Chapter Four - Of Him She Dreams
Disclaimer: What you know isn't ours
Judy Written
Edit/ August 9, 2005: I edited the Professor's name to match HBP. I think everything else in the story fits...
"Come on, Tigergirl! Come race me," the small, raven-headed boy cried.
"But Jamie, it's raining outside!" a young Lily whined.
The boy called Jamie gave her a familiar, wolfish grin. "That's never stopped us before!"
"Okay, let's run!" she decided, after a moment of thinking. If it was possible, the boy's grin grew even larger as he grabbed her hand. Pulling her out the door, the two children raced through the fields in the summer heat. Their melodic laughter was almost haunting as it carried over the flowers. The soft thudding of their bare feet matched that of the rainfall overhead.
"Lily," the young boy called, "Lily…"
"LILY!"
Lily shot up out of bed so sharply she might've gotten whiplash. Rubbing her neck tenderly, she looked for the one who was calling her name.
"Bell? What time is it?" she mumbled, shaking her head to clear her mind of her strange dreams.
Arabella was standing in front of Lily's four-poster bed, dressed and ready for class. "It's already eight. You need to get ready for class!"
Groaning, Lily swung her legs to the floor. "And here I thought I was late. Why do you insist on getting up so early? It's Thursday. Our first class doesn't even start until 9:30."
Bella grinned. "We can't all get up ten minutes before class and still look great while making it on time."
"Neither can I," Lily said, banging her hand on the bathroom door. "Lisa!" she yelled, "Get out of the bathroom!"
"I've just gotten in!" Lisa Patil cried back, her voice muffled by the sound of running water. Turning to Bella for confirmation, Lily sighed.
"Oi, Lils," Dana Parker called from across the dorm, "didn't you shower last night? After we played hide-and-seek down by the lake?"
Lily blinked, and then grinned. "Oh yeah! Forgot about that," she laughed, making her way back towards her bed.
"Lily," Arabella started, using her warning voice, "what're you doing?"
"Catching s'more sleep," she replied, diving back underneath the covers of her bed.
Lily yawned for the tenth time as she and Bella walked to History of Magic. Arabella glanced her way. "Any reason you're so tired this morning?"
Caught in mid-yawn, she shook her head. "I ju idn't et muslee las ight."
Bella laughed, "Want to try that again?"
Lily grinned, shoving her friend playfully. "I just didn't get much sleep last night. I kept having these weird dreams."
"What about?" Bella asked, her voice concerned. "Something scary?"
"No," Lily hesitated, trying to conjure a mental image of the movie that had played in her mind as she slept. "It was me, or at least I think it was me, and then there was another person and we were playing, and it was raining, and I was bare foot…" Lily cut off her rambling when Bella gave her a strange look.
"It was like a memory. Like something I should remember, but I don't." she explained, her brow creased in concentration.
"Okay," Bella said, nodding her head slowly, "I think I get what you mean. So tell me about the dream, was it a recent memory?"
Lily shook her head once more, causing her ponytail to sway. "No, actually, it wasn't. That's why it's so weird. I was young, maybe around six or something like that."
James knew Lily when they were six, Arabella mused. Let's see where I can take this.
"Say, Lil, were you, um… who was the other person in your dream?"
Lily scrunched up her face. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "He was young, like me, and he had really messy, bed-heady, black hair."
I knew it. Who else has that kind of hair?
"And you know what? Now that I think about it, I was calling him Jamie. But I don't know any Jamie's, so I guess that's irrelevant," Lily said absently.
It's not irrelevant. Jamie, short for James.
"But Bells? I don't think it matters who it was. If I was six, that was back before I moved to Surrey. I left that little boy in my dream too long ago for it to matter."
Oh, Lily. If only you knew.
"Bella? BELLA!" Lily yelled, waving her hands in front of Bella's face, shaking her from her thoughts.
"Yeah, what? Sorry, I was spacing."
"Yeah, no kidding." Lily retorted, giving her a weird look.
Bella shoved her playfully. "Right, because you never space out."
"Who doesn't space out?" Sirius asked, approaching the two girls with his fellow Marauders in tow.
"Lily thinks she doesn't," Bella said, a smirk tugging at her lips.
Sirius snorted, then cleared his throat at Lily's shouts of protest.
"I so do not space out," Lily declared.
Leaning in close, Sirius lowered his voice considerably. "Remember that time you, me, Gary, and Missy all doubled at Hogsmeade and you gave him a black eye when he leaned in to kiss you?"
