Chapter Eleven

I'm my most romantic in the morning

When I wipe the sleep from my eyes

And I see lying naked

Your face formed in a smile

Trey felt her shift next to him, his looked over at his bedside clock. It was close to four in the morning, he'd fallen asleep earlier but it had only been for a few minutes. Inside his chest his heart felt like it was going to beat right out. Everything that had happened in the past few days ran through his mind. None of it made sense. When he came to Newport he wasn't looking for what had happened. He hadn't come to cause trouble, he hadn't come to find a girl, he hadn't expected to meet someone like her. All he'd wanted was a chance to get to know the brother he'd never bothered to pay any attention to. Gently he ran his fingers through her hair careful not to wake him. Her skin looked so smooth, her remembered how it felt against his. Like silk against sandpaper. All he wanted to do was live in that moment and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist Even though he knew that would never happen, eventually light would bleed into the room and they'd have to face the reality of what had happened. He would have to accept that she came to him only for comfort, not because her feelings for him were real. But right then, he didn't want to, and as long as it was still dark and quiet in the room he didn't have to. Carefully he reached over and pressed a soft kiss on to her temple. The softly was sweet and airy as not to wake her. With a soft sigh, he cleared his mind of any thoughts that weren't of her and were of the moment and let himself drift into sleep.

I'm my most confused in the morning

When I wipe the tears from my eyes

And I see you sneaking softly

Not waiting for goodbye

Quietly she gathered her dress and her shoes, the last thing she wanted to do was wake him, he looked so content. Slowly she zipped the back of her dress as silently as possible. Once dressed Summer stood and took a long look at him, his brown hair matted to his head, a bit of stubble had grown in overnight. His breathing was so gentle that it was almost as if he wasn't breathing at all. She swallowed thickly and wiped a few tears from her eyes, unsure of why she was crying. Was it what she'd done with him and its repercussion with Seth, was it that she actually had wanted to be with him the night before? Honestly she didn't have any clue, she'd never felt so torn or confused in her whole life. She wanted to stay with Trey, to curl up against him and feel his warm, feel how gentle he could be despite the roughness of his exterior. She wanted to go find Seth, hug him and hold him, and tell him how sorry she was and how much she loved him. She wanted to go lay her head in Marissa's lap and just cry for hours without ever having to explain anything. Summer Roberts didn't have a clue what she wanted, the only thing she was completely certain of was that she couldn't stay, she needed to go home, right then it was the only place she knew she'd feel safe.

He was awake, she just didn't know it, and he could hear her shuffling around and was doing his breath not to hold his breath in his chest and let her know he was awake. As he heard the door open he took a soft sigh, and when he heard the front door gently close he let his eyes slip open just soon enough to catch a small glance of her slipping out of his apartment. Trey tossed his head back onto his pillow, where she had been laying her head only moments ago. He inhaled her scent, then threw back onto his own pillow, pulling his arms back behind his head. A sharp pain began to well up in his chest like no pain he'd ever felt before. Immediately he knew that no material possession, or drug, or even other girl would be able to ease it. It was the first time he'd ever felt heartache.

Was it a play you'd been rehearsing

Have I been drawn on in

Is this some game you've made for me

Is it one that I can win?

Ryan would never tell her to save his own life, but he'd gone around four that morning to see if Summer had come home. As soon as he knocked softly on her door, the sinking feeling in his stomach had told him she wouldn't be there. Inside he knew where he could find her, he knew that Seth that there was no way Seth had heard her out the night before. And he knew what it was like to need comfort. Ryan sighed and twisted around his cup of coffee as he heard the front door squeak open. She was trying to be quiet he could tell that. But also knew that probably looked like the angry, worried dad waiting for his curfew breaking daughter to sneak back in the house. However Summer wasn't his daughter, she was a big girl. But still she froze when she saw him awake, and quickly glanced at her watch, ten minutes after five, she should have known he'd be awake already.

