Title: Right
Author: thousandmiles
Rating: K
Summary: Post "What you see is What you get". Mac realizes how he feels. M/S
Author's note: My first fic in this fandom so please be gentle. I'm still trying to get a handle on the characters. The end is rather fluff, but I didn't know how else to end it and in a way it seemed all right. English isn't my native language, but I hope there aren't many big mistakes. Enjoy, and a review would be appreciated.
Right
It was the end of his shift, the day after his so called date with Rose. He thought it would have been easier. Thought he would have been able to forget Claire, forgot how it used to be. He'd tried, tried his best to enjoy his time with Rose. He knew he needed to move on. He couldn't keep living in his memory. While sitting with Rose he'd looked around. It seemed to be so easy for others to just sit and talk with each other and have fun. Something held him back as he sat there with her. It didn't make it any easier that the image of Stella in her beautiful black dress kept haunting him.
Stella… she'd been his anchor throughout everything. She was always watching out for him, being his best friend. And before that he'd never even thought about her as anything more than his best friend. But as he'd sat there with Rose he'd realized with Stella it would have been easier, it would have felt right.
He wondered about who she was seeing. What kind of guy would it be? How serious was it between them? She hadn't told him she was seeing anybody. He really didn't want to say anything about his feelings for her. If she was happy with this guy she was dating he wasn't going to stand in the way. It didn't however make things any easier for him. For the first time since Claire's death he was in love again and maybe with a woman he wasn't allowed to love.
All this went through his mind when he heard footsteps approaching his room. It could only be one person, the one who'd been on his mind the entire day.
"Hey." Stella greeted him in her soft voice. She took her seat on the other side of his desk.
He greeted her with a nod. They hadn't really talked the entire day, both busy with their case. They almost always had a little talk before they went home. It was their ritual, so he should have expected her.
"How was your date yesterday?" She'd been curious about it the entire day. She knew it must have been difficult for him, but she hoped he had fun. Then he would maybe start going out more. He needed to get out more. She wanted to see the twinkle back in his eyes, wanted to see him enjoy his life again, just like before.
He shrugged. He didn't want to tell her the whole truth, yet knew he had to give her something, otherwise she would start questioning him. "Uneasy."
She gave him a compassionate smile. "Tell me about it."
He shifted in his chair and watched her for a moment. Her dark brown curls, her beautiful face and her green eyes that could read him like no other.
She sensed he was uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. She guessed he wasn't unwilling to tell her about it. It probably was the setting. That could be solved easily.
"Come on." She said, standing up. "Let's get something to drink."
They were sitting in a booth at their regular coffee place. It was busy, but not crowded. Taking a sip from her coffee Stella watched Mac. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but he seemed different.
Mac who still felt uncomfortable talking about his 'date' decided to turn the tables on her. "How was your date?"
Stella smiled easily. Her date had been nice, but that had really been it. She and Michael had been going out for a while now and at first she'd thought that maybe with Michael there was a chance. Now she knew it wasn't working out. There was simply no chemistry. She liked him, he was nice, but that was it. Yesterday evening they had both decided it was better to end things. Apparently Michael had felt the same. One thing he'd said surprised her. He'd said that sometimes during their date she seemed to be lost in thoughts. And when that happened she got a wishful smile on her face. He'd asked her what or who brought that smile on her face. Too surprised by his observations she played innocent, saying she didn't know what he was talking about. When in truth she knew who'd been on her mind, the man sitting opposite to her. Judging from his look she'd been quiet for a bit too long. "It was nice. Michael is nice." She decided not to tell him they had ended things.
"You hadn't told me you were dating?"
"True. But back to you. How was your date?"
"Uneasy, uncomfortable, unlikely to happen again…take your pick." The sarcasm in his voice wasn't lost on her.
"You can't give up that quickly."
He sighed. "I know. It was just more difficult than I expected."
"So, tell me about her. How was she? Is she nice?"
"I think that by the end of the evening she got bored with me. She looked nice, she was nice, but that's it. I didn't quite know what to say. It was just uncomfortable. She tried to get the conversation going, but all I could think about was that it just seemed wrong. Eventually I apologized and left."
"I'm sorry, Mac." She offered her comfort by placing her hand on his.
For a moment he looked at their hands, questioning the way it made him feel. It simply felt good.
Stella, who was watching Mac, sensed there was more going on than he was telling her. She wondered if maybe he was thinking about Claire again. She could imagine yesterday had brought back memories for him.
"Is this about Claire?" She questioned softly.
He shrugged again. Sure Claire had crossed his mind last night, but not like Stella had. "No, not really." Couldn't she understand that he wasn't ready to talk about this yet? She probably did see it, but she always got him to talk. How she did that, he didn't quite know. She never pressured him yet she always got him talking. Maybe because in the end, he wanted to talk and she knew him better than he did himself.
