here's chapter 17. enjoy and review, thanks!
-Kristine and Cimmy
disclaimer: The Ducks, as well as Disney World and everything in it, belong to the Walt Disney Company. Cimmy owns Fred and Cecilia. NYgoldfish54 owns Lex, Jeff, Anna, Anthony, Matt, Sammie, and Chris.
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Chapter 17: Close Encounters
By Cimmy
Lex's POV
We're having a break from the hysteria at Disney World. After Russ mentioned for the fiftieth time that he was hungry, and Guy had some sort of nervous breakdown, we all sat down on the grass in a park. There aren't any children here; they're probably driving their parents nuts over by the Magic Kingdom.
It's sort of hard to pay attention to any conversations that take place, because all I can think of is Fred. I know he went to sleep in his own room last night, and I'm pretty sure that Cecilia slept there too. I only have myself to blame, because I was the one letting them share room.
Fred still seems bummed out. I feel sorry for him, so despite the dirty looks I receive from the others, I get up and walk over to the bench.
"What are you thinking about?" I ask.
He sighs and looks up. "How messed up everything is."
"Oh, trouble in paradise?" I joke.
"Sort of," he mumbles. Jeez, do I have to drag it out of you?
"Has it got to do with love?"
"What's love got anything to do with it?" Fred mutters and he makes me laugh. He's entertaining when he's sulking.
"Is it your girlfriend again?" I ask, even though I know the answer.
"Yes. Have you ever been in love?"
Now he's catching on. Too bad I'm the target this time. "Umm, well... Why?"
"I was just wondering. I wonder how it feels…to be really in love with someone."
"I thought you were..." I begin, but he interrupts me.
"Sometimes I have the feeling that it's not true love. That it's just... an illusion," he says. Now he's beginning to get too deep for me.
"I can't answer what love is. And I don't think it's me you should have this conversation with," I point out. I throw a glimpse at Cecilia. She's still sitting on the grass next to Dwayne and Ken. I see that she occasionally looks in our direction, and then she quickly turns away.
"It's just about one thing, all the time," Fred sighs.
"What's that?" I say, but regret asking when I realize what he's talking about.
Fred looks at me. "Sex, of course."
"Maybe you should talk to someone else," I suggest, trying hard not to blush.
Fred keeps talking without paying attention to my request. "It's not that special, is it?"
"Again, I don't know if I'd be the most suitable person to talk to."
"You're the only one who takes me seriously," he explains. "The others would just say stuff like 'go for it' or 'just do it'."
I shake my head, and I know that it's official, I'm blushing. "Uh, I don't know..."
"But you can't solve a problem with sex, right? Sometimes it feels like the only way out of ruining our relationship. Because everyone else is doing it, and..."
"Of course it has nothing to do with SEX!" I exclaim, screaming the last word way too loud. I can't help it; he's pissing me off with his conclusions. Is that all guys ever think of?!
Obviously, everyone on the lawn has turned around to stare at me. Fred seems very uncomfortable. Cecilia acts like she didn't hear me, or she really didn't. But I think even the people on Saturn heard my yelling.
"Thanks," Fred whispers to me.
"Sorry, but I told you not to ask me!" I defend myself.
"Anyway," he continues. "It's not like I'd know if it solves anything."
My interest beats out that feeling of embarrassment. I know it's not any of my business, but kill me, I'm curious. "You don't?"
"Well, uh, I'm sort of... I've never done it."
"Oh," I blush again. I just had to ask, hadn't I? "Go talk to her about it."
Fred shrugs. "We don't talk about that. It seems pointless. I don't care anyway, it was just a thought."
"That sex would save your relationship? That's wrong in so many ways," I hiss at him. "I can't tell you what's right and wrong, or what you should do. You have to figure that out by yourself."
"I guess you're right," he sighs again. He's the master of pathetic sighs. "I just... I love her."
"But you just said...!"
"She's all I got, and it feels like at least a good substitute of love," Fred whispers. "I just don't want it to be all about sex."
"Who does?" I snort and look away. I'm about to tell him that if he should stop avoiding her, there probably wouldn't even be a problem, but Fred disappears before I have the chance.
