A/N: Alrighty, I think I've finally figured out what to do with the Balrog scene. (Thanks Master Akane, all I needed was the talons and numchucks). Plus I borrowed a line from Jaina (sorry, Jaina, couldn't resist). To everyone else who's suggested stuff: don't worry! I'll be using more of your ideas really soon, so if you're mad at me because I haven't, don't be, because I promise I will use them! I even wrote all them down and have figured out where to put them in the story. So just be patient, you'll see them.
Anyway…
Chapter 10: Do The Balrogs Have Large Talons?
"Ai! ai!" wailed Legolas. Ha! That's a great mental picture. Legolas wailing. Hehe. He is a pansy. "A Balrog! A Balrog is come!"
Gimli stared with wide eyes. "Durin's Bane!" he cried, and letting his axe fall, he covered his face.
Good job Gimli. I suppose the thought there was: "If I can't see him, he can't see me!" Yeah, real smart.
"A Balrog," muttered Gandalf. Uh, yeah, I think we've established that like twice already. "What an evil fortune and I am already weary!"
And then, the most dreadful thing happened: the Balrog appeared.
"This is a foe beyond any of you!" said Gandalf. "Fly!"
As they ran, Napoleon asked, "Do the Balrogs have large talons?"
"What?"
"The Balrogs. Do they have large talons?"
"I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you're trying to say, boy. As for the Balrog itself, whether or not it has large talons does not matter, you could not hope to defeat it."
"Not like I was going to! Gosh! I just wanted to know if it had large talons."
At last, the Company reached the bridge and ran across. It was a narrow bridge too. "Hey, Aragorn," said the author, writing herself randomly into the story. "Don't fall off!"
"Where did—" And Aragorn fell flat on his face and got back up again, the author having a good laugh at it. Then just as quickly as she had come, she disappeared and continued to type up the rest of this chapter.
Aragorn got back up, looking around for the evil, mean college student that almost made him fall off the bridge to an untimely death. Upon seeing that she was not there, however, and upon seeing that the Balrog was getting really really close, he decided to give it up and run.
Once they reached the other side, the Fellowship stopped and turned to see Gandalf standing in the middle of the bridge doing his "You cannot pass!" thing, with the Balrog on the other side.
"He cannot stand alone!" Aragorn cried suddenly and was about to run off onto the bridge when:
"Of course he can! Flippin' retard! He, like, was one of the wizards that protected Nessie from being blown out of the water. He can stop that thing! Right, Pedro?"
Pedro nodded, looking down at the ground as he always did (is there…something interesting on the ground? I mean, seriously, why does the kid always have to look at the ground?) and nodded.
Sure enough, a moment later, the fires went out, and blank darkness fell. Gandalf had disappeared with it. The balrog. Not…the darkness. That wouldn't make any sense to say he disappeared with the darkness. I mean, come on.
The Company stood staring fixedly at it in horror (the pit, not the Balrog—he already disappeared) —except for Napoleon and Pedro.
"What are you guys all so surprised about? He was just some old dude. Besides, he comes back later, I think," said Napoleon.
Aragorn twitched at what he'd just heard. Must…defend…Gandalf… Twitchthwitchtwitch. "Just 'some old dude?'" he fumed, going terribly out of character. I always hate it when that happens. But a strange kid from Idaho like dear old Napoleon would do that to you. Yup.
"Gandalf is one of the greatest to ever walk the earth! You cannot call him 'some old dude!'" A huge vein started throbbing on his (Aragorn's, not Napoleon's—why do I have to keep explaining these things?) forehead and it looked like one of his eyes was starting to bulge out. You know, he was starting to become more and more like Boromir. Then again, everybody is like everyone else in the books. How do you tell them apart? I don't know! I don't know!
Now my head's starting to hurt.
"I hate to tell, you Aragorn," said Gimli, "but he's right, he does come back later so hold in your wrath and save it for the orcs."
Speaking of which, they're coming and you people might wanna get out of there.
"The orcs are coming! Let's get out of here!" cried Legolas. Thanks again, Captain Obvious. I just said that.
When Napoleon saw the orcs, he said, "That's a butt-load of orcs. It's too bad that wizard guy didn't leave his stick. I'm pretty good with the bo staff, you know." Man, this guy likes to use the same lines over and over again. Doesn't he know how to say anything else?
"That matters not! Come, let us get out of here ere they catch us!" cried Aragorn.
Napoleon turned to run and almost tripped over one of the hobbits. "Why don't you get out of the way, you flippin' retard!"
Seeing the disgruntled look on Pippin's face, Pedro actually managed to crack a smile—as they all fled, of course.
TBC…
A/N: Yeah, I know, that was an abrupt way to end it, but I…I dunno.
You know, it's a whole lot easier to write the Frodo and Sam chapters. Anyway…
Jaina Kenobi: Yay! You were the first to review again! Now keep this up, and I'll give you…ten points for every time you're first.
The Hobbit Lass: I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long for this chappie. I've been gettin' behind on my posting of new ones lately…
Nolitari: Don't worry I'd never hurt Frodo! He's my favorite character! I almost cried during ROTK when he and Sam were at Mount Doom and when the cave troll stabbed him in FOTR (I thought he was dead at that point TT).
crybabyfan1: Aughh! I just watched that movie, too and I don't remember! Grr…Was his costar the black guy? I don't know any of their names…(besides him).
jae:gasp: I wouldn't want to scar poor Sam and Frodo for life! I loves them! I can, however, have them deflate Uncle Rico's football. Mwa ha ha ha ha!
Master Akane: Yeah, Frodo and Sam with guns. When I was writing that chapter, I had to try and stop myself from cracking up as I pictured it in my head.
Mizamour: Welcome aboard! You flatter me with all your praise for this story. Now I'm afraid people are going to expect nothing less than perfection from now on. Oh boy. This could get quite difficult…
Starsinmypocket: I made you babble insanely? Ha ha! Yes! I don't think I've ever made somebody do that before. That's awesome! I hope it wasn't permanent. I could just imagine the look on people's faces while you babble insanely in front of them…
