Falling Away

Chapter Twelve: i'll have a blue christmas without you

A/N: Ga, thanks for pointing out the 'Mischa' in there, Lucie. I was trying to think up of names and Taylor was originally called Mischa. But then I thought of the Robert and Taylor thing and had to replace the 'Mischas' with Taylor. I must've missed that one.

Adam's out of the picture for now. Nothing extraordinarily interesting happens in this chapter but it's worth a read.

Uh, it's Christmas.

---

Even with the window open, she was unusually warm. A bead of sweat trickled down her forehead as she kicked her covers to the floor, taking gasping breaths. Her body may have been hot but her lips remained as cold as ice. Her eyelashes were stuck together, a result of her salty tears mixing with the mascara she had packed on before driving down to the airport to see Adam off. She smelled artificial cherry, the chapstick she had slicked on right before she turned off the light, though it didn't seem to make the room any darker.

Mia vaguely remembered the day she had gone off on that plane to France, to the university. She had felt so excited, so overwhelmed, sad that she would be leaving her family and friends. Lilly, Tina, Shameeka, Ling Su, and Boris, as well as her immediate family, had all waved her goodbye as she went off onto a plane ride that would ultimately change her life. Not the plane ride itself, but the people and happenings that would follow.

She shifted her head, the alarm clock's glare hurting her eyes. Six a.m. The moon and the stars kept the room well lit. Mia reluctantly rose from her bed and picked up her Walkman from her shiny oak desk. She slipped the headphones onto her ears and pressed Play. Michael's mellifluous instantly filled her ears, clouding her head. She lazily strolled back to bed, scratching her arm with her bitten nails. She pressed the forward button until it reached track five, her new favorite song by Mission for Recognition. All of the elements of the song were absolutely amazing, from the soft and then hard drumming to the opening riff to the song.

I'm breathing like I did before I knew you

I'm listening like I did before I heard your name

I close my eyes and I know that you're better off without me

But I think about you anyway

She bit her lip, pressing the Stop button. She basked in those words, the beautiful, simply breathtaking words that her first love had written. Mia took off the headphones, placing the CD player onto her nightstand. She closed her eyes for a few moments before doing what she did next. She turned on the lamp and walked over to her closet. She opened the doors and looked up at the top shelf, at the pink box hidden behind one of her stuffed bears. She pushed the bear aside, taking hold of the box. She closed the closet and walked over to her bed, sitting down.

She took a deep breath before opening the lid of the box. So, maybe she hadn't ripped all of her photos of her, Michael, and them together. Maybe, instead, she had kept every single one, stuffed in the pink box that had carried her six-month anniversary gift from Michael. The numerous photos filled two-thirds of the box. A CD shined up at her, the rainbow of colors dancing in the soft light.

She popped the Mission for Recognition CD out of her Walkman and put in the CD from the box. She waited to push Play, not sure if she was ready to hear. To finally listen. She fidgeted nervously before pushing the Play button. There were a few pauses and she felt like the tears she had cried before were coming back.

"Um…hi," The seventeen year old Michael said, a blender whirring in the background. "Hello. Um. Well. Mia. This is part of your six-month anniversary gift. Knowing me, I probably told you to wait until I left to listen to this. So, assuming I'm not here…well, I am here. But, I mean, the, uh, solid me, not the me-on-CD me, this is a CD I made. For, well, you. Wow. I must sound so stupid right now. Well, I hope you can forgive me. Back on topic. Here's a few songs that you might recognize and one that you might not. I hope you like them."

And Michael proceeded to begin playing "Tall Drink of Water," sounding exactly like he did the day he had first played the song on his acoustic guitar for her. Chills shot up her spine as he sang. His voice sounded so young, so inexperienced, compared to how he sounded now. Back when he was a teenager, Michael had been Mia's computer geek. The same person who could make her feel nervous at the shortest glance, smelling like soap and whipping up amazing songs in a minute's notice.

A few silent moments followed the end of the song. The biggest grin lit up Mia's face as the opening chords to "Princess of My Heart," played solely on the guitar, filled her ears. She felt weird. Just two hours before, she had been crying over Adam's departure. And now she was smiling as she began to reminiscence about Michael. Mia knew that she was no longer in love with Michael. She just missed him a little, that was all.

Princess of my heart

Oh I don't know where to start

Say I'll be your prince

'Til this lifetime ends.