He gets up and walks over to Cecilia, who still pretends not knowing that we're right behind her. Fred kneels next to her and whispers something in her ear. They both get up from the grass. He takes her hand and drags her along. I feel sorry for them, somehow.
"What was all the yelling about?"
I turn to see Jeff sitting next to me, smirking. "What yelling?" I mutter.
"The interesting sex yelling," he laughs. "We're all dying to know what that conversation was about. You didn't make him any offers, did you?"
"Jeff!" I shout and push him off the bench. He stands up with a huge grin on his face. Then he gets serious.
"Do you like him?"
"Fred? Of course not!" I tell him. I hope I'm not lying.
"So, don't talk about sex with him then. Unless you want Cecilia to kill you."
Right. I'd take her out in one punch.
***
Fred's POV
I'm not a very smart person. I know that. My Dad used to tell me that I'd be a failure at everything I'd try to do. That includes love and relationships, obviously.
Cecilia was already sleeping when I got to our room last night. Pretending to be asleep, anyway. She breathes funny when she's really sleeping, and when she's pretending to sleep, she breathes like she normally do.
At first I thought it was a good thing, because otherwise we'd be stuck in one of those awkward silences. If we ever watched a movie or something at the dorms, she would usually fall asleep snuggled up in my arms. And I always had to sneak out of her room before bedtime, so we never had to deal with how to act if I was to stay over.
She was pretending to be sleeping, and I just had to bug her. "Cecilia?" I asked, but she never answered. "I know that you're awake."
By then she'd been sighing deeply and turned to look at me. "Go to sleep," she suggested. "I'm trying to sleep."
That was all we said to each other last night. I couldn't sleep, and she kept breathing like normal and yawning. People who are asleep do not yawn, do they?
So I'm going to talk to her right now, because Lex told me to. Lex is a smart girl, much brighter than I am, and she has great opinions and solutions to any problem that might show up. Cecilia just solves problems by either punching things or not mentioning them.
"So, where are we going?" Cecilia asks me. I have no idea; I just know that I have to get away from the team for a while. They must all hate me right now, and I'm not so crazy about myself either.
I figure I could take some time off from Lex. I like her a lot, but after all, Cecilia IS my girlfriend, and I haven't spent any time at all with her these last three days. I still don't know why I keep avoiding her, but I'm going to force myself to spend some time with her and like it.
"I don't know," I admit and look around. "We should go to church."
"What?" she laughs, then she realizes that she's smiling and her face turns into stone again. "What?"
I'm not a very religious guy. I've never been to a church unless I had to. Cecilia says that she doesn't believe in God, so she doesn't go to church either. Although, she did go to a catholic school earlier, and she's baptized and all that. She's a very strange catholic atheist, and people think I'm kidding when I say that she doesn't believe in God.
"This is a church-kind-of-moment," I point out. "I think there's one over there." I'm thinking that if we're in a church, we can't yell and fight with each other. Or throw things.
"Here at Disney World?" she says. "Who would want to get married here?"
"Lots of people. Mickey and Minnie. Donald and Daisy. Simba and Nala?"
Cecilia smiles again. "Okay, fine, let's go to church."
We walk in silence, until we get to the small chapel I knew was located somewhere in the area. For being Disney World, it's sort of normal. Cecilia does her usual routine when she gets in through the doors; at first she looks toward the ceiling, then she does that cross-thing with her hands, and kneels when she gets up to the altar. Yeah, right, she doesn't believe in God.
I don't do any of those things, because I have no idea how to do them. We sit down on the bench up front, and I know that I should say something.
"Nice place to get married," Cecilia snorts before I have the chance to open my mouth. "Poor bastards."
"Maybe we should get married," I say, even though I know it's the absolutely last thing in the world I should be saying.
"Sure, and why not get some kids while we're at it?" she mutters.
I close my eyes. "Not now! But when we get older, we should get married."
"You know, if you're married you can't sleep with other girls," she points out, and I'm not sure if she's serious or not.
"And you can't sleep with other men," I reply. Great, we're going to fight in the church, aren't we?
Cecilia looks over to the podium. "Good thing I'm only sleeping with you, then."
"No one's sleeping with anyone," I say, trying to get the conversation under control.
"And whose fault is that? Lex slept in your bed."
