The Three Rather Tall Buildings
Ok, just so everyone's clear this is the second story, the parody of The Two Towers but I'm making the trilogy all one story so I can get more Reviews! Also, I'm renaming the story The Lad of the Shiny Circle. That is the overall trilogy and How the Fellowship REALLY got started is the parody of Fellowship of the Ring. I think this one will be quite a bit longer. And I'm not yet sure if I'll follow the book's timeline or the movie's. But for now Chapter One:
"I'm not Dead Yet!"
Disclaimer: "Well, I was going to rant about Corporate America and it's trying to take over all the good and hobbity things in this world but instead I'll just list the things I don't own. Obviously I don't own Lord of the Rings. It's very sad I know. Also Karvian would like me to inform you all that I do not own the COOOOOOOOKIE Crisp saying and that she is claiming ownership to the 'We-hate-the-cookie-crisp-dog-club.' Also I probably say that I don't own the added characters other than myself, and I'm not entirely sure everyone would agree with that fact…looks over at parents and upset friends…so I think that's everything, so Read and Review PLEASSSSE! Yes, that sounds desperate but so what as long as you review!"
Chapter 1: "I'm Not Dead, Yet!"
Bomby, Katie, Chloe, Kelli, and Jared wave goodbye as they watch all the boats carrying the Fellowship sail away.
"Umm Chloe," Katie said.
"Yea,"-Chloe
"Do you see a problem with this picture?"-Katie
"Not really." Chloe said still waving.
"We're not with the Fellowship!" Katie shouted finally drawing Chloe out of her daze.
"Oh shit!"
"You still have me." Bomby said in a rather Eeyore like voice.
"You're about to die you fool."- Jared
"What?!" Bomby exclaims as he is knocked off a Random cliff that is only about 2 feet deep but he still screams like a sissy little girl the whole way down.
"So not that he's dead…" Kelli started.
"Wait, I'm not dead yet!" Bomby said from somewhere directly underneath their feet as they were standing on his face.
"Umm…"- They all said and start playing Twister® on his back.
"I'm still not dead!" Bomby screamed.
"Oh…" Hobbits2 slowly slidily walk away.
"Where are we supposed to go now?" Kelli asked to no one in particular.
"Well with Bomby being dead and all…"- Katie
"I'm not dead! See me! Me no deady!" Bomby screamed jumping up and down.
"Wow. Dude. I see dead people."- Chloe
"I think that joke's a bit old by now. I don't mean the part without the Wow. Dude. But the other part."- Katie sort of explained.
"We should sneek up on the Fellowship and tip their boats!" Jared exclaimed. Everyone just stared at him and blinked.
"Yea!!!" Everyone finally shouts.
"Yes, finally I shall get my vengeance tipping over the boat of Acorn. Something I have wanted to do since I was a little girl." Bomby mumbled deviously.
"Oh, who cares about you? You're dead!" Kelli said as she pushed him into the whirlpool.
"WEEEE! I mean…I'm not dead!" Bomby screamed. "Nooo! Bomby! I'll come back for you…if I don't forget." Katie said walking away. (A quote for Katie donated by Katie)
Meanwhile…
Acorn is standing in the boat whistling and rocking it from side to side.
"Acorn you're gonna tip the boat!" Gimles yelled loud and dramatically for no apparent reason.
"Ah, is Gim-mi-gim-gims afraid of a little wa-wa?" Lego said in a weird baby voice and pinched Gimles' cheeks causing him to smack in the head with an axe and Random people on the bank stare at them.
Acorn was about to say something but got distracted by the shiny nuclear waste barrel at the bottom of the river. So he jumped high in the air and made a movement that made him look like he was trying to impersonate a fish but ended up looking like a drunken, demented bird and dove into the water screaming "SHINY UNDERPANTS!!!"
Lego was slimly escaping death only because he had taken his 'head-numbing-so-you-won't-die-when-a-phycotic-dwarf-tries-to-kill-you' pill earlier that morning. This incidentally didn't make Gimles very happy.
"Ah! Why…won't…you…die?!" Gimles screamed right in Lego's ear.
Lego fell backwards, his eyes unblinkingly staring at the sky, actually directly at the sun which never led to anything good, in a deadish position.
"Lego," Gimles shook him frantically. "Lego…Legooooooooooooooooooooooooo." He screamed as the camera zoomed out to reveal trees, mostly dead, and what used to be beautiful landscaping (Merfy and Poppy smile evilly). Someone stops the tape.
"And that concludes our 'How-Not-To-Kill-A-Pretty-Elf' video and…Live from New York It's Saturday Night!"
"Uh Bob…"
"Yea, Joe."
"Well, this is a tape so it won't be live and we're in ME, not NY and it's noon on Wednesday."
"Really?"
"Yea." Joe shrugged.
