Alternate Universe
A Yu Yu Hakusho fan-fiction
By Zelia Theb
Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho is the property of Yoshihiro Togashi.
The opinions expressed by the characters do not reflect the opinions of myself.
Warnings: Male-Male relationships, cursing, sexual situations, violence, tobacco, drug/alcohol use, and possibly other disturbing innuendo. Rated R for these reasons!
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"Anduromida?" I question the open briefcase. I'm huddled around the silver communicator, along with all of the other spirit-detective tag-a-longs; Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei, and of course Botan (but it's her briefcase, so she has to be here).
"Yes Yusuke," the baby answers through the static of the communication, "This is their logo." An image of a really hot chick in a torn dress completely bound in chains flashes on the screen.
"So whadda we gotta do now, run all over downtown looking for a building with a sign like that?" Kuwabara asks. He scratches his chin and mumbles, "That's seems easy enough…"
"Let Koenma finish, you lump," Hiei scolds my orange-haired classmate. Those two should do us all a favor and bare knuckle box…outside of my apartment.
"Not exactly, Kuwabara," the high pitched voice corrects, "Each gang member has a distinct tattoo of chains wrapped around both of their arms."
"Well that makes things a hell of a lot harder," I say, rolling my eyes and stuffing my hands in the pockets of my green uniform.
"Yusuke! Quiet!" Botan yells. Whatever.
"Now here's the ones that we're after," Koenma continues, putting a halt to the bickering.
Footage of four guys, seemingly human, appears on the screen. They are gathered around the entrance to a cave, conversing about something or another. The picture is coming in really fuzzy and it's hard to make out any other details other than height and colors.
"Hey look!" Kuwabara points out, "Hiei's in this!" He points at the shortest guy on the monitor, right as it flickers back to Koenma's ugly sucker-face.
"Hn."
"Now, Kuwabara," Kurama politely invades the fight, as usual, "We wouldn't wish for Koenma to believe what you're saying, correct?"
"Right, Kurama!" Botan chimes in, "After all, where would we be without our precious little Hiei?" She attempts to hug him, but he swiftly moves to the side (I saw it comin'), and Botan embraces the floor.
"There is very limited information about them. All we know is that they have the ability to cross over different dimensions." Koenma folds his hands in front of him; "Essentially, they can travel to alternate universes."
"Whoa," the oaf next to me mutters as he rubs his head in thought, "Isn't that like those movies where the world is the same but it isn't because some different stuff happened?"
"Exactly. Maybe you should be the new detective, Kuwabara." Koenma brushes aside the blue ogre, who has tried to interrupt him several times with stacks of papers.
Patience is not a virtue. I clench a fist and wave it at the screen, then shout, "Just get to the point already!"
"Well, the other limited info that we have, Yusuke, is the name of a club that we suspect they run."
Koenma speaks on, informing us all about the club. We learn that it is in a city that is a forty-minute train ride from here. When he tells us the nature of that club, and what we have to do in order to get in, that's when everyone freaks out.
"Yusuke! Everyone!" Botan screams over our bickering, "You HAVE to pick someone!"
It's a gay bar. Not exactly high-class, but the bouncer is pretty damn good. And now everyone has to pick someone to…couple with.
"It's not that big of a deal, I'm coming over from Spirit World to help out myself," Koenma assures us, "Except that I get Botan!" He has a wide and ever-so-wicked grin plastered behind his rubber chew toy.
"I am a master of disguise!" Botan says, pointing a rather giddy finger into the air.
"I get Kurama," I say in unison with Kuwabara and Hiei. That was…weird. The four of us look at each other blankly, not exactly sure of how to break the awkward tension.
Hah, the look on Kurama's face at that moment was priceless, though.
"Yusuke wins," Koenma announces, much to the surprise of everyone. Hah. All mine. Eer…yeah.
"B…but!! A tall and handsome guy like me can't go into a club with a shrimp like that!" Kuwabara protests, gripping at the air.
"So why didn't you choose Yusuke?" Botan asks him. Yeah, why didn't you choose me, huh? Not like I care, but I'm not as bad as Hiei!
