Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 12

"NIFFLERS!" Sirius yelled. He whimpered and ran behind a thoroughly confused Remus, who was still in shock at the word Sirius had just shouted. The fifth years had definitely not expected to see two nifflers standing before them. Sirius' scream had made them expect some kind of ferocious, monstrous beast; a chimera or even a three headed dog. Most definitely not two harmless nifflers.

"NIFFLERS! NIFFLERS!" Sirius repeated loudly, each time with the same amount of fear. "NIFFLERS! NIFFLERS! NIFF-"

"Padfoot, we're not blind. Although we may be deaf if you keep continuing shouting something we can already see," Remus pointed out. He looked at Sirius oddly as he peeked behind his shoulder, eyeing the creatures. Lily made a squeal of delight at the nifflers appearance, bent down to her knees and approached the black furred animals.

"They are so cute!" she cooed as the nifflers friendly licked her hand. She stroked their soft black fur; they seemed a lot friendlier with Lily then they'd ever been with Sirius. Sirius took this mental note and found himself annoyed. Strangely, James equally smiled in joy at the two nifflers and bent down as Lily had done.

"They are so adorable!" James petted the creatures and his voice sounding oddly like a girl. Sirius and Remus gave him a puzzled look.

"Um, I mean-" James fumbled, suddenly lowering his voice deeply and 'manly', too deeply he grunted in pain. "I mean…they're alright." He avoided eye contact and tried to act as if he didn't care, and if he hadn't just spoken so similarly to Lily's high and joyful tone.

"They felt me up!" Sirius said as he glared at the nifflers. They looked up at him, their eyes shining with innocence.

"Sure, Sirius. The nifflers grouped you in the dark," Lily mocked. "How on earth did two nifflers get down here?" she asked aloud.

"I ask you Lily, how on earth did the nifflers escape into the forest in the first place? How on earth did our hands get stuck? How on earth-"

"Don't answer my question with more questions, James."

"Sorry."

James and Lily turned around to face a wary Sirius, still standing slightly behind a bemused Remus. They both burst out laughing as they saw his hands cupped protectively over his 'manhood'.

"What? I'm not taking any chances!" Sirius said hysterically. His attention was turned back to the nifflers; he wanted to keep his eyes on them at all times. A shine and sparkle from one of the creatures mouths caught his eye. He realised that the niffler he'd christened 'Remus', was holding in his mouth the watch that he had mugged off him that very horrendous night.

"Remus!" Sirius shouted at the niffler. "You little bugger!"

However, the teenager name Remus replied instead.

"What? I didn't do anything!" he misunderstood and was affronted at being called a 'little bugger' when he hadn't done anything bad to him...at least nothing since that morning.

"No," Sirius sighed. "Not you, the niffler!" He pointed at the creature whilst narrowing his eyebrows.

Remus gave him a strange look. "Wait a minute…You named a niffler after me? I'd like to say that I'm flattered...but I'm not, I'm thoroughly disturbed, maybe even slightly insulted."

"He named a niffler after you." James laughed at Remus.

"You can't talk. The other one is called 'James'," Sirius announced.

James stood up and immediately stopped laughing, which made Remus start to chuckle. "The niffler named after you, Prongs, is particularly evil," Sirius said moodily. James brightened at his words. "He bit me in the…well, you saw how I walked afterwards."

"I extremely like the niffler named after me," James grinned, remembering Sirius' exact limp. He regretted his words the second he said them as the niffler seemed to actually understand what he was saying and pounced on his leg. James looked down at the niffler in horror, even more disturbed at the fact that it was making thrusting movements at his leg.

"AAAAH! Get it off me!" James shook his leg wildly. The niffler had seemed to get a good grip on his leg. Sirius and Remus were creased up laughing, not at all willing to help him in his situation as such good friends they were. Lily was also horrified, but not by what the niffler was doing. She was more upset at how James kicking his leg manically whilst the niffler held on for his dear, magical creature life.

"Stop it!" Lily ordered him. She quickly took hold of the niffler in her hands and pulled the lively animal away from the distraught James. She held the niffler to her chest, stroking it kindly whilst looking a murderous look at James. "You could have hurt the poor thing!"

"It was humping my leg!" James raved.

"Honestly, naming the niffler 'James' probably traumatized and confused the thing."

"Do you want nifflers crap in your face again? Cos I'm sure I can smell some around here," James threatened.

