Falling Away

chapter seventeen: with arms outstretched

a/n: Thanks for your reviews, my somewhat patient readers.

Hi, Ben. This chapter's for you.

The first show of the tour begins in this chapter. Excitement.

And I originally posted this chapter and the next chapter as the same...chapter. But now I've re-posted them separately so you don't have to read through a nearly 7,000 word chapter.

-

MISSION FOR RECOGNITION

The Fuzzy Unicorns

January 5th

7 p.m. Raydan Theatre 15 in advance, 17 at door

be there or be square, kids

-

Michael Moscovitz was walking toward her at an alarmingly quick pace.

Mia stuffed her Barneys bag behind her black coat, though it didn't help much to conceal it. He had probably already seen it, wondering why she was suddenly hiding her purchase. Calm down, Mia thought to herself, breathing in deeply. The icy air stung.

"Mia! Hey!" Michael exclaimed, waving a hand as he walked toward her, small gusts of air escaping his mouth. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his large coat weighing him down. His dark hair flopped boyishly over his eyes, a small grin on his face. His lips were bright red from the cold and it looked as if he were wearing lipstick. The sight of them, of him, made Mia's stomach flutter against her will. She hadn't seen him since two nights before, the night of Lilly's New Year's Eve party.

She managed to smile weakly when he finally caught up to her. "Hi, Michael," Mia said in what she hoped was a friendly voice.

"Hey," Michael said, breathlessly. He raised an eyebrow. "So…what are you hiding behind there?" He smiled kindly.

"N-Nothing," Mia said, her cheeks flushed. "Just something I bought for…" She paused. A dreadfully long pause.

"For…?" Michael prompted.

"Grandmere!" Mia exclaimed before she could stop herself. "Yes. Grandmere. Her birthday's coming up, you know…"

Michael shot her a bemused look. "I thought her birthday was in spring…"

"Oh! Well. Uh. Yes. It is. But I saw it and wanted to get it for her. It just, you know, screamed 'Grandmere.'"

Yes, because Grandmere would just love the gray men's blazer. She could wear it with her sequined fishnet tights.

Jesus Christ, Mia thought as the image of Grandmere in fishnets and the blazer popped into her head.

Michael laughed. "Yeah, I can only imagine. What is it? I promise I won't tell her if I happen to pass by her," Michael said, though this was unlikely. He had been there to witness Grandmere hitting the head of a bellboy at the Plaza when he failed to carry all eight of her bags on her way out of the hotel.

"Uh…it's a jacket," Mia said, telling the truth. Sort of.

"Oh. Rad," Michael said. "So, you're coming to the first show, right?"

"Yeah," Mia said. It seemed such a simple response, she felt she needed to add more. "Yeah. I can't wait. It should be fun. How many shows are you having around New York? I mean, I would've looked at the site but the dates hadn't been posted yet and do you know what the set list on Friday is going to be I mean I was just wondering and I just can't wait to see you guys and it's going to be your birthday you're turning twenty-four right how weird it seems just like yesterday you were eighteen I mean uh oh sorry." Mia noticed, her cheeks considerably redder, that she had been rambling.

"Breathe, Mia," Michael said. "Whoo-hee, whoo-hee." He added hand movements for effect.

"Oh, right," Mia said, managing the tiniest peep of laughter. He smiled kindly.

"I'll put you on the guest list so you can come backstage, okay?" Michael said, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Okay," Mia said softly, her eyes cast downward.

"You look a little down," Michael said, encouraging conversation. "Hey…why don't you come with me to Serendipity 3? We can get a couple of frozen hot chocolates…" He paused for effect. Mia quickly contemplated whether she should go or not. One part of her was screaming for her to get back home as soon as possible. The other part screamed, "Go, Mia! GO!" She chose the latter.

"Sounds fun," Mia said, looking up at Michael.

The grin that he gave her in response made her heart turn.

-

Michael and Mia sat across from each other at a small table in Serendipity, a hamburger and ice cream parlor on East Sixtieth Street. Mia chose to avert her eyes from the many groups of children eating their hamburgers and hot dogs in an oddly disgusting manner. They had both ordered frozen hot chocolates, Michael's favorite dessert drink, which had arrived promptly, right after the awkward silence ended and before the awkward conversation began.

