A/N: Well, I'm back, not that I ever went anywhere. Anyway, here's the next chapter and this time it's not a bunch of random insaneness.
Chapter 14: The Patience (or Lack Thereof) of GaladrielWhen all the guests were seated before his chair, the Lord looked at them again…and nearly choked on his own phlegm when he laid his eyes upon that notorious, curly-haired, bespectacled lad who went by the uncouth name of Napoleon Dynamite. "Oh dear," he muttered, rubbing his temples. Do all elves do that when they're frustrated? I mean, didn't Elrond and his long-winded council do the same in Rivendell?
Elves! They're all a bunch of conformists!
Anyway, Celeborn started feeling a great headache coming on and completely forgot about Gandalf.
"Gandalf the Grey set out with the Company, but he did not pass the borders of this land," said Galadriel, speaking for the first time.
Celeborn stopped rubbing his temples and glared at his Lady. "What? What are you talking about?"
Galadriel lifted an eyebrow and looked at Celeborn. "Gandalf. He fell. You missed your line and I thought it best to just continue and get back to the real story."
" 'Get…get back to the real story?'" hissed Celeborn. Now look who's going out of character, one of the oh-so-perfect, high-and-mighty elves! Looks like Napoleon's nerd powers are too much for him.
Nerd power! It's greater than the power of the elves! Well, it is nerds, after all, who rule the world. Ha ha ha ha ha!
"Do not anger your Lady, my Lord," said Galadriel calmly. Though on the outside she was calm, on the inside she was trying really really hard not to yell at Napoleon and kick him out of her fair home. I can't blame her. If I had a forest filled with beautiful looking people, the last thing I'd want to see there is some nerdy teenager that looks as if he's half-asleep all the time. That'd just ruin everything.
Aaaaaaaaaat any rate…Celeborn decieed to appease his Lady (he knew how she was angry—her voice would go lower than it already was and she'd turn into negative colors—it was scary). "Alright, I'll try and 'get back to the real story,' if it so pleases you. Ahem! Let me see here…what could I say?"
"Hurry it up, will you? Gosh! I'm getting like really bored standing here. Even Uncle Rico's football tapes are more fun to watch." Mmhmm…right. Just keep telling yourself that, Napoleon. I know I'd rather listen to the never-ending conversations of elves than watch some guy with an odd sort of mid-life crises throwing footballs any day.
Aragorn glared at Napoleon, and rightfully so. You can't just let people talk to elves like that! It's just not right! "Napoleon," he reproached, "now that was uncalled for."
"Not as uncalled for as what I was about to say," grumbled Gimli, angry that he couldn't say what he was supposed to say. Oh wait. That was from the movie. Never mind. Then why did he say that? Huh…whatever.
"At any rate, I see that there are only eight here when nine set out. As Galadriel had so stated, Gandalf fell. What I desire to know is where in the Valar are Frodo and Sam? And who are these two that have replaced them?"
"Idiots! I'm Napoleon Dynamite and this is Pedro. We got here with a time machine we bought online. How many times do I have to tell you guys?"
Well, technically, you only told them twice, but whatever floats your boat. And you might want to watch what you say to the elves.
Speaking of which, Galadriel was practically on the verge of exploding at Napoleon, which—ha ha—would be really really funny. Really.
Let's see how long it'll take for Napoleon to make her mad. Not long, I'll warrant.
"But," said Galadriel, still remaining stoic on the outside, "where are Frodo and Sam?"
Pedro shrugged. "We don't know."
Galadriel sighed heavily. She's about to snap, I just know it. Ooh….maybe she'll even change lovely shades of purple and green. Let's watch. "Well, I do believe we've had enough for today."
"Yes," agreed Celeborn. "Now you shall rest, and we will not speak of your further road for a while."
"I do quite agree," said Boromir with an enthusiastic nod. "And might we sleep in separate locations? We'll sleep in the trees and Napoleon and Pedro can sleep on the ground."
"Why are you guys so mean to us? Retards! You guys are prejudiced!"
"Yeah," muttered Pedro. "That's wrong."
Galadriel clenched her fists beneath her long sleeves. "Go now," she said tightly. "Sleep."
So they did.
But Pedro and Napoleon stayed up late, talking about taking bikes off of sweet jumps. Even as they spoke, they saw Galadriel. Tall and white and fair she walked beneath the trees. She spoke no words. She didn't want to. In fact, she was trying her hardest to ignore the fact that they were there.
"She's pretty," Pedro said.
"No..she's incredible." I think at this point Napoleon was drooling. Ew. She's too old for him! That's…wrong! Argh!
Anyway, the two invaders of Middle-earth decided to follow her, much to her dismay, where she showed them the mirror. She thought maybe she could scare them away with it.
"Here is the Mirror of Galadriel," she said.
Napoleon stared at it for a minute and then said, "Uhhhhhhhhhh…that's a plate with water in it. That's not a mirror."
A snarl flitted across Galadriel's lips. She wringed her hands. "Many things I can command the Mirror to reveal," she answered, "and some I can show what they desire to see. What you will see, if you leave the Mirror free to work, I cannot tell. Do you wish to look?"
Please let it be something frightening. Please let it be something frightening. She thought to herself, crossing her fingers.
"Look at what?" wondered Napoleon. "The water? I can see it from here and all I can see is the ripples in it."
This time Galadriel bared her teeth for an instant. "Just look in it, will you?"
"Alright! Maybe I will! Gosh!"
Napoleon stepped forward and looked into the Mirror and saw the lidless, flame wreathed eye of Sauron.
But he wasn't impressed.
I think he's been playing too many RPGs or something. He's become desensitized. Dun-dun-dun. "It's an eye. Is it supposed to be scary? Because it's not."
At this point, Galadriel had had it with this strange intruder and snapped. She did the thing where she turns all dark and scary and said in that frightening voice, "Get out! Leave this forest now and never come back! I don't even care about that Ring anymore! Get out!"
"Fine! You're worse than my Uncle Rico! But…can we leave tomorrow? We still need some sleep,"
Galadriel returned to normal and sighed, "I will allow you this, but when morning comes, you must go."
As Napoleon and Pedro walked away, Pedro said, "She's still very pretty."
"Yeah," said Napoleon, "but she's really mean. I like her sleeves, though."
TBC…
A/N: I'm afraid I shan't be doing review responses this week either as I've seemed to run out of clever things to say for the time being. I apologize for the inconvenience and have gone to the trouble of making you all cookies. :holds out box of cookies:
