Disclaimer: I own nothing
Chapter 6: James' problem
Lily didn't want to look up. She was lying on her stomach –again— head face down on the Great Hall floor and in the same position as she'd awoke earlier in the common room. She didn't want to look up because she knew she wouldn't find anything good from it. She knew she'd find the whole of Hogwarts school who had been enjoying their breakfast, now gaping at them. She'd just plan on lying there. Hopefully no one would stand on her, merely step around her. Maybe she could put a sign on her back saying 'please do not step on me'. Although, she thought the Slytherins would probably ignore that sign…
Anyway, lying there was perfectly fine. She'd just wait until everyone left for classes and so she wouldn't see their highly amused faces...
Meanwhile, James was groaning in pain. The sound of his groaning echoed in the silence of the great hall - apart from the sniggers and snorts from the Slytherin table. He could tell everyone's eyes were on them. James was lying on his side, his back aching because of how hard Peter had been thrown at him.
Awkwardly, Remus and Sirius walked over to the two lying on the floor as the school audience stared at them. Peter stumbled to his feet, clutching his head.
"Sorry Pete," Sirius cringed. "It was a kind of spur-of-the-moment thing."
Remus sighed, went over to James and gave him a hand getting up. Problem was, Lily had settled on staying on the floor.
"Evans. Get up," James muttered to her, as he sat on his knees, poking her in the back.
"No thanks Potter. I'm fine here," Lily replied.
James sighed with frustration. "The more you lie there, the longer people think you're having a mental breakdown and keep looking at you." He looked back to the staring faces of people eating breakfast, and waved. Some of the Gryffindor house even waved back; they'd thoroughly enjoyed the display in the common room, it looked like more was to come.
James spotted Sirius who was grinning widely. James remembered a saying someone had told him: 'a friend helps you up when you fall, but a best friend trips you and calls you an arse. Right now, let's just say James wasn't feeling great warm fuzzy feelings towards Sirius.
"Padfoot, I'm going to kill you," James stated.
"C'mon Prongsie!" Sirius laughed; only making James clench his fists. "My hand slipped..."
"Your hand slipped? Your hand slipped so hard it knocked Peter flying into us!"
"Uh...sure!"
To James' surprise, Lily had decided to get up. She brushed the invisible dust that was supposedly on her clothes - as everyone does when they fall.
"Um…Lily, are you okay?"
She turned to Sirius and he swore he saw a hellish, blazing fire in her emerald green eyes.
He cowered. "Uh..never mind..."
"Let's gets this over with," Lily whispered fiercely to James. She dragged him to the Gryffindor table to a space where her friend Anna sat, and parked herself next to her, wearing a moody expression. Anna raised her eyebrows, but Lily gave her a 'don't ask, I'm hungry and annoyed' look in return.
The rest of the marauders followed in suit, sitting opposite them. Lily roughly plucked a bowl of cereal, slamming the bowl in front of her - which made everyone wince at the sudden sound. She grabbed a spoon and clumsily scooped the cereal into her mouth with her left hand. It was a struggle for Lily considering she was right-handed.
James was quite amused by her situation. "Need any help, Evans?"
"No thank you, Potter," Lily gritted through her teeth.
She looked up to see that everyone in the Great Hall were still looking at them both, whispering to their neighbours.
"What are you looking at?" Lily shouted. The marauders flinched at her sudden screaming loudness. James blocked his one ear with his free hand. Unfortunately, his other ear would be unprotected. "What are you all looking at, people? Everyone stop staring at us and get back to eating! NOW!" She ordered all and sundry.
Immediately, everyone turned away and went back to eating their breakfast in fear of their safety. When Lily Evans was annoyed, the whole of Hogwarts knew about it. In fact, even the whole world. At the double, the marauders grabbed their golden plates of bacon and hungrily gobbled them up in seconds.
