Hopes for an Empire

by Roy Hawkings

Prologue: The Legend of Mushroomia

An awfully long time ago, in a strange and far-off land, a bustling town thrived. Its inhabitants all were happy, and the town was prosperous. This land in which this town existed was called Mushroomia, and peace abounded; that is, until one day. This day, a great cataclysm struck the earth. Darkness and thunder crashed down upon the lands, sending black waves of water to smash the town to pieces. It seemed like the world was over, but the chaos suddenly ceased.

Many moons rose and fell, and few survivors of the cataclysm, memory completely gone, began to build a town on the soil of the old one. Towns and castles began to spring up everywhere, and this new land was dubbed the Mushroom Kingdom. Once all peace had returned, no one suspected that a disaster would befall them: that the creator of the great catastrophe, the demonic Shadow Queen, would rise in one thousand years if awakened to wreak havoc again.

One thousand years later, a foolish villain awakens the Shadow Queen. Mario, a legendary hero of this time, destroys her and peace once again returns to the Mushroom Kingdom. But what mysteries could still exist beneath the soil? Not only could the rising place of the Queen, Rogueport, hold such a tale. What else of Mushroomia still lurks under the Kingdom of Mushrooms today?

Chapter One

Dreadfully Diminutive Departure from Disaster

The Mushroom Kingdom was once again at rest, free from the tendrils of evil which constantly bound it. Bowser had been conquered, Peach had been rescued, and the Toads and Yoshis were once again free to do anything without worry. It was almost Shangri-La here in everyone's favorite fungus world, and the residents were just fine with that.

Obviously enough, though, this was NOT going to last long.

"Oh, Your Grumpiness, I'm back with the groceries." Kammy Koopa stumbled into her master's castle, desperately trying to hold up the five grocery bags that she hugged to her chest.

There was no reply.

"Your Grumpiness?"

Well, isn't that lovely of him! Kammy thought angrily. I buy him seventeen thousand pounds of food that he said he "would DIE without," and now the big lug doesn't even come when I call him?

The old witch heard scribbling noises from the next room. She opened the big red door that led to the King's room and there was her master, hard at work with a little lamplight lighting his work, which lay on a table in front of him.

Her master was not exactly what you'd call a handsome king, with red hair that flopped around like a rock star's, glaring eyes, claws, and a spiked shell on his back. He also wasn't the type to be sitting, hard at work at a table like he was writing a novel.

"King Bowser! I brought the groceries... they're in the kitchen."

"Mmm? Kammy? Oh, sorry. I'm not really hungry anymore."

Kammy nearly lost it. Oh, yes, you'll DIE without food all right, because I'm going to... Suddenly, the old Magikoopa decided not to throw a tantrum like she wanted to. Possibly, what Bowser had on his desk was worth the patience.

"What are you working on, Your Foulness?"

"Gwa ha ha! Please, Kammy, wait until I'm finished. I'm already giddy about this enough as it is!" The Koopa King furiously continued to jot down things onto the paper.

"May I please see? You know how much I love your brilliant work. At least tell me what it is."

"Oh, all right. It's a... plan. A plan to..." Bowser's face had an expression that made Kammy think he would burst out into laughter like a little girl and tee-hee himself to death.

"I... I'm almost wetting myself, it's so darn brilliant! IT'S A PLAN TO KILL MARIO AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

Oh, gee, I almost wet myself too. Woohoo. Wee. It's the Apocalypse. Bowser NEVER comes up with these plans...

Bowser noticed the skeptical look on his servant's face. "Don't be a party pooper, Kam! Wait until you see... aww, I can't resist! Here, look at it!" Bowser held the paper up for his servant to see.

Kammy stifled a laugh which she was dying to release. She couldn't believe her eyes. Bowser's brilliant plan, which laid before her, was nothing more than a bunch of useless squiggles. She made out Mario. A blob with a mustache, which Bowser had also drawn and written stupid insults all over. The plumber had enormous buckteeth, and I AM A BIG FAT LOOSER was scrawled across his forehead.

"Oh, t-t-this is f-first class, Your E-E-Evilness. It's so brilliant i-i-it has me stuttering with excitement."

"But it's not done yet." Bowser took his finger and put it on the plan. "Here. I'll tell you what it's about."