Their eyes locked and Ryan gave her a sympathetic smile, "I hope you know what you're doing." His voice was gentle, not reprimanding or condescending.

"You want the truth," she whispered as sat down at the table with him, tears welling in her eyes. "I don't have a clue," she forced out, through her quiet sobs. "Chino, I am so confused and so… I never wanted to hurt him."

"Seth or Trey?"

"Either one of them, I didn't want to hurt anyone and now it's all so screwed up. Cohen… I love him Ryan I really do but…" She took a long deep breath and forced her tears away. "Am I really in love with him? I mean how can I feel this way about someone else if I am? I don't know, they both make me feel so different. Cohen makes me happy and he makes me smile, and he makes me feel like I am the most wonderful woman in the world… And then with Trey, he makes me feel so alive when I'm with him. Like there's so much more out there and I'm a part of it all." Another deep breathing, she was trying so hard to keep her composure. "What's going on with me Chino, how can I feel this way," it all feel out, her sobs louder and creating pools of wetness on her dress.

Ryan walked over and gave her a tight hug, he hated seeing anyone cry, especially someone he loved. Her sobs got louder as she used his chest to muffle them, Ryan took a sigh and softly pulled her away from. "Trey's my brother and Seth's my best friend, so I'm interesting in seeing either one of them hurt, but I think it's a little to late for that."

"What do I do?" She pleaded with him to give her the answers to questions she couldn't force herself to answer.

"I can't tell you what to do right now, anymore than you could tell me what to do when I was pushing Marissa away all those years ago. But you did give me a damn good piece of your mind, so I'll return the favor." He paused to crouch down where he could look her in the eyes, "Sometimes life changes to so fast that it blindsides us and we don't know what to do. And in times like that most people, they seek comfort. Comfort to protect them from the loneliness, comfort that will make everything stop changing so they don't have to face things… I know what it's like to need that, but you have to make sure that you don't take that too far. Because when you do everything just gets more confused and it makes it harder to see what's real and what's just a contrived situation to stop the world from moving on you."

I'm my most peculiar in the evening

When I've been deprived of rest

And I lay my head upon you

Only nonsense on my breath

Seth had spend day the night pacing, and the other half lying in bed rubbing his temples trying to pretend like the night before hadn't happened. He wanted it to all be a bad dream. The image of Summer kissing Trey had been nothing compared to the image of her being with him. It was an image he'd forced upon himself because it was something he'd caused her to do. Over and over he'd berated himself. They had fought, he'd been angry but with every right. He had refused to hear her out, thrown a ring at her, and when he'd driven to her apartment at three am to apologize and try and figure out how to fix thing, her car was no where to be found. Seth knew where she'd gone, and he was sicker with himself than he was with her. What could he have done to make things different, was this all his fault, shouldn't he have been there for her. It had been those thoughts that hadn't let him get any sleep. Deep inside he knew that wasn't the truth, of she was going to fall for someone else it was going to happen, he couldn't stop that anymore than he could have stopped himself from falling for her when he was a kid.

Seth thought about the time they'd spent together over the years, nights of lying in bed, her fingers playing with the curls in his hair as he rambled on about a movie she'd never seen or a book she'd never read. Every so often he'd look up to find her with a dreamy gaze on her face, intently listening to his rambles. She had loved him, he knew he hadn't just made that up in his head, she still loved him, he knew that or she wouldn't have tried to explain anything to him. He had tried rationalizing, everyone makes mistakes, what makes her any different. Most of the day he'd tried to force that thought into his head, only to find that her actions had knocked her off the pedestal. What Seth had to accept now what that Summer wasn't his Goddess anymore, she was just a person flesh and blood like anyone else.

I'm my most withdrawn in the evening

When I've had a bitter day

I'll tell you all that's on my chest

And you've nothing left to say

Was it a play you'd been rehearsing

Have I been drawn on in

Is this some game you've made for me

Is it one that I can win?