Anna looked away in disgust. "So, the whole 'you are what you eat' thing is true then," she muttered., watching the boys shovel the bacon and go back for seconds.
"Mmm, I love bacon." James stabbed his fork into the meat and chomped on it openly in front of Lily's face.
"Get out of my face, Potter." Lily was greatly aware of how close he was to her personal space.
Suddenly –however on great timing— the Ravenclaw, Geoff, walked into the great hall looking very agitated and on edge.
"Geoff's back from the hospital wing, then," Remus said.
The Marauders watched him as he sat down at the Ravenclaw table with his friends. A girl next to him looked concerned, asking if he was alright, but he brushed her off. She told him he'd feel better if he had some breakfast and picked up a plate for him; unfortunately, it was plate of bacon. The Marauders watched excitedly with anticipation to what Geoff's reaction would be.
"No...no!" He jumped away from her and smacked the plate out of her hand. "Not the bacon!"
"Huh? Geoff, are you feeling alright—"
"No, get away from me! The voices told me...not the bacon...don't eat the bacon."
The mention of the part 'the voices told me' made everyone turn towards him with curiosity.
"What's up with that guy?" A first year girl asked her friend, watching the fifth years.
"I dunno. He said 'the voices' told him not to eat bacon...clearly he's insane." The girl nodded in agreement. "For two reasons; one, because 'the voices' told him too, and secondly, because the bacon is damn tasty! How could you not eat it?"
The Marauders were cracking up. In desperation, they covered their mouths with their hands - at least, James covered his mouth with the one hand he had while Lily was ready to explode with anger.
Geoff promptly stood up and then ran out of the great hall wailing with his arms in the air. Everyone in the Great Hall watched him, giving each other wary looks. The hall was silent for a second before everyone started chatting, talking and continuing to their food. It had definitely been a strange morning in the Great Hall. The Marauders shot each other silent grins.
"This day was beginning to look bad for me. Geoff's cheered me up though," James said happily, as helped himself to more bacon.
"I can't believe you did that stupid prank to Geoff! He's a nice guy—" Lily began furiously.
"Oh, he's a nice guy is he? Isn't he supposed to be intelligent? Did you, or did you not just see him run away screaming like a girl because of bacon?"
"I clearly remember you screaming like a girl this morning, Potter," Lily reminded him.
"Oh yeah," Sirius said joining in to the conversation. Remus also nodded along. "I heard you Prongsie, screaming abnormally high." James reddened. "Weren't you supposed to tell me some story when I mentioned 'liar liar pants on fire'?"
Lily smiled devilishly. James remembered to his despair. "Yeah, Potter. Do you want to explain how your trousers caught on fire, or shall I?"
Anna and the boys burst out laughing.
"My 'pants on fire' thing was the perfect thing to say!" Sirius realised, quite impressed with himself. "I'm a bloody genius."
The others gave each other cautious looks; they obviously weren't thinking the same thing as Sirius was.
"So that explains James in his pants…" Anna realized.
"Oh no, I thought that was because Lily had took them off because she wanted him—"
"-Don't you even dare finish that sentence, Black," Lily cut him off, glaring. Sirius quickly backed off.
"I'm not even going to ask about Geoff and the whole 'bacon incident'," Anna stated.
"It's a long story," Remus told her.
"I feel so sorry for Geoff. That was a mean trick you did to him, Potter," Lily told him again.
"Oh get over it, Evans!" James snapped. "God! Just because you've got a crush on him! I saw you bloody blushing under the cloak. It was so obvious." James stabbed his plate angrily.
What? Lily thought. Potter saw me blushing! Bugger! Wait...he knew I liked Geoff...and then he did that prank on him. It seems like he was...maybe jeal— NAH! He couldn't have been, could he?
"So, you knew I liked him, then, Potter," Lily said, voicing her thoughts steadily. "And then, you did that prank on him. You sounded awfully bitter too. Geoff's done nothing to you. You sound as if you're—"
"I am not jealous!" James interrupted her indignantly.
