WARNING: contains referencesto drug abuse. NEVER use drugs, medication or any stimulators without consulting it with (and getting permission from!) right authorities.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Star Trek contents.

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WHAT MAKES THE BEST PILOT

Chapter FOUR

by YANNIK

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"Hmm" Doctor hummed.

"If he says 'hmm' one more time, I swear, I'll get out of here, get out of this ship, and get out of this Quadrant, and I won't need dilithium to do that!"

"Calm down Mr. Paris" Captain tried to scold her officer, but her demeanor worked against her. She was smiling warmly. At both – Doctor's obvious – almost theatrical – concern, and at Tom's impatience. "Any conclusion, Doctor? We've been sitting here for over two hours…"

"I should do some more test…" Doctor hesitated, taking tricoder from Kes for twelfth time, and scanning the pilot, despite all the complicated diagnostic apparatus attached to his scull.

"No!" Tom moaned.

"There is slight enzymatic imbalance, and his brain patterns are… well… not exactly erratic, but not entirely typical either" Doctor refused to speak with his patient and was reporting to the Captain only. "Unfortunately everything is within standard!"

"Unfortunately?"

"Yes, because if it wasn't I would just forbid him taking that stuff! This way I… I can't!"

"So you say I can take it?" Paris interrupted.

"NO! I haven't finished examination" Doctor's answer was so intense, that it had pilot swallowing his tongue. But Captain was supposed to take care of more than just one pilot, therefore Doctor was unable to force respect on her.

"Doctor, it's already taking too long" she reproached him. "If you haven't found any contradictions, then…"

"I need more time!"

"We do not have more time! And trying to find something because of some prejudice is not going to do anybody any good. Now, replicate correct amount of neuro-activator, and administer it to Mr. Paris."

"But…"

"That's an order. I've seen enough, considered enough, and made up my mind."

With that she turned away, and left the sickbay.

Doctor and Kes looked at each other, and Doctor returned to his patient, scanning him yet again. "Hmm"

"Doctor, please!"

Kes almost laughed, but one fierce look from the Doctor had her calming down immediately.

"Mr. Paris!" Doctor erupted. "It's all your fault! If you let me run those tests on you the last time you reported headache, or the previous time, or the first time I wanted to run them actually, we would not have a problem now. We would know. Now we don't."

"What we do not know exactly?"

"What is causing the headaches!"

"That's not important! It's not relevant to the situation…"

"I am a doctor here Mr. Paris! If I say something is relevant it is! Unless Captain says otherways…" he added after a moment, and started removing paraphernalia. "I should have emphasized it more to her, I'm not sure she had enough data to 'consider'. But you – needless to say – had to sabotage my authority and add your comments to nearly everything I said!" Doctor threw gauge on a tray with noticeable disgust – not at the gauge of course, but at his stubborn patient. He gazed at Paris, and shut his thin lips tighter than was possible. "I need to prepare the data for replication" he buzzed, and without another word he left Tom in Kes' hands.

"He's right, you know?" she said softly.

Her calm attitude always worked for Tom, but not this time. He sighed in exasperation, but didn't say anything.

"Your headaches may be…"

"All my test results are normal, aren't they? What one more test could prove? People tend to have headaches and there's nothing to it! I was tired sometimes…"

"You'd be more tired after flying for five days straight."

Tom had no answer to it. Besides there were those things he haven't exactly told the Captain, and Doctor didn't ask all the right questions.

Kes removed last piece of diagnostic equipment, and Tom sat up on the biobed immediately. Her appearance was so concerned, that he felt sorry for her the very moment.

"Kes…" he started, taking her hand in his, and was at a loss for words. What could he tell her to comfort her? And himself in fact. She obviously felt his anxiety, because she squeezed his hand too, in silent understanding.

"I know 'Voyager' has no other option. I do understand Captain, and you. But I agree with the Doctor." She stopped for a moment, but didn't really expect him to answer – he knew that. He knew her. "Go, get some rest now. As Captain said, Ens. Baytart would start taking us into the cluster in a moment, and you'd take over in about ten hours."

"He already started" Tom said softly. Kes smiled. She was the only one who believed in his ability to sense 'Voyager' without distrust.

"Do you need something to help you sleep?" she asked, and Tom nodded.

Equipped with hypospray to use once in his bed, Tom headed towards the mess-hall.

Neelix's food tasted good for a change. Tom wondered if Talaxian did it purposefully, to help the pilot get fit enough for the ride, the best way he could – by providing food – or was it a coincidence. Whatever it was, Tom had to appreciate it. Taking another spoon of concoction – he already forgot what Neelix named it – he realized someone sat across from him at the table. And most certainly it wasn't Harry, since ops officer was most likely still preoccupied with Tuvok on working out the best route through the cluster.

Tom rose his sight.

And he saw none else, but B'Elanna Torres.

"Hey!"

"You're really going to do that?" she asked straight on, without greeting.

"Well. You don't believe I could get us through some crazed gravitational fields?"

"I don't mean that. I mean neural activator."

Tom was stunned, that she had doubts about it being the best possible way out of it. If there was any other – he was not informed.

"Uh… Well, if I'm going to fly this boat for… what is it?… like a hundred hours straight I couldn't possibly do it without some extra aid, don't you think? I'm not that great pilot." He smirked, but she didn't get the joke – as usual. Serious Klingon warrior.