"You slept in Anthony's bed."
"You like Lex."
"And Anthony likes you," I shoot back, but I know the real answer was 'no, I don't like Lex'.
Cecilia gets up and does that cross-thing again, then she leaves and I follow. "Let's not get married in here," she suggests and opens the front door.
What did just happen anyway? Did she agree to get married? Now I'm going to panic. "Tell me how to do that thing," I ask and grab her arm. She turns around. "That cross-thing, with your hands."
She smiles again. Then she puts her hand on my forehead, moves it to my left shoulder, then my right, and then she hits her fist right at my heart. "Now you're good to go," she says and grabs my hand.
"Thanks," I reply, while trying to practice the whole routine with my other hand. "What do you want to do now?"
"Nothing," she answers and keeps on walking.
"Wanna go to the Tower of Terror?" I joke.
She shrugs. "No, not at all. You wanna go hang out with Lex?"
"You wanna go hang out with Anthony?"
We're not getting anywhere at all if we're behaving like this. "Isn't there anything you want to do here?" I ask.
My God, she's difficult today. "Actually, there's one thing I've always wanted to do," she admits. "I want to see the parade, and the fireworks." Sounds like something I can do for her.
"You got it," I say, while missing Lex. It's so easy to talk to her. "You want something to eat?"
"No," she mumbles and lets go of my hand. "I have a sandwich."
"Don't worry, I can pay," I say automatically. Damn.
"No! Don't do that," she sighs. "Don't try and show your affection with money. I hate it when you're trying to buy me off."
I roll my eyes. "Do you wanna borrow?"
While bitching about who's supposed to pay, her or me, I realize that we're always doing this. We argue and bicker with each other, even when there's no meaning. "I'm hungry," I point out. "Wanna watch me eat?"
"No, not really. You wanna watch me leave?"
I begin to laugh. The stupid thing is that none of us really have any good insults to throw. Unless we're getting personal, and that usually ends with us breaking up.
"Look, let's go do something we both like," I smile. She chews on her lower lip for a second, then she grins.
"Like what?"
We have a lot in common, even though it might seem strange. For one thing, I learned how you could sneak up on the roof of the school, without making the alarm go off. Cecilia showed me that. We used to be up there all the time, looking at the view and talk. That's why it seems so strange that she would freak out like that at the Tower of Terror, because she's not THAT afraid of heights.
That's the only thing she's taught me. How to sneak out of the building without getting noticed.
I've been teaching her lots of things since we got together. How to dance, because she didn't know that until last year. How to be terrified for bugs and bees (I'm allergic and all the bugs chase me all the time). How to do tequila-shots, you know, with the salt and lemon and all that. Not necessarily in that order. Although now I regret showing her, since she's getting drunk all the time.
I taught her how to stop on the ice so the ice goes flying everywhere. She does that all the time now. I also taught her how to smoke, but I've forbidden her to ever try that again. I just had to teach her, because I'm a bad influence. I taught her how to do chocolate-flavored cookie-dough, without lighting the house on fire.
I've also been trying to teach her how to drive, but she's not a good driver. I learnt how to drive when I was twelve, because I had to. My brother became really sick one night when both my parents were away, and the emergency room refused to send an ambulance because it wasn't considered as an emergency. It was too late to get a taxi, so I had to drive. My brother almost died that night, because my Mom had left laundry detergent out, so my brother had eaten it, thinking it was candy. If I hadn't taken him to the hospital, he would've died.
Of course, my Dad was furious because I took the Mercedes without asking. Talk about priorities. It's sad. We have millions of dollars to spend on worthless things, but when my brother needed help, no one came to his rescue. It sucks being rich.
"Let's just spend some time together," I suggest and take Cecilia's hand again. This time she doesn't say anything clever back, so we're bound to have at least two moments of non-fighting.
Actually, we don't fight at all after that. I talk her into letting me buy her food, and after a few hours she forgets that she's mad at me. And I forget why the hell I'm so miserable. Luckily, we don't meet up with anyone from the team. After Lex's loud-mouthed comment earlier, they would only bug us.
We end up by the water, eating ice-cream. Well, I'm eating it, Cecilia is stirring it until it's drinkable. "You don't want it?" I ask when she's pouring some of the ice-cream down on the ground.
