I know I haven't posted in FOREVER and I greatly apologize to anyone who actually cared about this story. But I am back and ci will not abandon the randomness! Chapter 3 of The Three Rather Tall Buildings is here! Please Read & Review!
If this was a serious fic I would use J.R.R. Tolkein's idea of making the first half of the book about most of the Fellowship and the second half and Samwise and Frodo. But since this is totally random shit off the top of my head I won't.
Has anyone ever noticed how many things are square/rectangular? I mean it gets so boring! Come on, people, be creative. – This message was brought to you by the random thoughts in the author's head and the Green Bean Foundation, "If it's not green it's just not right."
Disclaimer: Somewhere in a big city in a tall building in a floor with stairs in a storage room in a box in a small box sit the rights of ownership to Lord of the Rings and all other Tolkien works. I have no access to this box because the room has security cameras.
Chapter 3 of The Three Rather Tall Buildings: The Insanity of M.E.
A rubber chicken stared blankly into space.
Poppy and Merfy ran over a bump in the water. Poppy took no notice that they were now in a bank of mud and the motor was making a death noise, and continued to salute invisible electrical outlets in his Captain Hook costume. (He had to wear two eye patches because when he was still getting used to his hook hand he scratched his eye, but didn't feel like taking the other patch off.
"Poppy the crazy salin' dude, Poppy the high lil' guy on the sea, Popp-yyyyyy," Poppy sang the chorus, but since he was quite tone deaf it sounded a lot like someone was throwing a dying cat against ac brick wall.
"Hey Pop, Pops, Pop-a-lious, Pop boy, the boy de Pop, Bubble-wrap King - anyway, Poppy, don't you think we should check out whatever we hit or get out of this mud, or get away from that overbuilt, monkey, blue guy looking at us murderously?"
"Hey! This is my happy face."
The two hobbits ignored him and stared at each other for several hours, until it was dark and very night-ish, and then laughed hysterically.
The creepy blue guy got bored and fell asleep.
Some grumpy old bastard yelled "Shut up you conflabbed wippersnappers," from some random place in the distance.
(Unfortunately, this was not his first offense against hobbits, he once walked around the Shire in a Speedo®, and old men in speedos are not pleasant to look at.)
Poppy and Merfy continued to laugh and smoke until the boat slipped off the bank and drove against the current, directly into the waterfall.
The boat immediately shattered when it was popped by a sewing needle, despite its indestructibility.
Poppy and Merfy tried to tread water and keep their heads above water, but failed as they had had a bit too much ale when they were laughing (which incidently caused them to choke several times but luckily niether knew the heimlec so they ran against the edge of the boat, which they tripped over and flew into the water where they were saved by an electric eel who punched them in the stomach, causing them to puke and stop choking, it came to be a bit of a game after they stopped passing out from the shocks) and they were still tipsy.
Poppy managed to hold his lit pipe above water as long as he didn't come up more than once every 10 minute, though, on the occasion when he got the chance to breathe he took in air and a drag of his pipe, the smoke made amusing affects in the water.
Merfy, on the other hand, took the more reasonable approach of hovering in a meditating position and then spaztically kicking a large underwater bubble which apparently surrounding the city of Flantis that had been lost long ago.
"Please help us," the people of Flantis said simultaneously in a freakish robotic voice. But Merfy had kicked the DO-NOT-CARESS-THIS-BUTTON button and sent the Flantis residents spinning down a whirlpool of misery and woe.
"Weeeeeeeeeeee!" they shouted.
"I wish someone would spin us down a whirlpool of misery and woe EVERY day!" commented one particularly high Flantisian.
Suddenly, Poppy and Merfy felt a hard tug on their ears. "This reminds me of my days in Catholic school," Poppy reminisced "I think that nun really liked me."
When they were finally out of the water they realized the thing that was pulling them was the murderous-looking blue dude surrounded by other murderous-looking blue dudes.
"Hi, I'm Poppy,"Poppy said in a Spongebob-like voice.
"Who's Spongebob," inquired Merfy. He was then knocked unconscious for being too inquisitive.
"So... how are you doin'?"
A sudden change in storyline:
Acorn, Gimles, and Lego were cruising down the river in their pimped-out pirate ship.
"Crank up the stereo, Acorn!" Lego demanded from the back seat.
"I can't! I'm still to lose that freak!"
"Still? Merlin, he's persistant."
Hermoine Granger popped out of a plastic explosive on the deck and wapped Lego with a large textbook. "The use of the name Merlin in the place of a interjection is copyright of Harry Potter and the Crows Cut Grass Fanclub. Any use of it by other semi-fictional characters is illegal and just plain annoying. And..." she was shot by enough tranquilizer darts to kill an Oliphant.
Bomby was not far behind the boat and continued to ram his head into it at any chance he got.
"Anyone have any Advil?" Bomby massaged his temples as he gave the ram-your-head-into-the-boat manuever another go. But none of the Hobbits2 heard because they had found a new source of entertainment: pipes that blow bubbles.
"BUBBLES!" Katie shouted and blew more bubbles.
"Hehehehehehehehehehe," the other three imitation hobbits popped the bubbles.
Another random plot change:
"Say Sham, what ever happened to that strange hairless dog we hit with a Palm tree?" Fernando asked.
"Over here, Fernando!" El Smitho said from the other end of the boat.
"No, not you."
"Oh," El Smitho made an angsty face and jumped off the boat dramtically.
"Stupid poser," Sham said wearing his "I am Fernando" tee-shirt and playing with his plastic The One Ring he bought off e-bay.
"I'm right here my master," Smugol responded.
"Ah, that's the weirdo I was looking for!"
"So... dude... what... is... up... with... your... obbsession... with... the... one... ring?"
"It is his precioussssssssssss. HEHEHEHEHEHE. MUHAHAHAHA. MOOMOOMOOO." Sham said in the creepest voice known to hobbit kind.
(SLAP) "Snap out of Sham!" Fernando exclaimed.
"You... you... touched me! My life has meaning! All is good! I don't want to commit suicide anymore!" Sham spazed. Members of the Fellowship spazing always led to pain and suffering and fabulous enertainment for all who weren't enduring it. And that wasn't about to change.
Sham bounced up and down on the boat, this inevibily caused a large whole to appear in the bottom. One of those cartoon water spray things that could never happen in real life sprang out of the boat and flung Sham high into the air. He turned into a Sham-shaped ballon and flew away.
The actual end to an actual chapter where nothing actually happened and all sense of their being an actual plot was lost. Actually.
"Unless this was all a stoned fantasy... BUM BUM BUM"
"No, no it wasn't, and stop playing that weird music."
Monkey turns off what was supposed to be suspenseful music ("The Macarena") and turned on "Boggie Wonderland" and started to break dance.
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