By Hikaru Hayashi

Well, Ruby...I consider you a good friend, even though I don't really know who you are, so you can criticize me if you think it will help, I was just stating that the last chapter was one of my faves, simply because it made no sense at all. If it wasn't as good as the others, then I'm sorry (Blasted Administration!! The script version was much funnier...)

I hope you think this chapter is better!

Also, I'm sorry about the "Battousai" mix-up, but like I said before, I don't know much Japanese, so how am I s'posed to know what "Battousai" really means...would it bug you if I kept the name the same? That's the way it was in my original fic, and I want it to be as close to the original as possible.

Disclaimer note: I own N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!!

Now on with the madness!!

Chapter 4: A Futile Attempt

Where we last left off...Malik's head has been blown off by Anzu-Battousai's infamous rocket launcher, and Yami has fallen down drunk. Now Bakura wishes to avenge Malik, but he has to bring Yami to his senses first! Meanwhile, Anzu-Battousai has gone on a killing spree!

Bakura shook Yami, trying to arouse him. "C'mon, Yami! Wake up!" he said.

No response. Yami was out like a light.

Bakura tried again, shaking him even rougher. "Dang you Yami! Wake up!!"

For a strange reason, Bakura looked up and happened to notice the Malik's headless body. The thief cringed. He picked up Yami and ran away from the headless Malik as fast as he could. Gesh! For some reason, headless bodies give me the willies!!! He thought.

After he had gotten a safe distance away from Headless Malik, he dropped Yami onto the ground. "WAKE UP DANG YOU!!!" he shouted.

The shock from hitting the ground caused Yami to stir. He opened his eyes, moaned, then threw up.

After hocking up all 35 of those sakes and his lunch, Yami looked up wearily and moaned, "Ooooh, my head...wha...what happened, Bakura?"

Bakura replied, "You drank too much. (And you puked all over my new shoes!!) Now come on! We must stop Anzu and avenge Malik!!"

"Oh...right!" Yami stumbled as Bakura helped him to his feet.

The tomb robber and the Pharaoh put their heads together and devised a plan.

Meanwhile!!

Anzu-Battousai, on her mad killing spree, picked out her third victim.

She walked up to a random house on a random street, kicks down the door, and shrieked, "Come on out, Mai Kujaku!!!"

Mai walked into the living room, sporting a towel and shower cap. "Wha...Anzu? What is the meaning of this? I was in the shower I'll have you know!!"

By now, Bakura and Yami had strangely figured out that Mai was to be Anzu-Battousai's next victim. The ran through the already broken down door.

"No, Mai!!" Yami screamed.

The tomb raider and the Pharaoh both stopped in their tracks as they noticed Mai was wearing close to nothing. They both blushed madly.

Mai became suspicious. "Yugi? Bakura? What's going on? And what on earth are you staring at?"

Bakura blushed even more. "Wah! Nothing! We weren't looking at anything! Right, Yami?"

Yami, however, disagreed. He whistled and shouted, "Woo! Yeah!! Sexy!! Take it off, Mai!!!!"

Mai, blushing from embarrassment and anger, waltzed right up to Yami and smacked the crap out of him. "You hentai jerk!!!!" Mai shouted.

Bakura was stunned. Yami, you pervert!!! He thought. "Please ignore him, Mai," he said, still blushing. He then cleared his throat and said, "Mai! Get out, now!! Anzu will kill you!!!"

"HUH?!?!" Mai said with a goofy confused look on her face.

"Aww...Bakura..." Anzu-Battousai said while setting mines and dropping them. "You spoiled my surprise...Nya ha ha hah...!!!!"

Yami noticed the mines on the ground. He gasped. "Mai!! Get out of here!!"

"TOO LATE!!" Anzu-Battousai shouted.

Bakura and Yami found themselves getting thrown out of the house. Two seconds later, the house blew sky-high, taking Mai with it.

"NO!!! MAI!!!!!" Yami screamed as he watched the house go up in a blaze.