Princess of my heart

I loved you from the start

Say you love me too

Over my heart you so rule

Mia giggled at the purely romantic, albeit naïve, lyrics. Michael and the rest of his band back then, Skinner Box, had all gotten detention right after Michael had sung that song for her during Gifted and Talented class. But, as he had later stated, it was all worth it. She picked up the box of photos and nearly cringed at the one on the top. It was of Michael standing in front of a pretzel stand just minutes before a stranger had passed by Mia, copping a feel. Michael had been so angry that he tackled the guy and nearly punched his face. The stranger had looked startled as Mia looked down at the scene in horror, her face flushed more brightly than the red shirt she had been wearing that day.

The day had ended all good and well for Michael of course. Instead of getting mad at him, Mia had planted him with kisses the second they walked into Michael's family's empty apartment. Mia had felt her cheeks grow even redder than they had in the park when she felt something poking up at her as she sat on Michael's lap as they kissed. She had immediately jumped off of his lap, looking surprised.

"What's wrong?" Michael had said in his soothing voice, a bemused look on his pale face. Then, he had looked down and had blushed even more deeply than Mia as he attempted to cover up his growing erection. Now that she thought about it, Mia didn't know what the big deal was. Not anymore, anyway. But she had been a fifteen-year-old girl, madly in love with an older guy.

"I-I'm sorry?" He had said nervously, taking deep breaths.

"N-No. It's okay!" Mia had said, her eyes downcast. "Maybe I should leave?"

"No! I mean, no. Don't leave," Michael said. "Please. It…won't happen again?" Mia had ended up staying for nearly an hour more, helping Michael make a lunch of vegetarian burgers, baked French fries, and strawberry banana smoothies. They sat out on the balcony, looking out at the city.

Mia shook the memory from her mind and picked up the next photo as "Princess of My Heart" was coming to a close. Her skin felt cool as she flipped through several pictures of her and Michael smiling as they sat backstage at one of Skinner Box's first gigs. She heard the Michael on the CD cough before speaking once again.

"So, this next song is one that you've never heard. Well, I'm pretty sure you've never heard it, unless you've been hiding under my bed or something." He paused. "You haven't been, have you?" Mia chuckled. "Well, anyway, it's called 'Inside a Raindrop.' I hope you like it."

Mia got off of her bed and walked to the window, Michael's voice singing almost timidly. Shimmering snowflakes hit her window without a sound. She closed her eyes, suddenly realizing that it was Christmas.

And Adam wasn't with her.

---

MISSION FOR RECOGNITION: MESSAGE BOARD

tour startz in 10 dayz

supasexylexxi:

omg! i cant believe that da tour startz in 10 DAYZ! their comin to az, where i live. Michael is so lyq hott! i cant wait to see him. he haz such a nice azz!!!!

Train Underwater:

I'm not even going to try to read what you said. I'm assuming that you said something about how the tour's starting and they're coming to Arizona. But, really, that's all I understood. Grammar is something you should treasure, kids. I am very excited for the tour to start, seeing as I have yet to see them. I'm happy that they're playing two dates in San Francisco. I'm seeing them those two dates and then I'm going to the Sacramento and Berkeley dates.

Darkest Roze:

I'm going to their first show at Raydan in New York. Then I'm flying out to Boston and maybe Philadelphia for their next two shows. It's going to be so rad. I haven't seen them since they played here in NY four months ago. I'm Mission for Recognition deprived!

number1mfrfan:

AHHH!! omgomg!! i'm seeing them at their fourth show in baltimore. i cannot wait!!! max rox my sox

michael.z:

Uh, thanks for all of your enthusiasm. We can't wait for our first show of the tour and we hope you all come out and support Mission for Recogniton!

Supasexylexxi:

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGZZZZ!!! MICHAEL F.UCKING Z REPLIED TO MY THREAD!! OMG!!!!!

---

"I'll have a blue Christmas without you," Max sang somewhat cheerfully as he hung mistletoe over the door leading to the penthouse's sitting area. "I'll be so blue thinking about you." Kristen rolled her eyes as she hung silver tinsel on the Christmas tree that had been sent over the previous night when they had all gotten back home from clubbing.

"So, who wants to put the star on the tree?" Shayne asked, looking through the rather large box of ornaments that her parents had sent over. "How about one of you Jewish kids?" She added to Michael and David, a smirk on her face. Michael looked up, not meeting her eyes. He couldn't quite forgive her for making out with a guy that so closely resembled the hook-nosed, greasy haired professor from Harry Potter.