Lily was about to remark when she stopped and smelt the air in the tight passageway and found James was right about the dodgy smell.

"I think we should get going now," Remus suggested, also noticing the aroma.

"We have to bring the nifflers," Lily said, putting the obedient niffler down on the ground. That niffler stood by his brother 'Remus', who was still had Sirius' watch in his mouth and in Sirius' opinion looked mighty boastful and smug. He didn't want to point this out as he knew he'd just receive another puzzled look about his theory that the nifflers had human facial expressions.

"They are not coming," Sirius barked.

Lily took in a breath of horror. "We can't just leave them! They could die here!"

Sirius cast her a hopeful look. "Would that really be such a tragedy?" He regretted his words when he got an immediate slap to the back of the head.

"Oh, fine, whatever, let them come. Only if they go in front of me so I can see what the sneaky things are up to," Sirius said.

Lily rolled her eyes and Sirius took this as a 'yes'.

Grumpily, James used his wand to conjure up two leashes that he attached to the nifflers, after Lily had threatened ever so nicely.

Lily held on to niffler 'James' on one leash, whilst the human James moodily held on to the other one. He had refused to hold the leash but Sirius had objected madly and Remus was too busy holding the marauder's map and his wand providing the light. After unenthusiastic walking, their feet touched worn, stone steps that were risen above them. The group tiredly started to climb them.

"Look at them. Can't you see they're mocking me, Moony? They're evil, pure evil," Sirius whispered in Remus' ear as he watched the nifflers walked by the cheerful Lily and grumbling James. It was as if Sirius was whispering so not to be overheard by the creatures that might suddenly take his legs off, or other more valuable body parts.

"Yeah, sure," Remus fibbed. "They're stinking off evilness," he said sarcastically. "Padfoot, they're practically the most gentle and inoffensive creatures in the magical world."

"Oh yeah, that's what they want you to think," Sirius replied. "Then when your back is turned, BAAAM!" Sirius said the last word knocking his hands together. Remus figured that the 'bam!' noise was supposed to mean a force of impact.

"Bam?" Remus echoed.

"Bam!" Sirius confirmed with a nod. "They bite you in the backside…literally."

Finally, after much continuous climbing up the painfully boring stairs, they reached the trap door. James pressed his ear against it, listening to see if there were voices. He cautiously pushed the trapdoor open a little and peeked at the gap. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the cellar was empty.

The six of them -including the guest nifflers- climbed out of the trap door one by one. The four fifth years eyed each other; they all seemed to be red and panting.

Note to self and fellow marauders, never take that passageway ever again, James told himself.

"Padfoot!" Remus warned his friend.

Sirius looked at him, puzzled. "What?" Chocolate was around his mouth and he looked like a child that had been caught with a cookie jar. In this case, he was caught stuffing himself with chocolate frogs from one of the boxes in the cellar. He sulked as he dropped the handful of sweets he was about to handily pocket, and disappointedly folded his arms.

"C'mon then, guys….and girl," James added when he got a furious look from Lily. "Everyone under the cloak."

He pulled the cloak out of his trouser pocket. Lily picked up the two nifflers and held them in her arms; she thought they'd have a better chance and be a lot safer holding the nifflers instead of letting them walk whilst under the cloak. The group instantly turned invisible under the material and started climbing the wooden stairs that lead up to the shop.

In the process of climbing them, Sirius had stumbled inelegantly over a few boxes that had been placed on the stairs because he was too busy eyeing at the nifflers. They were greeted with the shop's counter and found a fat, shiny bald man standing behind it, who seemed to be snacking on a few honey-coloured toffees as he chucked them high in the air and caught them in his mouth.

"That guy has one enormous arse," Sirius whispered to James.

The fat shop owner flinched at Sirius' voice and looked around. Unfortunately it seemed the man had sensitive hearing. The group breathed in as they passed the bald guy who's size made it difficult for them to squeeze by. Once they'd passed the whale, they looked around the shop and found that there were only a few chocolate obsessed adult wizards and witches who had hungry, craved looks in their eyes. Sirius started giggling as the group moved under the cloak and he picked up random sweets from the shelves, including nougat and every flavour beans, stuffing them in his face. The fat shop owner looked puzzled as he watched the sweets drift from the shelves, then disappear in a flash. He marched from behind the counter and tried to grab the sweets that were supposedly 'floating' in the air.

