Chapter 15 – Fighting For It All
"You look horrible."
Sakura looked up from her desk and settled her gaze at her co-worker. "I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult," she absently smiled, raking a hand over her tousled hair. "I've looked worse, so…"
"Come here and give me a hug," Ken interrupted and held her hand as she stood and walked around her desk to him. "Now what the hell happened to you?"
She shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment. "Nothing; just personal problems."
He frowned. "You know, I didn't exactly hear from you after you deserted me like that. Mind telling me if it's about that guy you ditched me for?"
Sakura's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "How do you know about him?"
"I parked across from the building and watched where you were going. It didn't seem natural for you to break plans off like that. And I knew it was about that guy. I just knew it." Ken saw the pained look on her face. He frowned even more. "What did he do?"
"I…uh, nothing." She shook her head and walked away from him. "No, forget it."
"Sakura…" he started, following her. "Did he hurt you?" Her silence gave it away. Suddenly filled with animosity, Ken grabbed her arm and turned her around. "What did the jerk do?" His voice was mildly scary.
Sakura stared up at him. "Ken, please-"
"It's one thing for him to take you away from me. It's another thing to hurt you. Now what did he do?"
"Stop!" She pulled her arm back and walked away, stopping in the middle of the room. "I was never yours, Ken," she stated coolly. "And it's none of your business what he did to me! Look, you're my friend and I appreciate your concern, but I don't need you to watch over me! I can handle myself, ok?"
Steely-eyed, he stared at her from across the room. "Damn you, Sakura. You let him walk all over you like that and just get away with it?"
Her dry-red eyes suddenly filled with stinging tears. "He didn't-"
"Why do you even bother defending him?" Ken interrupted angrily before walking away and slamming her classroom door.
Sakura wiped away her eyes before the tears could flow. She marched to her desk and gathered her things in haste. Her anger was fueled now and the tears were over. That jerk didn't deserve any, just as Ken had said. But to hell with him too. She had enough. She didn't need one man to break her heart and another to yell at her for letting it happen. Beyond frustrated, Sakura waited until her face showed no more signs of emotion, and walked to the office and opened the door of the principal's office. The old man looked at her with a quizzical look.
"What do you need, Miss Kinomoto?"
"I'd like my two-week leave now, Mr. Sato."
"Uh…but this is the first day of school, Miss Kinomoto."
"I know," she said, biting her tongue, and continuing on.
He stared at her for one more moment to see if she was being serious, only to find out that she was. "No."
"Mr. Sato, please-"
"Miss Kinomoto. You had two months off work. Please be smart about this."
She was exasperated and knew only one thing was possible. "Mr. Sato, you don't have to pay me. I want to keep the job, but you don't have to pay me while I take my leave."
Speechless, he stared at her. "Uh…this is foolhardy. Fine, I'll let you take your leave. Understand that-"
She'd already gone by then.
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Syaoran stared blankly up above at the ceiling. Thoughts raced across his mind as he played Daidouji's final words again and again. The idea of binding himself to this woman…however nice and beautiful she was…it didn't matter; not even close. A familiar pain struck at him when his mind would drift to Sakura, and he rubbed his chest in hopes of consoling it. The morning signs of light slowly emerged from the windows by the side of the room. He didn't bother getting up. Why even try? He didn't want to be reminded of what would be his future.
A brisk knock on the door had him opening his eyes again. He stayed on his bed. "What?"
"Someone's here to see you, Master Li," A maid spoke through the wall.
He sighed and swung his legs over the side. "Who?"
"She didn't give a name, sir."
A little confused, he grabbed the pair of pants he threw on his desk and pulled them on. Syaoran shoved his hand in one of his half-opened drawers and grabbed a random shirt, pulling it over his head. Nobody would be awake yet, so who the hell would want to see him? Were the Li's expecting guests today? He opened his door and walked downstairs. He glanced around the space and found no one at all in the living rooms, dining room, or halls. So everybody was asleep. Some maids were already in the kitchen, probably cleaning and cooking. Syaoran sighed and walked the last few steps of the stairs and grabbed the door knob. The sight before him froze him to his place.
Sakura, with mild vengeance in her eyes, stood staring back at him. But all Syaoran could feel was the rapid pounding of something deep inside him. They continued to stare at each other for a healthy length of time until he opened his mouth to ask her why she was there. However, she'd caught the motion and stalked in the house, her bag in tow, without a care if anyone else lived in there. He stared one more moment at the outside, breathing the cool fresh morning air, and finally let reality sink in. Sakura was here. In Hong Kong. In his house. There was a confrontation coming. Syaoran swallowed, closed the door in a sound too deafening for a quiet place like this, and shoved his hands in pockets while turning to face her.
