DISCLAMER: I LOVE Lord of the Rings! Yet I don't own it! Oh, what a cruel cruel world! (Dramatic!) Whoo! I feel CRAZY! I'm guessing you can tell!
Summery for this chapter: Random!
Chapter 4: TO the Club
"Everyone touch this magic pot roast which I made magic with all my magically magical ablilities. It shall lead us the club of Hipness. We must stay HIP!" GoGolf does old man dance and breaks hip, rushes himself to the emergency room and opens all doors with broken hip.
All others touch pot roast, most are burned.
Pot roast catches on fire through spontaneous combustion. Poppy and Merfy attempt to eat it. But with each bite they would burn their mouth, run around the house screaming or fluids and whiskey and dunk their heads in a toilet and/or bathtub. Finally they finished the pot roast and each dunk their head in a very wide toilet made custom for all El Smitho's sticking-head-in-toilet guests. Get flushed by Bomby and go down SPECIAL sewer that just so happened to lead to Sauron's tower. (The one with the EYE)
"Merfy, look! It's a prettyful eye!"- Poppy
"Don't stare right at it!"- Merfy
"But it's so BEAUTIFUL!" Poppy said mesmorized.
Merfy takes on voice of slow-talking clear eyes guy. "For dry, red eyes use Clear Eyes. CAUTION: May contain nuts."
Poppy bounces like a hairy bouncy ball. "Eyes! Eyes! Eyes!" He bounces off tower. "AHHHHH! I mean...WEEEEEEEEE!"
"Oh you poor, poor, high hobbit." Merfy bounces off tower as well.
Both ended up in El Smitho's dirty laundry hamper. Stay in there for 3 days.
Fernando and Sham had stolen Acorn's and Bomby's swords and are doing a mock-imitation-fight.
"Mahahaha! I am your ruler! In disguise! I am your KING! I am so SPECIAL! Bow down to me!"- Fernando (as Acorn)
"Gondor needs no King! They've got my crazy-ass father to ruin their lifes! I BOW to no one! Except myself! I deserve to be bowed down to too ya know!"- Sham (as Bomby)
Both end up hysterically laughing on the ground!
"Do you have any idea who they're makin' fun of?"- Bomby
Acorn brings head out of cloud (real cloud, in the sky), "No. No I don't! My Sword!" and tackles Fernando.
"But I don't have your sword!"- Fernando
"Yes you do!"-Acorn
"No I don't!"- Fernando
"Yes you do! I can see it sticking through your stomach! I raised it from a butter knife! I named it! It is a PART of me!" Acorn cries.
Go through a long conversation of "Ya-huh's" and "Na-huh's" and finally determined that moving trucks can fly but pick-ups cannot.
Sham takes the oblivious Bomby's sword and cuts his hair.
Bomby is reading newspaper and jumps up, "Weeeeehoooooo!!!!!"
"Where is my tape recorder? Where IS IT? I need it! Help me tape recorder!"- Lego
"I have it."- Katie said suspiciously.
"Give it to me! Give it TO me!" Lego's eyes grow like Smugoal's.
"You have to do something for me first!"- Katie
"What?! Anything! Just give me back my TAPE RECORDER!"-Lego
"You have to..."- Katie
"Yes?!!!!!"- Lego
"Give me..."- Katie
"Yes?!!!" Lego says desperately.
"A KISS!!!"- Katie
"Why?"- Lego
Katie waves tape recorder.
"Ok, just don't HURT recordy!" Lego says and kisses Katie.
Chloe graps tape recorder out of Katie's hand. "YOINK!"
"My phrase!"-Kelli
"You have to kiss ME too!" Chloe says Mary-Sueish.
"Ok." Lego sighs and kisses Chloe.
"WhoooooHoooooooo!!! I got kissed by Lego!" Chloe does dance.
"Ah! Give me recordy!"- Lego
Chloe hands over tape recorder.
Lego hugs it.
Katie & Chloe stare in awe.
"3 billion 1 million 2 thousand 5 hundred 62," GoGolf doing jumping jacks, "am I done yet Acorn?"
"Not until you get to your age old man!"- Acorn
GoGolf mumbles and starts jumping jacks again. "Stupid Acorn with all his treeness and pretty leafy hair."
Actorn falls down a hole.
"How are we gonna get to the the club?"- Gimles
"How about you press the petals, Fernando you stear, and I'll watch where we're goin' with my superdy duper elvish vision!"- Lego
GoGolf stops jumping jacks. "I can DRIVE!!!"
"You're senial old man! You'd run us into a tree or something!"-Lego
"I like TREES!"- Merfy
"I like WEED!"- Poppy
"WE KNOW!"- Everybody
"I want to DRIVE!"- GoGolf
"Do your jumping jacks before you break something else! OR I break it for you!"- Acorn
GoGolf reluctantly obeys for fear Acorn will hurt him and stops jumping and starts punching himself.
No one objects.
"Let's go get a car!"- Merfy
Since they have no car they go to a car dealership and find an unattended car of someone who was looking to buy a car. (Not a new car, one in the parking lot) It was a shiny, red convertible!
"SHINY!"- Poppy
"Red!" Sham tries to charge at it with his bullhorns.
GoGolf is reading a script, "It says I'm supposed to yell CONVERTABLE and run and jump into the seats. What the HELL is aa convertable?!"
All turn to look at Chloe, Katie, and Jared for one of their detailed futuristic answers.
Chloe & Jared & Katie lye in the grass and say what they see in the clouds.
The hobbits join them.
"Wow! Look Merf! It's a hobbit smoking weed!"- Poppy
"Did you just call me Merf?"- Merfy
Poppy takes long drag of weed. "Ahhh!"
"I see a birdie!"- Sham
"THE RING! It's in the sky! Must obey Cloud Ring" Fernando tries to swim up to cloud, turns into a balloon and starts to float away.
Sham grasps Fernando by string dangling from his foot, "Mr. Fernando the sky ain't no place for a fine hobbit like yourself!" stares scared at sky, "Nothing but lies beyond that light blue plain! Nothing but evil!"
"I'm MELTING!" Lego said standing next to giant candle and is covered in hot wax.
"I have special putting out candle powers!" Acorn tries the thing with his forefinger and thumb again and fails.
Gimles attempts to chop down candle. The Candle eats him alive.
GoGolf springs on top and tryies to stamp it out with his feet and stab the flame with his staff. The staff catches on fire and he stabs own foot which is now ablaze. "SUCESS!"
All clap loudly.
Gimles is now trapped in an overturned fishbowl.
Poppy quickly hot wires the car and everyone hops in ready to go cruising! Except generally when you go cruising' you don't have specific spot to get to, and they we're trying to get to the club, and you don't have two fangirls and their crazy friend, a dwarf trapped in a fishbowl, an elf covered in wax, an 87 year old man who looks like he's about 30, a wizard who is so old he stopped counting, 4 half-lings, 1 who is obsessed with a ring, or an elf/seal/agent from the machine world in the car.