The king's claw first pointed to a poorly drawn image of himself going to the store and buying something.

"What are you buying in the picture?"

"Invitations."

"Oh."

Bowser's finger moved to himself with a thought bubble, writing in the invitations. Something that looked like Cackletta (1) (but looked more like something you pick up after your dog on the side of the road) and some other foreign object were in the thought bubble.

"Er... what's that?" Kammy felt like she was asking a kindergartener what his finger painting was a representation of.

"That's Wart! My friend from Dream Land. The guy who hates veggies."

"Mmm."

The next picture. Bowser and a bunch of other people sitting around a fireplace, talking.

Then, the huge amount of people from the previous picture going after Mario and tearing him to shreds.

"It's a villain party," Bowser said proudly. "We'll invite all our friends and then the world will bow down to the Koopas! Gwa ha ha!"

"Hey, this actually isn't bad." Kammy liked this idea. It could work. Maybe if they hadn't been going solo on their villainous quests before, they could have won against the plumber. But there were so many baddies they could get together... so many that had failed before but could win now...

"Er, but Your Brilliantness, this plan looks like it's finished to me."

Bowser's eyes glittered menacingly. "That's because I haven't drawn the part where we eat Mario's friends and rule the world."

Kammy was scared for a moment. Bowser wasn't always the sharpest tool in the shed, but he had some brief moments where she swore she saw a truly evil demon in him.

"Ah, I'm finally glad things are back to normal... again." Toadsworth, the Princess of the Mushroom Castle's longtime steward, sat back and relaxed on his favorite lounge chair. It was so incredibly good to have the Princess back, so now he didn't have to wait for Mario to save the world again while he took residence in some crummy inn. Bleh. Rogueport was so distasteful, and a shadow taking over the world was equally bad. (2) But now things were back to the way they were before. Actually, though, this was quite unusual. Could he really say "things were back to normal?" Toadsworth thought a while. He suddenly realized that this was the abnormal state of the Mushroom Kingdom. Usually, it was infested with baddies and the Princess was captured from some hideous old thing.

I love abnormality, the butler decided.

"Oh no! The Princess has been captured!"

The cry from the next room came from a familiar voice... TOAD!

"Nooooo!" The old man could almost feel himself clacking with his cane across the room in slow motion (as if it wasn't slow motion enough already), yelling. "Noooooo!" He dove towards the door- and found Peach's little guard, mouth agape.

Giggles broke out from the fungi's mouth. GIGGLES?

"Dear boy, have you gone insane?"

"N-N-No, Toadsworth! You're so gullible!"

The door to the dressing room opened, and out came the Princess... Princess Peach. She, however, looked more lavishly dressed then Toadsworth had ever seen. She had makeup on, and her most frilly pink dress, which looked more like a wedding gown.

Toadsworth glared angrily at Toad. "Please, Toad, for the love of Queen Bean (3), don't do that. I've just started to relax. Honestly." He turned to Peach, admiring the silky smoothness of her new dress. "What's the occasion for this, Princess?"

Peach blushed a little. "Well... I've been thinking... about... Mario."

Toad started giggling again. "Peach's got a cruuuushhhhy, Peach's got a cruuuushhhhy!" he sang.

"Why have you all of a sudden decided to do this, my fair Princess?"

"I've realized something. TEC (4) talking to me about love really awakened me to the fact that I may just..." Being the shy type around these kinds of things, Peach drifted off.

But Toadsworth looked pleased, and began rambling immediately. "Ah, amore? I do suppose it's time to add a prince to the Mushroom Kingdom, ha ha. 'Prince Mario.' 'Prince Mario.' Yes, that does have a nice ring to-"

"Toadsworth!" Peach cried. "I never said anything about that! All I want to do right now is get to know him better."

Toad scratched his head. "You sound so TV-show-ish, Peach. 'I want to get to know him better before we move into...' Waaaaait just a second."

"What?"

"Get to know him better...?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I just, uh, you know, might want to mention to you... HE'S SAVED YOUR BUTT EIGHTY HUNDRED STINKIN' TIMES AND YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER?"

Toadsworth grinned slightly at Toad's childish naivety. "Oh ho, my boy. She's referring to a date... you know? She wants to take him out so they'll fall in true love."

