"Master Kuno, are you sure you feel well? You look awfully pale."
Kuno turned to face his loyal ninja and replied, "Sasuke, I appreciate your concern, but you worry over nothing. It takes more than a mere 'cold bug' to fell the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! Besides, I must think of my female classmates; they would be inconsolable if they were denied the school's greatest fighter, poet, and lover for too long! Hahaha!"
"Sigh... When he's like this, you'd have better results talking to a brick..." Sasuke thought. Although he believed his master should rest, Sasuke knew it was pointless to try to reason with him. The ninja silently became one with the room's shadows, and Kuno ventured into his immense outdoor courtyard. The swordsman stood silent, contemplating the stars. He kept up this feat of concentration for a good two seconds before other pressing thoughts occupied his mind.
"Why doesn't Jello freeze? Does Santa Claus have to obey traffic laws? Isn't it a coincidence that the pigtailed girl and Ranma Saotome have the same name, taste in clothes, fighting skills, ect.?"
--------------------
"You sure you is going to be okay, Mousse?" the Amazon asked from the door.
"I'm fine. Enjoy your trip, Shampoo."
She smiled and departed with her great-grandmother, but she was still a bit uneasy about leaving her usually unwanted suitor.
Cologne saw this and said, "Don't worry child. Mousse will do a fine job watching the Cat Cafe during our little vacation. He's nearly as strong as Son-in-law; a little cold won't get him down."
This cheered Shampoo somewhat, but didn't dispel her worry entirely.
"Still," she muttered, "his skin look so green..."
---------------------
Meanwhile, it was chow-time at the Tendo Dojo. In addition to the Tendos and Saotomes, Ryoga was eating at the table as well (after searching for his house for hours, he was dead-tired and gratefully accepted Kasumi's offer to follow her home for dinner). As usual, eating here was something of a contact sport.
"Pass the pickles!"
"Tea, please!"
"Hey! Hands off my plate, old man!"
"Hand me the soup, Daddy."
(It never failed to amaze Ryoga how intense the meals got at this house.)
"Care for some sake, Ryoga?" Mr. Tendo asked. The question caused the bandannaed young man to snap back to reality.
"Er, no thanks," Ryoga declined.
Just then, Kasumi let out a little gasp. "Oh, my! I almost forgot the main course!"
She quickly hurried off to the kitchen, but her little outburst had stopped all conversation at the table. Finally, Akane broke the silence.
"Gee, Ranma... When's the last time you shaved?"
"Huh?" He put his hand to the side of his face, and his eyes widened slightly. His fiancee was right; he had a noticable "5 o'clock shadow".
"That's odd..." he mumbled. "I shaved just this morning."
Genma Saotome grinned slightly. "Don't worry, boy. It just shows what a manly man you're becoming. Your mother would be tickled pink!"
"Either that, or your body is compensating for your being a womanly woman the other half of the time!" Nabiki added.
Everyone got a good laugh out of that one, except the now red-faced Ranma.
"Why you...!" he growled, but before he could think of a decent comeback, Kasumi reentered the room with the main course in one hand and a second dish in the other.
"All right," she said, "who's hungry for pork chops?"
Everyone in the room gave a cheer except for the noticably uncomfortable Ryoga. Whether out of sympathy or out of fear of sharing the poor porker's fate, Ryoga hadn't been able to bring himself to eat pork since receiving his curse. Ranma noticed the pained expression on Ryoga's face and got an idea.
"This is too easy to resist," he thought with a chuckle.
"Whatsamatta, Ryoga? I thought you LOVED pork!" As Ranma collapsed in a fit of giggles, Ryoga jumped to his feet, eyes wide with hate.
"Ranma!" he roared, "This time you've gone to far!!!"
"But Ryoga," Akane broke in, "why wouldn't you eat pork, unless..."
She let out a gasp of realization, and Ryoga felt his heart sink to his big toe.
"Unless you were..."
"Here it comes!" he cringed.
"...Jewish! Or a Muslim, right?"
Ryoga and the Saotomes did one of the biggest faceplants of their careers. A feeling of understanding and guilt crossed Akane's face.
"And here we were trying to feed you pork, sake, and all kinds of non-kosher stuff, too!"
"Th-that's not it at all, Akane!" Ryoga tried to explain as he hopped up. "It's just that--well--um--er... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Giving up, he put one hand behind his head and flashed them all a toothy grin. A complete hush fell over the whole room, and Ryoga, puzzled, opened his eyes in an effort to discover the cause.
Ranma, with genuine concern in his voice, spoke first. "Geez, Ryoga... When's the last time you saw a dentist? That fang thing is really getting worse!"
