Hey everyone! This chapter is pretty long compared to my last two. I love writing dialogue scenes, where people just talk for a long time, so I'm really happy with this chapter. Horray! I changed the ending alot from my first draft too. Tohma's more in character. Hope you like it!
Chapter Three
Beep. "Yuki?" Shuichi's panicked voice was interlaced with gasps and sniffles, "Yuki, please pick up the phone! Yuki, please…I'm sorry I broke the cup five days ago…I'm really sorry! I should have realized it was important to you, I mean, it was blue, and blue is your favorite color and…" Beep. Eiri emotionlessly flipped the message machine to the next message. "Yuki! Yuki!" Shuichi sobbed heartbreakingly into the phone, "I guess I should have realized it wasn't the cup! I'm so sorry, and now your're even more angry at me! I love you, Yuki! Yuki, please, if you're there, I'm here, I'm here! I love you, Yu—" Beep. "Yuki? Yuki, if you don't pick up, I'm going to die! I'm going to…sniff…die!" Beep. "Yuki, I love you. I love you so much, that I have to do it. I-I have a knife! I'm going to do it! Now I'm really—" there was a small gasp of anguish, "Shit! That hurt, owowow! Band-Aid!" Beep. Odd shuffles and occasional murmurings was all that could be deciphered. Suddenly, "Yuki, can you hear me? Yuki! I know what I did! That one time, I left the light on in the bathroom overnight! I-I-, that really pissed you off! I-I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking, I was just so excited because you were actually smiling at me and I…I just was reckless…" Beep.
Yuki shut off the phone, eyebrows furrowed so deeply he looked like an angry bear, "That's a sample. A fucking appetizer! I can't deal with it, damnit. Every five minutes, another sob story, another pathetic attempt at suicide. I guess when the brat realized it wasn't another fluke, he spazzed. I shouldn't be least bit surprised…damn, I can't get away from him and I'm so sick of it I feel like yanking the phone out of the wall!"
"Eiri, maybe you should change your phone number. This could qualify as harassment." Tohma leaned back on the black leather sofa and gave him a look of profound concern.
"And have him think of some harebrained scheme, like breaking into my apartment? You don't know the brat like I do." Eiri stared momentarily at the phone, eyes flickering slightly before going dim and opaque. His index finger pressed lightly onto the "delete" button. Beep. Away went Shuichi. Away went over a year of his life.
"This will eventually turn out for the better." Tohma informed him gently, "It will be better for the both of you if—"
Eiri whirled on him, voice fierce but tinted with anguish, "—If Shuichi doesn't kill himself first!" He stood there looking helpless, hand twisted into his disorganized hair, "Dammit…this shouldn't…be so hard…this shouldn't…be…affecting me…"
Tohma felt himself rise, felt his hands shake and felt all the answers to Eiri's problems slip helplessly from his sweaty fingers. He couldn't be powerless, he just couldn't. Yuki needed him. Yuki…needed him. As Eiri suffered there, swearing softly under his breath, Tohma struggled to think of an action. Less carefully and thoughtfully then he should have, he moved closer to Yuki and hesitantly reached his hand toward him.
"Don't touch me!" Eiri pulled back violently, gasping for air as if he had been running, "I just shouldn't let anyone touch me, dammit! Whenever I open myself up, the people I allow to touch me stick, and they just won't come off." He seemed to be getting himself under control, and he didn't sound quite so frustrated and cornered. "They hold on to me and they won't leave me alone. Like you." There was a brief pause in which Yuki turned from him as if in revulsion, "…It makes me sick."
Tohma flinched at the disgust and hatred that saturated Yuki's voice. There was a silence in which Yuki reached into his pocked, stuck a cigarette in his mouth, and flipped open his lighter. It seemed to calm him slightly, to give him a bit of relief. No matter how nicotine induced it was, at least he was able to think through the slight haze and consuming emotions that flowed wildly through him.
