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Chapter 4: Insults and strangling
Frankly, Lily was annoyed; very annoyed. She had made, in her opinion, a great witty comment, which she thought would embarrass Potter. She had told him the sight of him in just his underwear would practically blind people. She had taken a damn long time to think of that comment. Lily Evans always got the last laugh!
...Not this time though. Her clever remark had backfired in her face, making her turn red in embarrassment, making her look like a fool which was the last thing she had expected.
Stupid git. Making out as if I have such a fascination with his sky blue quidditch pants with flying golden snitches- wait, great, maybe he's right considering I just described them pretty damn well! She thought madly. Then he made me out to as if I kept looking and mentioning his stupid pants! As if I was perving on him or something! As if I would look…! Okay, I looked maybe once but hey, come on, how could I not! She defended herself.
Lily was confused of the fact of the way he touched her; just placed his hand easily on her chin. It was weird and his hand there seemed kind of familiar, like it was natural for him to do that. This made her feel uneasy.
As Lily's thoughts seemed to keep her in a dream world, her legs dragged along automatically as she followed James to the Hospital Wing. They made no effort of conversation until James finally voiced his thoughts to Lily, who seemed to be straggling behind him.
"Evans? Hey- earth to Evans?" James waved his hands in front of Lily's face, making her blink and come out of her pondering.
"Huh? Oh-what Potter?" Lily replied absentmindedly.
"Evans, this isn't working. We're walking at different paces, yours of the slower kind."
"Less of the talking, more of the walking," Lily replied coolly.
"Exactly Evans. But you're lagging behind, keep up."
"Excuse me?" Lily's anger was noticeable from her tone. "Potter, I am not lagging, and even if I was, its...um...because...you are taller then me and have bigger strides!"
"What?" James snorted. "Evans, we're the same height, I'm the one with the glasses and I can see that. Maybe you need a pair too."
"Less talk, more walk, Potter. Or I'll stuff those glasses up where the sun doesn't shine."
"Point taken."
On that note, there was complete silence on the rest of the course to Madam Pomfrey.
After a long time of walking -damn Hogwart's having so many floors and stairs, have they not heard of elevators or escalators? Lily thought- they finally made it to the Hospital wing. They charged through the doors, instantly searching for Madam Pomfrey to free them. Luckily there were no students in the rows of beds except one patient who was hidden by a curtain. None of them fancied explaining the situation of their hands again, although, they didn't know they were going to be doing that a lot that day.
Madam Pomfrey appeared out of her office and came over to see them.
"Miss Evans, what can I do for you, in such early hours of the morning?" she spoke in a friendly tone. Her eyes then spotted James, and his also mangled face. In a not such a welcoming manner, she said "Mr. Potter! What have you been doing? Not another fight, you really need to control yourself, dear boy. Or, may I ask," she raised her eyebrows in suspicion, "Did another prank of yours backfire on you?"
Yeah. Sure. Whenever James Potter is hurt, it must be because of a prank or fighting...James thought icily…though it normally is but still, she didn't have to go right out and say it…
"No, Madam Pomfrey. Your first accusation was correct," Lily answered for him. James glared at her.
"So, you haven't been cursing more of Hogwarts students who are instantly sent up here to the Hospital Wing, most recently that young Mr. Snape in the corner there." Madam Pomfrey gestured to the boy behind the curtain. Instantly James eyes' brightened at the name of 'Snape'.
"Snivellus is here!" James grinned. He knew exactly why Snape was in the hospital wing but had only remembered until now. It was only yesterday James had cursed Snape. James told himself he deserved it. It was all Evans' fault anyways, James thought, if she hadn't changed my robe, then Snape wouldn't have mocked me and I wouldn't have sent him a great bat bogey hex, greasy haired little arse-
"Do not call him that Mr. Potter. And do not disturb him. He's sleeping," Madam Pomfrey warned him. "Now, I can fix that bruised eye in a second but is there any other reason why you two are here?"
"Isn't it obvious," Lily answered glumly. Together they help up their hands together to show their fingers wrapped tightly around one other.
The witch looked blank. "I don't understand, Miss Evans."
"Lily and I-" James started.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Potter, and Miss Evans. I am not a relationship counsellor-"
Arghh! This is really getting old! Why does every single person who sees us holding hands instantly think that we are in some kind of relationship? Lily thought angrily.
"-I am merely a witch who heals people. I do think it's good that someone like you, Evans," she smiled at Lily warmly, whilst the red head looked at her with confusion, "is with James. Maybe you calm the dear boy down and are a good influence on him." Lily blushed furiously at this comment. "I'm afraid I cannot solve the problems of young people who are, um, 'acquainted' with each other-"
"No!" Lily and James shouted jointly.
Madam Pomfrey looked startled. They'd always thought she was an intelligent witch considering her long history of healing spells. However, now they were thinking it was taking her an extremely long time for her to get the message.