"Go ahead, David," Michael said, nudging David, who sat beside him.

"Huh? Uh, I think I'm going to go call Jenna," David said, rising from the couch. "I just need to know if she's still coming at two." Jenna was David's girlfriend of nearly a year, with whom he was deeply in love with. It was early morning and by this point, Kristen felt cranky. It was Christmas morning and she hadn't even opened any of her presents from her family, friends, or bandmates yet.

"Why don't you put it on?" Michael said to Shayne, looking back down at the latest issue of Spin that featured the band. Them. His black coffee with three sugars and two creams slowly grew tepid as he avoided the article about his band. "Oh, look at that. Guess who's touring with Good Charlotte?" His voice dripped with mock praise.

"Would it be, by any chance, North Storm?" Max said, sounding disgusted as he sat down next to Michael, wanting to see the article. He grabbed the magazine from Michael and began reading the article. "Good Charlotte have recently announced that they will be touring with fellow Maryland natives, North Storm. The two bands will also be teaming up with Simple Plan and New Found Glory to create the mega tour of the winter and spring months. North Storm are known rivals of this month's cover artists, Mission for Recognition. If they were to battle in a bowl of vanilla ice cream and whipped cream, we have full faith that Mission for Recognition would kick North Storm's asses. Not that we're taking sides or anything."

"Hell yes we would!" Shayne exclaimed as she put the star on the eight foot tree, a small ladder helping her reach the top. "I could beat that Lorenda Hardwick's fucking ass any day. Whiny bitch." David soon entered the room, a confused look on his face. "What is all of this noise about?"

"North Storm is touring with Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, and New Found Glory," Kristen said.

"No shit?" David said.

"No shit," Michael said, stifling a laugh.

"How about we all go down to eat breakfast and then we can open up presents?" Max said.

"Sure. Jenna's coming at two, as scheduled," David said happily.

"Rad," Michael said. "Let's go."

---

Mia woke up Christmas morning with her headphones still on her head, Michael's CD on repeat. "In a Raindrop" was playing and she felt like a thousand weights had been resting on her head. She pressed Stop, slowly taking the headphones off of her head. She put her hands to her hair, her normally glossy blonde strands feeling like a complete mess. "Mia! Sweetie, are you awake yet?" Her mom called from outside the door.

"Yeah, Mom," Mia managed to call out, her gray eyes closed.

"Come out and eat some breakfast," Helen said. Mia heard her footsteps as she walked away, most likely heading toward the kitchen. Mia could only imagine the mounds of pancakes, eggs, and soy sausages waiting for her in the kitchen, along with a nice hot mug of chamomile tea. But the thought of food made her feel slightly nauseous. Maybe some tea would do her some good.

She reluctantly got out of bed, quickly dressing herself in a pair of well-worn jeans and a cotton knit top. She left her room and walked into the kitchen, where the smell of food overwhelmed her. "You were usually up so early to eat Christmas breakfast and open presents when you were younger," Helen said the second she saw her daughter. "And where is Adam? His room was empty." Mia felt tears spike in her eyes.

"Adam's gone, Mom," Mia murmured.

"Gone? What do you mean, gone?" Helen said, an eyebrow raised.

"He went back to Europe. His mother's sick. Sh-She might die," Mia managed to say.

Helen's mouth managed to gape open, her eyes concerned. "Oh, no. Really?" Helen said. Mia nodded her head, sitting down at the kitchen table. "Well, let me make you some tea. Okay, honey?" Mia nodded her head once again, cradling her face in her hands. Frank sat across from her, a concerned look on his face while Rocky sat gleefully, stuffing his face with bacon and eggs.

"I mean, I understand that his mother is sick and all…but why did he have to leave on Christmas?" Mia said, sounding somewhat frustrated. Helen walked back to Mia from the stove, where she had started heating up a kettle of water. "Well, honey, it's just how these things happen, I guess," Helen said soothingly. Mia knew that her mother was trying to be helpful but it really wasn't working.

"Plus, he'll be back soon, won't he?" Helen said. "Maybe you can spend New Year's together?"

"Yeah. Maybe."

---

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mia."

"…Lilly?"

"I'm having a New Year's Eve…soiree and was just wondering if you'd want to come. It starts at nine at this club that I rented out for the night. It's a free bar and all so you don't have to worry about bringing any cash. So. Do you want to come?"