Peach's face became flushed with embarrassment once more. "Well... I... I suppose that is what I really want. But it's so hard to start a relationship with someone. I'm so... shy."

"Don't worry, my dear Princess. The ability to speak with Mario about your feelings will come... you just have to try."

"But... oh, I'm not ready for this!" Peach stepped backward into the dressing room and slammed the door behind her.

Instantaneously, as Toad opened his mouth to say something, the older, wiser Toad replied as if reading the young mushroom's mind: "You'll understand when you are older, my young lad."

No one was occupying the Mario household the night that Bowser came up with his simple but brilliant plan. The two brothers had gone out to dinner since they had free time again, simply to relax: something that they both, Mario especially, needed desperately.

And so Mario and Luigi Mario went to the newest restaurant in Toadtown, Pianta (5) Pizza Parlor, hoping to get a good meal and some brotherly bonding time.

The instant the siblings sat down at a table, Mario flipped open the menu and began to scan it like a robot.

"Not hungry, are you, bro?" Luigi joked. "Hey, helloooo?"

Mario wasn't paying any attention to anything. This wasn't a surprise to his brother, who knew that unless Mario got food, he would continue to dream about it

until it came.

"Spaghetti ala puttanesca (6)! Lasagna! Ravioli! Luigi, this place has-a food pouring out of its nostrils!"

Luigi took a look at the menu, and soon he too was hypnotized by the array of Italian goodness. A voice came from behind the two dreaming fellows, knocking them out of their funk.

"Can I get you a drink tonight?"

A very pretty Pianta girl with pink skin was their server. She looked a bit nervous, and Luigi guessed it was because it was probably her first day on the job. (7)

"Yeah, I'll-a have a Fire Flower Spicy Soda," Mario said.

"I'm gonna have a Mushroom Creamy One."

"All right, I'll bring your drinks."

The waitress had left a bowl of chips on the table. Now that Mario finally had some food to cure his aching stomach, he started up a conversation.

"It feels-a so great to be able to do this again. I mean, I've-a been pretty caught up in saving Peach lately. We don't usually have time to sit down in a nice restaurant."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I was kept pretty busy too by that whole Chestnut King ordeal. (8) That was a tall order for just one man."

"But look at what you got out of it," Mario said, "you had an entire-a book series written after-a you! That's not bad."

"No kidding. But I still spent a whole lotta time on that."

"It really seems like crime is at an all-a time high here in the Mushroom Kingdom today. I barely-a have enough time to blink in between my adventures!"

"You're right, I've noticed that too."

The older sibling leaned forward. "And you know-a what the strangest part of it is?"

Luigi thought for a second, then turned back and shook his head. "No, I can't think of anything at the moment," he said.

"The strangest-a part is," Mario paused briefly, "that Bowser, the one that usually causes the trouble, is the one-a giving us the least trouble now."

"But what about when he tried to take the Crystal Stars (9) from you?"

Mario moved his hand back and forth in the air in a light motion. "That was nothing," he said. "Bowser always fell-a for the lamest tricks, and he had to enter a battle when I was-a weak to even stand a chance, which-a he didn't."

Luigi didn't reply. He looked deep in thought, and his expression showed signs of worry about something.

"Luigi... Earth-a to Luigi!"

"Oh, sorry. But when you said that it made me think... and now I'm a little concerned."

Mario raised an eyebrow. "About what?"

As the younger brother was about to answer, the waitress arrived with the brothers' drinks. She whipped a pen and notepad from her waistband and asked for their orders.

Mario and Luigi ordered their food, three pizzas. After the elder took a quick sip from his Spicy Soda, he asked Luigi the same question.

"So what are you-a concerned about?"

"Oh, nothing. It's not important. It's stupid."

"No, really! I want to know! We're-a brothers. You should-a share this with me."

"Fine. You win again. I'll share. I'm concerned because I think Bowser's plotting something."

Mario laughed. "Are you-a kidding me? Bowser's just an idiot. He never comes up with-a good plans. The only thing that makes him annoying is-a where he sets up his castles and his brute strength."

