Disclaimer: I don't own a lot of things I wish I did…sigh. That includes FFTA.

Mako-Streak – They don't know she's alive. But she doesn't know that, and thinks they betrayed her. Tragic misunderstanding…

I sayeth vw00t for Nils!! D

Sorry if my writing is a bit confusing…I get too caught up in detail sometimes…-p

SilverGalaxy – Thanks for becoming a reviewer! ) Anyway, keep reading, and maybe Loraine will meet up with her old love…don't you feel sorry for poor Matias? He's had his heart broken…'(

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"So what do we do with her, really?" asked a bemused Darios.

"We won't leave her to die like they did, that's for sure," snapped Katarina.

"But she's dead, isn't she, and we've got enough to answer for as it is! We-" The illusionist stopped – well – dead, beat down by the glares of the vieras, Oskar and, surprisingly, Ingg. Basil and Montblanc played cards in the corner, and Marche watched the debate in silence, head on hands and elbows propped on his knees.

"Who said she was dead?" asked the ninja icily. At those words, everyone in the temporary campsite stopped what they were doing and looked at Ingg in shock. She couldn't have gotten their attention more fully if she'd said that Babus was Marche's father.

"I don't aim to kill, Darios Starcall," said Ingg, the contempt in her voice obvious to the blindest, stupidest Illusionist, which, in their perceptions, Darios was.

"She's not, kupo?" asked Oskar, stunned. "But she's – "

"With the attentions of a good healing-spell, she'll live." Marche got up from the ring around the fire and looked to the body of the viera, eyes worried and angry at the same time.

"Why didn't you tell their clan leader that she was alive?" he demanded, turning to Ingg.

"Because to his mind, she's dead, kupo," Oskar answered for her, poking the embers of the fire around with his Khukuri and looking sidelong at sniper and ninja. "Is that it, kupo?"

"Yeah," answered Etoile slowly. "To him she's dead, and I think her other clan members think she is too. After a while, she'd be driven out by his silence."

"Tragic," sighed Katarina. "So we heal her up and send her away, clanless?"

"We're not going to do that," Marche answered strongly. His conscience was kicking in, making feel guilty that this viera had lost her clan and almost her life. "We'll take her in."

"We will?" Darios asked. "Can we afford to?"

"I don't see why not, kupo," grinned Oskar. "I mean, we already afford one demanding as hell viera, kupo, and a blackmailing summoner." Aforesaid pair glared blackly at the moogle, their eyes willing him to burn to a crisp.
"All right," said Ingg, sighing. "It's my fault anyway, so I say yes."

"Basil! Monty!" yelled the 'blackmailing summoner' to the other two, not taking her eyes off the offending thief, who was chuckling.

"Kupo!" chorused the moogles.

"We're considering adding the assassin to our entourage! Do you mind?" shouted Etoile, still glaring at Oskar. There was silence. Then Basil said, "Okay, kupo!"

"Monty, what about you?" asked Marche, turning to the time mage. He was very shocked, and more than a little scared, considering that he still had the bumps from the Terre Rod on his head, to note the bat-winged moogle's reaction.

"Do…I mind, kupo?" said Montblanc, getting up and putting his cards down. Basil peeked quickly and got Thundara'd for his effort. "Why, yes, I mind, kupo!"

"Why?" asked Ingg, pulling out her whetstone and beginning to sharpen her katanas. The screeching sound was especially loud to the moogles and the vieras, who winced.

"Could…you stop that, kupo?" asked Oskar, his hands over his ears.

"Not until Montblanc tells me why he objects so strongly to a new clan addition," she said calmly, leaning back against the wall and wetting the blade.

"Because she's from that bloody clan, kupo!" growled Monty through gritted teeth.

"Discrimination," scoffed Katarina, quickly breaking off the glaring.

"You didn't stop us from joining," pointed out Etoile. Both of them had come from different, small clans, which were breaking up and found Clan Nutsy. Marche's previous viera archer, Marion, had been found selling secrets about the clan to the palace and promptly Firaga'd and dismissed.

"You weren't from an outlaw clan, kupo," Monty growled, sounding very menacing for a creature the height of Marche's thigh – with pompom.

