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Chapter 10: Perverts and gaping

The night Lily slept in the common room next to James was the night she surprisingly had one of the most undisturbed and peaceful snoozes she'd ever experienced in Hogwarts. James was in the same situation; after Lily had reduced his pounding headache, he'd never had a better night's sleep.

Lily opened her eyes and awoke in a good mood, for once. She thought after waking up yesterday, finding her hand attached to James'. Nothing else could surely shock her. She found herself out of her sleeping bag, which was oddly strange, and something holding her waist. Her head was resting on a comfy pillow. But for some reason, the pillow was rising and falling.

Since when did pillows rise and fall? Lily wondered. She yawned and forced her eyes open.

Meanwhile, James also blinked his eyes open, pleasantly happy from his great sleep. He recognised that his arm was wrapped around something. As well as this, he felt pressure on his stomach. That was definitely not a good sign. With his eyes still shut, he dreadfully felt around the 'thing' he had his arm around.

Something smooth...is that a hole? James rubbed his hand over the surface.

Lily realised it wasn't a pillow her head was resting on: it was James Potter's stomach.

James opened his eyes and instantly stopped rubbing his hand, realising that the 'hole' was a belly button belonging to Lily Evans.

They both froze in shock, oblivious on what to do next. Both were unaware that the other was awake.

Oh no, this is not happening! Uum, I'll just slide my head off his chest and hope he's still asleep, Lily thought hurriedly. James was also doing some fast thinking.

Crap! James cursed in his mind. I've just been feeling up Evans while she's been sleeping! I hope she's not awake...

Lily slowly lifted her head from his chest whilst James steadily lifted his arm off Lily's waist.

"Bugger," James and Lily whispered in unison.

Because of their sudden movements, they both immediately realised the other was not sleeping at all. They jumped away from each other in horror, as far away as possible - at least, as possible it is when your hands are stuck together. Still lying on the common room, they looked at the fireplace, avoiding each others gaze.

"Okay...that was strange," James stated in a high tone, as he messed up his hair that stood up so much it looked like he'd been struck by lightning.

"Yep," Lily agreed. She was thoroughly disturbed by the fact that her head had been resting peacefully on James' naked stomach. "Uh, what time is it?" she asked, trying to avoid any more talk on what positions they'd woken up to.

"Ten o'clock," James replied worriedly. Lily groaned.

Great, I wonder how many people saw us in that position...Lily thought bitterly, most of Gryffindor House must have passed them on the way to breakfast.

"You know, it was probably Sirius."

"What?" Lily said confusedly.

"Sirius. Him and the others probably went to breakfast earlier, and then he put us in those positions," James concluded. "For a joke, yeah, a prank! Ha ha. He's hilarious..." he trailed off, laughing forcefully out loud. Lily joined in their false amusement as they planted on fake grins and laughed merrily. They gradually stopped when they both started violently coughing because of their forced laughing. Once they both recovered, they relaxed a little.

"So...want to go get breakfast now?" James asked.

"Sure." Lily watched him as he muttered a spell which changed his red boxer shorts to muggle clothes of black jeans and a blue jumper. It was a Saturday, much to James and Lily's relief. They wouldn't have to endure classes surrounded by people gossiping about them. James was about to exit the common room through the painting when Lily coughed blatantly.

"What?"

"My clothes Potter. Can you change them?" Lily asked as nicely as possible; which wasn't nice at all, more of a command.

"God, I'm like your bloody slave," James complained. He flicked his wand which changed her attire. He grinned at the result.

Lily shrieked as she covered her bare legs and revealing chest. "I look like a tramp!" she yelled angrily, as she looked at her new clothes. She was wearing an astonishingly short jeans mini skirt; the shortness of it was definitely not exaggerated. She also was sporting a strapless top; the colour was a nice blue, the problem was that the size of it was incredibly small and tight, making her chest stick out. It was also suffocating her. She was suddenly aware of something that was painfully riding her up her arse. She gasped in terror when she comprehended that she was wearing a thong. Thongs were a big difference to her comfortable, flowery big knickers she wore normally. James Potter had put her in a thong. He would die.

Maybe changing her clothes to that wasn't a good idea; James thought regrettably while he stared at Lily, getting surprisingly turned on - something he'd never thought he'd do around the red head.

Lily noticed his eyes all over her. "You pervert! Change my clothes, right now!" she ordered, reddening with humiliation.

James smirked back at her wickedly, "Nope."

"What?" she hissed, not fully comprehending what he'd just said. James Potter was extremely brave.

"I said, no. You'll wear that, or nothing," James dared her. He was not going to change his mind.