"Uh…" he started, unsure of how to begin.
"Did you think you could just walk out the way you did without expecting something from me?" She practically yelled. Her green eyes were in fire as she threw her glare at him. Syaoran felt his blood boil up at the heat in those amazing eyes. Dammit, why the hell did she have to look so…-so beautiful! This was always how it went down whenever they'd confront each other after a disagreement.
He opened his mouth to speak when she interrupted yet again.
"You're the biggest jerk in the world, Li, and I'm just as big an idiot for letting you into my life and walking all over me again! I actually knew that you were the jerk of our generation before we started dating. You know why? Because you had that smart-ass, arrogant, little smile, as if you already knew I would be willing to go out with you." She vented off her pent-up anger and threw her words at him as she paced back and forth, her arms flailing about.
"I knew what I said when you came back. Even though I knew in the back of my mind you'd be hurting me again, I said to you plainly it didn't matter. Well, it did. I…I never believed that you'd actually do it again. My friends told me not to let it happen, but I was so sure you wouldn't hurt me again." She stopped for a minute and caught her breath. "Well. Guess we proved them wrong, huh?"
Syaoran let his gaze shift to the cold wooden floors that coincidentally felt like his heart at this moment. Her words hit too close to home.
"The thing I don't get is why. If you are getting married, I don't understand why you'd come back and initiate some sort of fling, or-or relationship, whatever that was, with me."
"It wasn't a goddamn fling and you know it," he interrupted in a darkly cold voice.
She stared up at him, her gaze just as cold. "You don't get to be the mad one in this situation, Li. You're the one who caused the hurting, remember?"
"It's not like I chose to be engaged to her," he argued, meeting her eye to eye, fire against fire. "And I know I hurt you. Saying that would be an understatement, believe me. But you're not the only goddamn victim in this situation, Sakura. I came back because I wanted you." He didn't miss the shock in her eyes. "I didn't leave Japan six years ago because I wanted to. My mother was sick and she was dying and she made me come here. Do you get that?" His words were biting and cruel and he couldn't stop them. "She had to tell me she was dying to get me to come home. You know why, Sakura?"
She continued to stare wordlessly, refusing to believe what he was saying.
"Because I wanted to stay. I didn't want to leave you. When I told you I had to leave, it tore me apart. You looked so…so hurt! I had to force myself to remember her condition and walk out the door."
"No," she began, refusing to understand. "No! You left because you-you didn't love me anymore. N-no, ok? No!" She shook her head in denial.
Syaoran suddenly went towards her. "Sakura."
"Get away from me!"
"What is going on in here?" A feminine voice demanded from the stairs.
Sakura's eyes flew up to meet a glamorous-looking woman with the same chestnut eyes as Syaoran.
Syaoran's head bent down in annoyance. He fisted the ends of his shirt and tightened his jaws. Why did Sheifa have to wake up? Why did she out of everyone else? He growled deep in his throat and looked up, meeting his sister's shocked, very confused stare at Sakura, who looked just the same herself. Syaoran gritted his teeth and walked up the stairs, grabbing at Sheifa's arm along the way. She protested, slapping his hand away, but her attention stayed on the green-eyed woman.
"Stop it! Stop manhandling me!" She cried as she felt Syaoran let go of her. "What's wrong with you?" She rubbed at her arm.
"Could you just stay up here? Please?" He asked, facing her with a weary look. "And keep everybody here?"
Realization dawned on her. "Syaoran…" she scrutinized his actions and expressions. "Syaoran…was that Sakura?"
He looked away and sighed. "Yes."
"Oh my God, really?" She cried out, not able to keep her excitement in. This was getting much too dramatic to keep quiet. "Oh Syaoran, this is wond—"
"You say that word and I'm going to have to throw you in your room. I mean it," Syaoran interrupted in a serious tone. "Just leave me and her alone. Please."
Sheifa sighed and shook her head. "Sometimes you are the coldest person I've ever met. Can't even let me have some fun." Sheifa shook off his aloof attitude and straightened her robes. "Fine, fine. I'll even stop anyone who starts walking out of their room. If that's what you want."
"It is. Thanks," he muttered before heading back down again.
