AN: Hi everyone thanks so much for reviewing the last chapter. I find the subject of post partum depression very interesting and I can't imagine the feelings a mother must go through. I actually have a relative who has suffered from this and it was frustrating to watch because she had this amazing daughter and noone could understand why she resented her so much. It's a tough situation but obviously one that is suffered by families worldwide. I hope you enjoyed this story and please please please let me know what you thought!
"Hey boys where's your mother" Sandy asked handing Molly over to Ryan.
"I don't know Sandy, she ran out of the house about an hour ago, she looked pretty upset, she just took off in her car, is she ok?"
"Oh god, I have to find her, will you guys watch Molly" Sandy ran his fingers through his hair rapidly.
"Dad, slow down what's wrong with mom?" Seth asked handing Ryan a bottle.
"Boys I think she's severely depressed. She has not bonded at all with Molly and I talked to the doctor and he thinks its post partum depression"
Seth and Ryan looked at each other.
"Dad, that's crazy sure she's not as close to Molly as we all are, but it's just the baby blues"
"Seth, this has been going on for weeks now, and im afraid right now, ok I need to go find her, call me straight away on my cell if she comes home"
Kirsten gazed at the water that surrounded her. Tears fell from her eyes. She was sobbing frantically and was startled by her cellphone ringing.
Kirsten answered the phone and tearfully said "hello"
"Honey its me, honey im so so sorry I should not of said that stuff please talk to me"
"Sandy I'm sorry, your right I am dying in self pity, im a terrible mother"
"Kirsten listen to me, this can be sorted your feelings everything, just please tell me where you are"
"No Sandy I can't go back its not fair. Molly doesn't deserve me as a mother"
"Kirsten I don't want to talk over the phone just please tell me where you are"
"Im up at the spot where I told you I was pregnant"
"Oh god" Sandy silently said.
"Kirsten please don't do anything ok, im on my way, just stay still ok, I love you"
Kirsten hung up the phone and resumed her crying.
A few minutes later Sandy pulled up in his car and saw his wife sitting on a rock, her hair messed and her eyes staring at the water.
He felt his heart skip a beat and couldn't believe that his wife was in this condition. This wasn't her; she was always so full of life and happy. Sandy walked slowly towards his wife and she jumped when she heard him come.
He ran towards her and she fell into his arms. Sandy stroked her hair and tightened his grasp on her. Small tears escaped from his eyes. He sat down and pulled Kirsten down into is lap, cradling her
"Honey its going to be ok, baby please believe that"
"Ssss andy" Kirsten sobbed "How is it, I can't explain it but I just can't deal with Molly"
"Honey there are plenty of women out there in the same situation as you, you need some help, help get over the fear of Molly and I mean if you have to take medication so be it"
"Sandy why though, I mean when we got pregnant with Molly we were so happy and lucky and I should be so thankful for her and im just not and it pains me to say that about my own child, she doesn't deserve me"
Sandy lightly kissed her forehead and Kirsten began to breath deeply trying to control her sobs.
"Baby, do you remember when Seth was born I wouldn't hold him for ages? And you thought I didn't love you anymore"
Kirsten gazed into his eyes "yeah, you said you were afraid to break him"
"Sweetie I was terrified, I mean here was this baby whom you had inside you for over 9 months and you were so natural with him and whenever he came to me he would cry"
"Sandy you were a wonderful father to Seth"
"Honey I was upset I use to cry at night, I just was angry and upset that Seth perhaps liked you more and I didn't know how to bond with him"
"You never told me any of this"
"I know, because I knew within time I would bond with him"
"When did you bond with him?"
"Whenever you had to go for your regular check-up I was on my own with him and I took him to the park, and he started to cry and I thought oh no. And then I picked him up and he grasped on to my hand and looked into my eyes and fell asleep. I just felt it at that moment that I really was a father"
"Honey that's sweet, I know what you are saying but I look at this little girl and I just think oh my god what do I do, then I get upset because im not a proper mother to her, and I can't believe you have been so patient with me"
"I know your fears baby, I went through them and I know its weird because im a dad but sweetie you will get through this I promise and Molly has no idea I mean she's still new you can just go home, get better and experience the best life possibly with our daughter and sons"
"Molly is so helpless though how could I ever like hate her"
"Honey you don't hate her, its like these emotions are taking over your real feelings and with help your real emotions will be visible, you just have to promise me that you won't do anything stupid and you won't put yourself down anymore"
Sandy tilted Kirsten's chin up, held her head in his hands and kissed her lightly. She responded to him and their kisses became more passionate.
"I've missed you"
Kirsten kissed him again
"I've missed you too, I wish I would of said stuff to you earlier but I just couldn't I was trying to put on this happy face all the time but the past few days its been unbearable"
"Honey this thing is not going to go away over night. I'll tell you what why don't you stay here ok for ten minutes and I will go get us some food, you must be starving you have no ate anything in days"
"Ok, you promise you will be back?"
Sandy kissed Kirsten lightly on the lips.
"I promise now you stay here and think about the last time we were up here, how happy we are, and think how happy we will be when we can take Molly, Seth and Ryan up here"
Kirsten grasped his hand and Sandy squeezed it tightly before letting it go. He took off in his car and Kirsten sighed a sigh of relief and for the first time in weeks a smile appeared on her face.
Sandy pulled up in his carand saw Kirsten sitting with her back turned. He quietly got everything out of the car and walked quickly towards her.
"Honey, there is someone I'd like you to meet"
Kirsten turned around and Sandy handed her their beautiful daughter who was wearing a little pink dress and hat and was wrapped tightly in a pink basket. Her blue eyes,blonde strands of hair,clear skin and button nose.
Kirsten gasped and began to tighten up. Sandy sat down beside her and held Kirsten's hand.
"Kirsten relax ok, now look at her look into her eyes what do you see?"
Kirsten began to relax and looked into Molly's eyes. Molly yawned and Kirsten and Sandy both laughed.
"I see a mixture of both of us. She looks a little bit like Seth when he was a baby except her hair is lighter"
Sandy pulled off Molly's hat.
"Do you want to know what I see? I see a little girl the image of her beautiful mother.Every morning I wake up and I see you and I just think im the luckiest guy in the world"
Molly made a baby sound and Kirsten looked at Sandy
"I think she agrees! When we had Seth every time I looked at him I saw you and I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world"
"Honey we are both very lucky, Molly was a miracle for us, Ryan came to us and well Seth was always there!"
Kirsten laughed and suddenly felt Molly grab onto her finger.
A small tear escaped from Kirsten's eyes.
"Sandy she doesn't scare me, I know you are here with me and Im going to need help but for the first time since she was born she doesn't scare me"
Sandy lightly kissed Kirsten on the lips and they were interrupted when Molly started to cry.
Kirsten laughed "I think Seth has already converted her, we will never have any alone time anymore"
Sandy kissed Kirsten once more and then kissed Molly on the forehead.
Kirsten looked at Molly's hand that was clasping her finger. She looked at Sandy who was smiling down at their daughter and she moved her gaze to Molly's eyes.
"Hi baby girl," she whispered.
"Im sorry I was so horrible to you, but mommy promises she will get better, you just got to be patient with me" Sandy smiled at his wife as she was sharing a moment with their daughter.
He put an arm around Kirsten and when Molly started to cry Kirsten gently rocked her from side to side and began humming a tune to her.
Molly slowly closed her eyes and the family sat closely together and watched the sun set down on what was a memorable day for the family especially for Kirsten as she realised she has a beautiful family and for little Molly who finally found out she has a mother who does love her.
"Hush little baby don't you cry
Everything's going to be alright"