Lily cried out in anger and frustration.

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Five minutes later, they were on their way to the Great Hall - this time without the rest of the marauders company and the invisibility cloak. The cloak idea had been a disaster before, only making things worst. However, Lily wished she'd have practically anything covering her now. She was fuming with anger.

The plan had backfired on James. He had not planned to get uncomfortably tight around the crotch area at the sight of Lily. He wanted to change Lily's clothes to something that would thoroughly embarrass her and make every point at her and laugh. On the other hand, Lily was getting very different reactions.

"Hey, Lily, you're looking hot!" A fellow fifth year growled, making a cheeky wink at her. Lily blushed furiously, trying to cover so much of her exposing skin. She shrieked when another sixth year guy pinched her bottom. Another wolf whistle was made in her direction as she passed. She had received so many wolf whistles on the walk to the great hall she'd lost count.

James had made count. It was 28, and he's also made 28 glaring, furious stares at those particular guys who had been eyeing her up. They halted, noticing James' anger.

Wait, I'm angry at them? Why? I shouldn't bloody care! James thought furiously, as he kicked a small first year in backside as he'd been crawling behind them, trying to look up Lily's skirt.

They're all perverts...Lily concluded in disgust. She was about to ask James why he kept staring at her and why he was in such a bad mood after he thought it was so hilarious earlier to dress her up to look like a prostitute. However, a person she was definitely not looking forward to seeing at anytime of the day –especially at the particular moment— had greeted them as they turned a corner.

"Lily Evans," the brunette greeted her, not exactly in a friendly manner.

Why is the world against me? she wondered

She faced her enemy, Isabel, with a fake smile. She would not give her the satisfaction of looking annoyed at her appearance. Isabel was a Hufflepuff. They were known to be welcoming, friendly and polite.

Isabel was the complete opposite.

She had the distasteful characteristics of a Slytherin. She was undeniably beautifu,l but incredibly selfish. She'd even sell her own mother if it was a chance for fame and popularity. James looked wearily between the girls.

This'll probably get ugly, he predicted.

"Isabel. Pleasure to see you as always," Lily replied in a dry tone.

"Stop with the sarcasm, Lily. It doesn't work for you," Isabel stated. Her eyes travelled up and down at Lily's clothes. Lily prepared herself for the snide comment that would obviously come. "What are you wearing? I suppose that's what all the mudblood's are wearing now these days?"

Lily made a breath of anger: Isabel had not caught her on a good morning. She'd already embrassed by James, and being called a 'mudblood' again in two days was not good news to her ears.

"I am so bloody sick of everyone calling me a mudblood! It's like everyone's christened me that now. You're barely half blood! You're such a hypocrite!"

Isabel stared back at her, not at all affected by her shouting.

"So what Evans, I'm more of a witch then you'll ever be."

Lily was about to shout back at her when James intervened.

"Just back off, Isabel," he warned her.

Isabel raised her eyebrows in shock of the order. He wasn't exactly on friendly terms with Isabel. She was a cold girl, but a good looking one. They'd occasionally flirted in boredom. He'd remembered having a week relationship with her in his fourth year. She'd cheated on him, funnily enough, with Sirius. James wasn't exactly bothered by this; he'd actually been relieved that he had a reason to dump her. He'd learnt his lesson that looks wasn't everything in a girl.

"Wow, James Potter standing up for a mudblood. That's something I thought I'd never see. What happened to you, James?" Isabel asked him, as if he had suddenly turned into something revolting and unworthy of her sight. "Your boyfriend is fighting your battles for you now? He's there to hold your hand, Evans. You can't defend yourself since you've got a bodyguard now, then?"

"He's not my boyfriend or my bodyguard, and I suggest your shut mouth." James felt Lily's hand dig into his. James was about to mention this but decided against it.

"Make me Evans," Isabel dared. "Don't you get your little, red head angry now; you might squeeze James' hand off—"

"That is it!" Lily pounced, ready to scratch her eyes out like an irritated bowtruckle. But, to Lily's utter annoyance, she was held back yet again.

"What is everyone's obsession with holding me back? Let me fight! Damn you!" Lily cursed as James held her by the waist. She wailed her arms and legs out - not too much considering what she was wearing and what was on show. James struggled as Lily punched and kicked with all her might to get out of his grasp.

"Evans: don't. She's not worth it."

She ignored him, that was an over-used line everyone said to somebody to stop them causing pain. Lily was too pissed off to contemplate on letting Isabel live.

Isabel watched the two with distaste. "You're pathetic, Evans," she spat. She swiftly got out her wand and pointied it at Lily, before shouting: "Furnunculus!"