"'Cause, I'm still freaked out about that nasty dream where he wanted me to kiss him," Kuwabara replies smugly. I see him start to freak out as soon as he mentions it.
"Hey, I was dead and desperate!" I vouch. Ah well.
"What about you, Hiei?" the blue-haired girl asks, smirking. It's no secret that Hiei likes to steal glances at Kurama, well, it is to him, but obvious to me.
"Hn. Like I'd really want to be caught arm in arm with a human," he explains. That excuse gets really old after a while.
So what's my excuse?
That's the next question I expect from Botan, but she never asks. Whew, I really didn't have an answer lined up for that one. 'He's the first guy that came to mind' sounds a little gay. But…he was the first guy that came to mind. He always is.
"Yusuke gets Kurama, because after thinking about it, they may know Hiei, and face it Kuwabara; if the groups got separated, it wouldn't be safe."
"Unbelievable," Hiei scoffs, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
"I'm pleased to know that I'm so popular," Kurama says, a playful smile creeping across his face.
"Plus, if it came down to it, you two wouldn't be able to play the part with a straight face, no pun intended," Koenma went on, "No matter what, Yusuke is the one that we need in the club."
"We're going to be there by midnight tonight. I'll be at your apartment, Yusuke, in two hours." Diaper boy suddenly poofs into his teenage form, then states in a more grown up tone of voice, "And I'll be bringing everyone their disguises. Peace out."
Peace…out?
What the hell…
He never even explained to us why we have to stop these guys! Let them go to their other world, what the hell does it matter to us?
I can't believe that I'm wearing this.
I can't look any more ridiculous than anyone else, though.
Kuwabara is in black jeans and black collared shirt. Normal enough, but his hair, oh…I wish I had a camera. It's parted in the middle, and he let Botan put dark red stripes through it, AND it's straightened.
"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do," he mutters over and over to himself. We are walking down a rain-washed street, and it's a quarter to midnight.
Hiei's in really tight clothing; a pair of jeans that looks like they're from the Seventies, and a tee shirt too small for baby Koenma. He looks like a puppy, what with the dog collar around his neck and all. Oh…it was the greatest thing, watching Botan try and catch Hiei to put that on him. Eventually Kurama grabbed him by the arms and held him in place as he squirmed. I knew he was enjoying the hold though. I know I would if I were him.
"Don't go running off on us now, puppy," I taunt him. He gives me a quick evil eye (not with that creepy third one, which is covered up by leather headband now…).
Botan has on a blue wig…her hair just looks shorter now. I'm not exactly sure how she managed to flatten that chest of hers out…but she did it. Damn, I wish I did know. She dressed exactly the same as Koenma; black leather pants, a black tee, and a long black trench coat. Only Koenma's pacifier now glows in the dark.
You'd think we were going to the funeral of some renowned slave and master porn star. I wonder how far from the truth that is.
Kurama is also similar to the only hetero-pair among us, only that his shirt is made of see-through mesh. Very revealing. It's hard not to stare. Not that I am staring… Okay Yusuke, stop staring. He stares forward as we walk, his eyes outlined subtly in a charcoal liner.
"Koenma, you're an asshole," I blurt out.
"And why is that, Yusuke?" he smirks, "Is it because we all have to wear these outfits? Or the fact that I made you and Kurama wear eyeliner?" It's because I have to gouge my eyes out so I don't drool all over Kurama, stupid oblivious baby!
Okay, fine. This is what I'm wearing. Black pants, a long sleeved black tee, eyeliner (Damn you, Botan!)…and…and…
Jewelry.
…This little infiltration bit better work, or I'm going to make Koenma need an x-ray to find that light-up binky of his.
After lots of arguing and mocking amongst ourselves, we catch sight of the club. There are two lines, and one seems to be the loser's club. It's not moving at all.
"I understand now," Kurama says, his green eyes focused on the entrance of the dark building, "It's this kind of place." What kind of place? A freakshow? How does he know what this kind of place is?
Does he have a kinky side? Ooh..
Nothing.