Seth didn't need her to knock, he knew she was there before. But still he waited, he wanted to give her the chance to turn around. Silently he wondered if she was just there to get her stuff, but inside he knew Summer better than that. The knock came and he waited, giving her more time

"Come in," he finally called no emotion to his voice.

It took all the strength she had to open the door, it took even more to step inside the room. "Hey," her voice so soft he could barely hear her.

He forced himself to look at her, and as he did he felt his fists clench. Seth wanted to be mad at her, after all he was, but more than that he was hurting. And seeing her, with puffy cheeks and eyes swollen from crying, it just pained him even more. Maybe he didn't understand what she was going through, but he didn't have to, even if a part of him wanted to. "Hey," he finally responded to back to her.

"Cohen, I…" She stopped her words trying to gather the strength to finish what she had to tell him.

"I know," he quickly let her know. As much as he wanted to hear her say out loud what she had done, he knew that the pain he would feel from hearing would simply be too much for him to handle right then.

"You know?"

He nodded, his face cold and serious. "Yeah I know, and I don't really want to look at you right now, so if that's all you have to say then you can leave." He swallowed hard, he didn't want to force her from his life, but he wasn't sure of what was happening between them and he didn't have the strength to fight another man for her right then. He would if need be, but he wasn't going to fight a losing battle, and he wasn't going to fight her heart. Seth knew that it was truly useless to fight a person's heart because in the end it's always going to win, and he was going to make sure that she knew that. "Summer, I love you… I can tell you that right now, but other than that I don't have a whole lot to say to you… Figure out what you want," he reached over into his bedside drawer and pulled out the box he'd thrown at her the night before and set it on top of his nightstand. "And well, just know that's here if you want it. It might take me some time to give it to you know, but it's still here." With those words he rolled over on the bed facing away from her and waited for her to leave.

I'm my most relaxed in your arms

You'll find me honest there

Searching for my truthfulness

You'll find it somewhere near

Trey laid in his bed and what he hadn't realized the night before was that if he listened hard enough he could hear the ocean crashing against the shoreline. That thought made him smile, when he'd first noticed it he thought that maybe it was just his mind reverting back in order to put him to sleep. But when he listened harder he knew it was actually the ocean, it sounded much like it had the night on the beach with Summer. A small smile crossed his face as he thought of that evening, followed by a sick feeling to his stomach. What had he done, his own words echoed through his mind, "I didn't just make one mistake, I made a lot of mistakes that led up to one moment." Was it just another mistake, and if it was, was it his mistake or hers. Hadn't he tried to stop her, she wouldn't let him. But he always could have tried harder, he berated himself. Her scent was still on his pillows and it wasn't making it any easier to forget. Trey knew better than anyone that his actions had always had consequences, not just for him but for other people too. Everything was rushing through his mind so quickly, he didn't want to think about any of it. So he let himself focus on the ocean, much like he had in prison, only this time it was the real ocean. The ocean, he smiled to himself as Summer's face when he threw her into the ocean popped into his head. The ocean and Summer were his last thoughts as he drifted to sleep.

I'm my most myself around you

I love you better still

Can't see myself with no one else

Don't think I ever will

Summer stared up at her ceiling and wondered how many other people in the world were doing the exact same thing at that very moment. She knew sleep wasn't going to happen tonight, she had too much to think about. Why couldn't everything be easy like it was when you were a little kid. Why could all decisions in life be juice or milk? She laughed to herself as she thought how she'd just made a reference to juice or milk in her own thoughts. That's the kind of reference Cohen would make. She smiled to herself, at the thought of Cohen. She gave a soft laugh and as she did she heard the ocean in the distance, and another smile crossed her face, as she thought of Trey. She wondered if he could hear the ocean from his bed, knowing how happy it would make him if he could. A deep sigh crossed her lips, as she thought to herself again, juice or milk?