Bakura groaned, "Mai...argh...! We were too late!!"

Anzu-Battousai strolled out of the fire, holding a missile launcher and cackling madly.

Tears streamed down Bakura and Yami's faces.

"Ooh...and we could have saved her, too," Bakura whined.

"Ooh!!" Yami moaned. No! I'll never get to see Mai naked again...!!! He thought as he fell to the ground in despair.

As though responding to Yami's request, Mai's charred body fell from the sky and landed at their feet.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGHHHHHH!!!!" The two yamis shrieked as they ran off.

The Pharaoh and the tomb robber ran until they became tired. They stopped running to catch their breath, when they look up and see none other than Anzu-Battousai.

"Well, if it isn't the two remaining yamis! I'm sure you remember me!! Nya ha hah!!"

ANZU!! Thought a frustrated Bakura. Just great! Of all people...

Yami was also aware that Anzu was the last person they needed to see at the moment. But something else came to his mind. "Hey, Anzu," he said. "...Take off your armor!"

Anzu-Battousai stared at him. "What? Why should I?" She scoffed.

"C'mon, Anzu!" he said. "I know ya wanna...c'mon, take it all off!!"

Oh no, Bakura thought, Yami's being hentai again...come on, Yami, now isn't the time!!!

Anzu-Battousai knocked the tar out of Yami. "You pervert!" she cried. "I'll make sure you get yours!!!"

Just then, Hiroto Honda appeared from nowhere. "Hey guys," he said casually, waving to Yami and Bakura. "What's up?"

BAM. As soon as anyone had known it, Honda's head was taken off by a missile.

Honda's headless body stayed standing for about two seconds, then fell over.

"NOOOOOOO!! HOOOONDAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" Yami screamed.

Anzu-Battousai just cackled.

"ANZU!" Yami shouted. "STOP THIS NOW!!"

At this moment, Yugi Mutoh and his friend, Katsuya Jounouchi, who has possibly the longest name on the show (and the hardest to pronounce) appeared from nowhere.

"Hey, guys, howsit goin'?" Yugi asked.

"What's kickin' man?" Jono asked.

Anzu-Battousai aimed her missile launcher at Jou. "Go away you jerk Jounouchi!!" she shouted.

BANG. Jounouchi was blown sky-high.

"Jonouchi!! Nooooooooooooooo!!!" Yugi shouted. Suddenly, the unpredictable happened...Yugi snapped!!!

He lunged at Anzu-Battousai. "ANZU!!! I'M NOT LETTING YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS!!!!!!" he yelled. Yugi body-slammed Anzu-Battousai.

"I don't have time for this...!!" Anzu-Battousai said as she socked poor Yugi in the gut.

"Oww...!!" Yugi moaned as he fell to the ground.

"AIBOU!!!!" Yami screamed.

"Ooh..." Bakura growled. "You're beginning to piss of off Anzu!"

At that moment, Jounouchi's head rolled and landed at Bakura's feet, with one eye open.

Bakura stared at the head that once rested on Jou's shoulders. He cringed. It's looking at me...he thought.

Suddenly, Jounouchi's head blinked its other eye!

Bakura gasped and ran away. "AAAAHHHHHHHH!! IT'S ALIVE!! IT'S ALIVE!!!" he screamed.

Yami swirled around. "Bakura!!" he shouted.

"Nya ha ha haaah..." came Anzu-Battousai's infamous cackling. "It's just you and me now Yami. We are going to FIGHT!! COME ON!!" She stood in a fighting stance.

Yami growled. "Grrr!! All right then..." He stood in a karate-style fighting stance. He held out arm and signaled for her to bring it on. The Millennium symbol flashed on his forehead. "Let's go, Anzu!!" he said.

End Chapter Four!!

The end of this chapter has always been special to me...it was one of my very first cliffhangers...

The fight between Yami and Anzu-Battousai begins next chapter! I'll tell you now, the script version of the fight was better...but I think I can still pull it off...!! Ja ne!!