A/N: Chapter 3! Yay! And thanks to all my reviewers for the wonderful reviews so far! I didn't think I'd get so many this fast! w00t!

Chapter Three: Do You Have Any Sweet Skills?

Right after the council ended, a meeting was held in Bilbo's room. "Who are you?" shrieked Merry and Pippin in unison as Napoleon and Pedro both walked in.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh……" sighed Napoleon. "Do I have to tell everyone? I'm Napoleon Dynamite and that's Pedro, you flippin' retards!"

Merry and Pippin had no idea how to reply to that. They both sat down and kept their mouths shut. For the moment.

"At any rate," said Gandalf, also entering the room, "Elrond has decided, though I believe with great fear and reluctance, that this young man shall carry the Ring to Mordor.

"Light of the Valar, please help us," he muttered as an aside and then spoke up once more, "However, nothing else has yet been decided."

How typical. Yes, Tolkien, have us read forty pages of Elvish ramblings on the history of everything and then still not have anything decided. Thank you, thank you so very much. But I guess at least we know what to do with the Ring now, right?

"Nothing decided!" cried Pippin.

See, he agrees. Your own character agrees with me. That's probably not a good sign. "Then what were you all doing? You were shut up for hours."

"Elves are known to have really long discussions. Gosh!" said Napoleon. "Don't you guys know anything?"

"Yes," agreed Pedro. "They talk a really long time."

"Talking," said Bilbo. He still didn't notice that Frodo and Sam had been replaced. Poor old chap. Too many days spent singing with the elves, I think. Should've stayed in the Shire. "There was a great deal of talk, and everyone had a real eye-opener."

"I'll say," said Merry, folding his arms and glaring at Napoleon. He didn't know if he liked this fellow. He probably had Frodo bound and gagged somewhere for all he knew. And that strange lad he brought with him, he probably did the same to Sam.

"Now, now, dear Meriadoc, don't get in all of a bother about this," said Gandalf. "These two young lads are apparently all that we've got right now." He swallowed hard.

Merry snorted and turned his gaze away.

"Well, Elrond's called another council this afternoon and we're all to attend this time, if you don't mind. Speaking of which, it's nearly time. Let us go."

After some more talking (thankfully not as much this time as in the last chapter) Elrond spoke, saying, "The Company of the Ring shall be Nine; and the Nine Walkers shall be set against the Nine Riders that are evil."

"What!" Napoleon interrupted suddenly. "We have to fight nine evil guys? How do you think we're gonna do that? We'd all have to have sweet skills."

"Yeah, pretty sweet skills," said Pedro. "Napoleon says I'm good at getting chicks."

"Well, I'm quite sure those I have chosen have these 'sweet skills' you speak of. Now, if it pleases you, I ask that you not interrupt me until I have finished."

Pedro and Napoleon both nodded and sat back in their chairs.

"Along with Napoleon and Pedro," Elrond looked as if he was going to choke this time at saying those names, "Gandalf will go; for this shall be his great task, and maybe the end of his labours.

"For the rest, they shall represent the other Free Peoples of the World: Elves, Dwarves and Men. Legolas shall be for the Elves; and Gimli son of Glóin for the Dwarves. For men you shall have Aragorn son of Arathorn, for the Ring of Isildur concerns him closely. Boromir will also go. There remain two more to be found."

"What about the short guys over there?" asked Napoleon. "Don't they need to represent their people too? Gosh!"

Merry and Pippin looked wide-eyed at him, both shaking their heads and mouthing, "No, no, no, no!" If Frodo and Sam were still there, I betcha they would've been begging to go. Hehe.

"Let it be so then. Merry and Pippin shall go also," Elrond sighed. He just wasn't going to win this one was he?

Both of the hobbits sank back in their chairs, crestfallen. Oh dear, this Napoleon guy just had to mention them to the Elf, didn't he. Great. This was going to be so much fun.


After the council was over (finally) the Fellowship began to make preparations for their journey. "So," said Napoleon to Gandalf, "Are you one of Scotland's local wizards…"

"What?"

"…summoned by Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance to cast a protective spell over Loch Ness and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally?"

"Boy, I have no idea what you are talking about!" shouted Gandalf. Now even he was beginning to get irritated. And that doesn't happen too often. Except when Pippin's around, I suppose. "I am Gandalf the Grey and Saruman the White was the head of my order."

"Sweet!"

Silence.

Then: "So what skills does everyone that's coming with us have?" wondered Napoleon.

"Skills? What do you mean?"

"You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills..."

"Well, Legolas can shoot a bow and wield twin elvish blades and the others are good with the sword, I suppose. I have my staff. And what of you? What are your…erm…'skills?'"

"You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at my school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bo staff."

"I see," said Gandalf, trying comprehend this strange creature now speaking to him. "And what of your friend?"

"He's really good at hooking up with girls. And he's class president, so I guess he's a pretty good leader."

"Pedro? A leader? I should hardly say he looks like one! I sure do hope you are right," Gandalf replied, staring incredulously at Napoleon's friend.

"Yeah. I am a good president," Pedro said. "I can make all your wildest dreams come true."

"Oh dear," muttered Gandalf, shaking his head. If helping these two take the Ring to Mordor was going to be his last great task, he would definitely remember it for the rest of his days—providing of course that these two didn't get him killed on the way there.

A/N: Poor old Gandalf! Those two just might give him a heart-attack before they get to Mordor! Hehe.

So in the next chapter, you'll get to see Sam and Frodo trying to survive in Idaho. What happens when Uncle Rico makes them watch his videos and Kip drags them to Rex's lessons? You'll have to wait and see!

And now, time to thank all my wonderful reviewers!

fifithepinapplegoddess: What a long name you have! But it's so very funny! And I'm glad you liked the story.

Master Arkane: Thank you so much for the compliment! And is now good to post another update? Yeah, I thought so.

Jaina Kenobi: Jaina, Jaina, Jaina. What can I say? You live across the hall from me and hear a lot of this stuff before anyone else. Thanks for reviewing it and no, I don't think we will be going to the gym today because it's now midnight and I think that's too late. And one more thing: Do your homework! ;)

ArcticWolfe: Yes, and it only starts to get better from here. Hee hee. Just wait till you read the fourth and fifth chapters...

Earwen of the elves: Yeah, why hasn't anyone done this before? Flippin' retards! Gosh:P

soulee: Oh yes, Napoleon and Pedro will be creating much trouble in Middle-earth! When they finally get to Mordor, even Sauron might not know what to do with them!

Auta Miqula Orqu: What a cool penname you have! And you know Elvish too! That totally rocks! And yes, I shall continue because this is way too much fun. Much better than doing my homework...something I should probably doing right now.

lanthir1: What terror indeed? Oh, lots of stuff, I assure you. Hee hee. :P

NoroLimAsfaloth: Yes, run, Asfaloth, run! ;) Yeah, I almost didn't think of writing this either.

crybabyfan1: You're a fan of crying babies? Hehe. JK. And look! I updated it! w00t!