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CHAPTER 2

BACK TO HOGWARTS

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Hermione winced as her head bumped against the back of her seat as the Knight Bus came to a stop somewhere in Kent.

"No big damage?" asked Tonks from her right.

"Not until now."

"Once again," said Tonks, turning to Remus who was on her other side, "why are we going via Knight Bus?"

Remus just rolled his eyes.

"I told them that this was an absolutely horrible way of travelling, but nobody listens to me!" said Tonks angrily.

"Don't be such a baby, Tonks!" said Remus. "You know very well that this is the safest way for Harry to travel."

"And you don't dare call me a 'baby', Remus Lupin!" she shot at him.

Not wanting to start another argument, Remus wisely kept quiet.

Hermione looked on curiously. She had thought that Remus and Tonks would come together, especially since they had hardly ever left each other's side this Christmas at Grimmauld Place. But ever since they had boarded the Knight Bus, Tonks seemed really furious about something and Remus was trying his best to either ignore or quieten her.

Tonks noticed Hermione's questioning eyes and looked away. Hermione felt concerned as she saw her eyes glisten with unshed tears.

However, just a few minutes later, Hermione's mind wandered back to Sirius. How elated her heart was whenever she thought of him! It would have been a perfect Christmas but for Snape!

How she hated that man!

She had been alternately furious and confused for the rest of the holidays. Her anger was easily explained. Snape had interrupted her first time with a man she loved, for Merlin's sake! But her confusion arose when she considered how he had happened to be there in the first place. She was absolutely sure that the deflecting charm they had placed on Sirius' room would send away anybody who was just passing by. However, it would be a completely different story for someone who knew that they were inside – and knew what they were doing.

So logically, Snape had known what they were doing!

But how was it possible? She and Sirius had decided to keep their relationship a secret until she had finished school or Voldemort had been defeated – whichever came first. They had been controlled and secretive enough. Even Harry, who knew both the persons involved very well, had not an inkling of their relationship. Then how had Snape known?

She kept musing on the subject until the Knight Bus finally stopped before the Hogwarts gates.

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Dinner was a gloomy affair. At these times, with daily reporting of gruesome killings, rapes, robberies, mutilations and so on, all students were worried about their families. It was the first winter in Hogwarts' records when not even one student had stayed behind for Christmas. Everyone wanted to be with their families – the unspoken fear that this might be their last Christmas with their family looming threateningly.

Hermione, too, was worried about Sirius. She was worried about everyone else, too but about Sirius the most. Plus, she missed him very badly. She hadn't thought that it was ever possible to miss anyone so much. She hadn't even missed her parents this much when she had first come to Hogwarts.

So engrossed was she in her thoughts that she lost all sense of time.

"Thirty points from Gryffindor for being out after curfew. Just because you are a know-it-all, it does not mean that you can do what you want, Granger."

She looked angrily at him. While she knew that she deserved having those points taken, reason had left her.

And then, Snape said just the words to aggravate her more.

"I hope you do not harbour the misconception that you are the Head Girl."

How she wanted to slap him!

It was no big secret that Hermione had hoped to be the Head Girl. With her record, she seemed the only suitable girl for the post. However, fate had other plans. Instead of her, Padma Patil had been selected unanimously by the staff. Hermione had fallen two votes short.

One had to be Severus Snape's. That was the first thing that had entered her mind as she heard the news. The second was probably Professor Flitwick's for he was the Head of Ravenclaw. When she heard that Padma had been unanimously selected, she had been angry with Professor McGonagall for some time, too.

Malfoy had annoyed her enough because of this. But Professor Snape had never before taunted her concerning this. Not until now.

"No, sir, I do not," she said, her voice unnaturally high.

"Good," he said, smirking evilly.

It was so unfair that they were not allowed to hex teachers.

"Go back to your dormitory, Granger, and if I see you wandering around again, it will be sixty points."

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Hermione was still fuming as she sat down for breakfast next morning. She glared at Professor Snape's back as they left the Great Hall.

Unfortunately, he decided to turn around just at that time, as if he could sense her angry look.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for impertinence, Miss Granger."

She was a little shocked. Ron and Harry looked inquisitively at her but did not ask questions. They knew that questions were forbidden when Hermione had that look on her face.

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If she had been a little more cross and a little less responsible, she might have skipped the Potions class altogether. Snape had deducted a total of a hundred and thirty points from her and there was still one day to go for the week to end.

But she knew that the potion that they were going to work on today was important and she won't miss it even if he took a thousand points from her.

As if the worry about NEWTs is not enough, she thought angrily as he paired her with Blaise Zabini.

While Zabini was an intelligent partner, he was too proud and always wanted to show off. Plus, he was a devious boy who would add something or other to her potion when she wasn't looking.

She had kept a strict vigil today and yet her potion was a bright electric blue instead of the pale orange it was supposed to be.

She glared daggers at him.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk…"

Hermione almost groaned.

"It seems that Miss I-am-perfect is not so perfect after all."

She was sure that she hadn't ever called herself perfect. Damn sure!

Her hands balled into fists.

