A/N: Sorry this has taken me so long to update, but my computer was being stupid and wouldn't let me into my documents. Grr…

But it's okay now because I'm on another computer writing this. Anyway, this chapter is based on an idea from jae: Napoleon challenging the elves to a game of tetherball.

Chapter 12: Tether…what?

"Do you hear the voice of Nimrodel?" asked Legolas. "I will sing you a song of the maiden Nimrodel, who bore the same name as the stream beside which she lived long ago." In a soft voice hardly to be heard amid the rustle of the leaves above them, he began:

An Elven-maid there was of old;

A shining star b—

A random flying orange came from nowhere and hit Legolas in the face.

"No more singing! Flippin' retard!" yelled Napoleon. "You've been singing songs ever since we started on this trip. Shut up!"

Legolas looked flustered and highly offended.

Pippin sat sniggering quietly behind him. Aragorn whacked him on the head. "Now that is not very polite, Master Pippin."

"But it's true! Legolas never stops singing! I think he deserved that fruit in the face."

As do I, dear Pippin. As do I. I mean, someone's always singing in this story, but especially Legolas. If they're going to sing, he should at least let the others have a turn every once in awhile.

"Where in the Valar did you get this from?" asked Legolas furiously, picking up the orange.

Napoleon sighed and replied matter-of-factly, "I have a Deus Ex Machina device. It's a flippin' sweet thing to have."

"You have a…a what?" asked Boromir who was so red in the face by now that he looked as if he would spontaneously combust at any minute. This strange boy's antics never cease do they? Do they?

"A Deus Ex Machina device. I can pretty much pull anything out of thin air that I want with it."

"But…but that's not possible! I don't…I mean…ugh! I'm not even going to bother anymore," said Boromir, and he walked off into the forest.

"Daro!" a voice said from somewhere in the trees. Everyone froze and they could hear whisperings in the Elven tongue.

"What are they saying?" asked Pedro, looking like he actually didn't care all that much…as usual. What's it take to get this kid excited? Hmm…I wonder. Oh, I know! Let's see what happens when he hears the funniest joke in the world. You know, that one from a Monty Python episode that made everyone who heard it die from laughter? That ought to at least make him crack a smile.

"Ai! Where did he come from?" shrieked Legolas as a comedian solidified from nothing.

"It wasn't me," said Napoleon.

The random comedian walked up to Pedro and whispered the joke in his ear. Pedro didn't even so much as flinch. Curses! Foiled again!

Then the comedian vanished as the author decided that he wasn't of much use anymore.

"That was…odd," said Pippin, not really knowing what to make of the whole situation.

"At any rate, I think we should be getting back to the story," Aragorn replied.

"Right," said Legolas. "What was my line again?"

Merry whispered, " '…and they say you breathe so loud, they could shoot you in the dark.'"

"Oh, I remember. That was what I was supposed to say, only now they are saying, 'That odd-looking chap with the curly hair is so unfit to walk in the forests of Lórien, that they're surprised the trees haven't withered and died yet."

"Ouch," said Napoleon. "I was just dissed by elves."

Then Haldir climbed down from one of the ladders set against a tree. "I would welcome you, but that one of your company were not so ill-fitted to walk in our lands."

"I think he just dissed you again, Napoleon," muttered Pedro. Wow. He can actually interpret that? Dude…you learn something new everyday.

"I see there are two here that would not be welcome in our lands, and I do not mean the Dwarf is one of them. For even he is more fit to enter Lórien than those two."

"I think he just insulted you, too, Pedro!" said Pippin with a gleeful smile.

"None of you shall enter in those woods as long as those two accompany you," said Haldir.

"But we need to see Galadriel!" Pippin protested. "That's how Tolkien wrote the book! You cannot ruin it on account of those two!"

"They shall not enter here," answered Haldir, unmoved. Stubborn little git, ain't he?

But then Napoleon had a brilliant idea. Wait…what was that? Napoleon has a brilliant idea? I don't believe it! But I might be jumping to conclusions. Let's see what he has to say.

"How about we have a challenge? If we win, you let us in. If we lose, we'll find another way."

Haldir thought for a moment. "Fair enough," he said finally. He was completely confident that any challenge the boy could come up with the elves could easily beat him at. "What is the challenge you have in mind."

Napoleon used his spiffy Deus Ex Machina device that the author had so graciously given to him to pull a rope and a hard, yellow ball out of nowhere. He then went over to a near tree and tied the end of the rope to it. "Play me?" he asked.

Haldir scoffed, "I should think not! What sort of challenge is this?"

"Haven't you ever heard of tetherball? Gosh!"

"Tether…what?"

"Tetherball," said Pedro. "It's like his favorite game."

"It's not that hard, either. All you have to do is wrap the ball around the tree," Napoleon put in.

Haldir actually laughed. "Well, in that case…"

"…in that case what do you have?" said a disembodied voice, also known as the author's voice as she quoted a Weird Al song. "Sorry. Every time someone says that, I have to quote that. Please continue."

"That was strange," said Pippin. Ah, well, strange things are bound to happen when the author of a story is at liberty to say anything she dang well pleases. I'm afraid you'll be witnessing a lot more of it, dear Pip.

Haldir glanced up towards the sky, trying to determine where the voice had come from, but then decided it best to just let the thing go. "In that case…I will take you up on this challenge."

"Sweet!" said Napoleon and the elf came over and started playing tetherball with him.

In a matter of seconds, Napoleon had managed to wrap the ball around the tree before Haldir even had a good swing at it. "I win!" exclaimed Napoleon. "Now you have to let us in."

Haldir frowned. "Alright," he said reluctantly. "Follow me." Then as an aside he muttered, "Galadriel shall have my head for this…"

TBC…

A/N: Yay! Another chappy finished! Again, sorry that took so long. Computer problems, you know, but they were actually a result of me messing around on the internet while I was trying to update my system, which I have now learned is something that you're not supposed to do. Anywho, reviewer response time.

Jaina Kenobi: You were first to review this time! W00t! Here's ten points.

Earendil Eldar: I haven't seen that one yet, but I'll have to sometime, eh? Have you seen the "Eegah" one? I haven't seen that one either, but I hear that one's the funniest.

KaliedescopeCat: Ooh…Frodo and Sam lost in the bowels of a high school, forced to fight off any of the jocks, cheerleaders, nerds, and all other sorts of teenage stereotypes. Hmm…

jae: Sooo…is that a good thing or a bad thing that that was stuck in your head all day? I'm so confused!

Mizamour: Thank you for all those compliments. You flatter me. Just for that, here's a homemade cookie. holds out

The Hobbit Lass: Ouch! That must have been painful. I could only imagine. If they pop out of your head, please don't sue me. I don't have any money to begin with...

Master Akane: Yes, I have definitely taken into consideration adding a bit more of Pippin in the story as you may have noticed from this chapter. I'll try to put in more of him in later chapters.

Wilwarin: I'm glad you enjoy this story. You know what I love most about writing it? I get to make all the characters go as far out of character as I want! It freaking rocks!

Reggie Tuesday: I know, I know. Legolas is a hot pansy, but I'm more of a Frodo girl meself. So I apologize beforehand if I make too much fun of Legolas.

fiji-mermaid: I'm still loving that name of yours. Anyway, I must say I'm glad to help you procrastinate anytime just as long as you do eventually get your homework done. Right?