"Let's go," Hiei says, "We'll have to break up into groups."
"Oh, right!" Botan exclaims in her fake man voice, "Take these!" She reaches into the pocket of her trench coat and pulls out a bunch of tiny Spirit World devices, also known as really stupid clip-on earrings. Yay, mine is a silver hoop. I just love jewelry. She goes on to explain that they are communicators which are activated (and deactivated) by a single word. They can send and receive messages. She tells us that our code word is 'Genkai' for tonight. Lame. I can never escape the fossil.
Damn, I'm in such a pissy mood. No smokes in the past two days, no action in…forever, aside from my occasional dreams or excursions to the shower.
Kurama and I go ahead and the bouncer let's us in with no problem. Pulsating electronic music greets us immediately. We get lost in the crowd of weirdos, but still keep our eyes on the entrance. The other four make it in safely, and disperse into their…couples. After doing a quick scan of the place, it just looks like a remodeled warehouse with strobe lights and smoke machines. And lots of guys. Guys grinding into each other, guys making out, guys smoking…hey, let's stand next to those guys!
"Should we dance or something? I'm not really sure how…" Kurama interrupts me.
"No. Let's head for that far wall on the semi-raised platform," he suggests, his expression stern and serious, "The height will give us a slight advantage of about a foot, and we will only have three directions to be wary of, instead of four." For a second there I seriously thought that Kurama was going to give me a step-by-step tour of this S and M joint.
We head to said wall and Kurama immediately leans his back against it. I stand in front of him, my hand next to his head and propping me up, somewhat close, but not close enough. I get distracted by how open his coat is.
"I've spotted one," Hiei's voice crackles in my ear, "Goldie Locks with chains, near the back. He's on your right, Kurama." Yeah, you would be staring at Kurama, wouldn't you, Hiei? Where are you? Maybe I can step in your line of vision.
"Don't blow it, Yusuke," Koenma's voice nags me, "From here it doesn't look like you two are very convincing. Why don't you go sit on the other side of the room? You'd be closer to him." Go rent homoerotic porn, you sex starved toddler.
Fuck, have I mentioned what a pissy mood I'm in lately?
"I see him," Kurama murmurs, "And he may have already seen us. Hopefully he hasn't. Our spirit energy could give us away…" His hand is now drawing me nearer to him, and our hips are touching. That scent…the fragrance…it's..intoxicating. Soothing like a good smoke.
"I'll keep watch, just stay like this," he requests.
"R..right," I stutter. And why am I stuttering?
Of course. I must be attracted to him. Damn it, why does life have to suck? Why do I have to realize this now? Though I guess there was that time I had that wet dream about him, but I thought that was just a normal thing. Ya know, to dream about your friends like that occasionally. Okay, okay, Yusuke. It was more than once.
Telepathic doesn't mean mind reading, right?
"Yusuke, why are you trembling?" Huh?
"I'm not," I lie, "I'm just cold."
"I'm rather warm myself, are you sure that you aren't getting sick, or even scared?" As he rotates his head to face me, his hair brushes against the side of my face. It feels like silk.
"You are wearing that heavy coat, you know," I remark, trying my hardest not to stumble with my words.
"Here," he says, pushing me gently aside and removing the coat, "It seems like the logical solution." Before I know it, he is placing it over my shoulders, and I'm standing here dumbfounded with my thumb up my ass. Come on Yusuke, put your damn arms in yourself!
"You really aren't feeling well," he notices, helping my arms into their proper places in the coat. He pulls me back in to our "disguising" position, which of course is now worsened because his taut chest is now fully exposed.
"Just lay here, I can take care of everything," the fox-demon tells me, pressing me right up against him. My arms are crushed between our chests, and my palms are resting face down on each of his pectorals. He gingerly takes the back of my head into his left hand and forces it to rest against his neck.
He really doesn't have to go out of his way to make me feel better. I'm not sick, and in fact, everything that he is doing is making things much worse. Fucking mission.
