BEER GOGGLES AND RED COATS

By Angel Sentier and Lady Parsley

Chapter Five

It was 3:32am on Chloe's bedside clock when the phone rang.

Blearily, she opened one green eye and picked it up, taking it back under the covers with her. "Somebody better be dead," she slurred, angrily.

"Chloe, shhh!"

"Shh? Who is this?" she whispered, suddenly slightly more alert.

"It's Tessa!"

"Tessa..." She relaxed slightly, though the annoyance came back. "Why are we whispering?"

"Because I'm trying not to wake someone up."

"Oh, Tessa..." she groaned.

"I have a problem... I think it's a big problem... but I'm not sure. It may not be a problem at all..." She let out a frustrated sigh. "I have to talk to you and Teri."

"Are you pregnant?"

"No!"

"Then why did you have to call me this early? Why didn't you call Teri at three-thirty in the morning?"

"I tried. She probably slept right through the phone ringing."

"Well, I'm not going to talk to you about this now."

"Why not?"

"It's three-thirty in the fucking morning!"

"Shh!"

Chloe sighed and ran a hand through her hair, absently removing the caramel blond hairpiece she'd forgotten to take off before crawling into bed a few hours earlier. She supposed she should be a little more sympathetic. After all, she was dealing with more than a few problems herself. "Look, why don't you meet us at Le Chere Canard for lunch tomorrow... Er, today."

"They have lunch there?"

"This may be news to you, Tessa, but life does not start at dinnertime."

"Shut up."

"Oh, wait; you have to work, don't you?"

"No. I can't type for at least a week."

"What? Why?"

There was a sound of the phone being muffled. "I have to go. I'll explain later."

Chloe hung up the phone, not sure if it was all the way on the hook, and rolled her eyes before snuggling back into the covers. When they met up later, she figured she'd give Teri three-to-one odds that this would be the exact same story Tessa always told.


Chloe glanced at the top of Teri's auburn head while she slapped a thick slab of butter on her bread. "Teri, will you put away the newspaper? It's rude to read in a restaurant."

Teri put the paper down for only a moment to look at Chloe. "You shouldn't be eating that, you know. And have you even looked at a paper recently? There's been a rash of violent killings in the city!"

"So there's another sociopath on the loose... That's not news. And I'm not watching my weight anymore. It's not like I'm going to have to stuff myself into fifteen yards of French silk and brocade anytime soon," she said, bitterly.

"Fine, fine... Like I can say anything," she said, indicating her pudgy figure with a grin. "Enough talk about the bastard. And it's not a sociopath. They think some wild animals did it. Just look at the pictures..."

Chloe shoved the paper away. "Teri, ew! We're about to have lunch!"

She rolled her eyes, arguably her best feature, like twin blue marbles in a ripe peach. "It's just interesting, that's all. Why would there be wild animals loose in the city? And why hasn't anyone actually seen them? You'd think a pack of dogs would be spotted eventually."

"Dogs?"

"Well, that's the speculation, anyway. See the teeth marks and the way the flesh was torn open..."

"EW!"

"Tessa!" Teri brightened as she spotted their friend coming toward them, finally folding the paper and putting it in her suitcase of a purse.

"Thank God," muttered Chloe.

"Hey," she greeted the other two girls as she sat down.

Chloe raised an ash blond eyebrow. "You seem tired. Late night?"

"Shut up."

"Okay, what's this blinding emergency?" asked Teri. "And where the hell have you been for the past three days?"

"Yeah," said Chloe. "You want to know who had to drive around the three little bitches while you were MIA?"

"I can explain," said Tessa. "See, I met this guy at a bar a few nights ago..."

Both women gasped, dramatically. "Tessa met someone at a bar? Shock!"

"Shut up! It was just the two of us at the end of the night and he sent me a drink..."

"Wake me when this is a new story," said Teri.

"Are you going to let me finish?" Tessa asked, annoyed. They gestured for her to continue. "Thanks. So, he put this song on the jukebox and we danced..."