"No, Madam Pomfrey. You don't understand. We woke up in the common room and-"
"Please, Mr. Potter, I do not wish to hear the details of your, um, 'affairs', and what you do in your own time as a couple-"
"No! You're getting the wrong idea!" Lily cut in with desperation. This was becoming more embarrassing by the second, even more than the weird conversation with Anna that had thoroughly traumatized her. "Me and Potter's hands are not holding together willingly or by choice! It's by some spell! We woke up in the common room and our hands were like this!"
Madam Pomfrey stared back and forth between the two of them, silent just as Anna had done before speaking.
"Are you sure you two aren't just a couple hopelessly in love?"
"No, we're pretty sure."
"Oh, I see," the older witch laughed, "I do apologize! Well, you should have told me in the first place!"
Oh bloody hell! That's the second person who we've tried to explain to who's said that! People just don't listen these days...James thought. Oh God, I sounded like my grandfather then. Stop thinking and get back to the conversation!
"Let me see…" Madam Pomfrey spoke touched the entwined hands, examining them at every angle.
I don't see how looking at them at a different angle is gonna bloody separate them, James thought impatiently.
"How remarkable…I've never seen a spell like this before..." she trailed off. Lily shot James an anxious look. It was not a good sign at all if it didn't look like a common spell. They were most definitely screwed.
Keep positive, Lily repeated in her head. Keep positive, keep positive…
Meanwhile in James' head an image of Sirius was pictured. Charmingly, Sirius was laughing and pointing at him, saying 'Prongsie, you're totally screwed, man!" over and over again like an odd echo.
James shook the thoughts away.
Thanks Sirius, even when you're not physically in the room you're mocking me like the true friend you are.
Madam Pomfrey dropped their hands.
"Very interesting," the woman stated.
That's nice of her to say, Lily thought. It sounds as if we are some kind of new attraction at a freak show.
"You two stay here for a moment. I'm just going to look in a book in my office; I think there might be something on spell human attachments in there. I'll be right back." Madam Pomfrey exited into her office.
"This is great…friggin fantastic..." Lily muttered. She kept a permanent frown on her face and silently waited for the witch to return.
James, however, had other ideas. Making Lily outcry, he pulled her over to where Snape was supposedly sleeping behind the curtain.
"Potter! What are you doing?" Lily hissed fiercely. She gave up struggling and let James drag her over to Snape's bed
James pulled back the curtains. "Ahhh, Snivellus," he said with repulsion. Both he and Lily watched the sleeping Severus Snape; eyes closed, not surprisingly with a frozen hideous grimace on his face. "Sleeping like a baby- make that an ugly, greasy haired baby." Instinctively, Lily rolled her eyes. "Snivellus is asleep: the perfect time for pranking him!"
"You're not pranking him now," Lily almost laughed at James' irrationality. "Madam Pomfrey will easily catch you, pillock. And I wish you wouldn't call him that." She sighed, backing way from Snape's bed, afraid she might catch something.
"What? You mean Snivellus? But you hate him as much as I do!" James spoke with indignation.
"Yes, I do," Lily agreed feebly, "but still, responding to his snooty remarks, name calling and cursing him all the time makes you as low as him. It also makes the situation worse then it already is."
"You know I can't back down from what that slimy git says. He insults me and my friend's, even you sometimes." Lily lowered her eyes to study her feet. "I won't let him get away with it."
Lily slightly smiled nonetheless. "You're too proud and brave for your own good, Potter," she said quietly.
James curved his mouth to one side. "You could say that."
Unexpectedly, Snape's eyes shot open. He was startled by the sight of the two Gryffindors near his bed.
"Oh no!" James covered his mouth, putting on a false façade of horror. "The slimy, greasy haired monster has awoken!" He nudged Lily in the stomach who replied with a scolding look.
"Potter," Snape growled. "Get out of my face." His eyes landed on Lily and even more impossible scowl grew on his face. "And you as well, mudblood Evans." Snape spat at them. Lily merely looked away.
"Watch your mouth, Snivellus," James snapped. He held on to his wand tightly, prepared to use it.
Snape looked daggers at him and grabbed the potion on the side of his bed on the table. Damn I, should have poisoned that, James cursed in his mind.
Snape drank the potion in one and slammed it back down onto the table.
"Touchy, touchy, Snivellus. Didn't you enjoy your bat bogey hex?"
"Potter, what happened to your eye?" James slightly reddened and looked away. "Did you fall out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?"
Observing the two with spite, Snape's eyes landed on their clasped hands. He smirked, making James tremble with anger.
"Did you have a fright at seeing the person you woke up with?" Snape leered.
Lily gritted her teeth, half with embarrassment and half with anger.
"No, Snivellus, I just hit myself everyday at the fact that you are alive in the world, polluting the air we breathe, traumatizing and scaring the lives of everyone who sees that disgusting, big nosed face of yours."
"Oh, you are so witty this morning, Potter," Snape laughed. "I must say, when I woke to see you and mudblood Evans holding hands…my my, that was a horrifying sight. In fact, I'm still not over it. I might have to stay in the hospital wing for a lot longer to recover."
"One more comment and I'll curse you to oblivion-"
"Mr. Potter? Miss Evans?" Madam Pomfey called. She walked over to three fifth years, looking suspiciously between James and Snape raising her with a sceptic look. "Hmm…Mr. Snape, you are free to go if you've taken that potion already."
