Disclaimer: Same as usual.
Chapter: 13 Let Me Go
"There are all kinds of abortions," Max stated as he stood center stage before his fellow debate team members, hischarisma washing over them like a tide. He was the prince of tides as far as the audience was concerned. At least that's how it seemed to Liz. She sat there listening to his heartfelt speech, and was just as enthralled as everyone else, whether she wanted to be or not. She finally understood why Phillip Evans was convinced that his son had a future in politics.
"Anytime life, liberty, or even personal freedom is cut short, it's an abortion! It doesn't matter if you are in the first trimester, or the second trimester, or if you're twenty years old," Max said, and Liz flinched at the absolute conviction in his words. There was not a doubt in her mind that Max meant every single word he was saying, and they pierced her skin like the sharpest of blades.
"When a human being is denied the right to life, or even the pursuit of his or her own personal happiness, it is an abortion." Max reiterated. Then, "I would like to end this speech with a poem; it's a personal favorite of mine. It's called A Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes."
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up?
Like a raisin in the sun
Or does it fester like sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
Like a candy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
Liz watched several audience members shiver at Max's delivery of the last line. She too shivered, though for different reasons.
"Kind of makes you wonder," Max added rhetorically, "Just how much of the worlds woe occurs because of dreams deferred?"
The applause was thunderous as he left the podium. The room pulsed with an energy and excitement Liz had never seen in a college setting. It was almost like being at a rock concert, and Max was the star. Liz was one of the very few that did not rush to surround him, the others being Michael, Maria, and Professor Nichols. And while Michael and Maria were wrapped up in each other, Nichols had done his best to fly under Max's radar since Thanksgiving. As for Liz…well, she had been keeping her distance every since Max's 'I love you' declaration on Friday night.
Three Days Earlier: Max's Dorm Room
Seconds grew into minutes, or hours, or what seemed like an eternity, as Liz remained silent. She watched Max's face throughout the transform from happy, to confused, to hurt, and finally blank. She watched his face harden, his eyes turn cynical, and yet, still, she said nothing.
One more kiss could be the best thing
One more lie could be the worst
She watched silently as Max climbed from the bed and stood with his back to her. Liz knew he was trying to regain his composure, and she felt lower than the lowest creature. When Max finally spoke, his voice was laced with contempt, aimed at her, but mostly at himself.
"Well don't I feel like an ass. Thanks alot."
"Max, you don't understand…"
All these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve
"Oh, so now she speaks." He mocked. "Well don't do me any favors. I don't need it spelled out for me. I get it, alright!" He shouted and watched Liz flinch. For about a second he felt sorry for her, and then decided to save the pity for himself.
"Would you just let me explain," Liz pleaded, her eyes dark with shadows.
In my head there's only you know
When this world falls on me
"Explain what," he asked harshly, "what more needs to be explained? I told you I loved you, and obviously you don't feel the same. C'est la vie. Now if you don't mind," Max nodded to the door asking her to leave.
"Would you just shut up and listen to me, for once?" Liz shouted. She knew she had hurt Max with her silence, but his being a dick about it wasn't helping either of them. Shit! She was ruining this, the only good thing about her life in a really long time.
In this world there's real and make believe
And seems real to me
"The floor is all yours," Max said, extending his arms mockingly before crossing them over his chest. "This should be—enlightening if nothing else." Max wasn't stupid. He knew Liz hadn't disclosed to him everything about her past.
Liz who had sat hunched over on the bed, climbed to her feet while shaking her head. She couldn't do this, not right now. Not while Max was determined to make the situation as hard as possible. And maybe she deserved it, and maybe she didn't.
You love me but you don't know who I am
Torn between this life I lead and where I stand
"I'm gonna go," Liz said staring into Max's amber gaze. "I really care about you Max, but this—is too much."
Max scoffed. "What's too much, my feelings for you? Or is it me expecting you to feel the same. For someone who's a debater you're argument lacks clarity."
"You're being a douche! Is that clear enough? Liz said angrily. "When I told you about what happened to me in high school, I never told you the whole story. I would have told you in my own time, but god Max…you always have to push. So here it is: I got pregnant, ok." Liz gave a slightly hysterical laugh. "Pam's little revenge scheme had further reaching consequences than even she could have imagined."
"Liz…"
"No, let me finish." Liz said her voice unsteady though firm. "At first I attributed my symptoms to the stress of the whole situation." Liz shrugged. "I mean who wouldn't be nauseous having to constantly face whispers, staring, and sneering. But after two months, my symptoms weren't getting any better, and I couldn't deny it anymore. I was pregnant," Liz said hoarsely. Her expression became stoic as she continued on. "After carefully weighing my options, I did what I had to do." Liz waited for Max to speak as the full meaning of her words set in. His expression was one of grim disbelief and Liz wasn't surprised. She knew Max was about as far away from pro-choice as one could get.
I dream ahead to what I hoped for
As I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing?
And not know what I'm going through
"So you see Max," Liz smiled sadly, "you can't love me when you don't even know me."
"That's not true Liz," Max tried to convince her, or maybe just himself.
"No?" Liz questioned wearily. "And I suppose you believe in abortion now too?"
Max paused before speaking. He knew saying the wrong thing at this juncture would be devastating, for both of them. Finally he said, "That's not a fair question Liz. I can't lie. You know how I feel about abortion. But you also know how I feel about you, and that's not a lie either. I guess in your case there were extenuating circumstances," Max said knowing he sounded like a hypocrite, but he couldn't help it, his emotions were all over the place.
In my head there's only you now
When this world falls on me
"Wow," Liz said edgily, "that's such a load of crap. Either you condone abortion or you don't, there's no straddling the fence, there's no middle ground. The only difference is the good guys don't always where white hats and the bad don't always where black. It's a matter of perception."
For the first time in his life Max was speechless, because Liz was right. So where did that leave their relationship? Where did they go from here?
In this world there's real and make believe
This seemed real to me
"I really do love you Liz. But we might be too…"Max pause, there was a raw ache in his throat.
"Different," Liz whispered when he was unable to continue.
"Yeah, I…" he gulped and shook his head.
"It's ok Max. You don't have to say anymore." Liz smiled bravely before heading for the door. I'm gonna go. Goodbye Max."
You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go
Present Time: Hurston Hall
"Earth to Liz," Maria called snapping her fingers.
"Huh," Liz said sounding distracted.
"Class is over. Let's get something to eat." Her blonde roommate suggested
"Umm, no thanks." Liz glanced at her watch, "I have to be at work in half an hour. As a matter of fact I have to leave now. See you later." Liz made her excuses then hurried from the hall, leaving behind a puzzled Maria.
Max, who was still holding court over by the stage, witnessed the entire thing. He'd also seen the expression on Liz's face during his speech. She'd looked sucker punched. And for that alone, he felt like shit. On the other hand, his speech had been written a week ago. And he had only been honest. Honesty. That word seemed to be the theme of the week. He scoffed inwardly, feeling more depressed. Because for the first time in his life Max was faced with an obstacle he could not get around, his own moral beliefs.