Remus and Sirius gave him curious looks.
"Hmm, Prongs, sure. That outburst doesn't make you sound jealous at all," Remus said.
"Yeah, Prongs. It was strange how you did that prank on Geoff when you normally get along so well with him-"
"Shut up, Wormatil," James commanded.
"So," Anna said, trying to change the subject. "I take it from you guys still holding hands that going to see Madam Pomfrey was a complete waste of time, then." James and Lily looked at her with a 'well, duh!' look in their eyes. "I'm sure you guys will be freed in no time," she told them positively.
"I hope you're right," they said collectively.
Sirius gave a sly smirk to Remus. I'm the only one who's got the book to separate them and they aren't getting freed anytime soon, he thought silently.
As the Marauders, Lily and Anna carried on chatting –besides Lily and James who bitterly argued— James became quieter, nervous and jumpy. He was oddly fiddling with the knives and forks and blatantly jerking.
"Are you okay?" Peter asked worriedly, watching James fidget with his fingers and tap them on the table.
"Umyeahfine," James replied shortly. The others gave him a distressed, puzzled look, as James carried on fidgeting.
"Evans? Have you finished your food yet?" he asked her speedily. He jerked more, bouncing slightly up and down.
Lily gave him a bewildered look. Okay, Potter's really freaking me out, she stated in her mind.
"No, Potter," she answered, just to spite him. "You'll just have to wait." She backed away from him slightly. Whatever he had she didn't want it.
"No, Evans. We have to go. Now. I need to talk to you. Alone. Now," James said in short, rushed sentences.
"Look, Potter, can't it wait, I'm still eating—" Lily started to say, but James had hastily tugged her arm and was towing her towards the exit of the Great Hall. "Potter! Potter, where are we going? POTTER!"
Remus, Peter and Anna watched them leave, each with bemused faces.
"Well...that was weird," Anna broke the silence of wondering.
"Yes. Yes, it was," Remus agreed, continuing to eat his bacon.
The three looked at Sirius who didn't look at all confused or freaked out in anyway. In truth, he was pleased and was eating Lily's left over cereal that she had somewhat discarded. Anna rolled her eyes at his ability to eat anything and everything.
Sirius noticed that they were staring at him strangely. "C'mon guys. You must know why James and Lily left in a hurry. It's totally obvious what they are up to." He said smiled cheekily at Anna.
"Whatever you're thinking Lily and James are up to, we are not going to do, Sirius, before you even suggest it," she stopped any presumptions.
"I wasn't thinking of that! But now you've suggested it, that'll be on my mind all day!" Sirius told her with a wink. Anna sighed with annoyance.
"What exactly do you think they are up to, Padfoot?" Peter asked, totally puzzled by the conversation.
"Don't be so naive, Wormtail! You saw how fidgety James was. He couldn't wait to get Lily out of here and gets his hands on her!" Anna looked at him with disgust. Sirius continued. "I bet 5 galleons that James and Lily are making out, right now."
"I bet 5 galleons they aren't," Peter told Sirius confidently.
"Gambling at this time of the morning?" Remus questioned.
"You not betting, Moony?"
"No thanks."
"This is one of the stupidest bets I've heard," Anna laughed. "How are you even going to know if Lily and James are making out anyways?"
"Aha! Peter and I will go follow them now." Sirius stood up and Peter followed in suit. "See you guys in class," he told Anna and Remus. He noticed he was leaving the two by themselves and whispered into Remus' ear, "Now's your chance Moony. I'm personally leaving Anna for you since you're my mate and everything. Go get her tiger!" He winked openly at him before leaving. Remus shook his head laughing at Sirius's antics and what he'd just said.
I better stop shaking my head, Remus thought, I've shook it so many times, I better stop before it falls off.