"Stop it Sirius!" Lily whispered furiously.

"What the-?" The man made a grab for the jelly slug that was bobbing in the air and it disappeared again. This only made Sirius more amused and James found himself laughing silently along. Remus helplessly watched.

"Don't you dare encourage him!" Lily whispered angrily to James. James was about to defend himself when suddenly the two nifflers had jumped out of Lily's arms because they'd gotten bored and restless. Lily made a gasp of dread as they ran and were instantly seen to the witches and wizards of the shop as they'd gotten out from under the invisibility cloak. The fat shop owner made a squeal of surprise as the nifflers appeared from thin air.

The troubling twosome happily ran around the shop in hysterics. The few Honeyduke's customers had left; frankly, they didn't want sweets or chocolate that had been sampled by the nifflers.

"What are those creatures doing in my shop?" The fat man shouted, trying to make a grab for them. Predictably, they were too quick and the man wasn't exactly an athlete.

The nifflers eyes instantly shined with glee as there seemed to be a lot of shiny looking sweets on the shelves.

"Oh no..." Lily muttered in dread. She watched the creatures jump around energetically, grabbing with their mouths at the sweets. She couldn't just watch the man wailing as the nifflers destroyed his shop. She couldn't hide under the cloak any longer.

She swiftly took off under the cloak and James pulled along at her side. James had planned to remain quietly invisible- maybe the fat man could of looked after the nifflers instead of him, he'd had enough of holding on their leashes. He groaned inwardly when Lily had other ideas. The owner spotted them right away, assuming they were the culprits.

"You two, get those animals out of here!" The man screamed at them.

Lily apologized repeatedly as she chased after the nifflers. Sirius and Remus were still under the cloak and hadn't revealed themselves- and it seemed as if they weren't planning to either. Lily tried to grab onto the leashes that were still around the nifflers necks, this proved hard considering the sweets seemed to make the creatures more hyper and agile.

"James, help me!" Lily pleaded desperately chasing them.

"I'm trying!" He replied annoyed, diving to the floor and Lily also slid to his side. He'd aimed to grab the nifflers leash but had missed, sliding into the counter of the Honeyduke's shop.

"Um, shouldn't we go help them?" Remus whispered to Sirius under the cloak as they watched the destruction around them.

"Hm?" Sirius chewed openly with a mouth full of coconut ice. "Oh...let's just wait outside."

Shrugging, Remus walked with Sirius out of the shop, shaking his head as Sirius grabbed a few last minute handfuls, or armfuls of chocolate frogs, on his way out.

James' head turned at the sound of a bell ring at the door, signalling someone had left because the door had opened and closed by itself. He knew his fellow marauders had just abandoned them.

They are so dead later, James threatened in his mind. Again, he tried to grab a fistful of black fur belonging to the niffler, unfortunately missing and hitting his hand at a wall.

"You two young hooligans, get out and take those black fur balls with you!" The fat man yelled again.

"What do you think we are trying to do!" James snapped. His madness and anger gave him a spurt of agility and speed and James snatched luckily on to one of the nifflers leashes, this time succeeding and held on to it. He cheered triumphantly. Lily had also grabbed on to the other nifflers leash, holding onto it firmly. They beamed at each other but were interrupted by another shout.

"GET OUT!" The owner screamed, shooting sparks at them with his wand.

The sparks had frightened the nifflers.

Frightened nifflers were not good.

James and Lily looked eat each other with worry as the nifflers suddenly started running off again, this time towards the exit of the shop. Luckily a casual wizard who had entered pushed open the door for them, not knowing anything bad was happening inside. He was startled when James and Lily had rushed past him, pulled along vigorously by the black haired creatures.

Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus were sitting on a bench near the Honeyduke's shop. Remus was now munching on some of the chocolate frogs that Sirius had shared with him. They watched in amusement as James and Lily burst out of the shop, dragged by the nifflers on leashes.

"Where are they going?" Sirius asked as he saw the crazy nifflers making their direction speedily into another shop: Zonko's. "I told you those nifflers were evil."

Remus found himself silently nodding.

A few minutes later, James and Lily had exited the shop, holding the two nifflers in their arms. Remus noticed smoke, people shrieking, and sparks of light coming from Zonko's Joke Shop. The exhausted two walked towards the boys and joined them in sitting on the bench.

"Um, Lily, what's on your face?" Sirius asked, observing her. Both she and James were covered in powder, slime, dust- anything that could burst out of a prank object.