When he got back to the living room, however, he didn't find Sakura anywhere. He looked around the vast house and saw no sign of her. Even her bag was gone. Syaoran yanked open the door and finally saw her walking angrily down the road. He bit back the growing frustration and yelled out for her. She continued on walking, obviously so angry she could strangle him with her own two hands. Then he'd see they weren't so delicate.
"Sakura," he called as he neared her.
"No! Leave me alone!" She cried back out, her voice a little broken .
His heart constricted. "You're the one who came here," he said once he started walking alongside her. "And I'm not leaving you alone in a country where you don't even know where the bus is."
Her bottom lip trembled helplessly. Sakura bunched her fists and went on walking. "I don't care. It was a mistake coming here and now I don't even know why I came."
"Wasn't it to slap me in the face for what I did?" He suggested in a dry tone.
She almost laughed at that. Sakura stopped walking and crossed her arms. "I didn't know there were other people in your house."
"Yeah, my sisters." He stopped for a moment and gritted his teeth, almost forgetting the other two. "And the woman and her mother."
Sakura opened her mouth at that, but no sound came out. She swallowed and looked up at him speechlessly. The pain just kept on growing, didn't it? "Well…" Sakura started walking again, clutching onto what was left of her heart, willing the threatening tears to stay in.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him. "They came when I wasn't here and invited themselves."
She refused to meet his eyes.
He felt his heart go a thousand beats per minute as he stared at the brokenhearted face of the woman he'd always love. "Go ahead and slap me."
She shook her head.
He took her hand and kept it in his when she tried tugging it away. He put it on his cheek and let her hand go. "Do it."
Sakura finally looked at his eyes and knew he'd meant it. Her hand softly slapped him. "There," her voice whispered. "Now leave me alone."
Before she could pull away, he pulled her back again, vowing never to let her go. "You came to me. It wasn't just to yell at me, was it? You came to me, Sakura."
Her tears leaked over. "It wasn't for the reasons you think!" She pushed away from him and wiped her tears furiously. "I don't love you, Syaoran! Not after what you did to me!" She cried out.
He stared hard at her, desperately willing it to be a lie.
"You left me and broke my heart twice, Syaoran. Twice! You're getting married to someone else and you have her sleeping at your house! I let you walk all over me and you did that without discretion. You played with my emotions the minute you stood at that diner and saw me. Your purpose of coming wasn't to see if there was something still there, because I could have told you without even seeing you face to face that there was. Your purpose was to run away from your own problems and maybe find a solution by coming to me. You think you loved me when we were in college, but that wasn't love. You just wanted to have sex with me, didn't you? Wasn't that why you asked me straight out that morning? If I said yes, you'd stay. If I said no, you'd go. And what did I do? I freaked out. I loved you, Syaoran. You didn't love me and what a slap in the face it was to find out that you were leaving. Leaving for Hong Kong. Never to come back. And you make up a silly story about your mom dying like that." Her voice died. Sakura knew she'd gone over the top, went crazy yelling out things she didn't even mean; things that were completely insane, even for her. Tears were making her vision too blurry. She stopped talking and stood in front of him, taking in the devastation on his face. It was enough to completely break what was left of her heart in pieces.
"You really think that?" were his words as he continued to stare.
Silence filled the air between them as the breeze passed by. Sakura, in the clothes she still wore the day she asked for her two-week leave, stared back at him with the feeling of a woman still in love. Her gaze fell to the ground. She never meant it. She knew he loved her. No one had ever loved her the way he had. She knew it. She just didn't want to. Sakura shook her head and felt her shoulders heave as the tears strengthened. Syaoran walked over to her in slow strides, and Sakura could see his legs in front of her. She broke down when he put his arms around her and held her tightly close to him. She fell limply in his arms as she sobbed out 'no'.
"Sakura," he whispered, holding his knuckles beneath her chin.
She pushed away from him and hugged herself.
Before he could move forward and take her back in his arms, she met his gaze directly despite the dry tears streaming down her face. He accepted it and shoved his hands back in his pant pockets. He faced the pain-filled eyes and stood his ground. "I heard what you said, but that's not all of it. Why'd you really go out of your way and come down here?"
"Because I needed to confront you and tell you how much you hurt me."
"Did you think-" he started but was interrupted.
"I needed to see you…to tell you that…I'm letting you go." She swallowed and wiped away the residue of tears on her face. With more confidence, she continued. "And you need to let me go too."
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To be continued…