"Was somebody getting married?" At Tessa's angry glare, Chloe shut her mouth.

"Anyway, we went back to his place... And I woke up two days later in my apartment."

"He fucked you unconscious for two days?" Teri asked, incredulous. "Can I have his number?"

"NO," was Tessa's automatic answer, surprising herself with her possessiveness. "Well, here's the weird part... He called me yesterday. And then he came over. And he took me to the emergency room..."

"What the hell did you guys DO together?"

"No, no! For my hand!" Tessa held her heavily bandaged appendage aloft for them to see.

"What happened?" asked Chloe, eyes widening.

"Violent handjob, I'm guessing," said Teri. "Did he have a piercing?"

"TERI! Ew! No!" Tessa shuddered in disgust at the mental picture. "I accidentally crushed a drinking glass in my hand."

"How the hell did you crush a drinking glass?"

"I don't know..." She didn't mention that she hadn't even noticed she'd done it until a few minutes after the fact. "It got me eight stitches, though."

Teri grinned. "Can I see?"

Tessa stared at her, then held out her hand. "Fine. If it'll make you happy."

She unwrapped the bandage expectantly, then frowned. "Tessa... When did you say this happened?"

"Yesterday."

"Are you sure?"

Tessa took her hand back. While it was clear that there had been a gash across her palm, the skin looked as though it had healed already. The stitches looked completely unnecessary. Moreover, the cuts between her fingers were nearly gone and the fingertips themselves looked perfectly fine.

"What the hell?" she exclaimed, turning her hand over to look at the other side. She glanced up at her friends who looked just about as confused as she was. "I guess... the doctor just did a really good job."

"I guess..." said Teri, somewhat doubtfully.

"At any rate, Tessa," said Chloe, her brow furrowing. "I'm a little worried. Do you think this guy might have drugged your drink and that's why you slept for two days?"

"I don't... think so..." Looking back on the event, even if Jeff had paid the bartender to slip her something, Tessa hadn't even tasted the iced tea.

"So then you just had a couple nights of awesome sex and the guy has actually stuck around?" asked Teri. "Remind me what the problem is?"

"Well, it's just that... He does this thing..." She sighed. How could she explain the control Jeff exhibited over her? "I don't know..."

Chloe's eyes narrowed. "You called me at three-thirty this morning and you DON'T know what the problem is?"

"I told you I wasn't sure if it was a problem or not!"

"That still implies that you had some idea of whether or not something was wrong!"

Chloe went on to say more, but her words seemed to fade in Tessa's ears. She could see her friend's mouth moving, but all she could hear was the beating of her own heart, growing louder and louder by the second. The hair on the back of her neck stood up and suddenly she knew...

He's here.

"Hello, beautiful."

Chloe and Teri started slightly. Tessa just turned her head and looked up, her eyes narrowing.

"What the hell are you doing here? You are stalking me, aren't you?"

"No..." Jeff indicated the apron he was wearing. "I work here."

"Crap..."

The other two women exchanged looks, then smiled knowingly at Tessa.

"Are you ready to order?" Jeff asked them.

Chloe ordered for all three of them, as they always got the same thing.

"How do you want that cooked?" Jeff asked Tessa.

"Well done," she answered automatically.

"Do us a favor and burn it," said Chloe. "She likes the taste of charcoal."

Jeff raised an eyebrow at Tessa, surprised. "That... doesn't sound like you."

She lifted one in return. "No offence, Jeff, but you've known me for, what? Three days?"

He shrugged and made a note on his order pad. "I'll be back with your lunch." As he turned, Tessa saw him wink at her.

When he had disappeared into the kitchen, her two friends began laughing hysterically, the whole room reverberating with Teri's overly-loud psychotic screeching.

"Wait! Wait!" said Chloe, gasping for air. "Your incredible monster fuck was Jeff? The lunch-shift waiter? The most efficient, and yet the goofiest, waiter at our favorite restaurant?"

"I didn't know he worked here," muttered Tessa. "I've never been here for the lunch shift..."

