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WARNING: Rated R for Yaoi, language and violence. So if that is not your cup of tea, you know which button to click, right?
Please take the warning pretty seriously in this chapter.
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CHAPTER 5
VIOLENT EMOTIONS
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Severus couldn't sleep. He was feeling very restless – but lethargic. There was a sullen humidity in the air and one could almost smell the rain in the air.
Severus hated such weather. It slowed down him done mentally and physically and made him morose. He didn't feel like studying or even getting up from the bed. He let his eyes wander around the dormitory. All the other boys were deep in sleep. He wondered why he wasn't blessed with the gift of easy sleep. He was aware of the fact that Sleep-Inducing Potions were often very addictive. It would be very dangerous to harbour an addiction now that he was a Death-Eater.
He was trying not to think about Black as much as he was thinking. It annoyed and agitated him. He was somewhat… scared of growing closer to Black. It was a very strange… a very alien feeling – what he felt for Black, that is. He was divided between hating him intensely and…
This 'and' was exactly the thing that perplexed him – that made him wonder how to complete the sentence.
He was sure that 'and' didn't point to anything good or tender. It was something wild. It was something that incensed him. It was something that he had never felt, wanted to feel but wasn't sure about the whole thing.
If he had felt even a tad more energetic, he would be pacing the room like mad.
But as such, he only kept staring at the ceiling, feeling more and more frustrated.
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"Remus… why aren't you asleep?" asked Sirius.
"Missed your snores," said Remus lightly, sitting down on a chair opposite his.
"I don't snore," said Sirius, indignantly.
"What are you doing here, anyway?"
"Nothing."
There was silence for some time.
"It's very late. Come on, we'd better go back to bed."
"You go up. I'll be around in a minute."
Remus shrugged, but went upstairs, his expression a thoughtful one.
Sighing, Sirius brought out the journal from under the cushion.
He wasn't sure what to make of Snape after this. Of course he still hated him. But…
There was a 'but', though he wasn't sure what to make of that 'but'.
Also, the jealousy which had welled up in him hadn't abated. It had only increased as he read more and more. The journal seemed full of Ian Richards.
What did he care? What should he care?
If only one acted more like one should… life would be so much simpler…
Pocketing the journal, he went upstairs.
Guilt. That was another strange feeling which had been bothering him ever since… well, ever since Snape … and everything…
Guilt that he was betraying Remus. Technically, it was a completely pointless feeling as he wasn't in a relationship with Remus. But just as one didn't act like one should, one didn't think technically as one ought to.
And so, he was unable to look him in the eye now. It was something so unsettlingly unfamiliar to him, that he was sure that he was losing his mind. Maybe making out with Snape had that effect on one.
Not that he regretted that. But he felt like he must regret that and hex Snape into the next millennium and put his life back on track. Everything was such a chaos right now!
He lay on the bed, his mind a whirlpool of thoughts but soon he was lost in a troubled sleep.
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Sunday morning dawned dull and grey. It was raining like there was no tomorrow. If Severus could, he would have hexed the rain. But unfortunately, there was no such spell.
He dragged himself to the Great Hall minutes before it was on the verge of being empty. The only thing that he could do firmly was avoid Ian's gaze. What if he could read his eyes? What if he knew about this whole thing going on with Black? He could always invent an extremely believable story. Ian won't question. But… sometimes, that was what bothered him… Ian's easy acceptance. It made him unsure of his lover's feelings towards himself.
He found that he couldn't swallow more than a cup of tea. So he left for the library, but decided against it mid-way. He was not feeling up to working his brain right now… if his brain hadn't atrophied with the mounting headache. Damn the uneasy, sleepless nights…
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Sirius was in a bad mood the whole of next day. That was chiefly because he couldn't do what he most wanted to do – read Snape's diary even though that made him scowl.
Instead, he was forced to complete his homework he had been putting off for the past week – ever since this… business… with Snape – and he had four essays due for the next day.
"Bloody Lockhart!" he muttered, throwing down his quills. "Who cares about how to protect yourself against evil fairies?"
Peter, who was sitting opposite, glanced warily at him. Sirius in a bad mood wasn't someone you would like to be near.
Remus merely rolled his eyes and continued with his work. Everyone knew that Sirius hated their DADA teacher – Julia "Pink" Lockhart, for she always wore that colour. It was… horrible for the lack of a better word.
"I am going out for some fun," declared Sirius, getting up.
