Ch10: Escorts

Scene opens to show Ivy walking into a room that has Mr. Walker in it. She has a slightly teary expression on her face- like when you have just eaten a tub of store-bought chocolate chip cookie dough and realize that you are going to gain 20 pounds.

Ivy: Father?

Mr. Walker: Mmmm yes?

Ivy: I wish to go into Covington Wood to receive medicines for Lucius from the towns.

Mr. Walker stares at her. He is deep in thought.

Mr. Walker: What you are about to see may disturb you.

Morgan Hess: Everything in the history books is about to change.

M. Night Shyamalan: GAAH! I thought I changed the locks!

Morgan Hess: (puts on a tinfoil cap and runs away)

Scene changes to show Ivy and Mr. Walker walkering (sniggers) down an old path leading to a huge shed with a 3 foot door. Freaking oxymoronic architects.

Mr. Walker: Do you know about your grandfather in the towns?

Ivy: I heard that he was very good at making money.

Mr. Walker: That's true. (cue freakishly fast violin theme) He had a gift for that. You gave him one dollar and in less... (falls asleep while walking and falls face first into the gravel. Ivy smacks him awake and stands him back up)

Mr. Walker: And in less than a fortnight he will have turned it into five.

At this point, the author wonders how long a fortnight really is. He assumes that it would be a month, but considering that the guy could only make five bucks a month, it seems that a fortnight would either be less than a month or the grandfather guy was pretty sucky at investing.

The two of them arrive at the shed.

Mr. Walker: Do you know where we are, Ivy?

Ivy: We are at the forbidden shed.

Mr. Walker: Good. Do you know why it is forbidden?

Ivy: Nope.

Mr. Walker walkers up to the shed's uncannily small door and starts to unlock it.

Mr. Walker: Try your very best not to scream.

Author's Note: At this point, I forget the order that things happen with the whole flashforward and flashback things. I'm just going to do it in the order that it actually would have happened.

Ivy walks up to the shed, which Mr. Walker has fallen asleep on with the key in the lock. Ivy slaps him awake and he turns the lock. They commence to walk(er) in.

Ivy walks forward annoyingly slowly with her hand outstretched into the blackness. After about twenty minutes, you can finally see a long claw appearing. The creepy theme starts playing. Ivy finally touches it, and then realizes that it is one of THEM.

Ivy: OMFG! It's those-we-don't-talk-about-very-much-because-their-actual-names-are-really-hard-to-pronounce!

Mr. Walker: Relax! It is but farce! (under his breath) Whatever that means...

The scene changes to show Mr. Walker and Ivy sitting outside the shed. Ivy is breathing heavily.

Ivy: It is all fake?

Mr. Walker: Yes, my daughter. You must understand the evils of the towns. We had to.

Ivy: The offering of meat?

Mr. Walker: Have you ever wondered why the pork at Sunday dinner tastes funny?

Ivy has a disgusted look on her face at first, but then it turns into an understanding one.

Mr. Walker: You must go through the Covington Wood. Remember, there is no reason to fear. There are no those-we-don't-talk-about-very-much-because-their-actual-names-are-really-hard-to-pronounce. Lucius is in dire need of help.

Scene changes to show Ivy and two guys walking to the border. Mr. Walker's voice is heard.

Mr. Walker Voiceover: Two escorts will lead you. When you get to the border, you will pass into Covington Wood. The escorts will lead you to an old road along a river. Follow it for half a day's time. If you get lost, just follow – (falls asleep. Ivy nudges him awake and flips him off before he sees.) Just follow the sound of the river. Ask for the items on the list I have given you. Pay them with the unnamed freakish gold thing that I have given you.

Ivy and her peeps make it to the border. Ivy and Peep 1 walk across.

Peep 1: Why are you not coming?

Peep 2: This is forbidden. Those those-we-don't-talk-about-very-much-because-their-actual-names-are-really-hard-to-pronounce will kill us if we break the oath.

Ivy: It's okay, Peep. We have the magic rocks. (holds up a bag)

Peep 2: Why have we never heard of these rocks before?

At this point, you hear a gun cocking.

M. Night Shyamalan: I've given those writers too much slack for too long... (attempts to shoot the writer, but it just so happens that M. Night Shyamalan is the worst shot in the galaxy. He misses.)

Writer: Phew.

Back to the Village. Or the woods I suppose.

Peep 2: You don't understand. I cannot come. (he runs away wildly, attempting to wave his arms like a person with two P's in their last name. Poor rookie.)

It starts to rain. Ivy and Peep 1 take out a huge tarp and tie the corners to four eerily handily placed trees. They sit under it.

Peep 1: Wait. If we just tied a tarp to a bunch of trees to stay out of the rain, wont the tarp kind of get too heavy with wat—

The tarps tears in the middle and dumps 12 gallons of water on their heads. Author laughs in their faces.

Scene changes to show them a couple of hours later, when they stopped to take a breather by a tree. Which wasn't to hard to find, since they are in a forest. Oh well.

Peep 1: Something about this Forrest turns my stomach to rot.

Forrest Gump: Fine then. (runs away)

Random Onlooker: Run, Forrest, Run!

M. Night Shyamalan: GET OFF THE SET!

Peep 1: Also, something about these woods turn my stomach to rot.

Ivy: Why?

Peep 1: They will let you pass, because you are blind. You are receiving medicine for a friend. They will (pause for effect) kill me.

Ivy: Yeah well bugger off, you.

Peep 1 leaves. Ivy dumps out the "magic rocks" melodramatically. Scene fades.