I can hear everything in his body working. I listen to him swallow hard; is he nervous? His breathing is steady, unlike mine. My head lifts with every breath. I have no idea how to get out of this situation. On one hand, it looks like we are acting our part. On the other, Kurama thinks I'm sick, and because my dumb ass didn't do anything to deny that, I can't exactly say that I'm not. I can't let him know that I happen to have a brand new crush on him.
"I can hear your heart beat," I let slip.
"I trust that everything's working correctly?" he retorts in a friendly tone. I notice that his arms are now embracing me fully, one hand on my upper back and one wrapped around my waist.
"Y..yeah," I reply. We stand there in silence for a while; Kurama is probably still watching the blonde. My hand brushes across his nipple accidentally. I gasp and quickly say, "Sorry, your shirt is slippery."
"It's..okay," he whispers into my hair.
"Ah, help me!" It's Kuwabara. Kurama and I both jolt our heads away from their previous positions, and start scanning the club for the guy.
"Genkai," I whisper, "Kuwabara, where are you?"
"I'm up here!" Kurama and I shoot our eyes toward the highest point in the club; a raised platform with a bar and lots of tables. The dweeb is leaning against a railing with a rather disgusted look on his face. He's trying to wave off a guy with spiky purple hair and like five piercings on his face alone. Hiei is sitting next to him on a stool, sipping at some sort drink.
"Hiei's your boyfriend," I mock over the communicator, "Why not get him to fend off that guy for you?"
"This is serious, you two!" Botan scolds us, her voice still low and extremely hilarious. Why the heck does she have to yell at me?
"Botan's right," Koenma cut in, "Hiei, you have to cut the crap and step in. We don't need to cause problems. I'd rather not have someone as suspicious as Kuwabara kicked out with Blondie still in our sights." Ohh…not me. Hiei. I say the code word again to deactivate the communicator.
We return back to our previous position, mostly because Kurama put us that way again. Damn it, Kurama, don't you have any idea what you are doing to me? Just don't press any closer to me, because you'll probably find out real quick.
"I think he's seen us," he whispers right into my ear, "He isn't approaching though. Just be ready, if you feel all right." The words start to travel down my neck and through my spine, causing me to flinch a bit. He seems to take this as a sign of my illness and lifts my chin to say, "I suppose you don't." His eyes are locked on mine; it's very intimidating.
"That's not it…" I utter, hoping that he doesn't see the desire in my eyes. It's bad enough that our faces are mere inches apart. If I inhale too deeply I might smack into his nose.
"What is it, then?" he asks, his eyelids lowering a bit, leaving half circles of green to peer at.
What is it? I want to kiss you, that's what. I know you'll reject me, so I can't do it. It's painful. Everyone is watching, and I don't need to be teased for all eternity. That's why you have to kiss me, Kurama. It won't seem so weird. I know how I feel, and that's why I can't do it, but I know that you won't. If anything, you would have preferred to be with Hiei right now. There's gotta be something going on there, right? But what if you think the same thing about me and Keiko…?
"It's nothing," I finally reply, trying to break our gaze and rest my head back in the curve of his neck. His hand still holds my chin though, and refuses to let me do just that. He's staring at me, no, into me. After a few more moments of staring, when I am about to press up and into his lips, he lets me go back into my earlier position. The one where I look like a needy schoolgirl (Though I am acting a lot like one, aren't I?).
His heartbeat is a lot faster now. Is it because of what just happened? Did he want me to kiss him? No, he's too serious for that. He probably caught me lying, that's all. So why is his heart beating that fast? Is that blonde guy close?
I slowly raise my head again to see what direction his eyes are looking in. I expect to see him gazing off into the distance, but instead, he greets me and we lock each other's vision again. Is he nervous? Has he figured out how I feel?
No, he wants me as much as I want him.
His left hand starts gently thumbing over the short strands of hair on the back of my head. Without realizing it, my left hand has made its way up to the side of Kurama's neck, and started gently stroking lines around the back of his ear. I don't care about this stupid case. I just want to get rid of this feeling so I can concentrate again. The music blares on. It's like the beats are counting the time that we've spent staring at each other.
"Get out of character, boys," Botan interrupts. That's strange…there was no static. Must be going deaf from the music.
