Home To Stay
A young woman was sitting on a small, wooden bench in the middle of June. Her ebony-black locks were in a half-ponytail, the other half spilling over her shoulders, and her azure eyes, which matched her blue and white kimono, stared into space. She fidgeted with nerves and excitement.
Behind those sapphire eyes were deep thoughts. The love of her life had romantically sent her a note telling her to meet him in the park in Tokyo that day. She was very excited – perhaps he would propose. Their relationship was at its peak – they couldn't be happier. The bench she was sitting on was the same exact place where they shared their first kiss.
She dug her geta in the luscious, green grass, therefore, leaving a grass stain on the soles of them. It was a pleasantly warm day, even if the sun was hanging high in the sky – which made it even more beautiful. The fluttering birds flew in ecstasy from each tree to the other, which were covered with blooming cherry blossoms. She adored cherry blossoms so much. They were gorgeous in her opinion – with their snow-white petals, splashed with shades of pink. But what was the real beauty of them was that there was a different pattern that on each flower. The young woman sat in silence.
It was around four-thirty in the afternoon when he came. He was dressed in his usual, magenta gi and his flaming red hair was tied in its regular ponytail. He walked over to her with a weak smile. She saw that everything was normal about him, except for his eyes. Usually, his eyes were shining with joy. Today, they seemed clouded and mysterious, sad and apologetic. She felt worried.
"Kaoru…" he whispered, as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"I was wondering when you'd come," she answered softly. She planted a kiss on his lips, his response being a slight kiss back. "Kenshin? Are you okay?"
"Kaoru…" he repeated.
"Yes?" she asked, motioning him to go on.
"We've been in this relationship for a long time… It's been – amazing. I have loved every single moment we've spent together." He continued, not being able to look her in the eye. Kaoru's heart soared, not noticing this. Maybe he would propose.
"It's been breathtaking," he said. He never used the word breathtaking. "I love you, Kaoru, I've loved you since the day I met you…" he added with a chuckle.
Kaoru smiled as she remembered that moment where she first ambushed Kenshin for having a sword.
"…but that's not the reason why I asked you to meet me here today," he continued, interrupting her thoughts. Kaoru felt her heart flutter. "I- I've come to break up with you,"
Those seven words shot her in the heart like an unsuspecting bullet.
"W-what?" she stuttered in disbelief. Were her ears deceiving her?
"I- I have to break up - with you," he stammered. It seemed hard for him to say this.
"B-but why? Why, Kenshin? We've been so happy, and, and – oh, it's not me, is it?" she choked in fear.
"Oh no… no, no, no, of course not… you could never be the reason why," Kenshin murmured, trying to embrace her, but she pushed him away and stood up. "I've been drafted to war, I must go, and the government is forcing me to. They need me, Kaoru," he said in a louder voice.
"The government? The government is more important than me? Don't listen to the government! They can't force you into something you don't want to do!" she yelled in fury.
"Yes, they can. The government would do anything to- to get me involved in the war. They would even come and endanger you and the others' lives," he pointed out, his voice becoming even sterner.
"-but-"
"I don't want to do this, Kaoru, you know I don't want to. But I have to," Kenshin said, trying to explain. His voice went back down to a mere whisper. "I don't think I could ever live if you got hurt. I love you too much for that. That's why I think we should… stay apart for a while. I'd think about you much too much during battle… and it wouldn't work if it was such a long distance-"
"No, Kenshin! Isn't there some way we can figure this out? If you really loved me, you would try to figure this out, instead of just – dumping me!" she nearly screamed.
"Kaoru, I love you more than anything in the world, and I couldn't even bear you having a broken heart if I- died in war," he mumbled.
"Don't say that, Kenshin! Don't you understand? I already have a broken heart! I-I can't believe you would do this to me… I can't live without you!" she cried out in anguish. "Isn't there some way? There always is! I could come with you – I could be a voluntary nurse-"
"No, Kaoru. I could never risk your safety. You cannot do that," he ordered.
Kaoru looked down her bangs covering her eyes, trying not to cry. She felt a pang in her heart -- a pang of defeat.