Lily cowered in fear whilst in James' hold. She had definitely not been prepared or even expected Isabel to cast a spell at her, especially since she had absolutely no protection because her wand hand was attached to James'. No wand meant: no defence. Lily was hopelessly unmatched. She gasped in realisation in what was to come.

"Protego!" James' voice boomed out loudly as he used his wand to block the spell.

The spell immediately backfired and hit Isabel back in the face. She fell to her knees, shrieking. Nasty, foul boils suddenly spurted across her face, slowly covering her whole body. She cried in disgust. She had never experienced ugliness before.

"Arghh! No!" Isabel tried to cover her face and stop the boils erupting. James looked at her with repulsion.

"Wow. I know you were a bitch, Isabel, but I didn't know you fought dirty too," James said icily, "You're a bloody cheat."

She looked up at him, gaping. No one had ever talked to her like that.

James glared at her. "You knew perfectly well that Evans is a completely helpless without her wand, and you attack her with a spell knowing that! You make me sick. You've got no right to even be a witch."

Isabel stumbled to her knees. She made a nasty look at the duo before pushing past them roughly, crying as she ran to the Hospital Wing. James turned to Lily who had angrily started talking, not stopping for a breath.

"I hate her! I swear, if someone calls me a mudblood one more time I'm gonna—"

"Evans, stop talking and breathe," James cut in, looking at her worriedly. For once, Lily took his advice and sighed with frustration. "Are you okay?" he asked with a tone of concern. Lily returned with a look of affront. James flinched; obviously that wasn't the right question to ask her at the moment.

"Am I okay? Oh I'm just bloody fine and dandy! More people trying to attack me and treat me like crap, calling me names..."

James looked at her with pity. "She's just a bitch, just forget about her."

Forgetting Isabel exits is extremely hard, especially now with those boils all over her, Lily thought. Her mind wandered to what James had done for her.

"Why did you do that?" she asked James. "I could have handled it myself. I don't need you sticking up for me."

James chuckled to some extent. "You really are stubborn when it comes to asking for help." Lily was too stubborn to even admit that. "You were unprotected and completely helpless against her attack."

"I can handle myself. I don't need you to protect me: I'm not a baby," Lily argued. She hated being treated like a small child; she already got treated like that at home by her horse-faced sister and parents. "Why would you want to help me anyway?" she asked in bewilderment. James could not fully believe she was even asking him that question.

"Evans, we may constantly shout and argue but we have to be at least civilised towards each other. I'm not going to stand back and watch you get hurt –or in this case, suddenly have boils pop out of your face— while our hands are stuck. Your erupting spotty face wouldn't be a pretty sight to walk around with." Lily hit him lightly in the stomach; he didn't deserve a full hit because he did mean well. "Besides, you stopped me fighting Malfoy, so, I thought I'd return the favour."

Lily looked at him suspiciously. His kindness shocked her. James expected to carry on walking to the great hall; however, Lily had stopped him, calling his name. His first name.

"Um...James?"

He stopped dead.

"What? What did you just call me?"

"Well, that is your first name, isn't it, Potter?"

"Okay, go back to being nicer and calling me James again."

Lily sighed. "I'm trying to have a civilised conversation with you, so shut it," she warned him. James obediently quietened. "I just want to say...thanks." She ended with a lame shrug.

James nodded in reply, too shocked to say anything. He was unaware that his mouth was slightly hanging out. Lily hoped it was because he was surprised by her calling him by his first name, not by drooling because of her clothes. "Considering you just saved me from a nasty furnunculus spell, you kind of deserve to be called by your first name," she concluded.

There was silence and Lily looked at her feet.

"Wow, Lily," James paused; it was strange to call Lily by her first name, but it somehow felt natural to him. "You surprise me everyday, you know that—"

"Don't ruin the moment."

"Sorry," James quickly apologized. They figured this was the end of the conversation, so they both started walking again to the Great Hall for breakfast. Lily liked the silence, but was interrupted in her pondering.

"So, Lily..." James said casually. "Now we're kinda friends now; companions, pals, buddies," he carried on listing. "Chums, comrades, play-mates—"

"Definitely no to the 'play-mates'," Lily cut in. "Yes to the 'kinda friends'. Er…please get to the point."

"Well, friends call each other a nickname…"

I do not like the sound of this, Lily thought tiredly. Being friends with James Potter may be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

"So, I was thinking, you could call me 'Devilishly handsome stag', or 'Quidditch hunk', and I could call you 'Lilyflower', or my personal favourite, 'Lady in Red'—"

"Don't push it, Potter."