"So," Michael said, dipping his spoon into the frothy drink. Mia found herself staring at his nicely full, pink lips as he put the spoon into his mouth. Michael didn't seem to notice though; at least, he acted as if he didn't notice. "What's been happening with you since…" He paused, suddenly realizing the thing he had been blocking out of his mind that entire day. They had kissed on New Year's. No, more than kissed. They had finally, after six long years, connected.

Mia noticed the pause and felt her cheeks grow warm.

"I've been…okay," Mia said, taking a sip of her frozen hot chocolate. The creamy drink and whipped cream splashed onto her upper lip, which she failed to notice. Michael looked at her and tried not to laugh. "And yourself?" He stared at her upper lip and pointed to his own subtly, hoping she'd get the hint.

She was confused as to why he was doing so but didn't want to embarrass him by saying anything.

"Uh, are you okay?" Mia said, a well-arched eyebrow raised.

"Mommy! Look at that girl's mustache!" A young boy with a sweater vest on exclaimed, pointing at Mia. The boy's mother pulled him away, blushing furiously. As they left, Mia heard her saying, "Now, Timmy, it's rude to point out other people's flaws…"

"Uh, I have a mustache?" Mia said, looking bemused.

"Well, sort of…" Michael said. He took his napkin and extended his hand across the table, wiping her upper lip. She felt a shiver run up her spine as he touched her. "Just some whipped cream." He offered a gentle smile.

"Oh," Mia said, her face burning. "Thanks."

"No problem," Michael said. "And I've been fine." You've got that right, Mia thought the moment these words left his lips. He looked straight into her gray eyes with his dark ones.

"What's up with you and Adam?…I mean, have you told him what happened on New Year's?"

"I…I did," Mia said.

"And…?"

"And…" Mia said, her voice a near-whisper. "We broke up."

"Oh," Michael said. "I'm sorry." If she had looked up, she would've noticed by the way that he was looking at her, he didn't mean his words at all. Not one bit. He searched her face for more answers but the sad look she held told him almost nothing. Truthfully, all he wanted to do at that moment was take Mia's hands in his and tell her that he could listen to her, take in her problems and make everything better.

When he had spotted Mia earlier, he had actually been on his way to get a gift for her, to make amends. He wanted to repair any damage he may have caused to her…to her heart.

"You're going out on tour," Mia said softly, a trace of a smile on her face. Michael was glad for the change of subjects. He looked down at Mia's hands, which were on the table around her frozen hot chocolate. She had always had nice, beautiful hands, if you were into that kind of thing. Her shortly cut nails were painted mauve shade that glowed golden under the overhead lights. Michael took in the sight of them. He had always been a hands person, rather than an ass or boobs kind of guy, though those were nice too.

"Am I?" Michael said, a smirk on his pale face. "I wasn't aware."

"Ha, ha," Mia said sarcastically. "How humorous you are."

"Are you questioning my sense of humor, Ms. Thermopolis?"

"Very possibly," Mia said, spooning the hot chocolate into her mouth. Michael marveled at the way she was so graceful now, much different from how she used to be (it didn't like to admit it, but she used to be the clumsiest person he knew). All of her actions were careful and thought-out, or so it seemed. He sort of admired this aspect of older-Mia. She was much like she used to be but was also quite different in certain ways. Funny how much people changed over a course of six years.

Also, funny how Mia had been thinking the same thing. To him, Michael hadn't changed much but Mia saw the difference in him in much of his movements, the way he spoke. He seemed much more cultured, as he had experienced many more things than he had at eighteen.

There was a certain level of comfort that stood between them, laced with the awkwardness of being exes. To any outsider, they may have appeared as a new couple. They had a well-established fondness but seemed uncomfortable at times.

After a few moments of silence, Michael looked down at his watch.

"Shit, I have to go," Michael said, biting his lower lip in a way that made Mia found, there was no other word for it, cute. He smiled his small, mysterious smile. Mia grinned back in the only way she could muster: shyly.