Lily flushed, "Yeah…"
"That was because you were spacing."
Behind the two friends, Bella and the other Marauders tried horribly to stifle their laughter.
Lily turned her nose up in the air. "At least Gary tried to kiss me. Missy stayed away from you like you had a three-foot nose!"
Sirius blushed red. "I had a cold for Merlin's sake!" he protested over the laughter of his friends.
Lily gave a throaty giggle and put both her hands on Sirius's cheeks and pulled him to her eye level. "Of course you did, baby cakes," she teased, giving him a quick kiss on the lips before skipping down the hallway.
"Come on, Just Bella!" she yelled, glancing back over her shoulder. With one last laugh, Bella hurried down the hallway to catch up with Lily.
Watching his two friends skip and giggle down towards their History of Magic classroom, Sirius groaned. "Why in Merlin's name does she call me that?"
James laughed and pinched one of Sirius's cheeks. "Beats me, baby cakes."
Sirius snorted and punched James on the arm. James hit him back, and soon the two were playfully brawling in the middle of the hallway.
After about 30 seconds of watching his two best friends act like idiots, Remus Lupin stepped in. "Come on ladies," he started, picking both boys up by the hoods of their robes. "Best get up before we're late for class." As if on cue, the warning bell sounded, and Remus looked at James and Sirius pointedly.
"Yeah, yeah, let's get to class," Sirius said, giving James one last sock on the head as the walked to their classroom. They had, roughly, about three minutes to make it to class before the final bell sounded.
"But seriously Padfoot, just be happy Lily calls you anything at all," James said, his voice serious with a hint of sadness.
Sirius glanced at his best friend. "Prongs," he started, hesitating for a moment, "if it ever… gets too weird, you know, me being close with Lily and all, just… tell me, ok? I, er… well I'd let her go for you."
James smiled, "I know you would, mate… but how else will I keep tabs on her without you?"
Sirius laughed. "So that's why you keep me around," he joked, putting an end to the serious air of their last topic. James laughed along with him as they approached the classroom door and took their seats.
"Jamie!" the young redhead called softly, "Jamie!"
The little boy stuck his head out his window. "Lily? What're you doin', Red?"
"I can't sleep!" she whispered loudly.
"I'm coming down," he whispered back, pulling his head back in. Minutes later, he was beside her.
"You wanna swing?" he asked. She nodded, and the pair walked across the dewy grass towards the padded swing on the Evans's front lawn. As the sat down on the soft, green and white bench, the midnight moon shone brightly over them and the stars twinkled down on their innocent faces.
Their chatter was soft and naïve, and about nothing at all, yet everything at the same time. The two untainted children sat on the swing, which eventually swayed them to sleep.
"Lily… wake up, honey," a soft voice whispered. "Lily…"
"Huh? What's it, Mum?" Lily mumbled, picking her head up off her desk.
"Lily, get up! Class is over," Bella said, tugging on Lily's arm. "And I'm not your mum!"
"Of course you aren't," Lily replied. "I slept through class?" she asked, stretching her arms above her head.
"Apparently," Bella replied, gathering her friend's books. Lily took them with a word of thanks and the two followed their class out into the hallway.
"Did I miss anything important?"
Bella shook her head, "No, but I'm worried about you. Did you have a dream?"
Lily bit her lip and nodded. "It was me, and that same little boy. This time, I couldn't sleep, so I called him out of his house. When he came down, we sat on a swing and talked until we fell asleep. If it weren't so disturbing, I'd find it really cute."
"Still no idea who he is?"
"Nada," Lily replied, spotting Sirius in the crowd. "Hey, Sirius! Wait up!" Lily called, grabbing Bella's hand and dragging her down the hallway.
"Hey Lil, saw you sleeping in class. You ok?" Sirius asked, mildly concerned. Lily never slept through class.
Lily shrugged. "Didn't get much sleep last night."
"Bad dreams?" Remus asked, looking at the girls over his shoulder.
Lily laughed lightly. "Something like that," she replied.
"You want to clarify that for us?" James drawled from Sirius's right side.
"Not really," Lily said.
James raised his eyebrows.
"Well, if you insist," Lily said, rolling her bright green eyes. "The thing is, lately, I've been dreaming of a little boy whom my mind calls Jamie. That doesn't sound too crazy, but I don't know the little bloke. And the dreams I've been having seem like so familiar… like memories I used to have, but don't anymore."
The silence was deafening.
"Guys?"
Plopping down on the couch before the fire in the Common Room, Lily sighed. "Bell? That was so weird."