"You know I could never, ever live without you," he whispered again, putting his hands on her shoulders. "And I can't stand the thought of you being unhappy. I- I want you to find someone else, someone who deserves you more than this fool. Someone who can make you smile, not cry. Forget about me,"
At that, Kaoru turned around, breaking his hold, and flew into a rage. "No! I can't forget about you, I can't! I never will! You're my life, Kenshin, my life! Can't you see? If you leave me, I'll never be happy again! I'll never smile or laugh, I couldn't bear it!" she shouted, her eyes sparkling with tears. Once she calmed down, Kenshin spoke up again.
"Kaoru, you're a strong girl," he told her. He slipped a golden locket in her hand. "Take this as a parting gift,"
Kaoru began to protest, but Kenshin hushed her by putting a finger to her lips. Her soul was broken; she didn't have the spirit to yell any longer.
"I must go now," he said softly in her ear. "The train is leaving soon."
"Kenshin…"
"Don't worry, I will be back," he reassured. But his eyes showed pure sadness, which told her that this was the last time he would be seeing her. She shook her head and refused to believe it.
They stood in the middle of the road, and Kenshin kissed her one last time. He savored the feeling of his lips on her quivering ones, that memory imprinted on his mind forever – that passionate kiss, one full of doubtful hope, a plead for forgiveness, apology, sorrow, promises. Unwillingly, he broke the kiss and began to make his way out of the park.
He didn't turn back.
After he became a far distance away, she felt one, huge tear roll down her cheek, which had fallen off from the huge buildup of them.
Then the waterfall, which had been controlled by a dam made by her strong willpower, came crashing down from her eyes.
She began to sob uncontrollably, dropping to her knees, and soon down against the cold ground. Kaoru gasped and hiccupped and choked on her tears, calling for Kenshin to come back. She desperately screamed and cried for him, wanting to feel his hands wipe away her tears, wanting for him to hold her. He had told her that she was a strong girl, but she wasn't. She was as weak as hell. She couldn't even think about surviving without him. He was the only person that helped her up when she fell. There was no one to help her up now. No one to comfort her. No one to love her. A never-ending supply of tears continued to pour down from her eyes. She looked up and saw that he was almost out of sight.
She watched him walk away, off into the distance. His hair blew in the stirring air, while the once beautiful cherry blossom leaves fell off of their branches and flew rhythmically with the wind, crying out a song of sorrow and misery, which rang in Kaoru's throbbing ears. The setting sky did no help in comforting her with its beauty, but instead upset her further. She was envious of the blazing sky – she wished her life was exactly like its – peaceful, full of bliss, and simply… beautiful.
Sharp, amber eyes darted around as a red-haired samurai leaned the walls of the army tent. He was inspecting the place – nurses were running around, trying to help as many bleeding soldiers as possible, while the bleeding soldiers suffered as the gasped for air, choked up blood, and felt themselves slowly dying.
It was disgusting how they killed. They felt no pity or remorse – just anger and a lust for death. It was exactly how he was before… before…
Before he met her.
Oh, Kaoru… he thought silently, not showing any emotion. Yes. He still remembered her. How could he forget? I love you, Kaoru…
Life was so bitter without her.
Everyday, he saw at least a hundred people die, sacrifice their lives for the weakened country. They were winning, of course, but barely. Death was in the air, and it reeked all around them.
"Himura-sama, we need your help," called a young soldier. Kenshin looked up at him. He felt pity for him. He was probably drafted as well. He couldn't be more than twelve. He nodded as he stood up and exited the tent, his sword clenched in his hand.
Kenshin took a deep breath and exited the tent. The tent was hidden, behind the vast forest, which was next to the battlefield. He quickly ran through the forest and into the battlefield, where the enemies and his closest friends were, both sides drenched in blood.
He rushed into battle, feeling guilt for slaying even more men, even if they were the enemy. He slashed and slashed away, taking more lives by the minute.