"It's raining cats and dogs out there," said James, who had been day-dreaming about something – or someone… Lily, probably. Sirius wondered if there had been a fight between them again. "Everything's dull – won't be any good."
"I am going out anyway," came the stubborn reply.
James just shrugged but soon lost interest in that matter as his girlfriend descended the stairs from the girls' dormitory.
Only Remus frowned at his retreating back.
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"Snivellus."
Severus clenched his fists, but did little more as he felt Black come up near him.
"Something you wanted?" he couldn't help asking suggestively.
"Depends on what you can give."
"I thought you were not going to… what was it? Ah, yes, I remember – you didn't want to 'create complications'," said Severus without turning back.
"I thought you might enjoy a little entanglement – Simons has been giving us immensely unchallenging potions."
Sirius drew closer, the strangely familiar giddy feeling growing in him. Merlin! He hadn't forgotten how intoxicating Snape's proximity could be. He vainly tried to push back his soaking bangs falling to his eyes.
Turning suddenly, Severus fixed his long-time nemesis with an undecipherable look. "You like this game, don't you?"
"You talk too much," murmured Sirius, and feeling bolder than he had ever before, stepped forward, clasped Snape's neck and crushed his lips to Severus'.
For a moment, Severus was stunned. Until now, he had had an upper hand in their… whatever there was between them. Sirius' attack was highly unexpected. But Severus recovered quickly and brought his hands up to Sirius' waist. The rain was falling faster and faster. As soon as he closed his eyes, he became acutely aware of how drenched he was in the cold water. But he had no desire to leave. He could hear nothing but the rain.
Sirius moaned as Severus showered frantic kisses across his jaw and neck. Cupping his thin face, he brought their lips together again, their tongues battling for dominion.
Sirius was the first to break away, gasping for air.
"I want you," stated Severus, his eyes glazy with passion. It was not a question – just a statement.
Sirius didn't have even a trivial desire to protest. He merely raised his cold, slightly trembling hand to the fastening of his robe, a bit unsure. Severus, more confident, set about pulling off his clothes as if his life depended upon him.
Sirius shivered as the chilly air and icy water assailed his body. "Not… not here," he managed to pant out.
Severus took no notice of him. He pushed him down on the ground, his hands clutching his waist in a death-grip. His teeth grazed over his nipples and soothed the hurt with his tongue.
"Snape… no… its…" the rest of the sentence melted in a moan as Severus finger his manhood, first with feather-touches, then with hungry passion. Leaving aside the slower foreplay, as was his usual custom, Severus moved his mouth down. Sirius closed his eyes as the Slytherin's mouth closed upon him. Although the new violent emotions made him heady, he winced as the rugged ground dug into his back and the stingingly cold rain endeavoured to numb his body.
And amidst myriad of such sensations he felt his manhood hardening and he reached his orgasm in Snape's mouth.
Severus reached up for a rough kiss as he lay, spent and with a strange feeling of contentment.
"Turn around," murmured Severus as he left his lips.
"Huh?"
"Get on your knees, Black," he said hoarsely.
Sirius' eyes shot open. Severus was hard and his breath was coming in short gasps. But he wasn't sure that he was ready to let him enter him now.
"Now, Black!"
"Snape…"
Severus seemingly didn't listen to him. Grasping his arms, he turned him over forcefully. Ignoring his protests, he muttered a spell and thrust into him.
Sirius screamed. It was so… painful. He wasn't ready for this. He could feel that Snape had put a Lubrication Spell, but, Merlin… it was still painful. "Stop, Snape!" he cried out as he felt him clutch his hands and push him against the ground to prevent him from getting up or moving at all.
"By Salazar, Black," he heard his voice after some time, "you are incredible… so tight and delicious…"
Sirius felt repulsion overcome all other feelings as he felt Severus along the length of his body. What had he done? What had Snape done to him?
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Getting up reluctantly, Severus dressed them both with a wave of his wand. Sirius seemed to have left his wand back in his dormitory.
Sirius felt sick – not just because he had fucked Snivellus but because his body was aching. He wondered if he would ever be able to sit again.
"How long do you plan on lying there?"
That was the final straw – hearing his damned sneering voice.
"Go to Hades!" he tried to yell, but his voice was downed in the noise of the rain.
"Fucking makes you hungry. It is almost lunch-time."
"Go away!"
Severus regarded him with an indecipherable look. Shrugging, he pocketed his wand and left.
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