"So what if she is?" Katarina challenged. "Nothing matters in this clan. Look at what our Oskar used to be. And look at you, Monty! You were a drunk bum before Marche created Clan Nutsy!"

"And how many times did you get arrested for indecent exposure?" Ingg drawled, stopping the run of the blade. Montblanc flushed a dull red.

"You're not supposed to point that out to anyone, kupo," he muttered.
"And what's wrong with being the best kupo thief and general pickpocket, burglar and fraud this side of Ivalice kupo?" asked Oskar miserably, but his question was trampled by the herd of wild enquiries that surrounded the ninja about her statement.
"When, kupo?" asked Basil excitedly.

"Tell me," grinned Katarina. "I want to hear this. More blackmail."

"Heal the assassin first, Kat," reprimanded Marche. The summoner stuck out her tongue defiantly, but obeyed.

All of the clanners listened in glee as Kat finished the healing and Ingg began the story, which had them laughing in stitches by the end, except a very red and embarrassed Monty who wished he could climb under a rock and die.
"Fine, let her join," he muttered.

"I knew you'd see it my way," smiled Ingg.

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Matias!

The blue mage's face hung before Loraine, teasing. He was smiling like he did in the days before the Jagd. His smile…mischievous and sad at the same time, with the old pride and challenge awaiting anyone who looked at him.

Now she was dead and she'd never get a chance to see that smile again…

She turned around. She was in the black desert of death. She had to cross it, didn't she? To get to the other side, and be reincarnated.

And with every step you took, more of you fell away, until you were an amnesiac husk with nothing to remember about what you were.

"I don't want to cross," she said to thin air. She had a feeling like someone had shrugged at her.

"I'm not going to cross," she repeated, this time, more angrily. "I won't, hear me?"

"You have to," said someone from behind her. She whirled. Her twin was sitting on a flat-topped rock. Her twin, the one who had died when she was twelve and left that unfulfilled gap in her. She thought no one could fill it, but Matias had…

And he'd never know.

"Why?" she challenged. "I don't want to."

"You have to. It's just the rule," Cecile said again. "It's not that hard, Raine."

"Why are you still here then?" demanded the assassin.

"I'm just your spirit guide," Cecile replied with her usual don't-care attitude, flicking back her long silver hair across her archer garb. "Just go, Bunny, I'll meet you up the other side," coaxed her twin, using their childhood nickname for Loraine.

"I can't," replied Loraine stubbornly. "There's a man back there."

"You'll find another one," Cecile answered callously. That decided the hardheaded assassin. This wasn't her twin, just a conjuration. The real Cecile would have listened. She turned away from the desert, away from her twin and began walking away defiantly.

"You can't go, Bunny!" called her twin. "Not unless someone comes for you!" Loraine soldiered on, sticking a finger up at her twin and marching further away from the desert. The further she went, the more like crawling through slime it felt. "Bunny!"

"Sorry, Silly!" she yelled back. "I'm going if someone comes or not!"

"You won't-" Cecile stopped dead. Loraine halted and looked up at what ever it was that had silenced her twin and saw, across a wide stretch of tundra, a unicorn shimmering with magic.

"Holy mother of Mateus," she muttered to herself. "Who'd come for me?" The creature galloped up to her, drew beside her and motioned her to get on.
"I've only ever ridden a chocobo before!" she protested, but the creature nudged her with its horn. "Get on how-" Suddenly, she was on the shimmering beast's back. She gasped in disorientation, the whirling dizziness of being suddenly teleported onto its back nauseating.

"Get back here, Bunny!" yelled the fake twin harshly, a sudden sharp edge to her voice.

"Up yours!" shot back Loraine. The unicorn began to ride. There was a shriek from behind her, so nerve-scraping she almost screamed.

Don't look back!! She heard the unicorn shout in her head. She didn't find this strange. She was too far gone. Her memory seemed to be slipping.

"Okay," she mumbled, gripping its mane. They seemed to be racing for a gleaming barrier, her vision growing blurrier by the second.

They shattered through. Her memory, her eyesight, everything smashed back into her so forcefully it was as if it was a physical hit, and the sudden numbness swamped her.

Blackness swallowed her; first her mind, then her sight.