Bella sat down beside her. "You know I agree with you, but I got the idea after the first four times you told me."
"But did you see the way they--"
"Yes, Lil, I was there too."
"And then they just--"
"I know, Lil."
"But they didn't even--"
"Lily!"
"What?" Lily asked, exasperated.
"I know how weird it was that they all made up some lame excuses to leave, and how weird it was that they just ran off with out saying much of anything else, but can we talk about something else? At least until our next class," Bella bargained.
"Oh, boo. You're no fun," Lily complained.
Life, Sirius decided, was a bastard to those who deserved it the least.
Take James, for example. He was lucky enough to fall in love at the ripe age of 4, and then he lost the girl to a head injury in a car accident. Then to top it all off, his best mate ends up befriending the said girl, and having the friendship that James deserved.
The best mate being Sirius, of course.
Lying next to Lily on stormy nights like these, Sirius would give anything in the world to give everything he had with Lily to James. It simply wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Sirius knew how Lily couldn't sleep through thunderstorms unless she was curled up next to someone she trusted, and James didn't. It wasn't fair that James had to watch Lily sleep in Sirius's bed whenever she was too afraid to sleep alone, yet couldn't do anything about it but close his bed hangings, which he hated to do. It wasn't fair that she wasn't curled under James's arms whenever she suffered from bouts of insomnia, when he was the one who knew her soul. It wasn't fair that James had the universe within his reach, yet couldn't grab on to the one thing he wanted the most.
It just wasn't fair.
Lightening filled the room , followed by a bout of loud, room-rumbling thunder, and Lily jumped from her spot on Sirius's bed.
Whimpering, she tugged on the side of Sirius's gray sleep shirt. "Sirius, did you see that? Did you hear it?" she whispered frantically.
"Shh," he whispered back soothingly, brushing back the stray hairs on her forehead. "It was just some harmless bolts of lightening. Nothing to be afraid of, Lil."
"Nothing to be afraid of?" she questioned forcefully, "I don't know what planet you're living on, but on Earth, people DIE from lightening bolts!"
Sirius chuckled and Lily's head shook from the vibrations of his chest. "Red, the number of lightening bolt deaths per year is, like, ten. Low double-digits. You won't die, I won't die, none of us will ever die from it. I promise."
Lily huffed and turned to face away from her best friend's body. "You don't know that. Last time I checked, you were Sirius Black; not God."
Lily knew she sounded like a moron; she could hear Remus's snorts of muffled laughter from his bed across from Sirius's, but she didn't ask to be so afraid of storms. It was in her nature; her mum had always been deathly afraid of thunderstorms and had instilled the phobia in Lily's mind, whether she meant to or not.
At home in Surrey, it was never a problem to run over to her parents' bed and curl up between them when she was frightened, but here at Hogwarts, finding someone to protect her from the raging storm was something else entirely. In the beginning, there was a simple solution: sleep with Bella. Easy enough, and it wasn't a matter of the other person being strong; Lily just wanted to feel safe. In November of her first year at Hogwarts, she had her first storm away from home. Waking up Bella, she crawled in bed with her and fell asleep instantly.
The problem with sleeping with Arabella, Lily soon found out, was that she kicked in her sleep.
Hard.
Lily woke up from that night's slumber on the floor with bruises on her long legs. Apologizing profusely, the strawberry-blonde worked hard to come up with a fix to this problem.
When the next thunderstorm shook Hogwarts, Bella sent Lily to the boy's dormitory.
Now, sleeping in Sirius's bed was second-nature to Lily; both knowing their relationship was nothing more than sibling-like. At the time, however, the rumors flew. Many girls in their year, and some older and younger, glared at Lily whenever they got chance, and the whispers didn't go unheard. Eventually, it was accepted, and became just another part of Hogwarts society, but at the time, tears were shed and reputations were hurt. Lily even started to believe she was at fault for Sirius's womanizing rep, and told him so.
He denied it, of course, but the look on his face suggested he had had a similar thought.
Upon getting up in the morning, Arabella Figg had a routine. As friendships developed throughout their previous years at Hogwarts, getting Lily out of bed and ready for class became part of it.
It wasn't a problem, never had been and probably never would be, but looking at her friendship with Lily from a different perspective, she realized just how much she babied her best friend. In their relationship, Bella took the responsible, 'we'll never be late if I'm around' role, and Lily took the carefree, 'let's dance barefooted in the spring drizzle' role. She was light and free, fun and always fresh, yet completely flawed at the same time.
