Blood-Stained
A/N: Everything is deliberate, from the angst to the bitterness to the pity to everything. Hehehe. Oh, and I remember dimly about me reaching one hundred reviews before chapter eight- we totally reached that and beyond! Thank you so much for helping me! My new goal is to reach 300 before the end of the story, so please help!
Chapter 11: Vain
Nghi
She didn't want to stand around Sango any more— the drama was giving her a headache, and even though he had pushed her aside, Kagome couldn't help but feel sorry for the crap Inuyasha had to go through. Turning her back away from the woman, she shuffled down the hall, peering through each room for the dog-eared man. He was not in the kitchen or in the living room, and Kagome found him not inside the apartment, but lounging outside, his face unreadable. "What do you want?" He was not like any other person she has met on account that he was nasty and rude to her like there was no tomorrow.
"Nothing," Kagome hastily replied with a waving hand. "I wanted to get away from Sango, that's all." Inuyasha made a face, and she wondered why he was so offended. "It's not that I don't like her," she rushed, "But I just can't stand the way she is right now, just lying on the floor and refusing help and—"
"Shut up," he sneered again, his eyes flickering coldly. "You don't know anything about us- you've only been here for a few days. You don't know what she's going through." It was a bucket of cold water, and she felt frustration beginning to build up quickly. Not know how Sango felt? Not know! "Excuse me," Kagome said icily, "but you don't know me, either. So don't—"
"And I'm sure you've gone through heartache, too," he mocked, and she exploded. How dare some incompetent man say she know nothing of how Sango felt! How dare some pretty boy just enter the picture and tell her that she doesn't know anything about heartache, about sorrow, about pain! How dare some-some rat tell her that she was incapable of feeling how the woman felt, crying pettily over a man like spilled milk! How dare he! "You pompous, self-absorbed jerk… and here I was, feeling sorry for you. Shut up and listen!" Kagome snapped when he started to interrupt. "You don't know me, you've never lived with me… hell, you don't even know where I come from. So don't ever begin with 'oh, Kagome, you don't know what's going on' or 'you'll never understand how she's feeling'. You don't know what I've gone through to be here, so stop being such a prick!" It felt really nice to remove that off her chest, to vent her anger on someone else.
"You don't know what Miroku and Sango had, bitch." She knew his pride was wounded, and the insult was his way of retaliation. "You don't know why it's breaking her apart, and you don't know why it's making her act like this. If you knew, maybe you wouldn't so much of an arrogant bitch, either." Inuyasha would not say what it was- he folded arms and stared stonily ahead. They could hear more breaking sounds inside the apartment.
"Let me guess- they had a thing for each other, right?" Kagome stated— sarcasm was seeping into her voice, and when he wouldn't answer, she guessed right. "They wouldn't admit it, but they had an infatuation with each other. Sango would always say, 'Oh, Miroku? I hate him. He's such a pervert. He's so promiscuous.' But deep down, she liked him. Really liked him. Is that what the two had, the thing that I would never understand?"
"That is a lot more than what you usually know," Inuyasha ignorantly replied, and a voiceless scream begged and clawed its way up from her throat. "I have felt more than you could ever know," she muttered darkly, her eyes flashing furiously- the clamor in the apartment heightened. "I lost so much more than her, I cried so much more than her, I died a long time ago… do you think anyone cared for me? Was there anyone who picked me up to care for me? Why should I give Sango anything?"
He had stood up, his body halfway inside the flat. "Get over it. You're not the only one who suffered."
The door shut in her face.
-
Not the only one who suffered…? She seethed and she trembled and she balled her fists. He made her out to be someone vying for sympathy the entire time. I do not do that! It had never been her intention to do that, and she had never done that before… had she? Kagome hated him and his stupid remarks and his stupid thinking and his stupid sneer and his stupid eyes and his stupid self! Why wasn't he nice to her like everyone was? Why did he have to go out of his way to be rude and push her around? The people she met and encountered- they were always nice, even if she never returned the compliment or conversation. But he… he was different— he thought she was worthless, and it was infuriating to know that he thought so little of her. Not the only one who suffered? Of course Kagome knew that— there were homeless people, and there were people who lost their family… like me, she thought, and something dim rang in her head at the familiarity of the word. Family. Family. It still hurt sometimes, and she realized she never did lose herself to this new person, to this new Kagome who was everything she never had been.
Pushing the door open, Kagome marched back to the car. It was dusk, almost seven o'clock, and she was still dirty, bloody, and grimy. The car was still parked in the same space, and the windows were rolled up— finally, something peaceful for once. "Shippo?" she called, rapping on the window. "It's me, Kagome. Can you unlock the door?" There was no reply, no muffled squealing, no face pressed against the window, and she tried again. "Shippo? Please open the door- it's getting really dark out here." Nothing for the next few minutes. "Shippo. Shippo. Shippo!" Panicking was a second nature to her, and today would not disprove that proclivity of hers. "Shippo, are you there?" What if he came for the child while she was inside the building? What if he was hanging on the roof of her car, unseen and dead? Why didn't she force him to come with her into the apartment? Why was she so careless in everything? God knows he was the only thing she had left for living, and if he was ever taken away—
The little boy's face popped up, haggard and unkempt, and all worries disappeared. Everything was fine again. "Oh, there you are. I guess you must have fallen asleep. Don't scare me like that next—"
"I'm not letting you in," he said flatly through the window crack at the top. Kagome blinked a few times before smiling uncomfortably. "Haha, that's really funny! But really. It's getting dark and—"
"Not until you take back what you said." She picked it up instantly at what he wanted, and the grin drooped. "I-I can't." Was her shaky reply, and his dark green eyes glinted from behind the window. "Then I can't open the door." Buyo sat next to him and put a reassuring paw against the glass— Shippo picked him up and carried him into the backseat and away from his owner.
It was amazing how cunning children could be. "Wait," she called shrilly." Come back, Shippo, please! Open the door! Don't leave me here…." Her hands pulled at the door handle tremulously, and she wished he was just joking, yanking her chain. "Shippo! Shippo!" No response. "Open the door! Open the—" Kagome choked on the last word and coughed. How was he so cold to her, the person who looked after him all this time? But you did inadvertently kill his parents. Traitorous thoughts leaked into her mind, and she found it not too hard to believe that Shippo could turn away from her, even from all the help. She was trying so hard all this time, trying to make up for his parents' unnecessary death, trying to ensure some morals in the immoral lifestyle, trying to be a good parent. But, Kagome supposed bitterly, it wasn't enough.
She was kneeling on the gravel, her head against the smooth exterior of the car. "Please…?" She expected silence, no answer, no reply, nothing- she was right. He didn't come to unlock the door, and she knew he was asleep, with Buyo tucked safely under his arm. Her throat was too scratched out to cry, her mind too tired to think, her legs too tired to walk, and her eyes too tired to cry- she closed them instead. Didn't Shippo know that Kagome loved him? Didn't he know that she cared for him? Didn't he know that she was breaking inside?
Probably not, she mused- he knew that she was a backstabber. He knew that she was stupid for taking away his happiness. He knew that she was trying to endanger him by staying here. He knew that she was pitiful, always getting into trouble and crying. He knew that she was inconsistent, never able to keep up a constant lifestyle.
He knew that she wasn't good enough to take care of him.
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