"Um…"

"Yes or no? I'm making the guest list right now."

"Sure."

"Okay then."

"Lilly."

"What?"

"I'm sorry about what happened. I mean, I really missed you all when I was gone. I know I should've called more often but—"

"It's okay."

"Really?"

"Really. Oh, and bring Adam along."

"Adam? I, uh…he's not here anymore."

"What do you mean? He went back to Europe or what?"

(softly) "Y-Yeah. His mother's sick."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

"Well, bring anyone you want. The whole, well, gang's going to be there. Tina, Boris, Shameeka, Ling Su, Michael…"

"M-Michael?"

"Yeah. He just doesn't know it yet. Well, the party is at a club in downtown Manhattan called Jabberjaw…Remember. It starts at nine but you can come anytime before midnight, after nine. See you then, I guess."

"Yeah. Okay."

"Well, bye."

"I missed you, Lilly."

"I missed you too, Mia."

"Oh, and Lilly?"

"Yes?"

"Merry Christmas. Happy late-Hanukkah."

"Haha, thanks. Merry Christmas."

"Bye."

"Bye."

---

The Journal of Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo

It's Christmas and Adam's gone. Mom gave me a painting that she started two years ago. She says that it started out as a painting for one of the local museums but the longer she painted, she realized how the painting reminded her of me. It's of a cat that looks a lot like Fat Louie in some sort of garden. Flowers are all around the cat and the sun's bright, shining down. The cat's pose is kind of odd, I thought. It's lying out with its limbs stretched out. One of the cat's eyes is closed while the other is wide open. There are several trees around the cat, their leaves big and beautiful. It's a gorgeous, though unusual painting.

Frank gave me a $100 gift card for Borders. Not the most personal of gifts but he knows how much I love to read and listen to music, so it's the perfect gift. Rocky gave me a little clay bowl that he made himself at school. He painted it bright blue and purple with the words "I love you" on it. It's really great.

I gave Mom a set of new paint brushes; her sable ones are wearing down. I also gave her a wide drawing book with the finest paper. She seemed to really like it. I gave Frank a set of all of Dan Brown's books, all autographed. Frank is a really big fan of his and hugged me so hard and wouldn't let go when he saw what I had gotten him. I gave Rocky a set of Hot Wheels toy cars and an art kit complete with pastels, paints, colored pencils, and all of that kind of stuff. He may follow in the footsteps of my mom.

I miss so many people right now, even people that I'm not necessarily supposed to miss. The person I miss most right now, of course, is Adam. He's on a plane to Europe right about now and I'm starting to think that maybe I should've gone back with him. I don't know how long he'll be gone but I hope he comes back soon, preferably before Valentine's Day. I don't think I could bear spending Christmas, New Year's, and Valentine's Day without him. The promise ring he gave me for Christmas is one of the best presents I've ever gotten from a boyfriend. But, then again, I've only had about five boyfriends ever since my first, Kenny Showalter.

What ever happened to Kenny anyway? He just sort of disappeared after we all graduated from high school. Last I heard, and this was two years ago, he had gotten engaged to this girl that used to be in our biology class, freshman year at AEHS. The same girl that I had seen him kissing two weeks after I got back from Genovia after winter break, freshman year.

I miss all of my old high school friends—Lilly, Tina, Shameeka, Ling Su, Boris…I wish Tina and I could've talked more when I saw her two weeks ago. Lilly…well, I'll be seeing her on New Year's Eve. I wonder how the party will be. I saw Shameeka last year in Italy when I went to a fashion show she was modeling in. She looked as gorgeous as ever. Ling Su…oh, her paintings are beautiful. One of her exhibits was set up in France. One day, Adam started talking about how he had heard of this really amazing artist who was only twenty. He said that her paintings were some of the best he had ever seen. I didn't realize that he was talking about Ling Su until we actually went to the exhibit and her name was plastered on the entrance. Her paintings really seem to capture the innocence and exuberance of youth.

Okay. I admit it. The person I miss most, after Adam, is Michael Moscovitz. He was my first love, after all. I used to view him as some sort of god, believe it or not. Michael always seemed so perfect, despite his certain nerdlike traits. He was unbelievably handsome with his dark hair and eyes. He was taller than me, which was a plus. Michael was intelligent in so many ways and he was perfectly sarcastic and witty. I loved him more than anyone else. And he broke up with me. To this day, I still don't know why he did that. We were so happy together. I know we were. He just called me, broke up with me over the phone and we never talked after that. Until three weeks ago.