Then he saw him – Shishio Makoto. Even through his bandages he saw his evil, his desire for power, his sickening ki. He gave him a monstrous grin as he charged towards him with a battle cry. Kenshin easily blocked that move. The same sequence went on and on for what seemed like forever.
He was deeply concentrated in the battle until a voice broke his concentration.
"Himura-san! Retreat! Retreat!" he heard the booming voice of Saitou Haijime yell.
Kenshin couldn't back out now – it would ruin his pride and honor. He refused by ignoring him, and continuing to fight.
"Retreat, Himura, retreat!" he heard him repeat. Everyone else on the battlefield was gone except for them.
"Himura! Re-" he heard the voice begin again.
The next thing he saw was blackness.
"… I'm not sure if he'll ever awaken, Haijime-san, I'm sorry,"
"Ah. Very well, then,"
He heard footsteps click away, as it echoed in his mind. Never wake again? What the – he felt just fine. In fact, he was just about to awaken.
Kenshin's eyes fluttered open, and he tried to it up in bed. He instantly regretted doing that, because a shot of pain surged through him.
"A-ah-" he choked, as he fell back down onto the bed, causing more pain to sting through his muscles.
"Himura-san?" asked a stunned nurse, peering over him. "Himura-san! You're awake – oh – don't move, it will cause you pain,"
"I've already figured that out," he grunted. Oh… the pain just really stung.
"Take this, it should numb the pain," she said, attempting to pour a cup of medicine into his mouth. He was about to protest but stopped himself as he was reminded of the pain. He took it and made a face, as he drifted off back to sleep.
The next time he woke up, the pain wasn't as kind to him as last time. As soon as he felt himself regain consciousness, a white-hot pain blasted through him. It was unbearable. He yelled in agony, breaking out in a cold sweat.
"Himura-san? Himura-san!" shrieked the nurse, as he cried out in pain. He couldn't control himself. His body was spazzing from the pain – he clenched the bed sheets with his hands, turning his knuckles white. He tried so hard to fight the building pain, but it just got worse. The pain was killing him.
Kenshin was actually scared.
He felt himself trembling, shaking. He felt the pain in every cell in his body, every muscle, every bone, every inch of him. Kenshin was covered in blood, scars, burn marks, and gashes, but nothing compared to this kind of pain. At last, he screamed, trying to control himself, but instead felt his throat closing up. He was choking- gasping for air. The nurses ran around frantically, trying to treat him, but it was useless. Kenshin Himura was dying.
"Himura-san!" he heard a voice call in worry. Through his hazy eyes, he saw Aoshi Shinomori, covered in bandages and on crutches.
"A-aoshi," he managed to choke out.
"Shinomori-san, you must return to your bed-" one of the nurses instructed.
"No! Get away from me you old hag!" Aoshi barked, which was the first and probably the only time he ever would yell. He moved over by his bedside.
"A-aoshi," Kenshin choked out again. "T-the letter – give to… to… K-Kaoru…" he sputtered out.
Aoshi simply nodded, understanding.
"T-tell her, I'm sorry… and that I love her…" he whispered hoarsly. Aoshi nodded once more. Kenshin felt a hot liquid rise in his throat. He hacked it up, and felt a bottomless pit in his stomach.
Blood.
He groaned in agony at the sight of the blood. He knew he was dying, but did it have to be like this? He coughed up more blood; until he felt himself lose focus, lose energy. He felt weak, very weak. The pain wasn't as bad, as he concentrated on only one person.
Kaoru…
As he felt life slipping from his fingers, she was the only person he was thinking about. Feeling himself getting even more light-headed, he closed his eyes, and knew that they would never open again.
I love you…
Three years.
It had been three years.
Kaoru sat in the park of Tokyo, wearing the same blue and white kimono she wore three years ago. She wore the same, grass-stained getas, he hair pulled up in the same fashion. People stared at her as she sat alone, thinking.
Why did Kenshin have to go?
She thought in misery as she remembered him. She didn't do what he said to do – find someone else. She didn't even try; she had been waiting for him for the past three years. She could never find someone else. Kaoru looked up at the cherry blossoms, remembering that day… the last day she ever saw him.