"It's just that I have to go meet up with the band," Michael said, feeling the need to explain himself. "We have to discuss the first couple of shows and plan set lists…stuff like that. I'd ask you to come along but it's just band business, you know?"

"Yeah," Mia said in an understanding voice. "Yeah. I'll just see you on Friday, I guess."

"Yeah, see you then," Michael said, nodding his head. "Remember to tell the ticket checker that you're with the band. Give security your name and they'll let you in backstage. It'll be wild." He drank down the rest of his frozen hot chocolate, afterward wiping his mouth with his napkin.

"Yeah," Mia said. "Wild."

"'Bye, then," Michael said. He rose from his seat, a crinkly smile on his face, and walked out of Serendipity 3.

What a name. Serendipity. Fate. Luck.

It couldn't just be a coincidence, them seeing each other and going to Serendipity.

Her mind pondered the possibilities. She was going to have to tell Michael how she felt sooner or later. After slowly finishing her frozen hot chocolate, Mia rose from her seat, slinging her purse over her shoulder.

She walked out, her stomach churning. She looked the way that he had headed and saw that he was already gone, completely out of sight.

Surely that couldn't be a sign.

Mia shook her head, frowning.

She was probably thinking too much.

-

MISSION FOR RECOGNITION Setlist

Live Like You Mean It

Darkest Rose

Empty Glances and Stares

Reoccurring Kind

Ballad of Big Nothing

The Nonexistent Girl Finds Her Way Back

Pessimistic Paranoia

I Wanna Sex You Up

Sailing Devendra

Look My Way

Falling Away

Wishing for Nothing

If You Mind

Ailing for Ailema

Keeping the Night

-

Soundcheck. Mission for Recognition stood on the large stage at Raydan Theatre, instruments in hand. The show was in exactly three hours and Michael felt his heart beating abnormally hard as he played the opening chords to "Reoccurring Kind." Their amazing friend, Sadie Jennings, was a filmmaker and would be going with them on the entire tour to film shows and fans. There was a possible DVD being made after the tour was over. They had also brought along Kristen's little sister, Anna, who was an aspiring photographer. In fact, her first job would be shooting the different shows on the tour along with Sadie.

Sadie stood at the back of the room, recording the soundcheck. She gazed at Shayne, almost longingly. Oh, her crush on Shayne had been going on for quite some time now, ever since she had first laid eyes on the Mission for Recognition bassist. Sa-woon.

"When the fake green trees are whispering," Michael sang into the microphone, his voice a soft growl. "Your lies tangle like a web of memories." His strumming slowed as he gasped out his words, his own voice singing back to him. "I thought we were the kind. The reoccurring kind. Loving is so hard to do. Especially when it's always on my mind." He paused before turning slightly, his eyes on Shayne. She had been watching him the entire time.

"I don't love you," He whispered and Shayne felt her heart twist. As soon as the music stopped, Michael looked forward once again and said to the sound manager, "The microphones could be a little louder. I need to be able to hear myself when I whisper."

"Yeah, okay," said Jasper, from behind the soundboard.

Michael took the guitar strap off from around the back of his neck and walked to the side of the stage, setting it down. The other members followed suit and walked backstage. As requested, their dressing room had been stocked with their favorite beers and wines and two bags of Sunchips.

"I can't believe we're actually having our first headlining tour," Kristen said, looking into the mirror. She applied some more mascara, her lips pursed. Her blonde hair fell in waves around her face, her bangs swept to the side. "It's really…happening."

"Yeah," David said, his mind not on the show that night but on Kate Harlow, their assistant. "It's surreal."

Michael stood in front of the mirror as he watched Shayne's reflection watching him. He raised an eyebrow and she looked away, her cheeks flushing. "Honestly," Michael murmured to himself, smoothing down his shaggy curls.

"Let's go get lunch or something," Max said. He was always thinking about two things: fucking and eating. A combination of the two would've been even better. "I'm starving."

"Yeah, me too," Shayne said, fluffing her hair. "Pizza?"

