Chapter 9 – Confused
Syaoran parked in the front of her building, but neither moved to get out of the car. Sakura held her breath as he looked out of the window. He hadn't said a word and she planned on not saying anything until he would. Her hand stood still at the base of the seatbelt, almost pushing the button to release it. Syaoran let the engine die as he turned the key over and steadied his own hand on the steering wheel. A moment went by, followed by more silence. Sakura took a deep breath and just took a big step; as if accepting heartbreak served on a platter.
"I want togo outwith you again," she whispered in the silence, aware of how her heart was pounding her chest, and another faint heartbeat in the background belonged to his.
His breath hitched. He stared at her in shock. No woman had ever been so brave to be the one to ask. Cowardice filled his body. Syaoran swallowed and looked at her. "That's what I was going to say," he said quietly, "but you beat me to it." No chuckle this time. She stared at him in surprise, realizing he was being sincere.
Within seconds, unexpected fear showed in her eyes. Sakura's hands found each other and joined together in a tight fist. "I'm taking a big risk here, Syaoran," she whispered once more. "Just one night with you made everything I haven't felt in years come back. I know you're eventually going to leave," she bit her lip from saying me, "so… I don't want to be in a serious relationship with you again." She paused. "You have to understand that."
Syaoran wouldn't admit it, but a painful tear inside him opened a little more by her words. He merely nodded.
"But," she breathed deeply once more, feeling her cheeks burn, "my heart's not listening to anything my mind's saying."
His heart pounded its heaviest beat and almost stopped in shock.
Her bottom lip trembled. Syaoran immediately realized that she was fighting with herself. He reached his hand to her and caressed her cheek, cupping her face with his large hand. Sakura's eyes slowly went to meet his, those emerald orbs sparkling with unshed tears. "I'm scared," she whispered when his face had moved two inches in front of hers. Syaoran wiped her tears away with his thumb. Without words at all, he leaned forward and met her moist lips in a gentle, tender kiss. She let her hand fall on his chest as he softly kissed her. When he pulled away, a small sigh came out of her lips and a stray tear leaked out of the corner of her eyes. Syaoran swallowed at the big lump of emotion in his throat and wiped her last tear away.
"The last thing I want to do is hurt you," he said quietly. "You know that, right?"
She nodded, looking into his dark, amber eyes. "I know."
He pulled away from her, sat back in his seat for a few seconds, and then went out of his side of the car and opened hers. Sakura took his offered hand and let herself be pulled up to the building pavement. With hesitation, they walked to the front of her apartment, holding hands. Syaoran stared into her eyes one last time, a gentle smile appearing on his features. Syaoran's smiles never failed to work up Sakura's heart to overdrive. Sakura managed to give back a feeble smile of her own.
"Give me your phone number," he said, a little embarrassed. They'd known each other more than 6 years and yet he didn't know her phone number.
Shelet out a nervous giggle, and nodded, finding a piece of napkin in her bag. She used a pen she'd also found and scribbled it on. He took it from her shaking hands and took it in his. Syaoran, noticing a loose strand of hair framing Sakura's face, tucked it behind her ear. He continued to stare at her as if he had all the time in the world. Sakura, not knowing what to do, kept her eyes to her level, at his collarbone.
"Syaoran," she began inaudibly.
He shook his head. "Just let me look at you for one more minute."
"Why?" her cheeks couldn't get any worse than it already was.
"Because you're so beautiful," he answered simply, burying his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her.
"Aren't you tired of my face already?" She finally raised her eyes to meet his.
Syaoran's eyes darkened with seriousness. "I'll never get tired of looking at you." He mentally punched himself as he touched her smooth cheek once more. Sakura's heart warmed at the feeling of his soft touch. "I should go." His words came out with reluctance, but his actions had different plans.
She nodded. "Goodnight."
He leaned forward, intending to give her one last kiss, but at the last second, he pulled away from her softness and warmness, knowing he definitely wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. He sighed quietly and let his gaze drift away. "Goodnight."
Disappointment flashed in her eyes, but quickly, she hid it with a nod, and entered her building, leaving him alone. She glanced back one last time to give him a wave, which he returned half-heartedly. Syaoran walked to his car, entered the driver's seat, and began thinking of the day. The date wasn't even that romantic or special, but when night came and they were alone, just the two of them, the date had gone from casual to passionate within seconds. Syaoran's head fell back on the headrest of his seat. Dammit. He was falling too damn fast.
--- --- ---
Early the next morning, Syaoran got a message from the lobby that a person called several times for him the day before, choosing to leave the same message after each phone call. It had been his sisters, phoning with the same voice, but saying exactly the same thing. He had to get in touch with them because of some serious news. After he dressed and showered, he decided to phone them now before heading to work.
"Hello?" A calm feminine voice greeted.
Syaoran visibly relaxed. "Sheifa?"