Kurama's eyes shoot wide open and he drops me from his hold. He looks to my right and exclaims, "Botan?" Sure enough, the blue-haired…boy…is standing right there, looking worried.
"We've got big problems. I was separated from Koenma, and then I lost my communicator!" She places an angry fist on her hip, then points up to the bar platform; "Plus, Hiei and Kuwabara are about to blow it! Blondie's disappeared from our sights, too."
"Genkai," Kurama whispers, "Koenma, we're with Botan. Is everything all right?" After no reply, Kurama looks to Botan and says, "Nothing."
"Someone stop Hiei," Kuwabara pleads. Kurama is about to say something to Botan, but she interrupts.
"Let me guess, Kurama." She sticks a finger in the air, then imitates him; "This does not bode well."
His eyes set her on fire, not literally. In a high pitched tone of voice (like someone kicked him in the balls), he answers, "Bingo, Botan!" It was a pretty good impression. Gave me a giggle.
"I'm with Blondie," Koenma finally speaks, "I couldn't say anything because he was near me earlier. Some guy just came into the room that he took me into and informed him that 'some short guy' was causing trouble."
"Baby's growing up too fast, eh Koenma?" I joke after reactivating the ridiculous earring.
"Hush, Yusuke. He said he wanted to buy me a drink and then led me to a private room with four booths. I figured that you guys could find me before anything happened."
"So where are you then." Duh. Hormones get to your head? You might not have enough time to tell us, Koenma.
"There is a platform connected to the bar. I'm in the room with the windows that overlook the whole place."
"I see him," Kurama says.
"Good eyes," I remark.
"What's going on?" Botan inquires. Oh, right, she hasn't heard a thing.
"We've located Koenma. He's been successful in making contact with our target," the red-haired beauty informs her. Red…haired...beauty. Whatever. Name one time that you haven't acted all soft and girly around Kurama, Yusuke. Come on… Damn it!
Without words, Botan and I follow Kurama toward the room. The crowd is pushy and dense, and I briefly get separated from them. What the hell, Yusuke? Where did your brain fly off to now? Who the hell just grabbed my wrist?
Oh, it's Kurama. He's got me in his right hand, and Botan in his left. We continue our journey through the crowd, and make it to the metal stairs that lead up to the bar platform. Before we know it, that guy that was hitting on Kuwabara is tumbling into us.
"Damn, watch where you stumble!" I yell at him as we pick ourselves up. The crowd around us has suddenly become silent; all we can hear is the pulsating beat of the strange music.
"Stumble? How about I was thrown down these stairs by some jealous freak?" the guy shouts back. The three of us look up the steps to see a very satisfied Hiei glaring back down. Before I can say anything to the case-blowing jerk, he's grabbed by a blonde flash and taken in to the room we were heading to.
"Outta my way!" I shout, pushing the pierced guy and several other drunks to the side. Botan and Kurama follow my lead and we burst into the room and see Koenma, Blondie, Hiei, and some other short twerp. Ruler boy sighs at the sight of us. Probably disappointed, as usual.
"That was easy," the short guy notes. His hair is black, like Hiei's, but much longer and pulled back into a low ponytail. His crimson eyes are disturbing and outlined in the same fashion that Kurama's is, possibly even the same color make-up. Weirdo. He is in black pants and a red sleeveless shirt. Standing next to Hiei, well, they look a lot alike, except Hiei is shorter by about two inches without the hair. Hah, they even have the same dog collar on. The difference seems to be their arms; this guy has that wacko tattoo, just like Blondie.
"I'm sorry that you have to see this, Chad," the blonde glances at Koenma apologetically, "It's just that, when you own a place like this, you have to get rid of the troublemakers." Chad? I guess he figured that Koenma would be easy for them to figure out.
"Seems like we have a bit of a party going on in here, Arumaku," the shorty points out to his buddy, "How would you like me to take care of them?"
"Don't bother, Mairaku." Oh, well now they both have names. I was getting rather attached to Blondie and Shorty, myself.
"Hn," Hiei's long-lost twin brother huffs, "And why not?"
