Disclaimer: The usual.
Chapter: 12 The First Cut Is The Deepest
I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I have
If you want I'll try to love again…but I know
Liz rolled over in bed punching her pillow in frustration; as sleep eluded her for the third night in a row. Having a guilty conscious could be a real bitch, or so she was quickly learning. She wondered if all liars had as much trouble sleeping, maybe it was just her. She hadn't set out with the intention of being deceptive, but then again wars had been waged with good intentions.
She had made a conscious decision to tell Max about her past, to unburden her soul. Only half-way through her confession, she had chickened out, leaving the most pertinent part of her history a secret. Since then, she talked herself into believing that it didn't matter, that telling him now would be irrelevant.
But if it was so irrelevant, then why couldn't she sleep?
"Damn it all to hell." Liz whispered furiously to herself.
The following afternoon, Liz sat staring at the blank page on her computer screen, as if her English Lit paper would magically write itself. She usually loved writing response papers based on classics novels. She especially admired the works of authors Austen and Bronte. Their books often portrayed strong determined women, something Liz herself aspired to be; only she kept falling short of making the grade. With a tired sigh, she massaged the back of her aching neck. All of her circular thoughts were giving her a stress headache.
"You wanna talk about it?" Her unusually silent roommate asked from across the room.
"Talk about what?" Liz asked, sounding evasive even to herself.
"Liz…"
"…Maria," she parroted back.
"Fine. Be that way," Maria rolled her eyes, "But for the record I was trying to be subtle. I could have simply asked what's up with all the insomnia."
"Oh that," Liz shrugged with feigned nonchalance.
"Yes that," Maria said, sitting up in bed. "You've been acting really—weird every since that dinner at the Evans' mansion, which was beyond crazy, even by my standards. Who knew? I thought families like that only existed in the movies. The bad blood between Max and his dad was enough to give anyone indigestion, even Michael. Still…," Maria paused to stare at her silent roommate. "Well," she prompted.
Liz really liked Maria. Overall, she was a good roommate and was quickly becoming at great friend. Still, Liz didn't know if she trusted her enough to make her a confidant. Even before the whole senior year nightmare, Liz had pretty much been a loner. All her focus had been geared towards getting into Harvard, and with her nose always stuck in book, or working at the diner, she had little time for close friendships. She had confided her inner most thoughts and feelings to her journal, and after so many years of practice, it was the only way she felt safe to express herself.
But maybe it was time to change.
"What's your leaning on lies of omission?"
"Huh," Maria asked dumbfounded.
Liz shook her head in exasperation. She would have to start from the very beginning after all. "Once upon a time…"
"This is so not a good idea," Liz said as she and Max reclined on his bed. When Max insisted she dress casually for their date tonight, Liz assumed they were going out to see a movie. She wasn't far off the mark. Only the movie was taking place in Max's dorm room, by way of DVD.
"To cliché?" Max asked in response to Liz's statement. He smiled as he waited for her to respond. He thought movie night would be a great idea. They'd been on such a rollercoaster ride of angst lately, and Max needed a break. What better way to relax, than to kick back with some beer, popcorn, and a non chick flick?
"No, its not too cliché at all," Liz teased, "not if you were a fan of season one of Dawson's Creek."
Max's smiled turned positively wicked. "You mean the whole pretending to watch a movie while unresolved sexual tension fills the air? Don't worry about it," Max smirked, "I already know you have a thing for me. And as long as you don't jump me before the end of the movie, we should be fine."
To further prove his indifference, Max took a sip from his beer bottle then pressed play on the DVD player.
Throughout the whole process, he managed to make Liz feel completely invisible, and she considered smacking him with a blunt object. Instead, she decided two could play that game. Following his example, she took a sip from her own beer, leaned back and focused on the opening credits for The Bourne Supremacy.
Max smiled inwardly while munching on popcorn. He took another sip from his bud and pretended not to notice Liz pouting.
Twenty minutes into the action-rama and Liz wanted to shoot herself, or Max. Why couldn't he have picked something more to her liking? Something intellectually stimulating like Crash, or socially relevant like Broke Back Mountain, either of those films would have held Liz's attention. Instead, she had time to dwell on her conversation with Maria, which had offered her little insight into her current dilemma. Though Maria did offer Liz one piece of advice that brought a smile to her face. Just imaging beauteous Pam Troy with two black eyes, and Tommy Malloy strung up by his balls, was enough to make Liz laugh out loud.
Max turned to stare at Liz. "What's so funny?"
Liz covered her mouth to keep herself from laughing anew. She shook her head at Max's question and murmured, "Private joke. Believe me you don't want to know."
"Oh yeah," Max's eyebrows arched, "What if I tickle it out of you?"
"You wouldn't dare—"
Liz's words were cut short as Max began to tickle her.
"Max…please…stop…" Liz panted in between bouts of laughter.
"Give me one good reason why I should," Max paused long enough to ask.
"Umm, because you like me," Liz answered cutely while trying to catch her breath.
"I more than like you," Max said casually, "But that's beside the point. What else you got?"
Reeling from Max's revelation, Liz stupidly blurted, "we could be putting my mouth to better use than for laughing."
Max, who was half on top of Liz, went very, very, still. And it wasn't until something quite hard pressed up against Liz's hip, that she realized the inflammatory nature of her statement.
"I wasn't aiming that high," Max said huskily, "but if you're offering…"
"A kiss," Liz sputtered, "I was only offering a kiss." Stupid, stupid, stupid!Why did she always say such stupid things around him?
"Of course you meant a kiss," Max drawled, "What do you think I thought you meant?" Liz turned red at Max's question and he laughed. She was so serious most of the time. Max enjoyed getting her riled up.
"Would you just shut up and kiss me already," an embarrassed Liz suggested.
Leaving nothing to chance, Max's leaned over and covered Liz's startled lips with his own. He began with a gentle brush, a meeting of minds, and then followed up with soul sucking nibbles. Finally, he slid his tongue into her mouth and they began kissing in earnest. Max felt like he had reached nirvana.
What seemed like eons later, he lifted his mouth from Liz's, and stared wondrously into her equally dazed eyes. "I know how much you hate clichés, but I think…I mean I know… fuck it! I'm in love with you liz Parker."
Liz opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She remained absolutely heartbreakingly silent.