Lily touched a finger to her face and examined the contents on her finger. "It appears to be frogs spawn soup."

Sirius nodded, pursing his lips to force himself not to laugh as she looked daggers at him.

"Is that jewellery in their mouths?" Remus asked as he saw the nifflers mouths bulging with bracelets, necklaces and earrings.

"Yes. A few witches weren't too pleased when nifflers suddenly attacked their necks and arms, looking like they were about to tear off their skin," James mentioned. He was about to try to take the jewellery away from mouths but they growled back venomously, and pulled his hand away.

Sirius listened attentively at the word of 'witches'.

"Were the witches hot?"

"One had false teeth."

"I'll take that as no then," Sirius said, stopping to listen to whatever James was about to say since it had nothing to do with good looking girls.

"Wow, we have our own niffler convicts," Remus said.

James and Lily nodded, then helped themselves to some chocolate frogs in Sirius hands.

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The group were now wondering aimlessly around Hogsmeade. James and Lily were now clean thanks to a handy spell. The nifflers were now composed and calmed down and it seemed as if they thought they'd caused enough destruction and mayhem for one day, currently resting silently in James and Lily's arms; satisfied and happy with their new collection of jewellery.

"So...where to now?" Remus asked the group. Lily felt liked going back to Hogwarts and curling up in her bed. Then she remembered that James was hiding from Jonathan so that was a no-go-area. She also remembered that James hand was attached to hers so it was a definite no-no.

"Can we please go somewhere I want to go?" Lily said despairingly. The boys looked at her in confusion.

"Why?" James asked.

"Because, you put me in a thong," Lily reminded him.

James tittered, reddening. Sirius was surprised, delighted, then turned instantly annoyed.

"Why was I not informed of this?" he sulked. His friends ignored him.

"Point taken, Lily," Remus said, "So where do you want go?"

"Madam Puddifoot's."

"Madam Poodi-who?" said Sirius.

"Puddifoot's, Sirius," Lily repeated again, sighing.

"Where exactly is that?" James asked.

Lily looked at them dumbly, then pointed her finger in the direction of a few yards away. The boys looked at Madam Puddifoot's as if they'd only just seen it for the very first time since they'd visited Hogsmeade. "Wow, never been in there before,." James said hesitantly, eyeing the place.

"I think I know why. Isn't it a chick's place?" Sirius frowned, then realising what he's just said; he started smiling to himself.

A chick's place...a place full of girls...I'm there! Sirius thought.

"Let's go then!" Sirius said cheerfully, startling Lily as he quickened his pace as they walked over to the teas shop, which the boys had no idea was one. Lily and James put down the two nifflers outside the teashop as Lily had figured creatures wouldn't be allowed inside. The nifflers didn't complain and they sat obediently as they admired their shiny findings. They didn't seem to keen in entering the tea shop and neither were the boys once they'd noticed the ambience of the place. The teashop was cramped and steamy, looking as if it had been 'frilly-bowed' attacked.

"Ugh," James made a sound of disgust. "This place reeks of femininity."

The group sat down at a circular table. Sirius park himself down and tapped his fingers against the table surface whilst Remus sat quietly, uncomfortable by the girlishness.

"Isn't this place great?" Lily said, admiring the setting. James and Sirius scoffed at her.

"Uh...sure," Remus answered for them. Sirius was about to elaborate on how much he disliked the room but stopped when a burly, black-haired Madam Puddifoot squeezed between the tables huffing.

"I really shouldn't put so many bloody tables in this place..." the woman muttered to herself, then plastered a cheery grin on her face.

"What can I get you, m'dears?"

"What have you got here?" James asked.

"Coffee," she replied.

James looked at her, expecting her to carry on talking.

"And?"

"Coffee," she recurred. He looked at her blankly again.

"Don't you have any alcohol of any kind?" Sirius said frantically. "Firewhiskey? C'mon! Butterbeer? You must have butterbeer!"

"Four coffee's please," Lily ordered. Madam Puddifoot smiled at her and went back through the maze of the tables.

The group had been sitting in silence until Sirius had abruptly slammed his head down on the table. The witches and wizards in the room made displeasing mutterings at the sound of the sudden noise. Lily looked at them with apologies written on her face.

"I'm gonna die in here without alcohol," Sirius moaned.

"It's true, you know." James agreed, patting Sirius on the back sympathetically.

"Look, Sirius, have a biscuit?" Lily offered him, picking up the plate that had been set down on the table fully assorted with biscuits of all flavours, patterns and designs.

Sirius' eyes widened and he grabbed for the plate and greedily stuffed them in his mouth. Lily backed away in horror; there wasn't much difference to Sirius and a pig eating in a sty.

"Oi! Leave some for me!" James said. He grabbed at a few strawberry wafers and Sirius tried to swat his hand away.

"Wow, those will amuse Sirius and James for how long, 5 seconds?" Remus guessed. Lily nodded tiresomely in agreement.

"Want some, Moony?" Sirius asked.

Remus cringe;, he could see the inside's of Sirius mouth as he chewed openly. He could probably count all his teeth, watching as the strawberry wafer was turned to pink mush.

"No thanks, Padfoot," Remus replied, hoping his coffee would come soon.

"Cun we av sum mor bisgits pease?" Sirius asked, raising his hand whilst his mouth was amazingly full -maybe even too full- as crumbs and bits of 'bisgits' as Sirius had spoken were dropping out of his mouth. Lily sighed in embarrassment as a couple of middle aged witches tittered disapprovingly, looking at the group with curt expressions.

Madam Puddifoot returned to the table a few minutes later, struggling to carry four cups of coffee and new plate of biscuits for Sirius.

"I really need to hire waitresses..." she muttered again. Lily shot her a sympathetic smile as she laid their drinks down. "My, you are popular, m'dear," she said warmly, noticing Lily was with the three boys.

"Oh no, I don't know them," Lily immediately dismissed as she saw Sirius openly scratching his crotch. She lowered her reddening shaking head. Everyone, including Madame Puddifoot, gave Sirius a sickening look.

"What? I had an itch!"

Lily picked up her cup of coffee and drank it happily. The boys followed in suit, not exactly in the same enthusiasm.

"Isn't this nice?" Lily sipped her tea.

"Nice isn't the word I'd describe it..." James muttered. He placed his cup of coffee down. He wasn't a fan of coffee and only drank it when recovering from a hangover, and that was only if he was forced. Lily, who had been rolling her eyes at James, turned her attention back to Sirius who was speaking to an older girl on the table next to theirs.

"Hey, my name is Sirius, and I'm seriously glad I met you."

The boys started chuckling at Sirius regular chat-up line. "What's your name?" he said smoothly as he held her hand, bringing it to his mouth and kissing it. The blonde girl was around the age of eighteen and was looking at Sirius oddly, extremely uncomfortable at what he'd just did.

"...Celia," the girl answered.

"Jeez, Sirius, will you at least flirt with the single girls," Remus said.

Sirius looked at him with puzzlement until he turned his gaze across to Celia's accompanied date. The guy's arms were crossed and his were eyes bulging, immediately reminding him of Jonathan.

"Oh...hi, I don't believe we've met," Sirius said nervously. He held out his hand, expecting the guy to shake it. The guy did not, and continued folding his arms.

"I'm her boyfriend, and I suggest you stop holding her hand now before I chuck my hot coffee at you," the boyfriend threatened. Sirius dropped Celia's hand on command.

"Sirius, you are so embarrassing!" Lily hissed. Her face was glowing red as the tea shops customers looked at her with disapprove.

"Embarrassing, did you say?" Sirius echoed, smiling somewhat evilly. James and Sirius showed a sneaky knowing look. Both of them wanted to get out of the teashop as fast as possible. The solution to their exit: embarrass Lily extremely, resulting in their quick way out. "Embarrassing," Sirius repeated. "You don't know the meaning of the word..."

Lily was about to ask him what exactly that meant when Sirius had turned his attention to a nearby table that another young couple were sitting together. What Sirius noticed more was that they were snogging each others faces off.

"Oi! Get a room!" Sirius yelled at them. The couple abruptly broke apart and glared at him. The annoyed man responded by lifting his middle finger at him.

So rude and impolite, Sirius thought.

Lily looked furious as James smacked Madam Puddifoot's bottom as she winded through the tables. The woman looked at James with disturbance as he winked back at her openly.

"Oooh Madam!" James called after her as she hurriedly walked away. The three boys laughed hysterically, whilst Lily reddened every second.

James had another shameful idea. He swiftly grabbed one of the remaining last biscuits from the plate. It was an iced ring that was shaped round with a hole in the middle. It looked similarly to a wedding ring, which was great news to James. Remus shook his head as James grabbed a bewildered Lily's hand, forcing the ring shaped biscuit on to her finger. He got off his seat, then dropped to the floor by kneeling on one knee. He coughed forcefully, signally for everyone in the tea shop to listen. Remus, who had also joined in the act, tapped his spoon loudly on to his coffee cup, curious to what might happen next.

"What the hell are you doing?" Lily asked hysterically, looking at the kneeling James Potter before her.

"My lily flower!" James called her theatrically. Lily was about to argue that he was not allowed to call her that, however, James had carried on with his mortifying act. "Since that very day your face and hair was stricken green as a frog, and you used my stomach as a rest and support for your most delicate and perfect head: I knew, I fell in love with that scalp! Marry me!" He declared, waving his hands in his performing.

"WHAT?" Lily yelled, her face as red as a tomato.

"No!" Sirius intervened, joining the shameful performance, also bending down on one knee. "That first time your hand connected...with the back of my head, the pain brought me love! As you know, love hurts. Waking up to my godly handsome face would certainly brighten any day!"

Lily looked at the two, utterly mortified and lost for words. She looked at Remus finally.

"No, Lily, I would advise you to marry one of the nifflers. At least they could give you jewellery, since these two are pure imbeciles and are cheapskates," Remus smiled.

The boys looked at him, exaggeratingly insulted. "They were also so uncreative that they couldn't conjure up any other reason to make us leave this place, so put on their wedding proposal act," Remus finished.

James was about to nibble at Lily's ring which was really a biscuit in disguise, however, he'd tried doing it whilst the biscuit was on Lily's finger: not a good move. She pushed James away from her unimpressively as he stretched out his tongue, ready to lick the icing off the biscuit.

James returned to his seat, grinning. Lily sat with her head in her hand. There were sniggers and chuckling from the other customers, amused at the fifth years comedy. Lily was not amused. She'd hoped this had been the end of their act; all she wanted to do was dig a hole in the ground and hide.

"Do you guys want to see a cool trick?" Sirius stood up, smiling evilly. Lily head was now so low from hiding that it was nearly unseen under the table.

"What kind of trick, Padfoot?" Remus asked curiously. He knew whatever trick Sirius had planned would most definitely go wrong.

"Its a trick those muggle magicians to do," Sirius explained. Rolling up his sleeves in preparation, Remus found himself shaking his head in doubt.

"You've done this trick before, and surprisingly it didn't work." Remus reminded him.

"Hey, I've been practising!" Sirius argued.

"Sirius-"

"I will remove the tablecloth while the coffee cups and cutlery are on top!"

James immediately started cheering with encouragement whereas Lily panicked at his explanation of his trick.

"Sirius! Don't you dare!" she hissed, but it was too late. He had already dramatically pulled the tablecloth from the table in one swift movement of his hands. Professionals removed the tablecloth with the objects still laid on the table. Sirius was not a professional. Lily gasped at the sound of a loud crash of cutlery and coffee cups clattered the floor. Masses of coffee spilled and pieces of broken china flung everywhere.

"Maybe I didn't practise enough..." Sirius cringed, and the four fifth years were pushed out of the cramped tea shop and were told never to come back.

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"I cannot believe you guys did that," Lily grumbled, struggling to hold the two niffler thieves with her one arm.

"Are you gonna eat that?" Sirius asked, pointing to the biscuit that was still around her finger. She sighed as she removed the biscuit and handed it to Sirius who gobbled it up in a second.

"I really don't understand how you did that and weren't at all embarrassed in any way," Lily told James, slightly smiling at what happened and was eyeing him with odd curiosity.

"It's a natural talent," James joked. "You gotta lighten up, Lily. You take life way too seriously."

She frowned at him, but couldn't help that he was right somehow…

"So, where to next?" Remus asked the group for the second time that day.

"The Hog's Head!" James and Sirius said in unison. Remus had expected that answer.

"The Hog's what?" Lily asked.

"Its the greatest pub in Hosgmeade," Sirius sighed with happiness.

The boys led her down a side-street where they were greeted with the inn; the horrifically distasteful creaking sign of a wild boar's separated head was before them.

"How nicely decorated," Lily said dryly. "Are fifth years actually allowed in there?"

"Sure we are! We're regulars!" James informed. Lily was not comforted by this. "Anyways, it'll kill time."