"Yeah, but it's too cold," she explains and tries to kick away a bird, who's showing interest in the ice-cream. "Get away!"
"Don't kick the birds," I sigh and put my hand on her leg. "That's not allowed."
She opens her mouth to say something really bad, but she stops herself. "Damn bird."
I have never met a girl who curses as much as my girlfriend. She even make up her own words. "There are children around," I point out when she begins attacking the bird again.
"So? That's really not my problem, is it?"
I'm close to say something like 'In that case, what is your problem?', but I don't. She'd only turn her anger towards me instead. When the bird flies away, Cecilia becomes happy again. "When does the parade begin?"
I look at my watch. "Soon, I guess. Let's just stay here until we have to go."
"Uh, sure. Why?" she asks and looks around. "There's nothing to do here. Look, they have a souvenir-shop!"
While killing some time down by the water, I'm beginning to plot on how to talk serious with her. There's this strange thought going through my mind. What if we can't solve this problem? What if this is really it, this time?
We head back to Main Street in time for the parade, and I think I see some people from the team there. I don't care, I just want to be with my girlfriend right now.
We're about to grab something more to eat when Cecilia just stops dead, right in the middle of the street. I turn around to wait for her, but she doesn't move. "What's up? Did you see a bug?"
"No," she says and stares at me. "Why did you want me to spend the day with you?"
"Because I miss you. You're my girlfriend, I have to..."
"You have to miss me?" she interrupts.
"No, I was going to say that I have to give you some attention too."
"You're just jealous because I spent yesterday with Anthony," she giggles and hurries up to me. "Otherwise I'd be hanging out with Adam today, hearing him complain about Charlie."
"I'm not jealous," I mutter. "I just don't trust him. Lex says..."
"Lex says this, and Lex says that. Did Lex tell you to spend the day with me?"
"Well, yeah, but that's..."
"She did?" Cecilia says, sounding horrified. "But I thought..."
"I was going to ask you to come with me today anyway," I explain. "Lex had nothing to do with it, we were just talking."
Cecilia shrugs and gives me a hurt look. "That's fine. Let's just go see the fireworks."
Another awkward silence occurs. It didn't used to be like this. We used to talk about everything, we used to spend every second together, and we used to be unable to stop kissing each other once we got started. We used to really love each other. Now I'm not even sure if we like each other.
No, I didn't mean that. I meant that I'm not sure if we feel the same way as we used to feel.
I'm surprised that she's still here. If we were back home in Minnesota, she probably would've left. She grabs my hand again, and doesn't let go. I guess it's the atmosphere. You can't be unhappy when you're at the happiest place on earth.
***
We sneak back to our room, hoping that the others won't see us. I don't know, I just don't need their looks and whisperings right now.
Cecilia opens the door, I guess for once we both have our keys with us. "You wanna go inside?" she asks.
"Where else am I supposed to go?" I answer and push the door open. "I'm not sleeping in the hallway, that's for sure."
I have always wondered how I can be calm when there's chaos around me. I guess it's because I grew up in a home where one day didn't go by without something was broken or thrown at someone. I'm the oldest, I had to keep calm so I could get my brothers away from the fighting. That's probably why I'm the only one who can get Cecilia to calm down when she's going ballistic at something.
Too bad I inherited that yelling-gene from my parents. The ability to say things I don't mean, and how to hurt the person I love the most. That's why I'm never having any children.
"Let's never have children," I think out loud.
"You got it," Cecilia says and kicks off her shoes. "Why even think about that? What's going on in your head?"
"Nothing," I shrug. "You know, we talked at the church..."
Cecilia interrupts me with a laugh. "I wasn't serious! Believe me, you have nothing to be afraid of. We're not getting married."
"Oh?" I say, feeling both relieved and hurt. What's wrong with me?
"I don't believe in God, or in marriages or weddings and all that," she rants and walks up to me. "I'm just not into stuff like that, because I don't believe in true love."
Lex is so going to have to eat up her words. "You don't love me?" I ask. This is our problem. We speak too much. During all this time we've been together, she hasn't said she loves me, not even once. She just can't say those words, even though I know she's in love with me.
