Disclaimer: (Yawn) okay, lets see here… disclaimer… disclaimer… ah, here we
go "Disclaimer…" I do not own the rights to Star Craft, any blizzard
characters or themes. All other stuff is most likely my own and no one
else's… I think… yeah, I'm pretty sure…
Welcome once again readers to the Star Craft Interviews. I, Hyper Guyver am once again bringing you hilarious interviews of your favorite Star Craft characters. Today's guest is the human hero of the day, Jim Raynor. So lets get started… wait, where's Raynor? That's strange… he's almost twenty minutes late… Jeeze, does he think I don't have any thing better to do with my time? … Wait… I don't have anything better to do… Oh, well…
(Ten minutes later.)
Jim: Hey man… sorry I'm late…
Hyper Guyver: Jim! Where the hell where you… GOOD LORD! What happened to you?!
Jim: (sigh) I'd rather not talk about it…
Hyper Guyver: You look horrible… please tell me what happened.
Jim: (Groan) uh, well… (sigh) I just can't take it anymore…
Hyper Guyver: huh?
Jim: I… I just can't! I'm starting to loose it!
Hyper Guyver: What? Is it something to do with work?
Jim: No… no… I just can't it anymore…
Hyper Guyver: TAKE WHAT ANYMORE?!!!
Jim: Kerrigan! Ever since a couple of weeks ago, she's been calling me non- stop, begging for it!
Hyper Guyver: Oh…
Jim: I mean… at first it was kind of great, but then she started calling me everyday. I couldn't go a day without one of the ensigns bringing me a call from at some point in the day… begging… demanding it! I just can't take it anymore!
Hyper Guyver: Calm down Jim… it all right.
Jim: I just can't get any rest. She's like an animal; she just can't get enough "Jimmy loving…"
Hyper Guyver: "Jimmy loving?"
Jim: Shut up!
Hyper Guyver: Okay, okay… Jeeze…
Jim: I mean… WHO THE HELL GAVE HER THE IDEA TO CALL ME?!!!!
Hyper Guyver: Uh… I have no idea… (Eye roll)
Jim: She calls me all the time! At work, at home, during vacation, while I'm shopping.... I haven't slept… I mean the actual term; meaning to sleep… in almost two days.
Hyper Guyver: Man, that's got to be rough.
Jim: yeah… in fact…
(Suddenly Jims cell phone begins to ring.)
Jim: No, no… not again… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!
(Hyper Guyver turns to camera)
Hyper Guyver: Uh… better go to a commercial…
T.V. commercial announcer: Getting tired of those pesky Zerg, clawing away your flesh? Tired of them burrowing under your house as you get ready for bed? And do you get tired of them blowing up your command center mid- summer? Well now you don't have to worry, with "ZERG BE GONE" you won't have to worry about those pesky Zerg anymore!
Announcer: As I'll demonstrate on this test subject here… a few squirts of ZERG BE GONE will keep those darn flesh eating varmints away…
(Announcer squirts ZERG BE GONE on test subject)
Test Subject: (Covers eyes) OH GOD! IT BURNS! IT BBBUUURRRNSSS!!!
Announcer: Uh…
(Couple minutes later)
Announcer: Uh… There! See? no problem…
(Test subject wanders around aimlessly)
Test Subject: No problem?! I can't see!!
Announcer: uh… moving along. To demonstrate the power of ZERG BE GONE we will let loose a live Zerg…
Test Subject: Live Zerg?! You never said there was going to be live Zerg!!!
Announcer: Well… we said a lot of things…
(Everyone except test subject walks into bulletproof glass booth.)
Announcer: Okay, let it loose!
(Small test door opens, Zergling comes out)
Zergling: Rwwaahhhhh…
Test Subject: Wait… what was that's noise?
Announcer: nothing…
Zergling: RRRRWWWWAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Test Subject: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Announcer: As you can see the ZERG BE GONE keeps the zergling… at… bay…
Test Subject: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! My leg! MY LEG!!!!
Announcer: Uh… well, remember to stay tuned as we work the kinks out of ZERG BE GONE!
Test Subject: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Announcer: (gulp)
Hyper Guyver: Welcome back, now that Jim here has settled down…
(Jim breathing into paper bag)
Hyper Guyver: You okay there Jim?
Jim: huff, huff, yeah, I'm fine.
Hyper Guyver: Hold on a second… No Kerrigan, no he's not here… yeah, sure… I'll tell him you called… no, I really wouldn't be interested in that… Okay, goodbye… goodbye… GOODBYE!
(Hyper Guyver hangs up cell phone)
Hyper Guyver: Okay… where were we…
Jim: uh…
(Zergling starts tapping on window)
Jim: Damn! She found me. (Sigh) Here we go again…
Hyper Guyver: (salutes Jim) May god have mercy on your soul…
Jim: Gee, thanks… (Eye roll)
(Jim steps outside to follow the Zerg)
Hyper Guyver: Well that was a loud of crap! I didn't even get a chance to ask him a single damn question! (Sigh) My interview with Fenix better go better than this…
Hyper Guyver: Well until next time… May god have mercy on Jim Raynor… or at least Kerrigan have mercy on him… Good day and good night.