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"Potter! Can you please bloody tell me where we are going?" Lily shouted at him again. Finally James stopped dragging Lily when he spotted they were alone in a corridor. Luckily most of the pupils were away eating breakfast. Lily looked at him strangely as he caught back his breath.
"I needed to talk to you alone, Evans," he began in a serious tone. James was still bouncing slightly and jerking his legs.
Okay...he is really, really freaking me out, Lily thought, observing him.
"Alright, Potter. But first tell me what the hell is wrong with you. Are you on drugs or something?"
"No," he told her venomously. Lily tried not to laugh. "I'm trying to tell you now. I've got a problem..."
That doesn't sound good at all, Lily wondered.
"Oh God, Potter, what is it?" she asked uneasily.
"I need to..." James mumbled.
"Need to...? Need to what Potter? Come on, spit it out!"
"I need to," James started again. Lily looked at him, egging him on to speak. "I need to pee, Evans."
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Meanwhile, back at the great hall, Remus and Anna were talking.
"What was Sirius whispering about?" Anna asked which made him come out of his thoughts.
"Oh, nothing." Remus replied, sipping his pumpkin juice.
"So, why didn't you go off to join them then?" Anna asked curiously.
"Nah, I'm not the gambling type."
Anna laughed. "You don't seriously believe that Lily and James would be snogging right now in the closet or something?" she asked.
"Of course not, this is James and Lily we're talking about."
Anna nodded in agreement. "What exactly was wrong with James though? He was all on edge and bouncy."
"I honestly don't know," Remus spoke truthfully. "He was all fidgety wasn't he?" He laughed. "It was like he need the toilet or something."
In cooperation, they laughed, but stopped abruptly when they thought about what he'd just said.
"You don't think—" they said together. They thought in silence for a second, realisation coming to them. They looked at each other worriedly.
"Oh God..."
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Lily stared at James blankly, not fully comprehending what he'd just said.
"You need to what?" she sputtered.
"You heard me, Evans! I need to pee and I need to do it now," he told her hurriedly, jumping on the spot.
If her hand wasn't attached to his, she would be laughing at him, telling him how much of an idiot he looked right now – but, unfortunately, her hand was. "This is a joke right?" she questioned him, tittering. She was clearly in denial of the situation.
"Why the hell would I joke about this?"
Lily shook her head. "You can't be serious!"
"Stop with the shouting! C'mon, let's go." James was about to go in the direction of the boys bathroom, but Lily refused to move and stayed her ground.
"You don't seriously think I'm going with you to the toilet, Potter!" James looked at her in shock. "There is no way I'm going! You'll have to...hold it in," she suggested lamely.
"Hold it in!" he echoed indecorously. "I can't bloody hold it in any longer! Besides, you should be lucky I don't need to do the other thing right now." Lily squirmed. "And we could be stuck like this for days, even weeks!"
"Don't say that," Lily said, becoming more disgusted and depressed. James made in the direction of the boys bathroom again but Lily stopped him for the second time. James groaned in desperation.
"Look, there is no I'm going to go with you while you pee, okay? You'll just have to wet yourself."
James smirked, an idea coming to him.
"Do you want me to pee all over you, Evans?"
Lily gaped at him. "As I was saying..." She croaked. "Lead the way."
"That's more like it." James dragged her in the direction of the boys' bathroom.
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Oh God, oh God, oh God! I can't believe this is happening, Lily repeated in her head. She followed James down the many corridors of Hogwarts, her head looking down at her feet all the way.
"Just a little further...and we're here," James announced.
Lily looked up to see the door of the boys' bathroom standing before here.
"Oh no..." she said quietly. For some reason, she'd never been so scared to enter a toilet. James looked at her oddly. "Come on, Evans. You're wasting valuable peeing time." James was about to push the door when Lily held him back again. "What now? Can't you see I'm dying here!"
"I've changed my mind. I don't want to go in there," she revealed meekly.
James' mouth dropped open.
"What do you mean you've changed your mind? I'm the one peeing here!"
