confidently. "So anyway, you really think you're ready to face Ramsden again"? She asked, a slight giggle present in her voice.

"Will I ever"? I let a small laugh escape. "I think I need to do this though. I just want to get on with my life, stop brooding over the past. I need to let go, otherwise it'll just keep eating me alive". I sounded so much like Jen it was untrue.

"Now that's more like it". Julie smiled triumphantly. I'm sure she thought this whole change in attitude was down to her, after all the evenings she'd sat and talked about nonsense with me. I decided to just let her take the credit.

Though her reasoning for Charlie's odd behavior was more than reasonable, I couldn't help but think, that maybe, he would never treat me like he used to. I didn't want him to be always thinking, that he had to be cautious around me. I couldn't live like that, I didn't want to live like that.

The day stumbled on, and before I knew it, I was walking into the ice arena with Julie by my side, nattering on about how Portman said this and Portman said that. I had long ago learnt that those two were like water and oil most of the time, but they somehow made everything work between them. To be honest, I was slightly nervous, I had never been a particularly good liar, and I knew if Ramsden asked more questions, whilst staring at me with those cold hard eyes, I would crumble.

"You sure you want to do this"? Julie asked, obviously having picked up on my hesitance.

"Yeah. I'll be fine once I'm out on the ice". She looked at me skeptically. "I promise". I vowed.

We walked into the changing rooms, but our presence was barely noticed. A few of the girls asked how we were, but non made a big deal over my absence from the past few practices. It was quite nice listening to the gossip that was circulating the room. It made me feel that little bit more at ease. The chatter continued, as we made our way onto the ice.

It was kind of relaxing to get back into my old routine. We started our warm ups, doing the usual 10 laps and stretches. For the first time in a while, I felt a smile spread onto my face and stay there. After all that, we heard Ramsden's whistle and his order to 'take a knee'. We each skated further toward him, before resting on one knee. I felt a little intimidated by this at first, knowing if Ramsden came near me, he'd be towering over me. I glanced around the other girls, immediately catching Julie's gaze. She smiled gently, winking at me, as if letting me know, I was ok.

"Ahh, Moreau, you're back. I hope you haven't been slacking off while you've been away". I didn't bother answering him, and he immediately continued with his droned out lecture that he gave every single practice.

For the first half of practice, we worked on shooting and defense, having Ramsden continually criticize our every move, even if we had done something right. In away it was good to just get back to normal, though I was continually aware of Ramsden's presence, and tried to maintain a good distance. The second half again did he declare we were to have a game. Dread filled my body immediately, the last 'game' we'd played in practice ended up a disaster.

While we were stood getting into our teams, I noticed the ducks wander in, heading straight for their changing rooms. I noticed Charlie stop momentarily, as if to check I was still there, then move on, following the ducks. We separated into our teams and began the game.

I knew my game was off, normally I'd challenge everyone, steal the puck easily, but I don't know, I just couldn't pluck up the courage to get in the other girl's faces. I felt intimidated and I knew it, but it was like a chain mail, I just couldn't stop it. I heard my name being mentioned a number of times, telling me to be more aggressive. Suddenly the whistle blew and I was hoping it meant the end of practice. I'd had enough, I really didn't want to be there any longer.

"MOREAU! Get over here". I physically jumped at my name.

My heart was beating wildly, my hands began to shake rapidly, though I knew they would go unseen because of my gloves. I felt sick, nervous. This time a smile and a wink from Julie wouldn't help. I skated as slow as I could get away with, over to Ramsden. I stood next to the boards, facing him, yet almost cowering away from him.

"Did you forget how to play decent hockey while you away"? He spat bitterly. "I've counted 5 easy situation's when you could have taken that puck, yet you stood there and let them skate all over you". His voice was hard. "You'd better start playing you best Moreau, otherwise you'll end up on the bench. You got me". He leant forward and hissed into my face.

Panic really hit home then. I began having flashbacks to the night, I was attacked. The way my attacker hissed and spat his words into my face. I knew I was cowering, but couldn't force myself not too.

"I said have you got me". He shouted in my face.

That was it, within a split second, I was skating as fast as my legs would to the exit of the rink. I could hear Ramsden shouting after me, but nothing could stop me now. I dashed into the changing room, ripping my skates and gear off, replacing them with my jeans and shirt. I can't have been in there more than a minute, before I was dashing panicked out of the arena. I don't know what was driving me to run, blind panic I suppose, the need to get away from him, running from myself.

I don't really know where I was running too. I was simply just running, thought hadn't entered the equation. I slowly started to wear down, puffing and panting until I couldn't puff and pant anymore. I stopped near and tree, leaning on it, trying to catch my breath. I slid to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees and hiding my face in my arms.

What was the matter with me? When was I going to be normal again? I was tired of running, yet I was too scared to do anything else. I mean the old Connie would have yelled back at Ramsden, argued that I was playing my best, challenged his every word. But I couldn't. I couldn't even stand my ground against him. I'd had to run. I'd never been a push over, but it seems that these days, being a push over was what I did best.

JULIE'S P.O.V

I watched a lump in my throat as Connie shot out of the arena, faster than a speeding bullet. I was afraid of something like this happening. Afraid that Ramsden would get in her face, and make her run. I felt anger rise, I already hated Ramsden, but now he'd given me an even bigger reason to hate him. He'd shouted after her, but when she continued running, he turned, and let out a chuckle, before making a comment about knowing she'd never hack it. I made a beeline for him, ripping my helmet from my head. I vaguely heard a few of the girls hissing at me not to bother, but I didn't listen.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO HER"? I stopped abruptly in front of him.

"Excuse me"! He looked a little shocked at me. "Gaffney, get back in goal, this is nothing to do with you". He hissed in my face.

"I beg to differ. My best friend has just run out of here, scared stiff. Do you have any idea what she's been through these passed few weeks. How many nights I've sat up with her while she cries her heart out"? I yelled. "And you, you single handedly"…

"GAFFNEY, GET BACK IN GOAL". He yelled.

"You're a jerk, you know that. Do you know how much it took her to come back in here and face you, after being raped, huh do you"? I screamed.

"Raped"? A few of the girls muttered in shock. I knew then, that I'd let the cat out of the bag.

"Gaffney, what are you talking about. Connie went home for a family emergency". Ramsden softened slightly, though his voice still had that harsh tone. I sighed, hating myself for opening my big mouth.

"No, that's just what Orion told you, because she didn't want everyone to know. She was raped on her way home from work over a week ago. That's why she ran, after you got in her face". I explained loosely. "I gotta… I gotta go find her". I skated quickly off the ice, heading straight for the changing rooms. "CONNIE"! I shouted on my entrance, hoping she was just cowering in a corner.

Her hockey gear was strewn all over the floor, her clothes were all missing. I quickly followed suite and changed my clothes, before dashing back out. I ran around the corner, not really looking where I was going, and crashing into one of the girls. They all started talking at me, but I ignored them and continued running, I ran through the ducks, who were just heading for the ice. Dwayne the last one in line grabbed my arm, swinging me back toward them, nearly pulling him over in the process.

"Jules, what's wrong"? Portman was at my side immediately.

"Where's Connie"? Charlie asked suddenly.

"Ramsden got in her face, and she made a run for it". I told them.

"Great, I knew she wasn't ready". Charlie replied fiercely. "Guy's just tell Coach, I've gone to look for her". He turned to head back to the changing rooms.

"There's no need. I heard". Orion was stood slightly behind us. "C'mon, we'll all go look for her". He turned.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!