"Syaoran?" The woman asked. "This is Feimei."
"Sorry," he smiled a little. "I got your calls. What's going on there?"
She sighed. "The situation's not as grave as our sisters have made it sound," Feimei said with a sigh, "although it does concern you."
He frowned. "What's it about?"
"Sonomi Daidouji, mother of your 'fiancée'?" Feimei reminded. "She wants to arrange a brief meeting between you and her daughter before the actual marriage. They want to get details fixed, wedding plans straightened out, the whole nine yards."
Syaoran stopped cold. The arranged marriage. He'd forgotten all about that.
"The thing is, you're not here, and we don't intend to pull you out of your only vacation. We made a proposition with Sonomi to make the meeting two weeks before your wedding, which gives you a little less than a month left. Do you think that's good enough?" Feimei asked carefully.
He didn't answer for about a minute.
"Syaoran?"
He gripped the receiver with a vise-like grip, his knuckles turning pale. "I-I'm here," he muttered in a still-stunned state. "I haven't even thought about the marriage...at all."
"What...? OH! Oh my god, I'm so stupid! I can't believe I was so ignorant…" she whispered, cutting herself off. "What happened with you and Sakura??"
Syaoran shook his head. "What the hell am I going to do?" He berated himself.
"Syaoran, talk to me."
He sighed and sat on his bed. "I don't even know what the hell's going on now," he admitted while staring into oblivion. "Sakura…she's finally herself around me now. We went out last night and…it was great."
"But..."
Syaoran took a deep breath. "She doesn't want anything more to come out of it."
"What do you mean she doesn't want anything more? To come out of what?"
Syaoran shook his head. "She doesn't want to be in a serious relationship with me again." He said bluntly.
Feimei gasped in surprise. "Oh…"
"And I don't want to marry that woman I know nothing about. At first, I thought I could handle living the rest of my life with a stranger," he brushed a hand over his face. "And now, I'm just confused."
The older sibling felt sympathy wash over her. "Well…" she paused for a moment, and despite her high hopes of Syaoran and Sakura's chance of being together again, Feimei pointed out the one thing Syaoran had been so confused about. "If she doesn't want to be with you again…"
"I know. What am I doing, staying here anyway?" Under his breath, he swore at himself.
"You don't have to decide right now, Syaoran," Feimei spoke gently. "Take my advice…even if it's not good enough for this situation. Take your time with this…go somewhere where you're alone and just weigh all your options out."
He nodded. "Yeah," he muttered.
"We're here for you, honey, ok? Just a phone call away."
"Thanks Fei," he let the receiver down with a light sound.
--- --- ---
Sakura ate her lunch, a simple peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich. She wasn't expecting him to call anytime soon, yet she couldn't help but stay at home if he did. Sakura swallowed some water, looking at the flashing scenes in the TV. This was bad…really bad. She didn't think she'd be so anxious to see him again, but here she was, practically jumping in her own skin, waiting for his voice to come out of that receiver. Sakura sighed to herself and put down her plate on the table. She fluffed up the pillow beside her and rested her head on it.
Sakura let herself remember their very first date. Syaoran was all thumbs, looking extremely nervous. Sakura wasn't as bad, but she was also suffering from first-date jitters. They had gone to a local diner that wasn't formal or elegant, but they ate good food, had good conversation, and plainly enjoyed it. When he drove them back to the school, Syaoran stood at her door, just staring at her with a goofy grin on his face. Sakura pushed her face into the pillow, feeling herself blush at the memory. Syaoran had leaned down in the smoothest way, his arm slowly easing around her waist.
Can I kiss you? He had asked when their lips were mere inches apart. Already drowning in his charms and looks, she was barely able to nod. With a small smile, he'd kissed her in the softest, most gentlemanly way possible. Sakura sighed wistfully, remembering exactly how she felt when she went back to her bedroom. Her knees had turned to jelly and as soon as she hit the side of the couch, her body fell over and she landed on a pillow head first. She had squealed and giggled like a cute teenager.
The phone rang, cutting off her thoughts. Sakura blinked the memory away, glancing at the white phone. She stretched her body and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"
"Hello yourself," the greeting brought shivers down her spine.
"Syaoran," she spoke softly. "I was just thinking about you."
"Were you?" Despite his emotions, Syaoran managed a grin. "In what way?" He asked teasingly.
The comment turned her cheeks from pink to crimson. "Our first date," she tucked her feet beneath her thighs. "Do you remember?"
"Ah…" slowly the memory dawned on him. "That was a good night, huh?"
Last night was better, she thought. "Yeah."
"Listen," he cleared his throat. "Are you busy tonight?"
"No."
"Can I see you?" He asked.
Her heart skipped a beat. "Sure."
"I'll pick you up at 5, all right?"
"Ok," she answered, hiding her sudden happiness. "So…till then."
