Disclaimer: Who cares? If anyone is dumb enough to believe that I could own
anything from blizzard other than the interview idea, then I hope they get
what's coming to them.
Hyper Guyver: Hyper Guyver here. Yes, I have finally gotten around to writing another chapter to STARCRAFT INTERVIEWS. I know it's been a while, but I've just been having a little bit of writers block when it comes to interviewing Zeratul. Well... here goes nothing...
Hyper Guyver: Hey! Welcome to another StarCraft Interview, I, Hyper Guyver am here to bring you another (hopefully) funny interview. And he here with us is the Protoss Dark templar himself ZERATUL!
Zeratul: (crying)
Hyper Guyver: Uh... Zeratul, why are you crying?
Zeratul: (sniff) I... I... (Crying)
Hyper Guyver: Oh for Christ sake just spit it out!
Zeratul: (sniff) I... I... I MISS MY RASZAGAL!!!!
Hyper Guyver: (O_O) Uh... Okay...
Zeratul: THAT BITCH KERRIGAN!!! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HER, I'M GOING TO-
(Goes to commercial)
Announcer: Still having problems with those pesky Zerg? A gauss rifle just not cutting it anymore? Well, now the people that gave you Tomigachis, Super Sun block SP 455, and the irritating High pitched ringer on cell phones is bringing you the new and improved ZERG BE GONE!
Paid audience: Ooooooh, aaahhhhhhhh...
Announcer: But don't take my for it, here's a test example...
Caged Zerg: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!
Announcer: (ahem) Uh, now first the test subject.
Test subject: Hey man, there was a sign outside that said free donuts?
Announcer: Absolutely! But first stand here...
Test subject: Whatever... Say is that a zerg...
Zerg: (Licks lips)
Announcer: oh don't mind that... (Sprays Test subject with Zerg be gone)
Test Subject: Hey what are you doing? OH MAN WHAT IS THAT GOD AWFUL SMELL?!
Announcer: It also comes in Forest Pine and Lemon... (gets behind protective glass) Okay boys, let it rip!!!
(Zerg Cage opens)
Test subject: Man, this stuff better not stain my clothes... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zerg: RRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
(Zerg attacks Test subject)
Announcer: Uh... Okay, we still have some bugs to work out...
Test subject: OH PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Announcer: But don't... Uh, let this impede the steadiness of our quality...
Test subject: OH GOD!!! IT'S EATING MY SPLEEN!!!!!! OH LORD SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Announcer: uh... Anyways.. That's Zerg Be Gone! Just 59.99... plus tax.. Some side effects may include, nausea, constipation, headaches, uncontrollably urination, loss of hair, loss of teeth, loss of sight, loss of hearing, loss of taste, loss of smell, kidney failure, liver failure, severe cramping, back pain, skin cancer, lung cancer, sterility, lactation, heart burn, memory failure, burning sensation in the genitals, and death.
Announcer: And if you act now we'll throw in a free travel bag. So call 1- 800-666-ZERG! And order yours today!
Test Subject:...
Zerg: (Munch, Munch)
(Back to our regularly scheduled program)
Hyper Guyver: Okay, now that we got Zeratul settled down...
Zeratul: (several tranquilizer darts stick out of his arm) uuuuoggggggghhhhh...
Hyper Guyver: So Zeratul, how's life been since the ending of Brood war?
Zeratul: uuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhheeeeeeeesssssssssss... (drooooooool)
Hyper Guyver: I still don't see how they drool without a mouth... (ahem) Can I get an interpreter in here?
Translator: Hey, I speak drugged out moron.
Hyper Guyver: Perfect! Okay first question, how is life since the ending of brood war?
Zeratul: (Translation) Not so great... It been forever since blizzards gotten around to working on a sequel to Star Craft and now they've got this STAR CRAFT: NOVA crap! A first person shooter!! I'm going to be out of work for at least another four years!! Now how the hell am I supposed to get myself out of debt?
Hyper Guyver: Why are you in debt?
Zeratul: (Translation) Um... I kind of have a bit of a gambling problem... I still owe Raynor five hundred bucks.
Hyper Guyver: Uh, okay...
Zeratul: (Translation) Hey, Ten grand says I can take another five tranquilizers before passing out!
Hyper Guyver: uh... No.
Zerantul: (Translation) Damn...
Hyper Guyver: Uh... So can I ask what your problem with Raszagal and Kerrigan is?
Zerantul: (Translation) WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! RASZAGAL!!!!!!
Hyper Guyver: Uh, forget I asked...
(Paladin burst into the room)
Paladin: DIE ABOMINATIONS OF HELL!!!
Hyper Guyver: Hey moron, wrong interview fic! You want "Interviews with the Devils!"
Paladin: Oh... Heh, heh, sorry... (looks at Zeratul) DIE MONSTER!!! (Charges at Zeratul)
Zeratul: (Sigh) (Uses psi blade and chops off Paladin's head)
Hyper Guyver: Ewww...
Zeratul: (Sigh) So where we?
Hyper Guyver: Wow, the Tranquilizers warn of already?
Zeratul: (shrug)
Hyper Guyver: Well, uh... Well let me ask you-
Artanis: (Knocking on the door) HEY HYPER GUYVER! I HEARD ZERATUL WAS HERE! CAN I COME IN?!!!
Hyper Guyver: Oh crap... Uh Zeratul, you better-
(Zeratul has seemingly "Disappeared")
Hyper Guyver: Uh, okay... Well, I guess that's the end of that... Though I never got to ask him about his problem with Raszagal... Stay tuned next time when I interview... Ah screw it! I'll think of it later...
(Hyper Guyver walks away)
Artanis: (Knocking at the door) Hyper Guyver? Hhhhhheeeeelllllllloooooooooo... Anybody there?
