Ch3: Idiots, Dead Things, and Midgets
Three young men are crowded behind a rock, while another is standing with his back ate the edge of the forest with his pants pulled down and his heart boxers showing..
Shirt Guy: Stop jostling so! You'll ruin my shirt.
Guy 2 and Guy 3: Sorry, G.
M. Night Shyamalan: Time period! Jeese, idiots...
Guy 2 and Guy 3: Sorry, man.
M. Night Shyamalan: It's fine, it's fine... blathering idiots...
Guy 2 and Guy 3: Sorry 'bout your shirt.
Shirt Guy: Thank you kindly. Hey Boxers Guy! How you doing?
Boxers Guy: (whimpers)
Twigs and dry leaves: Snap Crackle Pop.
Boxers Guy: (whimpering gasps) They made a sound when I made a sound! The Village Enquirer says that's the first sign of an attack!
Shirt Guy: 'Tis a wives tale. Now keep it up!
A long hand can be seen emerging from the darkness. It has long, spindly claws, and it is making an unkind hand signal involving the middle finger at Boxers Guy.
Boxers Guy: AAAAHHHH! It's those-we-don't-talk-about-very-much-because-their-actual-names-are-really-hard-to-pronounce! (pulls up his pants and runs for his bloody life along with Guys 1&2 and Shirt Guy)
The scene changes to show about a dozen midgets, I mean children, gathered around in a circle, muttering in low voices. Mr. Walker walkers up. Narrator chuckles because he made a funny.
Mr. Walker: What manner of spectacle has gathered your attention so splendidly? I ought to carry it in my pocket to help me teach! (Mr. Walker parts the children with some unearthly power. As he is walking forward, he falls asleep.)
Half-Pint 1: Mr. Walker? (nudges him politely)
Mr. Walker. Ahem! Oh, right. (gasps)
A dead calf is lying in front of the schoolhouse. It is stripped of its fur, its neck twisted back, and has bad attempts at graffiti-writing on its open flesh.
Mr. Walker: Holy moly batman!
Half-Pint 3: What the?
M. Night. Shyamalan: (smacks forehead)
The scene changes to show a drab-looking classroom. You can see the back of Mr. Walker's head, and all twelve half-pints gathered around in their desks. They all appear to be deep in thought.
Mr. Walker: So how did this happen? Who has done this heinous act?
Half-Pint 7: What does heinous mean?
Mr. Walker: That you're a moron.
Half-Pint 7: Come again?
Mr. Walker: Nothing.
Half-Pint 7: Oh. Okay.
Mr. Walker: Any ideas?
Half-Pint 12: It was those-we-don't-talk-about-very-much-because-their-actual-names-are-really-hard-to-pronounce.
Mr. Walker: There it is. What makes you think such a thing? (falls asleep)
The nearest half-pint nudges him politely.
Mr. Walker: Oh, sorry, kids.
Half-Pint 11: They are carnivores.
Half-Pint 6: They have long claws.
Half-Pint 4: They're really clumsy with spray paint.
Mr. Walker: Now, childrens. I sincerely doubt that those-we-don't-talk-about-very-much-because-their-actual-names-are-really-hard-to-pronounce did this. We do not go into their forest. They do not come into our valley. It is a... (falls asleep)
The nearest half-pint nudges him. Again.
Mr. Walker: Treaty.
Professor Snape: Open your books to page three-hundred and ninety-four.
Mr. Walker: Will you get out of here?