"Yeah, kill time and hopefully not kill me in the process..." she muttered as they entered the small inn.

Holding protectively on to the nifflers as she stepped inside, Lily started to cough. The smell of smoke was overpowering but the boys didn't flinch: they were used the smell. She squinted her eyes as she looked around the filthy and dirt-ridden room. Shady characters who were hidden by clothing sat drinking their strong drinks of goodness knows what died inside it.

"I'll order the drinks, you guys sit down," Sirius told them, walking up to the grumpy, old bearded man behind the bar.

"I'll have a butterbeer, Sirius!" Lily called after him and he waved a hand in understanding.

James and Remus led Lily to their regular table which was the furthest at the back of the room. James sat down happily content.

"Isn't this place great?" James said in awe, saying the exact thing Lily had done in her dearly loved teashop. He looked around the inn as if it was the best thing since sliced bread.

"Great isn't how I'd describe it..." Lily muttered as she put the nifflers down on the table. She thought they wouldn't of been allowed in but James had told her that the nifflers presence wouldn't a be a problem. She leaned her elbow on the table and quickly removed it, noticing that her elbow was now covered in dust and dirt. Remus looked at her apologetically.

"I take it you like this place because it's so similarly clean to your dormitory," Lily assumed. She slightly brightened at Sirius' arrival of the drinks. He handed them to the others, grinning widely.

"Cheers!" he said, taking a great gulp from his glass. James also took a gracious swig of his.

Lily eyed her drink suspiciously. "This doesn't look like a butterbeer…." She noticed the colour of the drink looked different to the one's she'd normally had in the Three Broomsticks with Anna.

"Oh, I forgot to mention," Sirius began as he wiped his mouth. "It's a new improved flavour of butterbeer for this place."

She was still hesitant, staring at the drink that seemed to be steaming.

"C'mon Lily, don't be such a prude! It's only a butterbeer."

She looked at him angrily at his remark at being called a 'prude'. Of course, this was Sirius' plan to make her drink. Lily grabbed the glass -much to James and Sirius delight- while Remus glared at the boys. Lily took a generous gulp of the drink, having no idea it was actually Firewhiskey...

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"I suck at this game..." James mumbled as he sluggishly drank the entire contacts of the full glass. Sirius clapped him on the back in agreement, but the clap was too hard for James to handle again, especially in James drunken state. He toppled over in his seat, landing on the dirty stone floor. Lily giggled uncontrollably at his sight and continued back to her drinking of her firewhiskey. Although, in her mind it was still 'butterbeer'.

"Okay, your turn Lily," Sirius announced.

She looked at him with confusion. "Huh...? What are we playing again?" The alcohol had mercifully ruined her memory and killed a few brain cells.

"You have to think of something and concentrate on it. Then we guess what you're thinking about," Sirius explained again.

"O-kay!" She sang happily in reply. "I'm thinking..." She pointed a finger to the temple of he head, then started humming, which then ended in more giggling, resulting in James joining in. Although, he didn't know the reason of what they were giggling about.

"You have to concentrate, Lily," Remus said.

"Yeah, concentrate!" James wagged a finger at her. Lily looked at the finger curiously, then grabbed it and tried picking James nose with it. They immediately started laughing in uproar. She noticed Sirius was still waiting so started 'concentrating' again.

"I'm seriously sorry, Sirius," Lily said, the realised the tongue-twister she had just spoken which then ended up in more chortling with James. Since they were not sober, they had suddenly become laughing buddies. "Okay, I'm trying," she said truthfully,. Her head kept spinning so it was hard to think at all. "Ooo-kay! You can guess now!"

"I think that you're thinking of...James naked?" Sirius suggested.

"No, silly," Lily told him, tapping him playfully on the nose. James, in his smashed state, looked highly disappointed.

Sirius smirked. "Now, Lily, you'll have to drink your full glass."

Lily looked at him, mystified. "Again? Why...?" she droned. She'd lost count of how many full glasses of 'buterbeer' she'd drunk already.

"You weren't sending out the right vibes to us, so we couldn't guess correctly what you were thinking about," Sirius explained.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I cannot believe we play this ridiculous game every time we come here."

Sirius ignored him. The game was not ridiculous, in his opinion. Maybe a little pointless, since by the end of the game everyone was too intoxicated with alcohol that they wouldn't even know who was the winner; if there was even one.