"That'd be a fail for you, Miss Granger."

Her eyes watered much as she didn't want to cry. She had never ever received a fail. NEVER.

"This is what I call a real Imperius Potion," he said, looking appreciatively at Zabini's potion.

But Hermione really didn't register any of it. She was staring at the dazzling electric blue, trying desperately to keep her tears from falling.

She didn't even realize when the bell rang.

"Hermione."

"Come on, Hermione, it isn't so bad," whispered Ron.

"NOT SO BAD!" she screamed.

The few remaining students turned to look at her.

"NOT SO BAD! I'VE NEVER EVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE GOT A FAIL. I DON'T DESERVE THIS. IT IS ZABINI'S FAULT. I KNOW IT. I AM GOING TO KILL HIM. THE FUCKING BASTARD!"

Harry and Ron stepped back a little. Hermione never swore.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for making a scene. Twenty points for falsely accusing a fellow-student. Thirty points for using bad language. Forty points for threatening murder. Now, OUT, Granger."

"As for you…" she began, turning to him.

But Harry, wisely, clapped a hand over her mouth and between him and Ron, she was dragged out of the classroom forcefully.

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She lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling with burning eyes. She had cried and cried until she could cry no more. But they weren't tears of sadness; they were tears of anger – and desperation. She was powerless against him. She had no proof against him. She tried hard to stay out of trouble but what was she to do if he took points off her for things like making a noise when she sneezed.

He could take all the points he wanted. He was very much welcome to do so. But what she hated was the smirk, the loathing, the contempt in his each word, every action, and every look.

The abhorrence he reserved for her.

No wonder Sirius had done to him whatever he had done to him. It was so impossible to bear so much hate.

She didn't deserve this and she knew it.

Did he hate her just because she loved Sirius?

Was loving Sirius so bad in his eyes?

Why?

He hurt her very much. She had always harboured respect and appreciation for him for his knowledge and work for the Order.

It was so cruel of him to tear down the image of the man she defended and make her hate him.

She could see his face even now, sneering down with infinite malice. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake off that image. She couldn't see the man who was merely annoyed with her and had no great hatred for her. She felt as if he had turned into a Death-Eater. He had become crueler than she would have imagined Death-Eaters to be.

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"Hermione?"

"What is it, Ginny?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine."

"How stupid of me! Of course you are not fine."

Here comes the sympathy team, thought Hermione sarcastically.

"Hermione…"

"I want to be alone, Ginny."

"Hermione, you have already missed a whole day of school."

"Leave me alone, Ginny."

"Harry and Ron are worried about you."

"Tell them I am fine. I just want to be alone."

"I cannot lie to them, Hermione."

"I am not asking you to."

"You can't stay here forever, Hermione."

"I am not planning to."

"Then come down, you haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon."

"Ginny."

"Yes?"

"Get the hell out of here and leave me alone."

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It was pleasant when she slept. She could dream that she was far away from everyone she knew. Nobody was there to disturb her. She was in the mountains, with the pure snow all around her. At another time, she was at the beach where her Aunt Pauline's house was, walking on the sea-shore on a full-moon night.

At other times, when she was awake, it was very painful. There was a constant pain at the back of her head, down her neck and slowly, her whole body was aching. At one point, she thought that she was seeing Madam Pomfrey, but she suspected that since her Aunt Pauline looked somewhat like the dear old nurse, so she was merely hallucinating.

She seemed to have lost all track of time. There was no day and night for her, only dreams interrupted by painful reality.

The ones she loved best were when she was sitting on the window-sill, reading a book, and it rained.

She had always loved it when it rained. There was something very pure about rains. They washed away whatever was dirty. They made you feel so fresh. They made you forget everything.

She loved her dreams. It all seemed so real. Though she never doubted their reality now. It was all so pleasant that it had to be real. She felt every drop of rain that soaked her, every snow-flake that touched her, each breeze of wind that caressed her – it had to be real.

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One night, when she was walking down the steep mountain road, something bad happened. It shocked her. Nothing bad had happened before – ever. It couldn't be happening now.

She had just turned around a corner when it started raining. It wasn't the kind of rain that she loved. It was a storm. She barely made out of it alive.

At another time, as she was reading her favourite novel, Wuthering Heights, it suddenly grew dark. It grew so dark that she was scared out of her wits.

But it wasn't until she saw Severus Snape that she began doubting the reality of everything around her. It was her perfect world and she was sure that Severus Snape wasn't supposed to be here. She had been sitting on a cliff-rock when she suddenly got the feeling that everything wasn't right. She turned and there, not far behind her and staring at her was Severus Snape.

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Maybe she was getting paranoid. She was hearing voices and all of them sounded as if they were Severus Snape's. It was sheer insanity.

After some time, she could make out what he said.

It only confirmed her belief that she was losing her mind.

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Then days came when Severus Snape was constantly by her side. She couldn't avoid him no matter what. And always – always he said the same things.

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Her head was paining, and so was the rest of her body, now that she became aware of it.

She wanted something to drink. Her throat was parched.

She opened her eyes.

"Welcome back, Miss Granger."

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