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James and Lily finally made it to the Great Hall, both in happy, cheerful moods.

I am not in a better mood because of the conversation with James, Lily told herself. I'm just happy because...because I saw Isabel's hideous face covered in boils! That's why!...The boils which James put on her, that was really...sweet and brave of him...Bugger! What's happening to me?

Wow, Lily and I, friends...James glanced at Lily who seemed to be arguing with herself, muttering. I could get used to this…

They both walked into the hall of students eating, eyes on them again, but more specifically on Lily. More wolf whistles and loud calls were heard.

"I'd marry your dog just to get in the family!"

"Would you touch me so I can tell my friends that I've been touched by an angel?"

"Your lips look so lonely. Would they like to meet mine?"

"That's a nice outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my floor!"

"You must be a thief, because you stole my heart from across the room!"

"Put a sock in it, you perverted freaks!" Lily shouted at them. The hall went silent. There was a forced cough from the teacher's table. Professor Dumbledore was looking at her, raising his eyebrows warily.

"Sorry, Professor," Lily apologized.

The two made their way to the Gryffindor table where there was a space next to the remaining marauders and Anna.

"Hey guys," Lily sat down next to Anna, and James joined her as they sat opposite the boys. She picked up a slice of toast and ate it silently.

The others gaped at her.

Sirius, for some odd reason, had a large splat of strawberry jam on his cheek. He was repeatedly trying to put the slice of toast with strawberry jam in his mouth, but kept missing so was hitting his cheek instead. He didn't seem to notice whilst he was staring at Lily.

Peter had put a big mouthful of cereal and milk in his mouth at the sight of Lily. The milk was now dribbling down his chin and bits of soggy cereal were falling from his mouth.

Remus was less of an embarrassment. He didn't try to eat, knowing if he did then he'd be in the same situation as Sirius and Peter - he instead settled for swallowing continuously and rubbing his eyes.

"Um...you look—" Anna began hesitantly.

"Hot," Sirius whispered in awe.

"Well, one word came to mind...it definitely wasn't that one," Anna added.

"Blame him," Lily pointed to the smirking James, "on my new wardrobe."

Sirius clapped James on the back, giving him the thumbs up.

"Be a best friend and change my clothes?" Lily pleaded to Anna.

"Sure, later," Anna replied, continuing with her breakfast.

Lily frowned at her. "Why not now?" she queried.

"Because I want to see how much strawberry jam will fit on Sirius' cheek."

Sirius looked at her oddly, and then rubbed his cheek and realised there was more strawberry jam on his face then on his toast. He laughed nervously.

"Seriously Lily, you have got to change your clothes," Remus told her with discomfort.

She narrowed his eyebrows at him. "Not you too, Remus, I don't understand why every guy is turned on by these clothes!"

"Maybe at the fact that the clothes don't consist of much material..."

"I second that!" Sirius agreed.

Lily rolled her eyes. She tried reaching for another slice of toast, but couldn't. "James, could you pass a slice of toast with marmalade?"

"Sure Lily."

Sirius immediately spurted out the pumpkin juice that'd been drinking at the mention of Lily and James calling each other by their first names. His mouth dropped open, but was startled by an annoyed grunt that was coming from in front of him.

Unfortunately, he'd spat out the pumpkin juice at Anna. It seemed as if Sirius, Anna, and any kind of liquid, did not mix at all. A drenched Anna, grabbed a goblet of pumpkin juice in front of her, and retaliated by chucking it in his face. They looked at each other –wet and annoyed— before muttering the spell 'evanesco' to their faces, making the juice disappear.

They focused back on the fixation that had made Sirius spit out his juice in the first place.

"Since when did you call each other by your first names?" Peter asked.

Lily looked at him with disgust. He still had not wiped the milk that was dripping down his chin and he had spoken with his soggy cereal mixing around his mouth open wide.

"Since this morning," James handed the toast to Lily.

"You've reached the first name basis! Next you'll be married, then having kids—" Sirius began excitedly.

"Shut up, Sirius," Lily barked.

"Wow, Lily! You're calling me by the first name too?"

"As long as you don't start going on about nicknames," Lily looked at James who chuckled.

Sirius was disappointed. "Aaaaw. But I thought of a great nickname for you! Evans the angel...from...the heavens?" He made up. He was impressed with himself. The others, however, were not.

"Right...anyway," Remus tried to change the subject, "what happened this morning?"

"We had an encounter with Isabel," Lily revealed grimly.

The whole group groaned with distaste.

"That bitch," Anna spat. Isabel wasn't exactly a likeable person.