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She awoke to the sounds of a crackling fire and snoring, the smells of roast meat and potato and the sight of a roof above her head.

She sat up, clutched her head and groaned in dizziness.

"You're awake, kupo!" exclaimed a voice next to her arm. She shook her head to clear it and looked at the general direction of her elbow to see a little, bright-eyed moogle thief staring up at her in wonder.

"Where the hell am I?" she asked, saying the first thing that came to her head.

"In the temporary camp of Clan Nutsy," said a soft voice. She knew the voice, and her head whipped around to see the ninja who had put a sword through her leaning against the bed she was on.

"You killed me!" she exclaimed, her mind not even caring how that sounded as she lurched up and groped for her katana. It was gone.

"No, I nearly killed you," corrected the ninja quietly. She stared stupidly at the ninja, then the moogle, and forced her vision beyond those two to see various bodies slumped around a dying fire, wrapped in blankets or curled up, leaning against the walls or each other.

"Clan Nutsy?" she asked, her voice more level than she felt as she saw a blond with shocking hair. The moogle nodded happily and said, "That's us, kupo!"

"So, I'm your prisoner?" Loraine remarked. The ninja shook her head.

"You're our new clan member," the ninja informed her casually.

The entire jagd was awakened by a roar as loud as an angry wyrm who has come home to its nest and sat on a bomb which it didn't notice. Okay, louder, then.

"I'm what?" howled Loraine, attempting to lynch the ninja as she was held against the wall by the sentries.

"You'll warm to the idea soon enough, kupo!" yelled the little thief as he was bashed by a flailing leg. "It's not so bad!"

"What the hell – oh, kupo," said Basil, catching sight of the viera.

"Kupo indeed," agreed Darios glumly.

"Oh, by the high lords of Hell and crud!" yelled Katarina furiously, rising. Made fearless by grouchiness, she advanced toward the screaming assassin and poked her in the stomach with her rod. She stopped temporarily to glare at her, her eyes filled with a demonic glow that boded ill for the rest of the clan.

"What?" she growled.

"You're an ingrate," the summoner declared. "We saved your life! And you're chucking a wobbly fit on us?" Loraine stopped long enough to look astonished.

"You did?" she demanded. "Where's my clan?"

"Here," said Etoile, motioning at the clan members.

"You know what I mean," snarled the assassin. "My real clan."

"We are," said Darios, with extraordinary courage. "Your previous clan left without you." All the fight and anger disappeared with those words. Ingg and Oskar let go. The assassin slumped to her knees.
"You're lying," she said flatly. More gently than normal, Etoile nudged the Illusionist and gave him a comforting smile. He blushed back and continued,
"We're not. They think you're dead and they left without you."
"They wouldn't," Loraine protested. "Matias and Miserie wouldn't and Nils probably wouldn't, if he can get out of dream world."

"They listened to your clan leader. They had no choice."

Loraine's head dropped and she choked back tears.

They had no choice… Matias wouldn't have done this on his own…

Miserie wouldn't…

But they have! Why?

They listened to Sotel…

Sotel turned them to believe I was dead…
Why would they disbelieve him? They saw me fall…

They saw me die…

And they left my body to the coeurls…

Traitors!

Her hand clenched into a fist at her side. Her revenge was sealed, anointed with sorrow.

"I'll be in your clan," she said, looking up, her eyes brimming with anguish and betrayal, her tears threatening to spill over. "Where do I sign?"

Papers were shoved in her hands with a pen, and she scribbled her name across forms and documents. As she signed the final one, she looked up at the blond soldier taking them out of her hands. He squinted at her signature and nodded, looking at her and smiling.

"Loraine's a nice name," he commented.
"Thanks," she said. "Any other small, irrelevant comments we have to make?" He flushed dully and the mog thief poked her.

"That isn't nice, kupo," he said. "Come on, kupo, lighten up."
"How can I lighten up?" asked Loraine angrily. The mog thief sighed and stared at her.

"Forget it," he muttered. Then, in a louder voice, he pointed out the members of the clan.

"That's Marche, kupo."

"What? Oh, yeah," Marche said, looking up from the stack of forms.