"Uh…oh well," Bob walked off the set and turned off the lights causing Joe to stare blankly after him. He just shrugged and un-paused the tape.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
Acorn popped out of the water with a rock between his teeth. He quite remarkably resembled a dog. He then climbed into the boat on all fours as Gimles continued to scream. Without noticing the…er…odd return of Acorn. He continued talking to Lego's dead-like body, though in a much softer voice.
"You know, I never really acted like I really liked you liked you, but I guess I may have been a bit…well, shy. But you know how we dwarfs are, living in isolation in our mountains and blah blah blah…"
Getting sick of the Dwarfish rant Lego 'sprang back to life' and started to laugh uncontrollably. "You…you should've seen your face…" Lego squealed between giggles. "'I never really acted like I liked you liked you…' Lego laughed hysterically. Gimles came out of shock at this, which made him drop Lego against the boat which just made him laugh harder and louder.
"Damn it all, I thought you were dead…I was gonna take your shiny bow. " Gimles pouted as Lego continued to laugh. "And I was gonna use you for target practice." Gimles smirked.
"Now, now I don't think Glady would approve of that now would she?" Lego teased and Gimles fumed.
Acorn stared at the two of them still not understanding and looking like a puppy and dropped all the things he was carrying in his mouth and started to stand up like a normal person when…BAM!
"Owww! Ah! That REALLY hurt! Oh! My back will kill for days!" He screamed in agony as Gimles axe had just landed square in the middle of the center of his back.
"Oh is Acorn getting all old and squirrelish just like old GoFart?" Lego taunted again in his weird mock-baby voice.
Acorn just stared at him wildly. His eyes looked like a cat's.
"Wow…your eyes…they're so SHINY!" Gimles said all mesmerized.
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!!" Acorn said acting like he was surrounded by complete psychopaths (he wasn't far off).
In another part of the River…
"Look Mr. Fernando!" Sham pointed to a spot in the water.
"Where?"
"There." He pointed and waved his arm frantically.
"Where?" Fernando asked, totally oblivious.
"There! In the water! I said water Mr. Fernando!"
"There's water! Oh no where?! Oh, save me Sham I'm allergic to water!"
"No, you're not." Sham said raising an eyebrow at his crazy master.
"What?! Fernando whips out a clipboard with a list on it. Things I'm allergic to: peas, pink flowers, book socks, batteries, Sham, Uncle Bobo's toilet. "Ehmm, you're right!"
"There's something in the water. I think it's that HAHA, it is. I say I don't trust him Mr. Fernando." Sham said trying to block out the images of dancing furbies. But instead HAHA creepily peaking his yes out of the water it was Hobbits2 and Bomby…DUN DUN DUN!!!
"Just look at the sky, Merfy." Poppy said cooking bacon inside the wooden boat.
"Why? What about it?" Old Merfykins asked.
Actually there were balloons and exploding torpedoes in the sky mixed with a large bowl of fruit punch and clouds made out of rainbow colored crunch berries.
"Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookie Crisp!" Merfy jumped up and shouted, tipping the boat, sending bacon, 27 "misplaced" piggy banks and fingernail clippings (thanks Buba) down the river.
After retrieving most of the items, they un-flipped the boat and started having a pillow fight. Poppy got the first hit. This, of course, caused the boat to flip and for Random supplies to end up in the water several more times. After nearly losing some pipeweed (don't worry it was salvaged) they decided to stop and actually stay on the boat for a bit. That's when they noticed they were approaching Acorn's, Lego's, and Gimles' boat. Which was odd since they had left awhile before them as they were planning Bomby's burial without a body or any evidence that he was in fact dead.
"We shall search for them night and day!" Acorn said proudly and leaderly as he walked up and down the boat.
"Uh Acorn," Gimles tried to cut in.
"We will search far and wide, up and down, left and right, place to other place…" Acorn continued, ignoring him.
"But isn't that…" Gimles attempted to explain again.
"We will travel all Middle Earth trying to find Poppy and Merfy!" Acorn ended solemnly. Lego twirled his hair randomly and stuck it in his mouth and started chewing it.
"Yummm…tastes like shampoo…Herbal Essences!" He said to himself, hyperventilating at the excitement of shampoo. "And conditioner, don't forget the conditioner."
"Acorn isn't that the Hobbits now?!" Gimles yelled right in his ear as Merfy and Poppy's boat floated right past them and the Hobbits were waving and smiling happily until they were picked up and half-swallowed by a tree.
"What Hobbits?" Acorn asked confused as he turned to see the empty boat next to him.
"Oh, nevermind you fool." Gimles huffed.
"He huffed and he puffed and blew the house down." Lego said bopping up and down to the non-existent music in his head and smiling…rather like a duck.
"I'm not Dead Yet!"