For a few seconds, Tohma watched the flame lick hungrily at its prey. "People aren't like clothes." He finally murmured, eyeing Eiri carefully, "They just aren't." He settled himself back onto the couch and folded his hands civilly in his lap, almost as if trying to contain himself. He almost seemed to resist and urge to reach out and hold Eiri in his arms. "Sometimes, people can be treated as clothes. You can use them until they get worn and faded, then discard them or give them to someone else to use and dump. But sometimes, people refuse to be thrown out when you are done with them. It may seem silly to you, Eiri, but they don't let go. Maybe, they can't let go." Tohma's voice was calm and tender, but he felt as if the overwhelming river rushing through him was being compressed into words that were only a small channel. He felt like the water would continue to build and build until it flooded over and destroyed everything in it's path, "You push them away, and they try to leave you alone, but, you know, it's like defying gravity, and they can't keep it going for long."
Yuki turned and stared at Tohma, eyes slightly out of focus, "Hell." He finally muttered, "Sometimes, you just can't shut up, can you?"
"No, sometimes I can't," Tohma agreed amiably. He watched as Eiri walked stiffly to the couch and allowed himself to sink slowly into the cushions.
Yuki leaned back and stared vaguely at the ceiling. At long last, he spoke, the tone in his voice detached and brooding, "Clothes are so much easier then people."
Tohma's eyes slid shut and his head drooped to his chest as if in exhaustion. Eiri lit up another cigarette and gazed reflectively at the slowly spinning fan suspended above him. Outside, a dog began to bark in great excitement.
Tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap… Tohma thrummed his fingers absentmindedly on the coffee table, "What is it today?"
"Twenty-sixth."
"Mika's birthday is in four days."
"Yeah, great. So?" Yuki tossed his cigarette butt into a crystal ashtray on the coffee table in front of him.
"She's turning twenty-five. Do you think she would like a new car?"
"She has lots of cars, Tohma."
"True," Tohma sighed wistfully, "What are you getting her?"
Yuki snorted. "Nothing. She's been a bitch lately."
"I don't know what to get her. She usually just gets whatever she wants with my credit card anyway."
"Get her her own credit card," Yuki suggested, boredom with the conversation causing him to sink lower in his seat. He crossed his arms and again directed his gaze upwards.
"That's romantic," Tohma's voice was sugary, but Yuki could tell it was filled with sarcasm.
"Because you're such a romantic couple."
Tohma thought briefly, "I saw a commercial for diamond earrings. Mika doesn't have many of those. At least, she doesn't seem to wear them very often."
"She hates diamonds."
"Oh," Tohma frowned, then gave an embarrassed laugh, "Oops. That explains a lot."
Yuki made a grumbling noise and shrugged his shoulders slightly.
"I'll get her a dress," Tohma concluded, almost to himself.
"She hates your fashion sense."
"I know that. I'll take a look at some of those designer magazines that always show up in the mail. If she doesn't like it, she can send it back. Maybe I can find something that matches my gray suit with the green feather boas."
"Suit yourself. It doesn't really matter."
"I suppose not. I just wanted to get her something nice."
"Get it then." Yuki stood up and dragged his slippered feet over to the window, then gazed out on the activities taking place below, "Well? He said finally, "Happy now?"
Tohma's head jerked upward and he stared at Eiri with an uncertain look in his eyes, "Hmm?"
"I talked to you. I listened to your problems. It was a cheap present. But now, your time is up. Go away."
Tohma's hands dug into the leather upholstered seating, and his eyes widened with surprise, "I—"
"Well, what's your problem? Go." Yuki continued to stare out the window, "I want to be alone."
Tohma stood up but did not head back to the door, "Are you alright? Eiri, please tell me what's wrong? Did I do anything?" Cautiously, he moved closer.
"Leave me alone!" Eiri whirled on him viciously, "Stop mothering me! I can take care of myself!"