"Does he have a brother? Perhaps in dishwashing?" asked Teri. "Or maybe a little higher up... Say, a maitre'd?"

"Forget it," said Chloe. "I have NO doubts whatsoever about the drink he sent you. Or did he bring it to you then, too?"

Both women tilted their heads back in absolute hysterics. Tessa's eyes narrowed once again. A large bubble of anger grew in her chest, and a deep rumbling issued from her throat.

The laughter stopped. Chloe gaped. "Did you... Did you just growl at us?"

She blinked. "Um... no. I, uh... I coughed."

"That was NOT a cough."

"Fine. It was... a really long belch."

"Okay, first, ew. And second... you GROWLED at us!"

"Fine, I growled, whatever!" Tessa pushed her chair back and stood up. "I'm going to use the restroom. You harpies can finish your laugh at my expense while I'm gone."

As she left the table, she heard Teri whisper something like "See the sexy way he brings me my ice water... Take me, waiter-man!" and both of them cracked up again.

Tessa sighed. "The friends I choose..." But she couldn't complain. While Teri and Chloe did make fun of her, they really knew how to put problems into perspective. How could you fret over something that makes people laugh?

Just as she made it to the out-of-the-way bathroom hallway, a hand closed over her wrist. Before she could say anything, that hand pulled her into the kitchen and out the nearby back door. A pair of arms wrapped around her as did the scent of clove cigarettes.

She pushed against him ineffectively. "Jeff, what the hell?"

He smiled against her neck as he backed her against the wall. "It's called customer satisfaction."

"This is not the time--"

His mouth effectively silenced her while his hands trailed down her body... All protestations clouded over and faded from her mind.

However, the spell was broken as the door to the restaurant opened and someone came out with a full trash bag. His mouth fell open in a perfect O as his gaze fell on the two of them. Tessa had seen this man before; he was one of the managers. And she had seen that look before, too. That was the 'you're way out of line and you're going to get fired' look. Tessa tried to squirm out of Jeff's grasp, but he kept a firm hold on her. She looked up at him, wondering what the hell he was thinking.

As the man opened his mouth, Jeff looked him right in the eyes.

"You didn't see anything."

Tessa recognized that tone of voice, that direct command.

The man's mouth closed and his eyes kind of glazed over. He turned and walked back into the restaurant, leaving the trash bag on the ground near the dumpster.

"What... How..." she sputtered, utterly confused. "How do you do that?"

He turned his gaze on her. "I'll explain later."

"...Okay."

Once again, his mouth descended on hers.


"Sorry," Tessa said as she returned to the table many minutes later. "There was... a line. And one of the toilets overflowed."

Her friends exchanged another look. "Uh-huh..." they said, together.

She was saved from answering by Jeff bringing their food to the table. She waited for him to say something, but he was all business. Chloe and Teri pouted, looking vaguely disappointed for the lack of ammunition. Suddenly ravenous, Tessa tucked in without pre-amble as Jeff went back to the kitchen.

"All right, so I guess I don't have a serious problem," Tessa said between bites. "It just kind of freaked me out, a guy actually being interested in me for a period longer than six hours or less. You both know what I mean; we've all been the default girl, right? No wonder I thought he was stalking me. Mmm... You know, this is really good... I guess I should stop my bitching. I mean, a guy shows interest and I complain? Compared with the asshole you were going to marry, Chloe, I must seem like a total idiot. Mmmm..." She took another large bite of the hamburger. "Why does this taste so good today?"

Teri blinked in shock. "Tessa!"

She looked up. "Hm?"

"What are you eating?"

"Huh?" Tessa looked at the burger she was half-way through. At first, she didn't see anything wrong, but then realized the inside of the meat was completely red. She dropped it onto the plate in horror. Oh, my God... This thing was still mooing it's so raw... She stared at the juice dripping from her hand and, transfixed, licked it off. Realizing what she just did, her eyes widened. "I... I think I'd better go."

She dropped some money on the table, grabbed her purse, and ran for the door. Her friends stared after her in confusion.

To be continued...