Kaoru sighed. She had left Kenji at home with Megumi and Sano and Yahiko. She would've taken him to the park, since he loved the park, but she decided to go alone, to remember him. Kenji was her son, her three-year-old son. She had found out she was pregnant a month after he left.
And Kenshin would never see his son.
Kenji reminded Kaoru of Kenshin so much. He had the same flaming-red hair which Kaoru loved, but had her eyes. He was an adorable baby – she wished that Kenshin were there to share her joy.
She sighed once more, as she took a deep breath of the summer air, and releasing it, trying to get rid of all her worries.
It didn't work.
She was so worried for Kenshin, if he would ever come home. If he would ever even write to her, if she would hear from him ever again.
Kaoru's thoughts were interrupted by a man in a police uniform, approaching her.
"Yes?" she inquired.
"You are Kaoru… are you not?" asked the police.
"Yes… why are you here, Aoshi-san?" she asked once more. "Where's Kenshin?" Aoshi sat down next to her, taking a deep breath, advising her to stay calm.
"Kaoru… Kenshin – is not coming back. He- died this morning. Last week, a bomb exploded in our area, and Kenshin was affected greatly. He couldn't take the pain, and he died." He murmured. Kaoru couldn't believe what he was saying.
But instead of breaking down, she simply nodded.
"He was lucky he lived that long, everyone else had died from the affect of the bomb when it first exploded," he added. "He wanted me to give you this, Kaoru. He asks for your forgiveness and he – says he loves you," he muttered. "I'm truly sorry,"
Kaoru was off in another world, though. Aoshi handed her the letter, which she didn't open. He quietly left.
Kenshin… died this morning… those words rang in her ears. She aroused some courage, and opened the letter.
It was in neat handwriting, on stationary that she gave him for his birthday once.
Kaoru,
No matter what happens to me here, I want to let you know that I am always thinking of you, and you're always on my mind. I want to come home as soon as possible – to see my son, and to see you. Hopefully, this painful war will end soon, so I can come home to stay.
I'm sorry I haven't been replying to your letters – it is under strict rule that we cannot send anything to the outside world. I hope you understand.
I miss you, Kaoru. I miss your laughter, your smile, your beautiful face, your kindness, your stubbornness, your voice. I need you.
Kaoru, if I never see you again, remember that I'll always think of you, and I'll always remember you. Don't worry about me. If I don't come home, know that I will be at peace, with no more burdens or pain to carry. I will be watching over you, protecting you, Kenji, our family.
I love you.
Kenshin
Kaoru read the letter in silence, a feeling of sorrow washed over her. She read it over at least ten times more. She was silent as she tucked the letter back in it's envelope, and as she sat there for another half hour. She couldn't think – only of Kenshin.
At last, while the sun was setting, she closed her eyes and headed towards the gate, the exit of the park. But as she closed the gate, she watched the sunset, and instead of despising its beauty, she admired it, and felt that there was finally calmness in the world. She smiled as she noticed that she had gotten the life that both she and Kenshin wanted– a life full of peace, bliss, and simple beauty.
I know you're gone
I watched you leave
I always thought
That it was me
You made it clear
With that last kiss
You couldn't live a life
With maybe's and whatif's
When every boat
Has sailed away
And every path
Is marked and paved
When every road
Has had its say
Then I'll be bringing you back
Home to stay
I have the cards you sent to me
You wrote of trains and Paris galleries
This spring you'll draw
Canals, and frescoed walls
Look how far your dreaming's gone
When every town looks just the same
When every choice gets hard to make
When every map is put away
Then I'll be bringing you back
Home to stay
And now I know why you had to go alone
Isn't there a place between
When every boat
Has sailed away
And every path
Is marked and paved
When every road
Has had its say
Then I'll be bringing you back
Home to stay
Reach out to me
Call out my name
And I would bring you back again
Today
-Home To Stay, Josh Groban
Thanks for reading my story! Sad, isn't it. Please review and tell me what you thought of it! This is the first time I tried writing an angsty one-shot. Once again, please review!
/xoxo/
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