"Stop it!" she snapped. "I don't… I mean I saw what it does to people."

"It does nothing! Every pilot-cadet uses that thing during end-semester rides. It would be impossible to get through all the tests without some outside help!"

"So you were using that too?"

Tom hesitated. That's the question Doctor didn't ask…

"Yep."

B'Elanna eyed him a while. Did she notice his wavering?

"Still." She exhaled finally. "It's not just some vitamin! It can lead to addiction, to… brain damage?" she wasn't sure, but she was worried. Wasn't that just sweet?

"Really?" Tom teased. It got strangely pleasant to have her talking to him like that. He couldn't help, but smiling.

"Really!"

"Maybe" he agreed, still smiling. "If used unsupervised. Doctor is taking good care of me."

"Is he?"

Wow, that was something. He asked before he thought about implications of a question.

"Hey! Are you worried for me?"

"No" she answered simply. "I'm worried for the ship."

Tom just stared at her for a moment. The answer came out so briskly! Couldn't be untrue. He felt regret. Just a little, tiny regret.

"Everything will be okay" he soothed her. "We'll get through it, and we'll do it quickly!"

They sat in silence for a while. His food was getting cold, but his appetite was suddenly gone. He looked at the spoon, rummaging through the layers of yellow, and brownish vegetables, and green meat. Weird to look at – Neelix's cooking. Maybe he should have stuck to his own replicator? Captain gave him special extra replicator rations, and some credits for warm water shower this evening.

"Why do you do this?" B'Elanna asked suddenly, and solemnly.

"What?"

"Sacrifice yourself like that" that came out even more quiet. Absolutely unusual for hot-tempered half-Klingon.

"What!" Tom couldn't hide his astonishment.

"Well…" she hesitated. Gosh, wasn't she just lovely? Tom placed his hand across her slender palm, laying on the table. He squeezed it lightly.

"I'm doing it, because I care for this ship too."

She rose her eyes to meet his, and smiled finally. But it was a sad smile.

"That's charming, but… Tom. Given your recent headaches… You're going to suffer! Suffer a big deal."

He frowned. Did she talk to the Doctor? Or was this conclusion so obvious to everyone beside him? It wasn't really something he wanted to consider right now.

"Maybe…" he said, and smiled deviously. "But… If you promise to come and comfort me when I suffer, it will not be that bad."

"Oh, stop it!" she pulled her hand out from his hastily and strode to her feet, in attempt to leave. But Tom grabbed her wrist.

"Hey! Okay… Sorry" he apologized. "Don't leave. This dish is really tasty" he pointed at his plate, "I never thought I could say that about Neelix's kitchen, but you should try it."

B'Elanna hesitated. She observed him really long, until she calmed her senses, and made her decision.

"I'll get myself a plate" she said simply. "What's it called?"

"Have no idea, those names of his… Just say – same as Pig" he smiled the widest, the cockiest smile of his.

"I'll do that" surprisingly she smiled back.

When she returned, he managed to finish off his dish. Appetite was suddenly back. But soon her question caught him off guard again.

"Have you really used that stuff before?" she asked matter-of-factly, but he knew better that that. He heaved a sigh.

"The activator? Once, or twice."

"So you weren't using it at all of the end-semester rides?" slight tease was subdued by curiosity. Maybe even worry.

"Just don't betray me before my colleagues… No. I was passing with excellence on my own skills. Without aids. I never admitted that to my fellows though…" Tom suddenly got thoughtful. His insecurity was the reason for a disaster… Of course Torres had to notice his switch of mood.

"What?" she demanded.

"Nothing."

"Tom?"

"It gave me this incredible kick, y'know?" he briskly returned to the subject. "When I took the staff. The first time I took it, I felt as if I was a part of the flyer. I didn't need to look at the control to know all the data. They just were there" he poked his skull. "Incredible feeling."

"You said you felt that way about 'Voyager', but you don't take anything…"

"I know. It's weird, isn't' it? Maybe it's because she has this bio-gel hocus-pocus – thinking engine. I have no idea."

"And the second time?"

Did she have to ask?

"I got a little scared of that feeling when I first got it" he started speaking slowly, not really sure how much he wanted to reveal. "So I decided not to take any energizers anymore. But after a few years I forgot that. We were on that difficult passage. We knew it would take a lot from us to endure this flight, so… the guys… at Ops, Tactical, Co-pilot… They took it. They said that I should too, because I was to drive them home. I said okay." Tom stopped talking and involuntary run his hand across his face.

"And what happened?" B'Elanna urged.

"Nothing." He shook off memories. "It made me a little… messed up, that's all."

"Messed up?"

"Don't worry. It won't happen here." Tom promised. "As long as I take it, we're completely safe. I will be the tip-top pilot all the way."

"What do you mean – as long as you take it?…" she did not follow.

"It messed me up after it wore off, and I refused to take another dose."

She considered his answer for a second, but it didn't reduce her doubts. In fact it increased them.

"But you have to stop taking it sometime!"

"After we get through. Then it will be safe."

"Not for you!"

He looked at her dumbfounded. So she did worry.

But at the moment it didn't matter anymore.

"I'd better go" his throat was so clenched, that he could barely speak. He only wanted to escape his past, his present day… "I need to get some rest, I should be on the bridge in nine hours. Goodnight."

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To be continued

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