The next morning Woody was wheeling back from breakfast when he saw Jordan signing in at the front desk. She hadn't noticed him yet. He always did like looking at Jordan when she didn't realize she was being watched. She's a beautiful woman after all. This time was different. The heavy circles under her eyes were evident...but there was more. Jordan always had an air about her. It depended on what she was from that moment. Be it Dr. Cavanaugh, professional investigator...or Jordan, the woman that teased him about his sissy coffee drinks, yet never missed an opportunity to help self to it. Today she looked lost. Not lost and desperate like the night she took off after Redding. This time she didn't look reckless...just tired...or more to the fact...defeated.
Jordan put the pen down with a sigh and rounded the corner with her head down. She didn't realize the wheel chaired patient in front of her was Woody until he said something...
"Hi," he whispered. She jumped.
"I...I was hoping to catch you before your day started..."
"My day is pretty flexible...I can't say the same thing for you," he said looking at his watch. "Slocum's going to sight you for desertion."
"Slocum can shove...I can handle Slocum. I needed to talk to you before I lost my nerve..."
His interest peaked Woody motioned to the door that lead to a small courtyard. It was still early enough to be deserted. "I wanted to talk to you too. I want to apologize for yesterday. I...it was uncalled for."
"Gee, here I was thinking it was the other way around..." Jordan said with a little laugh. "You are about the biggest hypocrite I've ever met Woodrow Hoyt. First you tell me you want a relationship then you tell me you've changed your mind...then you ask me to go with you to your awards thing..."
"...the Governor's Ball...which you stood me up for..." he grinned
"You had the wrong night!" She cut him a sarcastic smile and continued. "Anyway...after...after a few months you want to hang out again and then The Ring..."
"...which you didn't want anything to do with..."
"...which I told you was too much; you said you wanted to just be friends. I second I decide to take you on your word you have a coronary over going to a concert with David..."
"Whoa, whoa, wait. Are you telling me David...MY David was your blind date?"
"Your David..." she laughed. "Woody, I would have never guessed..."
When he realized she was suggesting he was interested in his therapist he sputtered for a few seconds and adamantly deigned it. "Damn it Jordan, you know what I meant. So we're back to square one...Are you and David...something?"
"If your asking if I let him go past first base the answer is no. Woody, you really need to bring your questions about sex past the tenth grade level. "
"Okay. Are you and the masseuse fucking each other?"
"...Woody."
"Alright, alright...I believe you...and well, I guess it's none of my business huh?" he asked with a sad laugh and looked at his handles fiddling together on his lap.
"It isn't?" Jordan asked just as softly and leaned forward to catch his eye. Woody sat speechless for a moment and sighed.
"I don't know what you want me to tell you anymore Jordan...I thought I made myself pretty clear with that...that ring I had and then when you didn't take it well, I guess I kinda ran. Not...not RAN in the traditional sense, but I tried not to spend time with you, not see you ...hell barely even talk to you because...because it HURT Jordan. "His voice cracked a little and he thanked the Lord no one was around in the outside courtyard.
"Worse than that gunshot or my therapy, it hurt bad Jordan and I was just tired...tired of people in my life disappointing me or leaving me and so I closed off to you..." he said with a shake of his head.
"And...and then you had to go and whisper in my ear not to leave you...that you loved me and it WAS everything I've ever wanted to hear...it was...but not then...not because you thought I would die or because you hoped I wouldn't hear it..." he finished and turned his chair away from her a little clearing his throat.
Her voice was dripping was sarcasm "I always go around whispering things like that to men getting ready to die. It makes cutting them up the next day a little less...impersonal. Listen to your self Woody. Damn it. What do I have to do?"
With her jaw set Jordan looked around the deserted courtyard. She stopped when she saw a picnic table near the dormitory section of the building. She climbed on top.
Woody wheeled over. "Jordan! BE careful. What are you doing? "he asked anxiously.
"I'm tried of being second guess Woody. Maybe now you'll listen." Completely out of character Jordan lifted her hands to her mouth and began to yell...
"HEY...HELLO? MY NAME IS JORDAN! I'M OUTSIDE WITH WOODY. HE'S THAT POLICE OFFICER THAT WAS SHOT A FEW MONTHS AGO!"
Woody noticed a few windows opening. He knew it was just a matter of time before security was outside...along with a few uniformed officers. "Jordan..." he besieged.
Jordan just ignored him and continued. "HE HAS A BIG PROBLEM! NO, NOT JUST BEING A JERK...HE CAN'T MAKE UP HIS MIND! FOR YEARS HE WANTED TO MORE THAN JUST MY FRIEND! I ADMIT IT TOOK ME AWHILE TO GET WITH THE PROGRAM BUT WHEN I DID I TOLD HIM I NEEDED HIM...I LOVED HIM...AND HE TOLD ME TO GO SCREW MYSELF! APPARENTLY, HE THINKS ALL HE'S GOT GOING FOR HIM IS HIS LEGS! NOW, I ADMIT I'VE TOLD A FEW...STORIES IN MY LIFE...BUT WITH THIS I'M BEING PAINFULLY HONEST...NOW WHEN I TRY TO TELL HIM I REALLY DO LOVE HIM HE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME! ..."
"HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU DOLLFACE. COME UPSTAIRS!" came a yell from one of the windows. Woody tried to place the voice while Jordan just smiled.
"THANKS FOR THE OFFER. HE MAY BE A BLOCKHEAD... BUT I'M NO PICNIC EITHER..."
Woody didn't think his cheeks could get any redder by the time Jordan climbed down from the table top. He'd had a lot of embarrassing moments in his life but he'd never had a woman declare her love from the smoking section in the middle of a hospital amidst a sea of cigarette butts.
"You're...you're crazy you know that?" Woody said shaking his head as she came back to stand beside him and he looked up at her choking back tears.
"It's not that easy Jordan...you don't know how it's going to be...if I can't walk again...if I can't be the man you need me to be...the man I want to be for you I could never live with feeling like I guilted you into a relationship with me.." he admitted quietly.
Jordan regarded him for a long moment before kneeling beside his chair. People had been talking OVER and AROUND him for so long that it took Woody back a moment when he was suddenly at eye level with someone, with Jordan, for the first time in a while.
"Is that really how you feel? You think I'd eventually regret being with you because of something you have NO control over? I'm not THAT shallow Woodrow." She said with a light smile.
"But you have to admit Jordan, working LEGS is usually a pretty standard qualification in a partner. What if I never walk again? I mean I know I'm regaining use but what if things had gone differently? What if you'd said the things you said and I ended up a cripple? Dead from the waist down?" he asked pointedly, knowing she understood he meant not only the caretaking aspects but a sexual relationship would be most likely out of the question.
"How typical,"she snorted. "Only a man would confuse intimacy with...his dick."
Woody rolled his eyes and in spite of himself bit back a smile.
"Is that a smile I see," Jordan cajoled. "It's been a long time. I knew I'd get your attention somehow."
"You're point?" he asked trying to keep his face bland.
"You keep on saying you'll never recover. You never say 'when I got out of here...'. I remember going to a dance club one night where this guy told me I was the biggest loser he had ever met..."
"Was he a good dancer?" Woody interrupted.
"He could use some help, but we weren't laughed off the floor..." she answered.
"...That's just your opinion..."
"Okay, he was a better than fair dancer. Would you let me finish?"
Woody nodded.
"I guess I realized he had a point. I had been living in the past for so long...life was passing me by..."
"It was Jordan..."
"...Just like is for you now. Woody what happened, happened. Now it's time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...before life just passes you by."
Woody was quiet for a long time before he answered.
"But I'm afraid..." he admitted finally and looked off across the yard unable to look at Jordan for fear she'd see the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...before he could tell it to her.
"Afraid of what Woody?" Jordan asked softly and sat down on a bench beside him. "What's there to be afraid of anymore?" she beckoned and gently slipped her hand into his like she had that night after his first surgery. The last night she had consciously admitted how she felt about him and he had turned her away seemingly for good.
"I'm afraid...that becoming involved like..this...will mess up what we had as friends.." he admitted with a defeated sigh.
"We had...had the movies, the dinner the clubs and it was comfortable, not complicated by worrying if you were checking out other guys or I was looking at other girls...relationships complicate that. They take all those fears and worrying about what the other thinks to the forefront and couples end up just being shady and...and...Jealous and looney tunes I saw it happen Jordan...it happened with me and Annie and I've told you how well THAT went," he mumbled admitting his biggest fear in becoming lovers with a friend. He had been Annie's friend first and lover second. They may have just been kids but it was still painful to go through.
Jordan had to chuckle at his speech. Was this the same man that had a temper tantrum when she told she was going out on a blind date?
"I think it's too late for that. We haven't sleep together but we're both too far involved to just be friends anymore. It's going to be one way or the other. I've told you where I stand." She stopped and smiled. "I told the whole bloody block were I stand. If you turn your back on me now that's it..."
They were at a crossroad that they had stopped at more times than Jordan wanted to count. Only this time there wasn't any back doors out. They sat their like poker players each trying to gage each other's reaction. For Jordan, her cards were on the table. All that was left was for Woody to call or fold. But, he was playing his own hand close to the vest.
After a few moments of silence, Jordan stood up and smoothed her hands drown her pants. Wordlessly she leaned over and brushed her lips against his. By the time he opened his eyes she was gone.
Woody sat in the chair...in the courtyard for another two hours thinking before the orderly finally came looking for him.
"It's getting late detective...You've got an appointment in fifteen minutes" he said quietly as he walked up behind the wheelchair and started moving it towards the door.
"Let's hope not TOO late Gary," Woody said allowing himself a small smile as he touched his lips with his fingertips, feeling a smudge of Jordan's lip gloss still there.
Woody went through the motions of his day. He was quiet, even for himself. Once back to his room Woody immediately picked up the phone in his room and called his apartment.
"Calvin..it's me, I need you to bring me something.." he started and smiled. "yeah, yeah...you put it in the top dresser drawer back in the box like I asked right? Yeah...bring the box too...I don't trust you not to lose it." he said catching the hint of a smile on one of his roommates faces.