The boy nodded in confirmation and got out of the bed. He gave James a last leer before walking past him, their shoulders knocking into each other, and left the Hospital Wing. "Hmm," Madam Pomfrey recurred. "I hope you weren't considering fighting in my hospital wing, Mr. Potter."
James smiled innocently. "Of course not!" he fibbed, fluttering his eyelashes.
"Don't do that Potter, it makes you like a girl. No wait, you are one aren't you?" Lily laughed heartily at her own joke and James was about to make a snide comment in reply but was rudely interrupted.
"Returning back to the subject," Madam Pomfrey cut in, trying to stop any fight that would happen between the two. "I couldn't find anything about spells involving body attachments." In unison, James and Lily groaned in despair. "It's quite extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it," she looked at their joint hands again and shook her head, a puzzling expression filling her features, "What I suggest you do is go see Professor Dumbledore."
James and Lily stared at her with a familiar 'I am a teenager and hate life' manner.
"But Madam Pomfrey, if you can't cure us then we must be totally screw-," James stopped and changed his choice of words as she looked him raising her eyebrows. "I mean, our chances of separating don't exactly look good do they..."
"Mr. Potter," Madam Pomfrey softened at James' odd vulnerability, "If there is anyone who will know how to separate the both of you, it will most certainly be Professor Dumbledore." James' hope grew to some extent.
"Potter, you have to keep positive," Lily told him.
"Yeah…I tried doing that but every time I do, Sirius pops in my head making any chances of hope vanish."
Lily found this statement odd, but shrugged it off.
"Why don't you both of you go see Professor Dumbledore now?" Madam Pomfrey suggested. The two began to leave but the witch stopped James in remembrance of something. "Wait just a moment Mr. Potter. Let me get a potion to heal that black eye of yours." She went over to a cabinet and searched for a potion. She quickly found one and returned back to the couple. "May I ask how exactly you got that?" she asked curiously, handing him the medicine.
"I-um..." James reddened, thinking back to both hits, both by girls.
"He was hit by girls," Lily revealed with a smirk. "Twice, in fact."
Madam Pomfrey chuckled.
"Thanks, Evans!" James barked. He now had more of an urge than ever to see Professor Dumbledore to disjoin their hands. Quickly, he titled his head back and emptied the contents of the potion into his mouth. Unfortunately the taste of the potion was as predictable as ever: foul, revolting and nasty. James squinted his eyes in disgust.
It tastes like the insides of a toilet! James screamed in his head. Mixed with the greasiness of Snape and Malfoy!
The potion juggled around in his mouth, but James' stubbornness wouldn't allow him to swallow it. With his eyes closed, he spat out the potion immediately, the sprays of liquid squirted out like a water fountain display.
"POTTER!"
Uh oh…that didn't sound good…
James slowly opened his eyes.
A wet, drenched Lily stood in front of him, covered in potion, with hair dripping and shirt covered with spray marks. Lily was outraged. No one, and I mean no one, ever messed up Lily Evans' hair. Using her free hand, she grabbed James' throat, stopping his air supply.
"Your neck is abnormally large, Potter!" Lily talked over James' chocking gasps.
What? My neck is not abnormally large! It's of normal proportions and of a regular size- James! You are being strangled to death here, stop thinking about how big your neck is!
"EVANS! I can't breathe!" James squeaked as Lily's hand tightened around his neck. "You can't carry around a dead body attached to your hand all day!"
Madam Pomfrey looked at the two in horror. Any thoughts of James and Lily being a cute couple had disappeared in an instant.
"Miss Evans no!" Madam Pomfrey helped James try to release Lily's hand from his throat. She had unbelievably hard grip. "Miss Evans, please, or I will have to stun you!"
Lily gradually lessened her grip on James' throat and dropped her arm. She pouted her lips and sulked.
James rubbed his sore neck in fear, his breathing quite ragged.
"Do you see who I'm attached to, Madam Pomfrey?" James hissed. "Do you see? She's trying to kill me!"
"I do not blame her Mr. Potter," Madam Pomfrey muttered. Lily smiled smugly; she'd always like that woman. "You just spat out the last potion I had on healing bruises. So now you will have to go around with that black eye, until it heals naturally by itself."
Bollocks, James cursed in his mind. I am not having a good day. Weird dreams, hand attached to Evans, caught on fire, hit by two girls, nearly strangled to death; could this bloody day to get any worse?
"I suggest you two leave my hospital wing." The older witch massaged the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes. When she opened her eyes and discovered the two standing before her, she clarified, "Right now." It looked as if she needed a long nap.
The two exited out of the door, even less enthusiastic than before.
"I need a shower. I need to get every ounce of your spit off my clothes, hair and face, Potter."
"Sure, Evans, by all means, take a shower, I don't mind being there right with you, since my hand is attached to yours."
Lily reddened; she'd forgotten about that. "Grow up, Potter," she said lamely, whilst trying to wipe the few ounces of potion that dripped off her face.
James chuckled, watching her.
"Next stop: Professor Dumbledore's office."