Hyper Guyver: Hyper Guyver here. Yes, I have finally gotten around to writing another chapter to STARCRAFT INTERVIEWS. I know it's been a while, but I've just been having a little bit of writers block when it comes to interviewing Zeratul. Well... here goes nothing...
Hyper Guyver: Hey! Welcome to another StarCraft Interview, I, Hyper Guyver am here to bring you another (hopefully) funny interview. And he here with us is the Protoss Dark templar himself ZERATUL!
Zeratul: (crying)
Hyper Guyver: Uh... Zeratul, why are you crying?
Zeratul: (sniff) I... I... (Crying)
Hyper Guyver: Oh for Christ sake just spit it out!
Zeratul: (sniff) I... I... I MISS MY RASZAGAL!!!!
Hyper Guyver: (O_O) Uh... Okay...
Zeratul: THAT BITCH KERRIGAN!!! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HER, I'M GOING TO-
(Goes to commercial)
Announcer: Still having problems with those pesky Zerg? A gauss rifle just not cutting it anymore? Well, now the people that gave you Tomigachis, Super Sun block SP 455, and the irritating High pitched ringer on cell phones is bringing you the new and improved ZERG BE GONE!
Paid audience: Ooooooh, aaahhhhhhhh...
Announcer: But don't take my for it, here's a test example...
Caged Zerg: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!
Announcer: (ahem) Uh, now first the test subject.
Test subject: Hey man, there was a sign outside that said free donuts?
Announcer: Absolutely! But first stand here...
Test subject: Whatever... Say is that a zerg...
Zerg: (Licks lips)
Announcer: oh don't mind that... (Sprays Test subject with Zerg be gone)
Test Subject: Hey what are you doing? OH MAN WHAT IS THAT GOD AWFUL SMELL?!
Announcer: It also comes in Forest Pine and Lemon... (gets behind protective glass) Okay boys, let it rip!!!
(Zerg Cage opens)
Test subject: Man, this stuff better not stain my clothes... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zerg: RRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
(Zerg attacks Test subject)
Announcer: Uh... Okay, we still have some bugs to work out...
Test subject: OH PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Announcer: But don't... Uh, let this impede the steadiness of our quality...
Test subject: OH GOD!!! IT'S EATING MY SPLEEN!!!!!! OH LORD SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Announcer: uh... Anyways.. That's Zerg Be Gone! Just 59.99... plus tax.. Some side effects may include, nausea, constipation, headaches, uncontrollably urination, loss of hair, loss of teeth, loss of sight, loss of hearing, loss of taste, loss of smell, kidney failure, liver failure, severe cramping, back pain, skin cancer, lung cancer, sterility, lactation, heart burn, memory failure, burning sensation in the genitals, and death.
Announcer: And if you act now we'll throw in a free travel bag. So call 1- 800-666-ZERG! And order yours today!
Test Subject:...
Zerg: (Munch, Munch)
(Back to our regularly scheduled program)
Hyper Guyver: Okay, now that we got Zeratul settled down...
Zeratul: (several tranquilizer darts stick out of his arm) uuuuoggggggghhhhh...
Hyper Guyver: So Zeratul, how's life been since the ending of Brood war?
Zeratul: uuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhheeeeeeeesssssssssss... (drooooooool)
Hyper Guyver: I still don't see how they drool without a mouth... (ahem) Can I get an interpreter in here?
Translator: Hey, I speak drugged out moron.
Hyper Guyver: Perfect! Okay first question, how is life since the ending of brood war?
Zeratul: (Translation) Not so great... It been forever since blizzards gotten around to working on a sequel to Star Craft and now they've got this STAR CRAFT: NOVA crap! A first person shooter!! I'm going to be out of work for at least another four years!! Now how the hell am I supposed to get myself out of debt?
Hyper Guyver: Why are you in debt?
Zeratul: (Translation) Um... I kind of have a bit of a gambling problem... I still owe Raynor five hundred bucks.
Hyper Guyver: Uh, okay...
Zeratul: (Translation) Hey, Ten grand says I can take another five tranquilizers before passing out!
Hyper Guyver: uh... No.
Zerantul: (Translation) Damn...
Hyper Guyver: Uh... So can I ask what your problem with Raszagal and Kerrigan is?
Zerantul: (Translation) WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! RASZAGAL!!!!!!
Hyper Guyver: Uh, forget I asked...
(Paladin burst into the room)
Paladin: DIE ABOMINATIONS OF HELL!!!
Hyper Guyver: Hey moron, wrong interview fic! You want "Interviews with the Devils!"
Paladin: Oh... Heh, heh, sorry... (looks at Zeratul) DIE MONSTER!!! (Charges at Zeratul)
Zeratul: (Sigh) (Uses psi blade and chops off Paladin's head)
Hyper Guyver: Ewww...
Zeratul: (Sigh) So where we?
Hyper Guyver: Wow, the Tranquilizers warn of already?
Zeratul: (shrug)
Hyper Guyver: Well, uh... Well let me ask you-
Artanis: (Knocking on the door) HEY HYPER GUYVER! I HEARD ZERATUL WAS HERE! CAN I COME IN?!!!
Hyper Guyver: Oh crap... Uh Zeratul, you better-
(Zeratul has seemingly "Disappeared")
Hyper Guyver: Uh, okay... Well, I guess that's the end of that... Though I never got to ask him about his problem with Raszagal... Stay tuned next time when I interview... Ah screw it! I'll think of it later...
(Hyper Guyver walks away)
Artanis: (Knocking at the door) Hyper Guyver? Hhhhhheeeeelllllllloooooooooo... Anybody there?