"Sure, sounds good," Kristen said, carefully smudging lipgloss onto her full lips. "And then we can just come back in an hour and a half, no problem." They all nodded in agreement and left the dressing room, except for Michael. His mind was on Mia, no use in denying that anymore. He thought of the way her lips curled up so perfectly when she grinned, the way her gray eyes flickered when she was excited about something. He would give anything to make her eyes glow because of him again.

Oh my Bob, I sound like a douche, He thought before exiting the dressing room. He saw that the group had already left the venue. He quickly ran outside and saw that the car was already driving away.

"Hey, wait up!" Michael yelled, running after it. Someone, Max probably, flipped him the bird.

"I'M ONLY THE FUCKING LEAD SINGER!"

-

Breathe…calm down…

Mia splashed cold water onto her face as she stood in her bathroom. The show was starting in two hours and doors were opening an hour before the show was to start. So she had a good forty-five minutes to get dressed and do her makeup and calm down. She was much too nervous. Much, much too nervous. She had no idea how the show would be (amazing, most likely), how she would react to anything Michael said. Or did.

She dried her face off with a clean towel. She looked up into the mirror and saw a twenty-one year old girl in front of her. She looked maybe three years younger than she was with her long blonde hair and somewhat big gray eyes. She felt that she was by no means beautiful. Cute, maybe, but never beautiful. It was a thing she longed for, to be considered beautiful. The desire had been stronger when she had been a teenager.

She gently dabbed concealer under her eyes and on the small zit on her forehead that she hoped wouldn't swell to enormous proportions as the night went on. She brushed powder onto her face and scanned her face in the mirror. She didn't look as flawed now. It amazed her how shallow she could be sometimes. This thought was quickly shaken off as she curled her eyelashes and lined her lower eyelid with black eyeliner. She brushed on two coats of mascara on each eye.

Now all she needed was some lip gloss and she was good to go.

And then she remembered she was still in her pajamas.

Mia walked out of her bathroom and dressed herself in the outfit she had planned the day before: a black skirt with polka dots, a white top that showed off what little assets she had, and a dark blazer. She slipped on her Converse high-tops and walked back to the bathroom.

She slicked on a sunny, golden pink gloss. She then brushed her hair. Mia walked out and saw that she still had at least fifteen minutes until she had to leave for Raydan. She sat down on her bed, next to Michael's wrapped gift, and felt her stomach twisting and turning. Why was she so nervous? She breathed deeply and petted Fat Louie, who had been laying on her bed.

Unusually enough, this did little to soothe her nerves.

-

"Oh, God, I think I'm going to throw up."

"Breathe, Max," Michael said patiently. "Breathe…Think of calming thoughts. Like, uh…candy canes. And marshmallow rabbits." Max began mumbling to himself, clutching his stomach. His face did look somewhat green.

"Michael…shut up," He managed to say. How odd it was that Mr. Confident was the only really nervous one of the group. The others were relatively calm. Or, at least, as calm as you could be before your first headlining show on your first headlining tour. "I knew I shouldn't have had that third slice of sausage pizza…"

"We're not even playing for another sixty minutes," David said, referring to the fact that there were the openers, an Arkansas band called The Fuzzy Unicorns. "The Fuzzy Unicorns play for a nice, long time. I'm sure you'll calm down by them. And please, don't throw up. I tend to follow by example…"

Shayne sat quietly in a chair in the corner, holding a bottle of ice cold beer. She wouldn't be able to make it through the night sober, she knew. Michael glanced at her every few minutes, well aware of how blatantly she was staring at him. He felt slightly creeped out.

"Fifteen minutes until the show starts," Their manager, Warren, said, popping his head into the room. "You're all going to go out to watch right?"

A chorus of "Yeah" ran throughout the room.

"Good. Make sure you don't get mobbed or anything. The venue's almost completely full."

"Awesome. Is it sold out?" Kristen said, grinning. Warren nodded his head and it suddenly disappeared into the other room.

Where's Mia? Michael thought, biting his lower lip.

She's supposed to be here…