She was both balanced and broken, two opposite forces mixed together to make one crazy girl. No matter how annoying, loud, and moody Lily was, all of her imperfections were forgotten as soon as she gave you one her of goofy, lopsided smiles.
It was hard being best friends with someone with such a good aura. There were many times, Bella had to admit, that she was downright jealous of Lily; positively green with envy at everything she had, and everything she didn't. Lily was one of those girls that you only thought existed in the movies, the girl-next-door who had lost so much in her childhood, yet destined to get it all back in time for a grand finale.
Lily lost James. He was there in her day-to-day scene as a popular Marauder, but she lost the James from her dreams. The Jamie she couldn't remember. She lost him, and his parents, and every memory of everything they did as children when they first fell in love. Lily felt nothing in her heart for the raven-headed Quidditch Captain, but she was weaved into his in ways no one could describe.
But someday, Bella knew, Lily would remember James, and her heart would finally hold the feelings that it should. One day, her lost memories of James will be found in her mind, and along with a love that's written in the stars, she will attain a love story for the ages.
"So I got up this morning, and automatically jumped on your bed to wake you up, and went positively bonkers when I jumped right onto your mattress. I thought you'd been abducted by the voices in your head in the middle of the night," Bella teased.
It was breakfast time, and everyone was in the Great Hall. The echoes of the laughter and chatter of all the students bounced off the walls and rose into the sunny blue sky of the enchanted ceiling.
Lily giggled at Arabella's antics. "You're positively mental, Bella."
"As opposed to you? You're sixteen years old and still sleeping in your best friend's bed during a storm. It was understandable when we were eleven, but now it's downright ridiculous," Bella shot back.
Lily stuck her tongue out and blew her friend a raspberry across the table. "Shut up. It's not my fault I'm so storm-a-phobic."
Dana laughed from her seat next to Lily. "Storm-a-phobic? Is it even a word?"
"Of course not," Bella replied, "but this is Lily we're talking about. Does she ever make sense?"
The two girls giggled while Lily pretended to be mad. "Oh hush, Arabella. You know you're just jealous I can go sleep next to Sirius and think nothing of it." The redhead drawled out Sirius's name, adding a slight air of suggestion to her sentence.
"And why would I care if you slept next to Sirius? I don't like him, I swear," Bella said, putting up two fingers. "Best friend's honor."
Lily smirked, "But I never said you like him," she replied, mimicking Bella's hand signal. "Best friend's honor."
Arabella blushed as Lily and Dana teased her about Sirius, but said nothing of it. Her actions, or lack thereof, stirred a bit of confusion in her friends' minds, but they too said nothing of Bella's behavior. Maybe it was time to put the teasing aside…
"Lily!"
Speak of the devil. Bella watched as Sirius hopped into the vacant seat next to Lily and tell her all about a big bash happening that night in Ravenclaw.
"That sounds like so much fun!" Lily gushed, then frowned. "But I have a Charms quiz I need to study for."
Bella watched as Sirius frowned at the idea of Lily not going to the party with him, and convinced her that they would go late so she could study beforehand. Sirius was always making time for Lily, wasn't he?
I don't care. I bet he won't even ask me to go.
"So Bella, you in?"
Say no, say no, say no…
One look into his smoky gray eyes turned her mantra upside down.
"Definitely."
Looking back, Bella would find that that was the day she officially realized just how much she actually did like Sirius, and how little she believed that she had any chances with him.
Lily drummed her fingers on her desk as she listened carefully for her name. It was Potions and Professor Slughorn was pairing partners for their next assignment.
"Black, Patil."
"Figg, Parker."
"Evans, Potter."
Lily rolled her eyes. Well, fancy that.
"Move to the desk of the one I called first. Get acquainted, for the partner you have now will be yours until the semester ends."
Lily inwardly groaned and silently cursed her professor.
The thud of James's book bag was followed by the sound of him plopping into his new seat. She didn't even bother to look up, she knew it was him.
"'ello, Lily," James greeted. She turned and looked at him. Deciding to make the best of it all, she smiled. It was small, but a smile nonetheless.
"Hello, James."
"Alice." In went the bat's blood.
"Ethan." James stirred the potion as directed.
"Nancy." Lily inspected her nails idly as she waited on James.
"Yolanda."
Lily burst out laughing. "Yolanda?" she asked in between giggles.
James grinned. "My third ex-girlfriend," he replied dreamily. "She was sweet and all, but there wasn't any chemistry."