"Of course I do," she smiles. That's not saying she loves me, that's agreeing on something I said.
"Say it," I mutter. "Say that you love me."
"Why? You know that it's true anyway."
"I just want to hear it."
She shakes her head. "Why can't you just trust me? This is just like before, when I said that I didn't have a problem with sex, but you still didn't believe me."
"That has nothing to do with this," I snap.
Cecilia looks close to an outburst now. "So why is it so important to you?"
"I just need to know that you really love me!" I practically shout at her.
"Not that! Why is sex so important?"
"That's not important," I disagree. "Love is important, sex is not."
"Is that why we never talk about it?" she wants to know. "Or is it because you'd rather be with someone else?"
There are some things I just can't solve. I think this is one of those things. "Maybe it's not someone else," I hiss. "Maybe we're just not meant to be together."
"Well, you've been waiting a really long time to tell me to go to hell. That's okay, I'm sure you'd rather go sleep with Lex instead."
"She has nothing to do with this. And unless you really want to talk about what happened last time we tried to have sex, I suggest you shut up."
"Don't tell me to shut up!" she screams at me. I take one step back, just to be sure she won't throw anything at me. "I thought you didn't want to talk, but it's obvious, you just don't want to talk with me."
She walks by me and goes out on the balcony. I put my hands into my pockets and moan. This isn't really one of my greatest plans ever.
"Cecilia, I'm sorry," I give in. "I didn't mean that. I'm just confused about what we're doing. And what we're not doing."
I join her out on the balcony, and she doesn't tell me to go to hell. Instead she turns around and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Right now, we're not doing anything at all," she explains. "But if you could only listen to me, and stop screwing around, you'd know that the only reason for us not having sex is because you haven't really talked to me in months."
"I know," I mumble. "I just didn't want to pressure you, and then we just stopped talking altogether."
"You said it was okay to wait," she reminds me. "But I never thought you'd wait this long to bring it up again. Don't you want me?"
"I do," I assure her. "It doesn't matter if we have sex or not, it's not what's wrong with this relationship."
"Nothing is wrong," she says. "And I... I really do want to try again."
Ouch, she just shut down my whole nerve-system. How the hell do you respond to such a statement? "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am."
The last time I asked if she was sure, she answered 'I think so'. That would've been my cue to not go any further, and tell her that she had to be really sure. I'm an idiot, because I didn't pay attention to what she was really feeling. No wonder it all went to hell after that.
"I'm waiting for you to kiss me," she announces and shakes my arm. "Hello!"
I laugh. "Sorry."
So I kiss her, and she kisses me back. And for once, it feels right. I'm not feeling guilty for ignoring her, or annoyed because she's irritating me. My mind doesn't wander from what I'm really doing, and I know that I'm not angry anymore.
We walk back inside, and she put her arms around my neck. "You're serious, right?" she asks. "You're not only saying things because you want to sleep with me?"
"I love you, I would never do that!" I exclaim. "Not that I don't want to sleep with you, because I do. What was the question again?"
There's much you can ask of me, but to expect me to be completely rational and calm in a situation like this? I'm two inches away from having a nervous breakdown.
Cecilia doesn't answer, she just smiles at me and kisses me again. I don't know what's going on. What does this mean? Am I really this stupid?
I put my arms around her and lift her up on the bed. I'm trying to be the responsible one, like always, but I still can't manage to function as normal. She's just too close, and too intense, I can barely breath. Neither can she, she gasps for air and I lie down on top of her.
That first time is only perfect in the movies. Believe me, in real life it's much more of an anxious feeling. Not at all glamorous, because you're shaking with fear, and you're sweaty, and you don't really know what you're doing. It makes you psychically instable, and it's probably one of the toughest things to go through.
My thoughts aren't exactly gathered, and I'm really trying hard not to throw up from the pressure I'm feeling. My heart is pounding, and I can't really move. It's awful to feel like you don't have control over the situation.
I guess it's the closeness that makes me nervous. To be with her like this, to touch her, to have her in my arms.
Suddenly she pushes me away. "We're really going to go through with this, right?" she whispers nervously.
"If you're sure you want to," I answer.
"Yeah. You do have... You know, protection," she stutters, mostly because I'm lying on her with all my weight, and that makes it hard for her to speak.