"I'm not going, Potter! It's a boys bathroom! Girls don't belong in there! It's a mystery to us girls..."
"What are you on about, Evans? A mystery? It's a bathroom which has toilets in it! There's no mystery! What do you expect to be in there! Hogsmede?" James suggested, "Another country?"
"Alright, alright, I'll go."
"Finally!" James pushed the door open and rushed inside. By now, he was bursting. He glanced at Lily and discovered she was shielding her eyes and trying to block her nose with her free arm and hand.
Is she afraid the boys' bathroom will blind her to death or something? James wondered.
"What are you doing?" James asked her. "You're going to bump into something and hurt yourself...what am I saying, you're putting your life in danger, carry on, Evans."
"Haha," Lily replied tonelessly. Coming to her senses, she took her free arm off her face. The minute she did, she cried in outburst.
"It smells like crap in here!" she declared, covering her nose again.
James rolled his eyes. "Well, people do that in this kind of room, Evans, it is a bathroom."
"Haha smart arse." Lily glanced around the bathroom. The girls' bathroom definitely looked nicer, and theirs smelled of lavender too. She hoped she wouldn't be coming in here again.
"So, Potter. How exactly is this going to work?"
James ran hand through his hair anxiously. "Well, I guess I'll just have to," he coughed purposely, uncomfortable explaining the situation, "well, um, do the usual routine of peeing with my one hand—"
"Okay, stop talking; please don't explain any more details to me. Just get on with it so we can get out of here."
"No peeking," James warned her. Lily scoffed. "No matter how much I know you'll be tempted to," he snidely remarked, giving her a wink as he walked up to a urinal.
"Just get on with it," Lily pressed, turning away in disgust as he unzipped his trousers and did his 'business'. Lily immediately heard the sound of liquid tinkling.
I can hear the sound of James Potter peeing! Peeing! This is the most disgusting moment of my life...Lily thought to herself as she used her free arm block one of her ears. The other one would be scarred for life.
The tinkling finally stopped and she heard the sound of the trousers being zipped, Lily sighed in relief that it was over.
"See, Evans. That wasn't so bad was it?" James told her as if she was a small child who'd just had an injection.
"I guess not..." Lily agreed. "Wash your hands for God's sake!"
James made his way to the sink and put his hand under the water. Unfortunately, not the hand Lily had been talking about.
"Not the hand that's attached to mine, dumbass!" she snapped, while James grinned slyly.
"I was joking! Lighten up, bloody hell." James noticed how uptight she was. "You should be glad this bathroom was empty—"
However, he was interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening, and just to their luck, it was a Slytherin. Even more to their luck, it was a snooty, blonde slytherin: Lucuis Malfoy. His piercing eyes spotted them immediately. James and Lily groaned in disgust at his appearance.
"Well well, what do we have here?" Malfoy said, keeping his distance by standing by the door, still holding it open. "The cocky Potter without his Marauder girls Black and Lupin. Ooo, and mudblood Evans, just to complete the revolting sight." James and Lily scowled at him.
"Revolting sight?" James gave Malfoy a dirty look. "Ever looked in the mirror Malfoy?"
He ignored his comment, and instead focused on Lily in the room.
"What the hell are you doing in here, mudblood?"
Lily gritted her teeth with anger. Obviously he missed the performance in the Great Hall, Lily thought, he hasn't spotted our hands yet.
"Don't call her that, Malfoy," James barked. Lily was surprised by how much anger he possessed in that sentence and how much he was sticking up for her. Malfoy ignored him.
"There's no way I'm stepping in here again, not after a mudblood's been here and infected the place."
Lily glared at him, she knew she should just ignore his remarks, but they still hurt.
"I said shut it, Malfoy."
"Potter—" Lily began, trying to calm him down. Malfoy suddenly spotted their holding hands and smirked.
"My, Potter, didn't know a mudblood had to hold your hand when you need to piss. I thought it would be a simple enough task to understand." He laughed arrogantly before shutting the door.