Ryoga quickly shut his mouth and felt around with his tongue. Ranma was right! His canines were even longer than before, and now practically touched his bottom gum!
"What will Akane think of this?!" he thought as a blush spread across his face.
"I...uh...have to go. Excuse me," he muttered, and then quickly bounded off.
"Ryoga, wait!" Akane yelled after him, but it was no use; the lost boy had already left.
She turned to Ranma with anger burning in her eyes. "You insensitive jerk! You hurt his feelings! You could have at least broken it to him a little easier!"
Ranma retorted, "Aw, pipe down! I don't need someone as uncute as you to lecture me on manners!"
Akane gritted her teeth. "You shut up! I HATE YOU!!!"
SLAP!!!
Akane turned and stormed out of the room. Ranma, a red handprint on his face, dipped some food from a nearby bowl and started to furiously shovel it into his mouth.
"That stupid tomboy!" he thought to himself. "Who cares about Ryoga, anyway?!"
All of the sudden, his train of thought was interrupted by his tastebuds screaming in agony! Through the tears that were welling up in his eyes, he looked into Kasumi's concerned face.
"So, Ranma... I see that... you decided to try Akane's dish," she said with a gulp.
Ranma thought to himself, "So that's what that other dish Kasumi carried in was..." With that, everything went black.
--------------------
Meanwhile, Ryoga was wallowing in his sorrows on the Tendos' roof. His head on his knees, the directionless lad was weeping softly.
"Curse you, Ranma. How dare you make fun of my dental misfortune like that?! You'll pay..."
Ryoga could feel his heart breaking over the embarassment that that teenage Casanova had put him through in front of his would-be sweetheart.
"OUCH!"
Ryoga sat up with surprise. Something DID feel wrong with his heart! All of the sudden, a wave of intense pain shot through his entire body. Ryoga gasped for breath, half-expecting his heart to pop out of his chest!
------------------------
"Oh, man! This is rough, even for her!" Ranma moaned to himself.
His father and Mr. Tendo had dragged him to his room and given him a bottle of antacids, hoping that Ranma's cast-iron stomach would pull him through. It wasn't.
Ranma felt miserable, like his insides were being disintegrated by a mix of toxic waste and hydrochloric acid! (Knowing Akane's cooking skills, this was entirely possible!) He had never been so sick in his entire life... Suddenly, he felt a super-sized wave of nausea coming on. Wobbly, he stood up and looked around for the nearest trash can.
"Hoo, boy... I'm gonna throw up..." he thought to himself.
Before he could move another inch, he was seized by overwhelming pain. His skin felt as if it were on fire, his guts as if they were boiling, and his lungs as if they were about to burst! Succumbing to the pain, he doubled over and was about to pass out when something unexpected occurred: the pain had simply stopped! It had vanished just as suddenly as it had started, and (even stranger) he no longer felt sick, even from eating Akane's putrid cooking!
"Geez, that was... weird, to say the least. I guess Akane's cooking ran it's course. Still, it really wore me out. I think I'll go to bed early..."
Ranma drowsily made his way out of his room and across the hall to the bathroom.
"I'd better brush my teeth now; I'm likely to sleep till next Tuesday after all of that!"
He squirted some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and started brushing.
(brusha, brusha, brusha, bru--SSSPPRRRT!!!)
Ranma's skin went ghostly white as he stared at the mirror in horror! Through the spots of spewed water and toothpaste, a frightened-looking figure stared back at him. This figure had piercing yellow eyes, ears like a dog's on top of its head, fangs like Ryoga's old ones, and hair everywhere except on the face!
"I--I--I--I'M A FREAKIN' WEREWOLF!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
END OF CHAPTER 2
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THE BARON: "Well, now we all know Gosenkugi's evil plan. The cat's out of the bag, as they say."
RANMA: "WHAT?! Where?! As if things weren't bad enough right now!!!"
THE BARON: "Calm down; there's no cat! That was a figure of speech, genius. Besides, it looks like you'd be more apt to chase cats than the other way around right now."
RANMA: "Speaking of that... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!!!!"
THE BARON: (puts on sweet 'n innocent look) "Whatever do you mean? What's wrong?"
RANMA: "Whaddya mean 'What's wrong?'?!!! As if being stalked by suitors and assassins and turning into a girl wasn't enough, you made me into a wolfman!"
THE BARON: "Aw, keep your shirt on! You always win, remember? Just sit back and enjoy the ride."
RANMA: "(grumble, grumble) You'd better be right about this. Otherwise, I'm going Lon Chaney, Jr. on you rear!"
THE BARON: "(gulp!) Right! Please keep reading, and drop me a review. Better do it quickly; Ranma's looking kind of feral here..."
