A/N: Sorry I keep taking so long to update. I'm a bad person. Bad:slaps self: Okay, I'll really really try to update faster. And I forgot to say this last time and I'm so sorry, but you can all thank ArcticWolfe for the idea for the last chapter. Having Napoleon dance for the orcs and the troll was lots of fun. I might put some more of it in later…hee hee…
So now, the next chapter:
Chapter 9: Gee, Mr Frodo, What Do You Suppose This Thing Is?
Today was Wednesday, the fifth or so day that Frodo and Sam had been stuck in this miserable place called "Idaho." (A/N: I don't mean to offend any Idahoans by that comment, what I mean is that it's miserable to Frodo and Sam seeing as they've been having a bad experience with it so far).
Anyway, how many days they were there doesn't really matter, now does it? They're just there, okay? Who freaking cares how long they were there for, huh? Nobody! And that's why I'm not going to continue talking about it.
So. The two hobbits were really bored and were wandering Napoleon's small hometown when they found themselves at the door of an old run-down shack. "I wonder, Sam, what they have got in here," said Frodo.
"Let's find out, Mr. Frodo. It's a lot better than being pestered by that Mr. Rico."
Yes, yes it is. Nobody likes having to watch those horrendous football tapes of him. I mean, who in their right mind would want to watch some guy throwing a football at a camera again and again and again…? Well, Kip obviously, but Kip isn't the brightest crayon in the box now is he? Nor is he the sharpest tack or the brightest light bulb or…(author continues listing).
So Frodo grabbed the rusty handle of the shack and slowly pulled open the rotting door. What the two hobbits saw inside was the most amazing thing they'd ever seen: two long, black, shiny tubes attached to some sort of a wooden handle with a trigger. That's right, a rifle.
They walked slowly towards it, mouths both hung open in awe, not exactly sure why they thought this thing was so wonderful to behold other than the fact that it was really really shiny—kinda like the Ring. You know, hobbits seem to have a penchant for shiny things, now that I think about it. But then again, I suppose everyone likes shiny things, am I right? Speaking of which, I just noticed the neck of my desk lamp is so…shiny…
Oh. What? Sorry. Got distracted by shinyness. Okay, where were we? Ah yes…
"What do you suppose this thing is, Mr. Frodo?" asked Sam as he picked up the rifle. But then he instantly let it fall because the poor dear had no idea how heavy it was. Fortunately, this did not set it off or Mr. Frodo would have been toast.
Frodo picked it up (with some effort, of course) and looked at it. "I don't know, but it is a strange object, isn't it? What say we take it outside where we can get a better look at it?"
Sam agreed and the two went out of the shack. Frodo inspected the trigger. "I wonder, do you suppose this thing does something?" He pulled the trigger and the rifle went off, sending a bullet into—not SAM!
Ha! Just kidding. I got you, didn't I? Don't worry, the bullet flew harmlessly away—until it hit a passing bird. Whoops.
"I daresay, Mr. Frodo, I think it's naught more than a noisemaker, like one of Gandalf's fireworks."
Huh. I suppose you could say that, but…
"Well, if it shoots fireworks, then let's have some fun, shall we?"
But before they could do anything, the crusty old guy who owned the rifle stepped out of his house and said, "Hey, you kids! What do you think you're doing with my rifle?"
"We were going to shoot off some fireworks with it, if you do not mind," Sam said very stoutly. You tell 'im, Sam!
The old man stared at them for a moment, chewing on some tobacco. (Surgeon General's Warning: Tobacco may be harmful to your health. Use at your own risk.) He looked like he was chewing on some cud. "It's doesn't shoot fireworks, boy," he said finally.
"Then what does it do?"
"What sort of game are you two kids playing? Nevermind. I can't hold that gun anymore. My arthritis has been actin' up real bad lately, so I've got something I want you to do for me."
The two hobbits tilted their heads in question.
"There's an old cow I need ya to take care of. Just point the gun at 'er head and shoot. Got that?"
(Gasp! What? This old man's seriously going to let two "kids" use his gun! You bad, bad old man! Shame on you!)
The two hobbits nodded and the old man walked away. "Now which cow is he talking about?" wondered Frodo. I don't think he realizes what happens when you shoot a gun at a living thing. Well, he'll find out, I suppose.
"That one, Mr. Frodo?" said Sam, pointing to a bone-thin cow not too far beyond them.
"I suppose."
Frodo lifted up the gun and struggled to aim it at the cow, but it was so heavy for him, the end of it kept moving all over the place. When he thought he had it on the cow, he pulled the trigger…
…and he and Sam fell over backwards from the blast, stiff as two wooden boards.
"Did we get him?" wondered Sam as they lay there on their backs. The cow mooed.
"I'm afraid not," Frodo answered, getting back up. "We've got to try that again."
So he aimed at the cow once more and pulled the trigger…but he was out of bullets. "Oh…I think we've broken it," he said, pulling the ends of the barrel towards his face. Oh dear, I sure hope he's right. And well, actually I know he is because that particular gun he had can only shoot two rounds before it needs to be reloaded. Too bad, Frodo, looks like your fun is at its end for today—and so is mine.
TBC
A/N: Ha, I had so much fun writing this one, you have no idea. And I'd like to thank Master Akane for the idea for this one. Next chapter, I will be trying to figure out how in the world Napoleon and Pedro are going to deal with the whole Balrog thing. That should be quite interesting. I don't have any really good ideas right now, so if any of you do, then feel free to give them to me.
So, once again, Reviewer Responses:
Jaina Kenobi: You reviewed first this time! Yay! You're finally checking your Author Alert thing in your email when you're supposed to! And, no, I don't think there was any Spaceballs reference in the last chapter. I thought I came up with that idea myself. Huh…
KaliedescopeCat: Woah, and exploding orc? That would be flippin' sweet, I tell you. And so would Teen Girl Squad in Middle-earth. I could see it now: Frodo gets attacked by Gollum and it says: "Gollum'd!"
Snodgrass Winkle: You're Sondgrass and Winkle now? When did that happen? No, seriously, I'm thrilled to hear that I made your lips hurt, or, as my sister and I used to say, made your smile hurt.
The Hobbit Lass: Sadly, yes, I already had my Spring Break and I wish that it had come later instead of sooner. But that's okay, cuz my last day of school is May 11th and then I will have time to update like everyday! W00t!
Mystical Full Moon Maiden: I wasn't as funny this time:sad face: Oh well, it happens to the best of us, I suppose. I hope this chappie was better.
jae: Ha, that would be funny, but I think they would have a hard time getting the car through the time machine. Besides, I'm not quite sure, but if what I know about time machines is correct, then the one that Napoleon has only has enough power to transport something with the max mass of one person. That rules cars out, but Pedro's cousins could come.
crybabyfan1: No more trivia? Oh no! Wait, I think I've got one: Johnny Depp plays Willy Wonka in the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, but who originally played Willy Wonka in the 1971 version?
A/N: Yikes! Not as many reviewers this time. Does that mean everyone's on Spring Break? Oh well—ya win some, ya lose some and that's just the way things go (:singing: in Albuquerque, right Jaina?)
And if anyone reviewed this chapter and don't see a response here, I probably didn't get it. My email's been weird lately and is not notifying me of these things. And if you have sent a review, it might not have shown up on yet, at least on my computer.