Lily cocked an eyebrow. "Whatever, my turn. Andrea."
The two were playing the Name Game, taught to Lily by James, who, coincidentally, was taught the game by Lily before she lost her memory.
"Annie." James began stirring the potion in the other direction.
"Ethel."
"Lily," James grinned.
"Yes?" Lily teased.
James didn't miss a beat. "Go to Ravenclaw party with me tonight,"
Lily glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "That was clever," she replied.
"I'm a clever guy," James replied cockily.
Lily raised both eyebrows and turned to look at him full on. "Clever and cocky. You must be quite a catch," she appraised sarcastically.
"Only one way to find out," he said hopefully.
Bella grinned from where she stood behind Lily and James. The exchange was perfect, and now she could only hope Lily wouldn't screw this chance up.
Come on, Lily, she willed silently. Take him up on his offer. Go to the party with him.
"Well," Lily hesitated. She seemed to be looking for approval and glanced quickly behind her. Dana nodded her head encouragingly as Bella mouthed, "Do it."
Lily sighed. "I guess," she said as James grinned, "But only if you promise me chocolate."
"Of course."
"Lots of it."
"Anything you say," he promised, the smile on his face spreading ear-to-ear.
"And we have to dance."
"Absolutely," he assured.
Lily raised an eyebrow. "Do you even know how to dance?"
Arabella walked into her dormitory looking for Lily, and laughed out loud when she saw her friend sprawled across her bed. She was lying on her back with her head at the foot of her bed, a pillow covering her face. Her arms were dangling above her head and her left leg was off the bed, lazily kicking air.
"Lily? What in God's name are you doing?"
"Thinking," was the muffled reply.
"Does it hurt?" Bella teased. Lily pulled the pillow off her face and threw it at the blonde, but it barely soared two feet from the bed.
She sighed. "I can't be bothered to move."
Bella frowned. "Is this about your date with James?"
"No. Yes. No. I don't know!" Lily wailed.
"What's the problem, Lil?" Bella asked, sitting down beside Lily.
"I don't know," she replied. "I just… feel weird about going out with him. I've been saying no for so long, you know?"
Bella nodded. "I know you have, but maybe it's about time you say yes, which you have. This is a good thing, I promise."
Lily sighed and kicked her leg, swinging it back and forth. "Since when are you so gung-ho on me going out with Potter? You hate him," she pointed out.
Bella smiled. It was a small one, and she turned her head so that Lily wouldn't see it. "Maybe he isn't as horrible as I thought."
Lily snorted. "Of course he is! He hexes people, he plays pranks, he never pays attention in class; what else could he be besides horrible?"
Bella let Lily's words hang in the air. After a few moments, she turned around and pulled her friend up to a sitting position. "Lily, do you trust me?"
"Of course I do."
"As your friend, do I always have your best interests at heart?"
Lily blew air. "As my best friend, I'm hoping that you do."
"Then trust me on this, Lily. I think going out with James is the best thing for you right now. You just don't see it yet."
Lily frowned. "How is it that you do?"
Bella smiled sadly. "I just do, Lily. I just do."
At that moment, Bella wished more than anything that her friend could see exactly why James was so right for her, but knew that all the wishing in the world wouldn't do her any good.
A knock at the door startled Lily and Arabella. Noting that she didn't want to move, Lily pushed her friend towards the door. She listened to Bella talk to a young girl, then heard the door close and Bella's footsteps moving back towards the bed.
"It was that one first year, you know, the one with the frizzy brown mess on her head? She brought this note up for you and said it was from that 'hunky chaser with the bed head,' " Bella laughed. Lily joined her and held her hand out for the note.
L,
S
said that you needed to study before the party, so we'll meet you
and B in the Common Room at 9.
Sound good?
J
Lily sat up and studied the parchment. Running her fingers over the messy scrawl, she frowned. There was something oddly familiar about his hand. Was it the way he dotted his i's with little slants rather than dots, or the way he abbreviated names with just their first letter?
Deciding not to dwell on it, Lily told Arabella the game plan, then grabbed her Charms book and dived into it's age-old pages.
My longest chapter ever! What do you think? Like/hate? Review, please! And as always, TONS of thanks to Heather for betaing. I must admit, I was pretty annoying this time-- I kept changing the chapter on her :P Anyway, Kimberly's chapter next. I haven't talked to her in a while but... I don't know. We'll see.
Oh, by the way, from now on I think I'll do review responses in my livejournal. Check for the URL in my profile :)