Luigi didn't appear to be satisfied. "But what if he has this sort of 'master plan,' Mario? Will you be prepared for it then? What if it's-"

"Trust me, Luigi, you shouldn't-a worry! There's no way Bowser would throw a curve-a ball out like that."

"Yeah, well," Luigi's head was down, looking at the table, "I think maybe you're underestimating his intelligence just a bit too much."

Mario was taken aback. "Well... I... I..."

Luigi's face rose up with a smile on it. "Oh, forget it. I said it was stupid. Who am I kidding? I should enjoy the chance to relax while it's still around."

Woah, Mario thought, Luigi was pretty scary. He seemed so... serious. And scared! Does he know something that I don't?

He decided to dismiss the issue.

After a while of waiting, and chit-chatting between the brothers about the local baseball team, the waitress arrived with two steaming hot pizzas.

Mario wrinkled his brow. "Uh, ma'am, I'm sorry, but we ordered three pizzas."

The waitress beamed. Her smile was bright and summery, but Mario noticed that if her mouth opened any wider her jaw would rip the rest of her face right off. New staff members always try to act way too friendly, he thought.

"Oh, I know you ordered three pizzas," said the Pianta. "My son is carrying the other one. Look, he's coming. Isn't he cute?"

Indeed, the girl's son was adorable. His tiny body was almost being crushed by the huge pizza, but he still struggled and managed to lug it to the brothers' table. Unfortunately, he couldn't reach the height of it, and began to jump so he could accomplish this.

Luigi bent down and gently took the pizza from the little boy. "Thank you very much," he said. "You're an excellent waiter."

"You hear that, Freddie?" The waitress picked her child up off the carpet flooring and held him in her arms. "He thinks you're a great waiter. Now what do you say?"

The younger Pianta held his finger up to his mouth, pondering his answer carefully. He came to his conclusion and said a quiet, "Tank you."

"You're welcome," said Luigi, grinning hugely.

After the waitress left, Mario and his brother made short work of the food that had been left for them. They were known for eating anything Italian in only a few minutes, and the waitress was certainly impressed when she returned to give them the check.

"You've got quite an appetite, boys," she exclaimed.

"What do you expect, we're-a the Mario brothers!" Mario and Luigi took of their hats and put their arms around each other in a sort of symbolic logo.

"The Mario brothers? Did I hear you correctly? You guys are- are celebrities! You saved the Piantas' very home, Isle Delfino!"

"Hey, being a celebrity doesn't mean you can't enjoy a quiet meal," Luigi said. "Speaking of which..."

"Is something wrong?" the waitress asked. Her face fell a little.

"Well, no, but... I just noticed. There's no one else here."

The waitress's ecstatic smile went to a depressed frown. "Yeah, that's not good news for me." She avoided her converser's eyes and stared vacantly at the wall. This was sudden.

"What-a do you mean? You're a new eatery, you can't-a expect to be on top as soon as you build the framework. Don't be so hard on yourself; your boss isn't going to fire you."

The Pianta girl sat down in a booth across from the brothers. She remained quiet for a few seconds, then spoke: "My boss is my father."

Luigi went over to the young woman and patted her shoulder. "Hey, listen. I'm pretty sure you're fathers a good guy, because most Piantas-"

Without warning, the waitress screamed, "You don't know my father at all!"

Luigi took a step backward.

"I- I'm sorry. I'm just so nervous. This restaurant really doesn't have enough money yet to afford advertising, so not a lot of people have come here yet. And my father says that if it isn't a success, it's my fault and that he'll hire another waitress in my place."

The server looked as if she was about to cry.

"Well, maybe I can-a give you a tip," Mario said. He dropped far more blue coins than he owed down into the coin tray.

"Tha- thank you," the girl murmured, picking up the tray and gaping at the money. "I don't know what to say."

Luigi sat back down in his seat. "Tell your father that we loved everything you did for us tonight."

The waitress said no more. She ran off, blushing crazily.

"We are waaaaay too nice," Luigi chuckled.

"Yeah, well..." Mario just stuffed his wallet back into his pocket, shrugging. "We should-a be going."

As he went to get up, he felt pain slicing its way through his stomach. He stopped instantly and cried out.

"What's wrong?" Luigi tried to get up and run over to his brother, but he too was grabbed by the throbbing stomach ache.