"That young one there, with the blue hair, he was originally with Chad here." He casts his gaze over to Kurama and I. I notice that his eyes are two different colors; his right is blue and his left is green. He smirks, then states, "Those two have been checking me out since they got here. I want them to stay; guys like them know how to have fun." Oh…gross. Hiei seems to think so too; I swear that he just turned a shade of green. He looks like gothic Christmas.
"You may have the puppy, Mairaku."
"Joy," the weirdo says sarcastically.
"I don't think so," Hiei sneers as Mairaku tries to grab onto his wrist. In an instant, Hiei is twisting the other shrimp's wrist, restricting his movement. He grins wryly, and brags, "That was easy. We should kill these two now to get it done and over with."
"No, Hiei," Kurama interjects. I'm not sure when, but he seems to have lunged at Arumaku at the same time that Hiei reacted to Mairaku, and he has the blonde wrapped up in his rose whip. There's no blood.
"You're being too gentle, Kurama," Hiei argues, "I don't see his blood on those thorns of yours. Stop toying around."
"These two will know where the others are. This was our only lead, Hiei," Kurama reasons with him. Gee, don't they look like a married couple. I say that, but I'm jealous. Maybe I was wrong earlier. Maybe Kurama was putting on an act.
"I'll tell you where they are," the blonde volunteers, "They are taking a young girl named Keiko to another plane of existence…" Keiko?! Why is this guy fucking with us? If he knew who we were, why does he call Koenma 'Chad'? What the hell…
Without so much as a visible movement, the two creeps are out of the demon's hold and standing next to each other on the far side of the room with devious smiles plastered on their ugly faces.
"Thank your two demon friends for so willingly giving up their names," Arumaku suggests.
"If you'd like to come, detective, be our guest," Mairaku offers, "We'll even open a portal for you."
"Whatever, you just better not hurt Keiko," I growl.
"Hn. Midnight tomorrow then," Mairaku declares, "Keiko dies if you aren't there by two. Don't worry, we won't hurt her until your time limit is up." Damn, how do the bad guys always stay a step ahead of us?
And what the fuck is the danger with these guys again? I'm so fricken lost, and Keiko's already been involved because of it! Stupid Spirit World!
"Oh, and Chad…" the blonde twirls a piece of his own hair, "Again, I'm sorry that you had to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Do you still want to have a drink with me?" Is this guy serious? Maybe they aren't as bright as his hair after all.
"Um, no thanks," 'Chad' replies, putting a hand up in the air snottily.
"Then you die." Mairaku leaps into the air and strikes at the place that Koenma was previously at. Surprisingly enough, Hiei saved him. It's like those two are already involved in a dick-measuring contest. They're both dicks, as far as I'm concerned. I just have to be allied with one of 'em.
"Hn. A demon working with the detective is bad as is, but saving a human that's not involved?" Shorty Number Two taunts Shorty Number One, "Fine. The embarrassment you've suffered here is enough for now. Let's go, Arumaku."
"Of course," the blonde playboy answers. He creates a swirling orb of purple around them and they vanish.
"Why don't we ever take those fuckers down when they are blabbering their mouths out?" I shout.
"Hush, Yusuke," Botan commands, "We are lucky that they didn't realize who 'Chad' was."
"She's right," the egotistical baby agrees, "We need to find Kuwabara so we can go back to our hotel." Yeah, poor guy is probably getting hit on by all those manly-men out there. Plus, I know I could use a little shut-eye.
Eer…wait. Hotel?
"You anticipated the need to stay in the city overnight…" Kurama thinks out loud.
Well, it should be better than my lame-ass apartment.
"What about Keiko?" Botan chimes in. Yeah, what about Keiko?
"They've already got her, Botan," Hiei responds, "There's no use in going all the way back to Yusuke's city, unless we want to reveal a certain human mother or some idiot's sister to our enemy."
"Hiei has a point…" Kurama adds.
Keiko…
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Leave a review and let me know what you think. This is my second YYH fanfiction (my first being a Y-K one-shot called Strawberry Licorice).