"Katarina and Etoile kupopo. Katarina is the mass killing maniac-"

"Oi!" snarled the summoner angrily.

"-and Etoile is the kupo one who didn't say oi, kupo," Oskar continued, ignoring the outburst. "That's Darios."

"Hi," said the illusionist nervously, waving from behind a brewing pot of coffee.

"I'm Oskar, kupo," he said, looking up at her and waving. "Kupo!" Then he turned back to the clan. "That's Ingg," he said, motioning at the ninja.

"Hey," said Ingg casually, not looking up from Marche's side.

"…and Basil and Montblanc are those two kupo lazy asses over there, kupo," sighed Oskar. The piles of blankets grunted. One rolled over.

"I'm Loraine," said Loraine lightly. "Hi."

"Welcome to Clan Nutsy, Raine," Darios said, picking the pot of coffee off the stove. "…um, am I allowed to call you that?" he asked hurriedly, seeing the look on her face.

"I'd rather you didn't," she said, forcing herself to be calm. Betrayal still stung.

"Ok," said Marche, ruffling the papers. "What about Rainey?"

"No," Ingg said, elbowing him.

"Lor?"

"Noooo…" groaned Oskar.

"Loz!" exclaimed Kat. They stared at her.

"What?" she asked defensively.

"Nay," muttered Etoile.

"Lozzie!"

"What the hell is with you and 'Loz' anyway?"

"I like that name," scowled the summoner.

"No thanks."

"How about just plain 'Lori'?" suggested Darios. They paused.

"Okay," said Loraine. "I can live with that."

"Lori-kupo! Lori-kupo!" chanted Oskar, falling at her feet. She laughed.

"No need to bow to the goddess," she said airily, and waved him up like a queen to a grovelling subject. He fastened himself to her ankle like a giant green insect. She didn't hurt him, instead, staggered over to the fire and threatened to hold him over it. He dropped off hurriedly and hugged her again before escaping.

"You know what? I think you'll get along well in here," remarked Etoile, grinning.

"Perhaps," she remarked noncommittally.

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You did pretty well in that battle then, Lori," said Etoile, sitting down next to the depressed assassin.

"Really?" asked the other viera miserably. "Thanks."

"You don't have to be so depressed the rest of the time, you know," snapped the sniper, after a very long silence had worn out her patience.

"Yes I do," muttered Loraine. "I was abandoned by them." Etoile considered this for a long period of time. Again, she was about to lose her temper, but instead, she approached it from a different mental direction. She was shocked and a bit sad.

"You loved one of them, didn't you?" she stated. Loraine jerked.

"Why?" she asked guardedly, defensive.

"You seem like it," shrugged Etoile, not wanting to tell the assassin the real reasons she saw.

"So what if I did?" challenged the assassin. "Do you mean I should just give up on them?"

"I'm not saying that."

"Then what are you saying?" snapped the assassin, rising to her feet and waving her hands about. "That all we can do is forget?"

"I'm saying you should stop living in the past and move on!" yelled Etoile, her temper stoked. "You can brood and mope about it all you want, but it's not going to help you in the now!"
"I can still fight, and talk, and live all right!"

"That's not what I mean! Your social interaction is kaput! Everyone's worried about you and how you sit there in a quiet corner by yourself for ages! They want to know if you're all right!" The sniper gestured back at the camp. Loraine looked stunned.

"Why?" she demanded.

"For the same reasons your old clan would; you're now one of us." Etoile stepped over to Loraine and sighed. "Look. We care, and if you would care back just a little, I think you could get used to the idea of us being your clan." Putting her arm around the other viera's shoulders, she began to forcibly steer her back to camp. "You're coming with me, missy. It's Darios's turn to cook tonight and I wouldn't miss it for the world." The sniper sniggered and winked at the assassin. This was her social induction into the clan, in a way.

"Really?" asked Loraine, playing along. "Why, is he absolutely crap at it?"

"No, it's rather his technique…" Etoile exhaled as she stepped into the camp. "You'll understand when you see him."

And Loraine understood. And for the first time since joining Clan Nutsy, she laughed with them, at them and for them.

In her heart, she nursed that secret love for Matias, but kept it locked away from their worried smiles in a place no-one could touch.