"Ahhhhhhh..." Mario clutched his belly. What was happening to him? Was the pizza not cooked long enough? What-? He gasped as he realized what was occurring- but he wanted to laugh. He was inflating. His stomach was growing at a steady pace, and he was about two times the size he was half a minute ago.

The Pianta server was coming back around the corner to Mario and Luigi's table. She saw them and giggled. She was smiling, but it was a malicious, evil smile.

"Well, well, well, looks like you two ate too much pizza."

Mario spun his head around, bewildered. "Y-You're-a behind this? What'd we ever do-a to you?"

"Oh, you never did anything to Mrs. Wimpy Sob Story Waitress," said the girl, "but you have done something to a certain... oh, why don't you see for yourself?"

The pink skin began sliding off of the waitress.

What is she? Mario thought, but then realized: That's not her skin, that's someone else's costume! And I'm still expanding... but it seems to be slowing down.

But whose costume was it? Mario couldn't move his head; his neck was being embraced tightly by new saggy, fatty skin. This was disgusting, and he felt at a loss of breath.

"Show your full... self..." Luigi barely managed to utter a sound. His growth had slowed down too, but it was so painful to move... so tiring...

"You know, I almost wanted to keep up that act. You were both so sweet. Hugely sweet. Get it? You were hugely sweet! Eeyah ha ha! EEYAH HA HA!"

Mario knew who his enemy was the minute she had let the cackle slip from her throat. It was Cackletta, the evil witch of the Beanbean Kingdom! She let the costume fall to the floor to reveal her hideous, wrinkle-ridden face and pale jade skin.

"C-Cackletta, you... you jerk..."

"Oh, I didn't mean to spoil your brotherly night out, right when it was getting to the good part. I'm sorry, I'll make it better: I'll kill you both and then take over the world! How does that sound, my little fatties?"

"You... cheater... How did you... do this to us...?" Luigi coughed and hacked. Whatever Cackletta had done to the siblings was putting extreme strain on their bodies, and making it impossible to move.

Cackletta threw back her head and screeched a terrible high-pitched laugh. "You expect me to tell you? Oh, wait... why not? You're going to die anyway!"

As she was about to reveal her secret, Cackletta's "son", the blue-skinned Pianta boy, came toddling into the room.

"May I reveal to the Mario brothers who I hate the hilariously funny ingeniously genius plot which will ultimately end up in their demise?"

Cackletta's mouth formed a humongous grin. "Oh, why not, Fawful?"

The blue covering fell off of Cackletta's underling. He picked it up off the floor and whipped it at Luigi's face.

"Hee hee hee! You foolish fink-rat fools! If only you had studied the pizza which you thought would be yummy more carefully, then you would have realized we used poisonous Swell Mushrooms which make you inflate!"

"C-curse-a you two..." Mario was near passing out. Luigi had a book on Mushrooms... maybe he was asking this so he could find a counter to their attack!
Luigi considered something. "Wait... but Swell Mushrooms take effect only if the eater has been physically inactive for five minutes! How did you know we would still be here so you could..."

"How do you think?" Cackletta sustained her toothy smirking. "Do you have such short-term memory that you don't happen to remember that tragic story about my mean ol' pop putting me under pressure?"

"You witch!" Mario yelled.

"Oh, that's rather frantic. You usually are so calm, Mario... but I might be in frenzy, too, if I was gaining as many pounds as you are! EEYAH HA HA! Cut some carbs, Loser Bros.!"

Fawful was absolutely giddy. "But Miss Cackletta, you forgot the best part! The part where we boil these fools and you and I rule the world which is deserving to be ours!"

With what was left of his draining breath, Luigi managed a whispery, "Buh-buh-buh-boil us?"

"Oh, listen to the stuttering! It's priceless! 'Buh-buh-boil'? This is a keeper! I wish I had a camera to catch the look on your faces!" Cackletta slapped her knees and, well, cackled.

"What we can see of their faces!" Fawful roared with tee-hee-ing hilarity.

The two creeps rolled the brothers (literally) onto a food cart and brought them into the kitchen. What the poor mustachioed men caught a glimpse of next made them feel if they were seeing things.

DREADFULLY DIMINUITIVE DEPARTURE FROM DISASTER/END