He teased again. "Going formal on me?"
She laughed.
"Bye, babe."
Sakura felt a hard thud in her chest. "Bye."
Sakura put the phone down and rested back on the couch. Four hours until she had to change. She sighed, a smile appearing on her face. Sakura turned off the TV. She walked to her bedroom, opening a cabinet with several fancy notebooks lined up in one side. She took the one that said, '1996-1997.' It had been her diary for the year, and it wasn't hard to fill in though there were hundreds of pages. Sakura went back to the couch, brought her knees to her chest, and opened it delicately. Her first entry began with Syaoran's name. As she read her own words, a warm feeling spread over her body. She sighed wistfully and put the book down. Memories were wonderful…she knew she would always be able to keep those in her heart.
--- --- ---
He'd forgotten to mention which type of outfit to wear, but Syaoran had said that he would pick her up at 5pm, which meant they were probably going to be doing something before eating dinner. Sakura walked around her room wearing nothing but bras and panties. She opened the door of her closet and looked through, trying to find something decent to wear. "Hmm…" she said to herself, pulling out some shirts and sweatshirts, but not exactly taking them out of their hangers. After finding a nice warm shirt and matching skirt, she took them and went to her full-sized mirror. It didn't look good. She sighed and went to the closet, putting the clothes back. Her back started to itch. She hooked her arm over her shoulder and tried to scratch her back, but she couldn't exactly reach it.
And that was when someone knocked on the door. Sakura almost fell in shock, although she did jump. Her eyes shot to the clock above her and saw that it was only 4:00, which was exactly an hour before Syaoran said he'd come. Somebody knocked again. Sakura, unable to think at all, walked to the door in haste, forgetting the fact that she'd worn just her underwear, the fact that she wasn't wearing anything decent at all! Her nerve-endings still quivering from that last shock, she opened the door to a small opening and glanced through.
Syaoran. "Hi."
She gulped. "Uh…"
Slowly, his gaze traveled down. His eyes bugged at the sight of her bare torso, and as he blatantly, yet involuntarily, continued to survey the rest of her, he'd found the longest, sexiest legs he'd ever seen. And with his own swallow, he faced her with palms sweating, heart thudding, and the bottom part of his body almost paralyzed. "You're-"
Her gaze followed his and with that, her eyes widened so large Syaoran was afraid her eyeballs would pop out. "Oh my-"
"Y-you're not wearing anything," he said accusingly.
Sakura, shaking at this new, obvious insight, shut the door on his face with surprising strength. "I-I'll be right back."
Staring at the door in front of him, Syaoran tried to clear his thoughts from that very….very sexy image of Sakura. Unfortunately, nothing worked.
Mere minutes later, she opened the door and stared at him with a frown. "Why are you here so early?" She demanded as soon as she let him in.
Syaoran stared at her, clad in simple clothing now, and grimaced. "I…uh…" Her cheeks were so bright red, he knew the reason she tried to sound angry was because she was hiding her embarrassment. With a small chuckle, he sighed. "You've got nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetheart. You're the sexiest woman I've ever seen," he said with a lopsided grin.
Her heart turned over in response. Her red cheeks brightened even more, much like the last time he'd seen her. Man, she was the most adorable thing he'd ever laid eyes on. "Thank you," she said uneasily, keeping her arms across her chest in a firm hold. "But answer my question. Why are you here so early?" She repeated, though this time she sounded less demanding.
He shook his head. "I should've called. Sorry," he said quietly as they entered her neat living room. "I don't exactly have a valid reason for coming over an hour early."
Sakura raised an eyebrow at him. "Why not?"
He shrugged, sitting on the couch as she sat on the one across from it. He looked terrible, Sakura thought. Of course, he was gorgeous as always, with his wild hair still up and flying, but his eyes wore that weary look, with shades of darkness beneath them, and his cheeks and jaws were unshaven, giving him that hard, dangerous look. Sakura shivered in her seat at the thought. He was staring at her all this time, too, she realized. His eyes were looking at her. Not just her face or her eyes, but everywhere, appreciating the view. Though he looked entirely exhausted, he managed a small smile when their eyes met.
"You okay?" She couldn't help but ask as worry nagged at her.
Syaoran knew he looked horrible. He sighed softly and nodded. "Fine as I'll ever be."
"What's the matter?" She frowned, tucking in her feet.
"Nothing I can talk to anybody about," he said in disdain, but let out a small breath, trying to rid of the bitterness in his voice. "You want to know why I really came?"
She nodded.
"I just had to see you," he admitted with a tone of sadness in his voice.
Her heartbeat began to quicken. "Why's that?" She asked, her voice sounding a little strangled in her ears.
"I don't know," he said quietly. His eyes closed, and as if in a trance, he'd said some wordsmuch tooserious. "Maybe it's because when I see you, I get why sometimes… life's worth living."
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To be continued…