I'm worried about this chapter. I've made Tohma feel very guilty, and I'm not sure if it fits his personality at all. My freind said maybe it's a side he doesn't show to anyone, and I agreed with her and decided to keep it. Please tell me what you think, because I really don't know! Is he OOC? Does it fit?
Chapter Two
As Tohma stepped wearily from his car, he felt his heart plummet. The light was on in the kitchen, glowing steadfastly through the enveloping darkness. Mika had waited up for him—again. He didn't want to know how late she had waited up for him the last two nights, worrying about why he hadn't called and why he hadn't come home. He always told her: "Don't call me, and don't wait up for me. I'm working; you know I'm working." Half the time, it was a lie, and when he said it he felt guilt crawl around in his heart like a black widow spider. She would nod, an accepting gesture, but her eyes would shine fiercely and he would feel like she was staring right into his brain. He could almost see her being able to pull all his guilty thoughts out into the open, see her reading them like a book lying open and tempting. Usually, it was just the thoughts in his head that were unfaithful. Usually. There were also the times when he slept in his office just to avoid her. "I'm working, don't wait up for me." His own words echoed hollowly around him, almost as if they were mocking him. That horrid lie bounced around in his head, bounced and bounced until he couldn't stand it any more.
Sighing, he rubbed his eyes resignedly and locked the car with a flick of the button on his keys. He thought fleetingly about not facing her, mumbling about being tired and needing sleep. But that thought quickly passed. He knew if he did, and even heavier remorse then that which already existed would hang over his head when he awoke.
Mika opened the door, and was greeted by Tohma's warm and affectionate smile. Did she know it was fake? Could she see through him like Eiri could? He could barely look into her sharp blue eyes. Almost Eiri's eyes. Unable to take on those piercing needles any further, he turned abruptly from her and began to remove his coat. He felt her hands behind him, helping him and guiding his tired fingers.
"Did Eiri kick you out?" she asked gently.
He started, body tensing and head jerking up. Guilt and fear clashed together, two rushing waves meeting and combining into a ghastly union. She knew he had lied. She had trusted him and he had lied to her.
"He called. He sounded frustrated. He gave me some cryptic nothingness about you being annoying and irritating. I understand you're trying to help him, Tohma, but I think you need to leave him alone for awhile."
Mika wasn't angry; she wasn't hurt. She didn't know how Tohma longed to kiss Eiri again, to breathe into his hair, to touch him, to cuddle close to him. His body relaxed slightly, but pain now laced him, so real that it felt as if Eiri had stabbed him directly in the heart with a knife. He removed his black hat and cradled his head in his right hand, "I can't deal with it." He told Mika, voice nearly a whisper, "I can't deal with being away from him, and I can't deal with being close to him either. Everything I try to do to help him goes wrong, it all just falls apart in my hands and I can't fix it. And he blames me, Mika. He blames me and he can't forget."
He felt gloved hands stroke his hair affectionately from behind. The other side of Mika's usually fierce and tough personality was something that few saw, and Tohma did not believe he deserved it. Such soft fondness should not belong to him. Mika continued to stroke his hair, even as half of him longed to stop her, to protest and confess, confess the graveness of his sins. "You're not the only one. He pushes everyone away. I don't know…I don't know what the matter with him is anymore. He's so far gone, and we can't seem to bring him back. Maybe we need to just let him come home on his own."
"I can't to that," Tohma told her simply, "I can't let go of him, and I can't let him suffer alone."
"I know," she said quietly, "I know."