"C'mon Lily, drink up m'dear," James made a poor impression of Madam Puddifoot.

Lily snorted as she drank down another glass of firewhiskey until it was finally empty. "He-lo James," she waved sluggishly at him. She spotted another James next to him and many more identical James'. Lily was not seeing James real identical brothers though, her dizzy state had made her distorted sight see multiple James'. "He-lo James! He-lo James! He-lo Jaaamess!" she called, each time with cheerfulness. James replied each time by waving back.

"Lily, what are you doing?" Remus asked.

She turned to him and waved. "Oh, he-lo Remus! I'm just saying hello to James twins, or triplets, I don't knows the names…" She rubbed her head; her thinking was causing her pain. Remus looked back at her worriedly. "Reeemuuus! You didn't tell me you had bruverrs! No, I'm not talking to you Remus," Lily said, pointing to thin air on Remus' left. He looked to his left, wondering who on earth she was talking to. "No, Reeemuus, I'm not talking to you, I mean the other Remus," she said, this time pointing to Remus' right.

"Okay..." Remus answered her and gave up on trying to understand what Lily was talking about.

"I'll tell you a joke," Lily told the group. She started laughing hysterically, wheezing when she finally finished. "Wasn't that funny?" she thought she had spoken quietly, in fact, she was actually yelling. Because, of course, the consumption of alcohol makes you think that you are whispering when you most definitely aren't.

"Wow, Lily, that was hilarious. Funny the joke didn't seem to have a punch line, or a plot. Or even a beginning, in fact," Remus pointed out.

He turned his gaze to James, who had stood up and now was doing some lively and energetic dance. Because, of course, the consumption of alcohol plays a major factor in dancing like a major retard. Lily was now joining in with the dancing, both blissfully unaware of the other Hog's head customers looked at them.

"Prongs, what are you doing?" Remus asked him. He eyed James has he did pelvic thrusts and pointing fingers, whilst Lily was trying to copy his pathetic moves. Remus realised he was not going to get an answer, or at least an answer that made any particular sense and turned back to Sirius who was oddly petting the nifflers, smiling evilly. Remus looked at him with suspicion.

"Padfoot...please, tell me you didn't give the nifflers alcohol?" Remus asked, but he felt he already knew the answer. Sirius clutched his chest and tried to stare at him with intimidation, and failed terribly when his head kept wobbling as it was unable to stay upright.

"Moony, my buddy old pal old buddy...old pal...," he paused for a second, trying to remember what he was about to tell him. "I refuse to answer that question, on the grounds that I...don't know the answer..." he paused, confused, then shrugged and went back to drinking again. Remus looked at him sceptically, then at the two nifflers who were stumbling on the table and bumping into each other.

"Oww!" Lily moaned in pain. The two had decided to take a break from their shameful dancing and were sat down again.

"What did you do now, Lily flower?" James asked. He tried leaning his head on his hand which was perched up by his elbow but the elbow kept sliding, resulting in James smacking his head on the table.

"I bit my tongue!" Lily said in childlike voice. "Can you seeee?" She stuck out her tongue wide. James rubbed his head and then squinted his eyes and tried examining the tongue. In James drunken position, a sudden idea came to his head, something he would never thought to do if he was clear-headed. He smiled cheekily at Lily.

"I know something we could to do to make it better..." He raised his eyebrows and licked his lips. Sirius snorted amusedly as he watched James chin and upper lip covered in saliva as he'd licked his lips just a bit too much.

"Oh really?" Lily replied, drunkenly flirting back. Meanwhile, Remus watched helplessly.

"Shouldn't we stop them?" Remus muttered to Sirius, as he watched James and Lily, in no state of sobriety, leaning into each other as they giggled.

"Why...?" Sirius asked, eyeing the two as their lips were open. James' tongue was eagerly sticking out and Sirius chuckled.

"Because they are completely drunk out of their minds and they'd never even think of doing this if they were sober," Remus said.

Sirius looked and him blankly. "What's your point?"

"I just don't think we should of given them that much alcohol," Remus hissed.

"That's all folks! I'll be here all week! G'night and merlin bless!" Sirius announced to the inn as his head slammed abruptly on the table.

Looks like that conversation with Sirius is over with, Remus thought bitterly. He turned his attention back to James and Lily's who's faces were merely millimetres away; James' tongue eagerly ready to French-kiss Lily's pain away, and Lily looking just as willing to accept it...