James wasn't going to let him get away with it that easily.
The instant Malfoy let the door shut, James sprinted across the bathroom, Lily dragged along in his wake. He was about to grab open the door and follow Malfoy when Lily's arm suddenly slammed the door shut, stopping James from opening it.
"Evans! What are you doing?" James looked at her heatedly. He tried to force open the door but Lily's hand forced it closed.
"You're not fighting!" Lily told him sternly. "Just leave the stuck-up git!"
"Why are you stopping me?" James couldn't understand why Lily was being like this. "Evans, you heard how much he slagged you off just now, more then he did about me. Calling you a mudblood like it's an every day term!"
"I know," Lily heaved a sigh. "He's so pretentious and arrogant." James snorted, as if to say he was a lot, lot more then that and she was letting him off extremely lightly. "Remember the last time you and Malfoy got into a fight? You were in the hospital wing for days."
"I only had a few cuts and bruises...and maybe a few broken bones. Malfoy was worse off though," he told her proudly.
Lily rolled her eyes at his ability to bee so arrogant and smug in any situation. "Yeah, I know, Potter, you boasted enough."
James smirked, and then thought back to what she'd said. "That was ages ago though. End of third year, I think. You still remember that?"
"Yeah," Lily answered quietly.
They stood in silence for a second.
"Malfoy had no right calling you that—"
"Potter, I know," Lily cut in, hinting for him to just leave it. "I'm just saying, while your hand is attached to mine, there's no way in hell you're gonna fight anyone, understand? I want to stay alive, thank you very much."
"What?" James was confused by her words. "Evans," he began softly, this tone of voice startling her. "You know I was just trying to protect you from that scumbag Malfoy. I'd never fight in a situation where you could get hurt or get you in danger at all. I was only joking before."
Lily looked at him awkwardly, slightly touched by his words, but also completely freaked out by them.
"Er...thanks, Potter. That's nice to know."
They looked at each other, peculiarly, before the bathroom door opened again. Unfortunately, James and Lily had been standing directly in front of it, so the door slammed open knocking them to the ground. And just to Lily's embarrassment, she landed inelegantly on top of James, her body practically straddling him. It would have been okay if it were a stranger who'd opened the door of the boys' bathroom - unfortunately it wasn't.
"Woohoo! I won 5 galleons!"
The couple's heads turned to see a gleeful Sirius jumping up and down shouting, and even doing his own victory dance, whilst a grouchy Peter turned out his pockets, handing him coins.
Once Sirius had finally calmed himself down, he coughed blatantly to the two who were still inappropriately positioned on the floor. James and Lily turned to each other, brightening red as tomatoes.
Lily quickly lifted herself off James and they both stood up, laughing to lighten the situation
Sirius raised his eyebrows at them. "I told you so, Wormtail," he nudged him with his elbow.
"What?" Lily and James asked in confusion.
"Never mind," Sirius replied again. "So...sorry for interrupting a moment."
"Padfoot, you weren't interrupting anything," James said uncomfortably, glancing at Lily who was also looking nervous.
"Yeah, sure," Sirius said, unconvinced. "So, Lily, you like it in top do ya?"
A smack was immediately followed on the back of his head by Lily, and James followed suit with the same.
"Ow..." Sirius mumbled. I only smack people on heads, not the other way round, he thought moodily.
"How did you win 5 galleons off Peter, Padfoot?" James asked, trying to avoid the subject of Lily and him in the previous awkward position. Sirius carried on as if the whole hitting him on the head thing hadn't happen.
"Tell him later, Padfoot. We've got to go. We're late to Potions already," Peter said.
"We've got potions first period! Oh great! This day gets better and better," James muttered sarcastically, as the four fifth years exited the bathroom, not before there was lingering gaze between Lily and James. They made their way to their potions class, unfortunately with the Slytherins...