"Yeah," I say. "Don't worry."
She opens her mouth to say something more, but she never does. I'm too shaken up to ask about it, and I think I'm going to pass out.
The rest is sort of blurry. I loose myself somewhere along the way, and since I've never been in a situation like this before, I can't explain my emotions.
It just downs on me some time later that we weren't actually supposed to solve our problems with sex. At least that's what Lex said.
***
When I finally come to my senses, I'm not sure where I am. Then I see the blue ceiling, and I realize that I'm still where I was two hours ago. I've been here for two hours, and I've probably spent one hour trying to think. This is the same room, the same spot, where I was when everything changed a couple of days ago. I never knew I'd be lying here, only two days later. I didn't plan for this to happen.
My arm's asleep, and I figure out it's because I have put it under the pillow Cecilia is sleeping on. I don't want to move my arm in case she wakes up. Although, I'm not sure if she's sleeping or not. It's really hot under the cover, but I'm still terrified of moving. Cecilia is crawled up next to me, rolled up into her own cover.
I put my hand around her waist to pull her closer, and then I kiss her on the shoulder. She moves a little, and I'm still wondering if she's awake or not.
Then she moves some more and put her hand into mine. Her fingers brush against mine, and she's so tiny. Her fingers, her arms, everything about her.
Cecilia takes a deep breath, and then she moves her head. She swallows hard and gasps for air again, and I realize she's crying. I feel like crying to, but for a different reason. How is this going to affect our relationship? Did we just kill whatever was left of it? I hate not knowing how things will turn out.
"Are you okay?" I say and play with her fingers.
"I'm fine," she mumbles, still sobbing quietly.
"No, you're not," I reply. She's reluctant to turn around to face me, so I lean over her. Usually I tell her to stop crying, because I really hate the sound. I can't stand it. But now I just let her cry, I think that's what she needs to do. I try to sooth her by holding her tight in my embrace, and a second later she becomes quiet. I wipe away her tears and brush her hair away from her face.
"I'm sorry," she mumbles. I finally get her to face me, and she puts her head against my shoulder.
"Don't be sorry," I tell her. "It's okay, you're allowed to cry."
"No, I'm not."
"Of course you are. Why are you crying? Did it hurt?" Maybe I should've asked that one hour ago, when it was more of a topical question, but I still haven't grasped the situation enough. I'm still in that stage where I have to defy every little thing that just happened, and I'm just starting to remember every moment.
"I guess," she sniffles. "Yeah, it did, actually."
Now I'm feeling both uncomfortable and guilty. "I'm sorry," I say, knowing that I just told HER not to say that. "I didn't... I... Umm..." Great, now I've lost my ability to speak as well.
"That's okay," she says. "It was better then last time, considering how much it hurt then. I sort of understood that it would hurt now too. But, I guess it didn't hurt the whole time. Umm, what time is it?"
"Close to midnight, I think," I reply, looking at the digital clock at the night-stand.
"Could you just stay a bit longer?" she murmurs. "Please."
"Of course. Where else would I go?" I ask and kiss her forehead. She moves away from me, but doesn't push me away completely. "You want me to leave?" Idiot, she just said that she wants me to stay.
"I just assumed you'd leave," she says. She closes her eyes and I watch as she slowly falls asleep.
I can't sleep. I just lie there, without thinking or moving. I don't think I've been this content for a long time. I'm actually happy. Of course I'm about to panic at any second, but that's beside the point. I just hope this won't make me do something stupid. I'm not good at handling my emotions in a healthy sort of way. This might push me over the edge, all the way back to miserable again.
I'm just not used to be this happy. It freaks me out. I'm having all these mixed feelings, and the strongest feeling of them all must be the love I feel for Cecilia.
Now here's the question: how do I screw this up in the easiest possible way?
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Oooh! cliffhanger! it'll be about a weeklong cliffhanger, too. I am going away on vacation tomorrow and will be gone for 8 days (August 9-16). so no more story until sometime during the week after next week…but I assure you, Cimmy and I will be writing our butts off, in spite of this separation between us. well, maybe not writing our butts off, but we'll be having ideas. anyway, have a wonderful week everyone!
-Kristine and Cimmy