"She tried to attack Lily when she couldn't defend herself," James explained.

"She what?" Anna exploded. "Ooo, she is so on my list of arse kicking!"

Remus looked at her curiously. "Is there a long list?"

Anna tapped her nose in reply.

"Hey, you still have to kick Amber's arse anyway," Sirius reminded her of the threatening in the common room yesterday.

Anna smiled widely, "Already taken care of."

Lily looked at her in amazement, "How?"

Anna paused, holding up her three fingers. The others looked at her in bewilderment.

"It's a countdown, you twats."

The group made a sound of an understanding 'Oooh'.

"Three...two...one," Anna said, taking a finger down at each number.

There was a sudden scream and gasps heard from the end of the Gryffindor table. Students stood up to get a better look as a girl was shrieking clutching her head.

Wait, is that even a girl? Sirius wondered.

Indeed, it was hard to tell. They reckoned it was a girl, considering the high pitched scream she made, although James had also made that scream before.

The reason it was hard to tell was because the girl was bald. She was touching her head, screaming. The group finally realised that the girl was Amber. She no longer had blonde hair; in fact, she no longer had any hair. The group stared at Anna in awe, when people were on her 'list', they seriously got buggered.

Amber ran out, muttering something about how she shouldn't have brushed her hair so much, causing her the baldness.

"You scare me, Anna," Sirius stated.

"It's not permanent, I'm not that mean," she replied effortlessly, munching on her plate of eggs.

"How long does it last?" Lily asked.

"Two weeks."

The marauders looked at her in admiration. If she wasn't a girl, they would have most definitely asked her to join their gang.

The group finally finished breakfast, everyone fully filled and ready for their Saturday of relaxing.

"Today's going to be great. No classes, pure bliss, just lazing around," James said with delight.

"That's what you guys do best," Lily commented. James looked at her with affront. "Sorry - just had to say it..."

Sirius looked at James oddly. "What are you talking about? We've got long hours of quidditch practice today, remember?"

James looked at him blankly.

"CRAP!" he cursed. He started thumping his head on the table repeatedly. His mood turned from happy to being thoroughly depressed. He'd never, ever, missed quidditch; until now, of course - unless he dragged Lily on the broom with him. Somehow, he thought allowing two people on a broom at once were against the rules. He also had an inkling at that Lily would deniably refuse any part of her going on a broom with him.

"What's the big deal?" Lily never had a passion for quidditch, unlike Anna, who was crazy about it. The group gasped at the red head's comment.

"There's the Gryffindor match against the slimy Slytherins tomorrow," Peter explained.

"I'm gonna miss it!" James spoke in devastation; Sirius patted him on the back in pity. James suddenly froze, his eyes widening. "Oh God...Jonathan's gonna kill me!" he realised. He started wondering of places where he could hide. Possibly under the table? Under Lily's skirt? No, that would definitely not work considering the length of it.

"Jonathan?" Lily repeated.

"Quidditch captain," Sirius explained. "Oh Prongs, he's not going to be happy about you not being able to play."

"C'mon, surely he'll understand?" Lily laughed at the absurdity.

James scoffed at her. "Last time a player said he was ill, and I'm talking green slimy skin and made 'ribbit' noises and coughing and spitting everywhere." James squirmed, remembering the scene.

"Ughh," Lily shuddered, "How come?"

"Something about a bad reaction to a toad shaped peppermint cream," Sirius said vaguely, "Anyway; Jonathan forced him to go to practice and play the final match in front of the school, looking like some sort of toad. He was puking everywhere, including on the players and crowds of people watching."

"Nice..." Lily thanked herself for finishing her breakfast after they'd told her the story.

"Well, that's a sign of dedication for you," Anna added.

"More like a sign of madness," Remus said.

Their attention was met to a tall, blonde haired seventh year who had charged through the Great Hall. He searched around until his eyes landed on James and Sirius.

"Bollocks!" James cursed as he lowered in his seat.

Jonathan frog-marched towards them, and James tried to hide behind Lily.

"Black, Potter!" Jonathan barked, his hands landing on each of their shoulders.

He smiled widely. His smile did not calm them.

"There's a quidditch meeting by the lake in five minutes," Jonathan said. He was a firm and harsh captain, but still a good one. Maybe a little crazy and scary, but having him as captain had made Gryffindor win the quidditch cup for two years running. "Be there, or be prepared to get your arses kicked," he threatened.

James cowered and laughed nervously.

"Ta-ta!" Jonathan exited.

"I'm totally screwed..." James carried on with repeatedly slamming his head on the table.

Nobody stopped him.