"Eiri—I just want you to be happy!" Tohma begged, "I want you to be okay, I want everything to turn out alright, I want—"
"Well screw what you want! Nothing is going to turn into anything. I'm stuck like this and there is nothing you can do about it!"
"That's not true, Eiri! You don't have to stay like this! You can get everything back again! You can feel again, you can stop this ice charade!"
"Shut up!" Yuki yelled in agony, "Shut up and leave! This is what I get when I'm nice to you!"
"I don't want to leave you alone," Tohma told him, breathing heavily but speaking quietly, "I don't want to leave you…to suffer…alone."
"Fuck," Eiri growled, a single tear quivering on his bottom eyelid, "Why can't you just fuck off and get on with your own life?"
"You know why. You know I love you." Tohma felt tears burst from his eyes, felt them run down his cheeks and become impeded by his mouth.
"If I was nice to everyone who loved me, I'd have fifty teenage girls in my bed at once!" Yuki turned from him and crossed his arms over his chest protectively, almost as if he was trying not to listen to what Tohma was saying.
"That's not love," Tohma whispered, hand reaching up to cover his tear streaked face, "That's not the same! If you were okay, if you were well, you would be able to recognize that!"
"But you want the same thing. You ultimately want the same thing." Eiri turned around and walked menacingly towards Tohma. Once he reached him, he carefully grasped Tohma's arm and moved it away from his face, "Give me what I want, and I'll give you what you want."
Tohma gazed up at Yuki, not daring to hope, not daring to dream what was happening was real. He must be mistaking what was going on, he must not be correctly interpreting how Eiri's fingers caressed his arm adoringly. Everything felt blurred and unreal; he couldn't think straight. He felt like he was watching television but the signal kept on going out. All he could think about was how Eiri's body was pressing against his, how Eiri's hands were caressing his. He finally managed to ask breathlessly, "What…do you mean?"
"You want me." Eiri leaned forward tenderly and let his lips meet Tohma's. Yuki's hand reached back behind Tohma's head and cradled it gently, "I need someone to fuck. It fits, doesn't it?"
Tohma didn't argue. Somehow, however twisted it was, it did make sense. Hands knitted themselves into Tohma's hair, fingers crawled up his shoulders. Tohma could feel Eiri's breathing quicken in his face, then feel the heat of Eiri's breath inside his ear, then in his hair. Oh, how he had longed for this. Oh, how he had lain in bed next to Mika and had stared up at the ceiling, wishing to whatever devilish force that was out there that he could feel Eiri's body pressing close to his one more time. Just one more time. Halfway unconscious of his own actions, Tohma pressed his mouth against Yuki's and allowed Eiri's tongue to slide into his mouth.
Tohma closed his eyes and wished he could freeze time. He wished he was in his house, and Eiri was living with him. He wished Mika didn't exist, and at the thought of Mika the black widow spider that spun his guilt began to spin a web that interlaced with his desire. Even as his guilt crawled and slithered within him, Eiri's hands pushed themselves underneath Tohma's shirt and snuck seductively up his chest. Tohma gasped and felt his body tingle even as Eiri removed his tongue from his mouth.
"You still get turned on when I do that?" He asked teasingly, sliding his hands back down and out of Tohma's shirt, "I know you too well." Smirking slightly, he grasped Tohma's shirt with one hand and began to breathe down Tohma's neck.
Tohma felt his hands clutch Eiri's shirt, felt his breathing grow fast and quick as Eiri's hands slipped under Tohma's shirt once again, "Eiri…Eiri…thank you…" he whispered, "You know…I love you…"
"Shut up," Yuki hissed as he began to unbutton Tohma's shirt, "I'm not doing this for you."
Tohma felt burning tears slip almost painfully down his face, "I know…but...thank you…anyway…Eiri…"
Eiri only grunted in response and pressed his lips back onto Tohma's halfparted ones, almost as if to stop him from thanking him again.