Seeing him that night at Penguin, my first night back in New York, brought back so many memories. I remembered the first time we kissed in front of my door while snow fell from the dark sky, his lips on mine. He kept his arms around me, as to protect me from the cold, from harm. I felt so safe at that moment, like nothing bad could ever happen.

I probably miss him more than I should.

---

"A vibrator? You shouldn't have!" Shayne said, holding a black nine-inch vibrator up in the air, a present from Max. "But really. You shouldn't have. If I wanted to fuck, I'd get a real guy. Not some plastic toy." Max rolled his eyes, a smile on his face. He said, "Oh, well, I know you're not getting any from Michael so I thought that Mr. Friendly could, you know, help out a little." He gave Shayne a knowing smile. The heat rose slightly in Michael's cheeks. Shayne flipped Max the bird.

"Open mine now!" Kristen said to Shayne, holding out a box wrapped in metallic pink wrapping paper, tied up with a black ribbon. Shayne carefully opened the wrapping paper, a technique she had learned as a child when she had wanted to start collect wrapping paper. She had been a truly odd child.

"You guys really want me to have sex, don't you?" Shayne said, rolling her eyes as she looked down at what Kristen had given her: three boxes of condoms in three different sizes, two dildos, unflavored and flavored lubrication, and edible underwear. "God, Kristen, get a hold of yourself." She took hold of David's gift and unwrapped it quite roughly, impatient. Max, Kristen, and David had already opened their presents. Though Jewish, David and Michael chose to participate in the gift part of the Christian holiday.

"David! You rule," Shayne said. He had bought her all seven of the Harry Potter books, a witch's hat, and a set of bookmarks. He was always truly the most sensible of the bunch. She threw her arms around him, hugging him tight. Michael watched this scene, gulping down coffee.

"No problem," David said, shrugging his shoulders. "I know how much you love that Draco Malfoy and his, erm, 'supremely sexy slicked hair.'"

"And now, Michael's gift," Shayne said, with more enthusiasm than she had for the others. She opened peered inside of the blue bag that held the gift. Taking out the tissue paper, Shayne reached into the bag for her gift. "A poster of Alan Rickman?"

"An autographed poster of Alan Rickman," Michael said smoothly. "I know how much you dig guys with dark greasy hair and big noses. There's more, anyway."

Shayne looked back into the bag to see a box of chocolates, a box of condoms for not well-endowed men, a Milli Vanilli CD, and Pocahantas on tape. "Um. Thanks," Shayne said, looking confused.

"Well, Michael, time for your presents," Kristen said, trying not to laugh. "Here's mine." She handed him a medium-sized box wrapped in silver paper. He quickly opened the present.

"Girls Gone Wild? That's shit," Michael said, a smirk on his face. "Oh, fuck no!" Kristen smiled.

"Gay porn. Wow. Michael, I didn't know you swung that way," Max said, mock surprise on his face.

"We're truly a horny bunch, aren't we?" David said, his head tilted.

"Definitely. And you bought me a subscription to Playboy. Well, that…that is just dandy," Michael said, a sarcastically cheerful look on his face.

"Mine now," Shayne said, shoving a bag in front of his face.

"A shirt that says 'I'm Rick James, bitch!' and another shirt that says 'TAXI.' Wow," Michael said. "And this TAXI shirt smells kind of…ripe?"

"Well, hey, that TAXI shirt once belonged to Carmine," Shayne said. Michael immediately dropped the shirt from his grasp. "Did you steal his shirt or something?" Michael questioned, a suspicious look on her face.

"No. I asked him for it in exchange for your 'I Eat Bananas' shirt," Shayne said in a carefree voice. "He happily obliged."

"I knew that I didn't lose that shirt!" Michael said in a slightly triumphant voice.

"Dude. Get over it," Max said, speaking of his interrogation of each of the member's of the group in the search of his shirt that pictured one banana eating another banana while a group of bananas watched.

The best present he got for Christmas was easily the one he had received from, of all people, Lilly. He had been surprised at what she had sent him, though not in a bad way.

It had been a picture of an eighteen-year-old him and all of Lilly's friends: Tina, Ling Su, Boris, Shameeka. And it had also featured all of Michael's friends from the Computer Club and his fellow Skinner Box bandmates. In the center of this group of people were Michael and Mia, their eyes on each other instead of the camera.