"Talk to me Mac, what's this really about?" Now she was slightly worried. If it wasn't about Claire, then what had him worked up like this?
"I don't know, Stella. I thought I was ready… maybe I'm not." He shook his head. "I guess forgot how difficult this could be."
"I agree with you on that." She thought about asking him about his dates with Claire, but decided against it. She knew that he was waiting for her to continue. It was like he needed to relax into the conversation. She decided to tell him about Michael. "These last few weeks I've been dating Michael and though I thought there was something there… We tried. We agreed that it was best to say our goodbyes. There was no chemistry there. I guess when you have to try so hard, it isn't meant to be." She sighed, dating wasn't easy when she had another man on her mind. Every man she compared to him and not one could compete with him. Thinking about that now her dates were probably doomed to fail from the beginning. "I wish I had the answer, Mac. Wish I knew what it was that made dating easy. I don't know. Maybe it's true what some people say, that when you meet the right person, you don't have to try. It just feels good."
Unwillingly her words brought back memories of Claire. He knew she was right. With Claire it felt right from the first moment he'd seen her. Now with Stella, he knew it would have been easier than with Rose. With Stella it would feel right. He was relieved to hear that things with Michael didn't work out. However the timing seemed off to tell her his thoughts.
"Okay, Mac. Fess up. You've been acting weird the entire evening. What's going on with you?"
"Weird, how?" He questioned.
"Mac, quite stalling. Talk!"
It practically sounded like an order. Usually it was he who did the ordering around. "You're right, you know. With the right person it's easy." He was silent, working up the courage to tell her how he felt. In the end he knew Stella would get it out of him. "Yesterday as I was sitting at the restaurant with Rose, my mind kept drifting back to… you and how you looked in that dress." He looked at her to gauge her reaction. With her head titled to the side she was waiting for him to continue. "You looked beautiful in that black dress. I kept thinking about you and your date. That you were probably enjoying yourself. While the only person I could think about, during my first date ever since Claire's death, was you. I realized then, that how wrong it felt with Rose, how right it would have felt with you. With you it would have been easy." The last part come out like a whisper.
All Stella could do was sit there with her eyes wide and the surprise written on her face. She didn't know what to say. She was shocked. Never did she expect him to say something like that. Not once did she think he would see her as more than his best friend.
Stella's silence made him nervous. He guessed she was thinking of a way to let him down easily. How could he have been so stupid to jeopardize their friendship? Above anything else he needed her friendship in his life. Maybe now he had ruined a good thing. "Look, I… I'm sorry." He started to apologize. "I shouldn't have…I didn't want you to." When Stella still hadn't uttered a word he stood up. "Let's just forget it."
It took her a few minutes to realize Mac wasn't there anymore. And when she did, she quickly dropped some money on their table and almost ran outside. On the street she took a quick look around. She saw him walking in the distance with his head hung low.
She quickly ran after him and when she almost reached him she called out his name. Slowly he turned around. Stopping in front of him she needed a moment to catch her breath. This gave her time to look at him. It seemed he'd put the walls back up. His eyes seemed guarded and his whole body was tense.
She gently touched his arm, but he took a step back. "Mac," she said softly. "Last night Michael told me something interesting."
"Stella, I really don't wanna hear about ..."
"Mac, just listen, okay?" Her voice was stern and he was silent. "Michael told me that sometimes during our dates I would get this dreamy expression on my face. As if I wanted to be somewhere else, maybe even with someone else. When he told me this I played dumb and told him it was nothing. In truth I was thinking about you." She looked passed him to collect her thoughts. "Look, we've always been very good friends. For me I don't know when that turned into something more. But it's how I've felt for a while now. I just never was certain about you. Ever since Claire's death you've withdrawn yourself. You stopped going out to drinks with us and you buried yourself in your work. Lately, you've been a bit more open again and I hoped that the old Mac was coming back to us. When you told me yesterday it was time to move on, I was happy. Not because you'd decided moving on meant without me, but because you deserve to be happy, Mac. That's all I want for you. I want to see you smile again, want you to enjoy your life and I want you to feel loved. If you chose to do that without me, I would have accepted that. I only want to see you happy."
He gently cupped her cheek with one hand. "I don't want to lose our friendship." He softly said.
"I know and neither do I, but I want to try to make this work." She said, leaning into his hand.
"Me too." Mac whispered before his lips softly grazed hers. After a few soft kisses, Mac deepened the kiss. The passion between them quickly grew, their tongues dancing passionately with each other.
It was Stella who ended the kiss. Leaning into him, with her head in his neck, she put her arms around him. As he returned the embrace, Stella let out a contented smile.
"This feels good." Mac said into her hair.
Stella simply nodded. Mac's words were true. With the right person it simply felt right and with Mac it felt right.
The End