Welcome once again readers to the Star Craft Interviews. I, Hyper Guyver am once again bringing you hilarious interviews of your favorite Star Craft characters. Today's guest is the human hero of the day, Jim Raynor. So lets get started… wait, where's Raynor? That's strange… he's almost twenty minutes late… Jeeze, does he think I don't have any thing better to do with my time? … Wait… I don't have anything better to do… Oh, well…
(Ten minutes later.)
Jim: Hey man… sorry I'm late…
Hyper Guyver: Jim! Where the hell where you… GOOD LORD! What happened to you?!
Jim: (sigh) I'd rather not talk about it…
Hyper Guyver: You look horrible… please tell me what happened.
Jim: (Groan) uh, well… (sigh) I just can't take it anymore…
Hyper Guyver: huh?
Jim: I… I just can't! I'm starting to loose it!
Hyper Guyver: What? Is it something to do with work?
Jim: No… no… I just can't it anymore…
Hyper Guyver: TAKE WHAT ANYMORE?!!!
Jim: Kerrigan! Ever since a couple of weeks ago, she's been calling me non- stop, begging for it!
Hyper Guyver: Oh…
Jim: I mean… at first it was kind of great, but then she started calling me everyday. I couldn't go a day without one of the ensigns bringing me a call from at some point in the day… begging… demanding it! I just can't take it anymore!
Hyper Guyver: Calm down Jim… it all right.
Jim: I just can't get any rest. She's like an animal; she just can't get enough "Jimmy loving…"
Hyper Guyver: "Jimmy loving?"
Jim: Shut up!
Hyper Guyver: Okay, okay… Jeeze…
Jim: I mean… WHO THE HELL GAVE HER THE IDEA TO CALL ME?!!!!
Hyper Guyver: Uh… I have no idea… (Eye roll)
Jim: She calls me all the time! At work, at home, during vacation, while I'm shopping.... I haven't slept… I mean the actual term; meaning to sleep… in almost two days.
Hyper Guyver: Man, that's got to be rough.
Jim: yeah… in fact…
(Suddenly Jims cell phone begins to ring.)
Jim: No, no… not again… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!
(Hyper Guyver turns to camera)
Hyper Guyver: Uh… better go to a commercial…
T.V. commercial announcer: Getting tired of those pesky Zerg, clawing away your flesh? Tired of them burrowing under your house as you get ready for bed? And do you get tired of them blowing up your command center mid- summer? Well now you don't have to worry, with "ZERG BE GONE" you won't have to worry about those pesky Zerg anymore!
Announcer: As I'll demonstrate on this test subject here… a few squirts of ZERG BE GONE will keep those darn flesh eating varmints away…
(Announcer squirts ZERG BE GONE on test subject)
Test Subject: (Covers eyes) OH GOD! IT BURNS! IT BBBUUURRRNSSS!!!
Announcer: Uh…
(Couple minutes later)
Announcer: Uh… There! See? no problem…
(Test subject wanders around aimlessly)
Test Subject: No problem?! I can't see!!
Announcer: uh… moving along. To demonstrate the power of ZERG BE GONE we will let loose a live Zerg…
Test Subject: Live Zerg?! You never said there was going to be live Zerg!!!
Announcer: Well… we said a lot of things…
(Everyone except test subject walks into bulletproof glass booth.)
Announcer: Okay, let it loose!
(Small test door opens, Zergling comes out)
Zergling: Rwwaahhhhh…
Test Subject: Wait… what was that's noise?
Announcer: nothing…
Zergling: RRRRWWWWAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Test Subject: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Announcer: As you can see the ZERG BE GONE keeps the zergling… at… bay…
Test Subject: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! My leg! MY LEG!!!!
Announcer: Uh… well, remember to stay tuned as we work the kinks out of ZERG BE GONE!
Test Subject: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Announcer: (gulp)
Hyper Guyver: Welcome back, now that Jim here has settled down…
(Jim breathing into paper bag)
Hyper Guyver: You okay there Jim?
Jim: huff, huff, yeah, I'm fine.
Hyper Guyver: Hold on a second… No Kerrigan, no he's not here… yeah, sure… I'll tell him you called… no, I really wouldn't be interested in that… Okay, goodbye… goodbye… GOODBYE!
(Hyper Guyver hangs up cell phone)
Hyper Guyver: Okay… where were we…
Jim: uh…
(Zergling starts tapping on window)
Jim: Damn! She found me. (Sigh) Here we go again…
Hyper Guyver: (salutes Jim) May god have mercy on your soul…
Jim: Gee, thanks… (Eye roll)
(Jim steps outside to follow the Zerg)
Hyper Guyver: Well that was a loud of crap! I didn't even get a chance to ask him a single damn question! (Sigh) My interview with Fenix better go better than this…
Hyper Guyver: Well until next time… May god have mercy on Jim Raynor… or at least Kerrigan have mercy on him… Good day and good night.
