Author's Note: Yeah, I'm on a bit of a song parody streak or something. They're fun and easy to write! Please note, however, that I do not like the song I'm basing it on. At all. I just thought it was fun to parody.
Disclaimer: Myst and Riven are property of Cyan Worlds, Inc. I wish I was part of it, though. "That Don't Impress Me Much" is property of Shania Twain. She can keep it.
That Don't Convice Me Much
Verse 1
I've known a few guys who had pretty good taste
But you have so much treasure; you consider some of it waste
You have stashes of wine, some portraits on the wall
How many towns did you raid to pay for it all?
Bridge
Oh-oo-oh, you say you're not evil
Oh-oo-oh, you say it's someone else
Chorus 1
Okay, so at least your brother's the crazy one
That don't convince me much
So you got the 'tude but is that really enough?
Don't get me wrong, you're a really cool guy
But I still don't believe you; what you say is a lie!
That don't convince me much
Verse 2
I never knew a guy could have so many knives
A tube of arsenic in your bedroom drawer – just in case
You always keep that trusty shock cage up and alive
'Cause, Maker forbid, your servants step out of place
Bridge
Chorus 2
Okay, so your brother is the cruel mastermind
That don't convince me much
So you got the proof but is that really enough?
Don't get me wrong, you're a really cool guy
But I still don't believe you; what you say is a lie!
That don't convince me much
Verse 3
You're one of those guys with ego trouble
Everyone has to obey you or they're dead on the double
You say because you're D'ni, you're a god of might
Tell me, old chum – you gotta be kidding, right?
Bridge
Chorus 3
Okay, your wife died. Sorry I missed the funeral
That don't convince me much
So you got the lines down but is that really enough?
Don't get me wrong, you're a really cool guy
But I still don't believe you; what you say is a disgraceful, dirty, foolish lie!
That don't convince me much
Closing
Okay, so you think I believe you?
Forget it
That don't convince me
