Series: Saiyuki

Author: Zelgadis55

Rating: R (for earlier chapter)
Disclaimer: Saiyuki does not now and never will belong to me. All hail the wonderful Kazuya Minekura for creating such a wonderful series.

Warnings: Bad dreams and a bad weather alert…

Sanzo: (eyes narrow with displeasure) Oi, who gave you the right to 'play god' with the weather?

Zell: I did, the minute I picked up pen and writing notebook to start this story. (sighs happily) I just love a good storm, don't you?

Sanzo: (twitches) You know very well how I feel about rain and yet you…

Zell: (smiling dreamily and not listening) The crashing of the thunder, the flash of lightning…

Sanzo (twitches more, realizing he is being ignored)

Zell: … the howling of the wind… I feel so truly alive during a good st…

Sanzo: 'THWAP!' (hits Zell with his harisen) Baka! Don't ignore me when I am speaking!

Zell: Owww… (rubs head and glares) That freaking hurt!

Sanzo: If you want to continue living, stop pulling the type of shit you have been during this idiotic Mary-Sue fic!

Zell: Fine! After this fic is over, for the next one I'll stop picking on Gojyo and Hakkai.

Sanzo: I don't care what you do, just stop involving me in this shit.

Zell: Fine!

Sanzo: Good! (walks off)

Zell: (smiles sweetly) Next major fic, it's your turn.

A/N: Goku mentions cucumber wasabi sushi. It's better that you don't ask but if you must know, check out this little weird 3 minute anime called Kappa no Kaikata episode one. It's strange... It's available from Mognet fan sub group.

Gojyo and Mary-Sue
Pt 18

Gojyo shot up top a sitting position, sweating. The world around him was unfocused while he tried to bring his breathing back under control.

"Thank goodness. I've been trying to wake you for the last few minutes." Hakkai spoke, relief evident in his voice.

Still not focused, Gojyo looked up to where Hakkai was standing over him in concern and yelled, "Get away from me you psycho! I'm free from you now!" as he scrambled backwards on the bed until the wall prevented him from going any further.

Hakkai hesitated slightly, "… Gojyo? It's me, Hakkai. You were dreaming."

The kappa took a second, longer look at the source of the comforting voice. He breathed deeply as the healer's features swam into view over those of the previously super-imposed face of Sue. "Kuso! More like a nightmare than a dream. First I dream of her and then I wake and see her face when I looked at you."

Hakkai looked a little guilty. "Well, you did say I reminded you of her…"

"Not that much you don't," Gojyo muttered and then added, "and definitely not that way!"

"Do you want to talk about it?" the healer asked. At the look he received he hurriedly added, "Your dream that is."

Gojyo shuddered, "I'd rather just forget about that. It was one seriously fucked up dream." 'And the last thing I want is to worry you even more.' He added silently. Then Gojyo asked, "What time is it anyway?"

"A little after three o'clock." Hakkai replied.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Gojyo asked. He didn't really want to go anywhere but he needed to get out for a while. He was beginning to feel antsy and the lingering effects of that dream were still with him. It was as if he could almost feel her, worming her way into his thoughts no matter how much he tried to push the images out of his mind.

"Sure." Hakkai replied, glad to see Gojyo doing something other than linger in their room. "Do you think you could eat anything yet?"

Gojyo shuddered, feeling sick as the images from his dream flittered through his mind once more. "Nuh, I don't think so. Let's get out of here before I go stir crazy." Gojyo slung on his brown leather jacket and lead the way, Hakkai close behind and watching his friend carefully.

- . - . -

As they walked, Hakkai noted the way Gojyo was becoming more distant, barely speaking and when spoken to, needing many things repeated. The healer didn't know what to do to help, other than just being there for his friend. After all, it wasn't as if Gojyo was opening up to him, not his time.

Hakkai frowned slightly as he noticed his friend beginning to tremble and fidget. When the healer placed a calming hand on the kappa's shoulder, the fidgeting ceased but the trembling continued, though at a lesser rate.

Gojyo turned and gave Hakkai a half smile, "I'm alright, really." Though even to his own ears, he didn't sound very convincing.

The healer smiled back at him, "I'm glad." He replied, not fooled in the slightest.

They continued walking in silence until a few minutes later when Gojyo suddenly stopped and stared. Hakkai heard him mutter Sue's name in disbelief and longing only to then run in the direction he was staring in, fear building within at an exponential rate but before he could catch up, Gojyo reached the woman he had his eyes on.

"Sue!" Gojyo said, relief filling his voice. He placed his hand on the woman's shoulder, "I'm so glad to see you're… not… dead." He said as the woman turned around at his touch. From behind, she had a passing resemblance to the succubus but when she turned, this stranger looked completely different, right down to the glare she sported across her features.

"I'm sorry," Gojyo hastily said, frozen to the spot in shock that it wasn't Sue after all, "I… thought you were somebody else…"

"Fine, you're sorry, now get your hand off of my shoulder!" she snapped. Gojyo yanked his hand away as though her shoulder were made of some flesh eating acid. She sniffed indignantly even as she turned and stalked away; muttering about how much she despised people she didn't know touching her.

As Hakkai reached the kappa's side, Gojyo tonelessly spoke, "I was so sure that was Sue but… I can't believe I ran to her."

"She's dead, Gojyo." Hakkai reminded him in a gentle voice.

"And that's supposed to make me feel better how?" Gojyo suddenly snapped, "Don't get me wrong Hakkai, I'm glad you saved me from her but… Sue means, meant, everything to me. It's not easy just to shut it all out, to pretend she never existed. My feelings for her are so strong that I can't get her out of my mind, even though she's gone!"

"The longer time that passes Hakkai, the more I feel that I'm losing my mind. I just…" Gojyo paused to take a breath and calm down a little, "I know what she was and what she tried to do to us both but that doesn't change the way I feel about her. I… I'm going on ahead, alone. I'll see you later."

"Gojyo…" Hakkai tried to protest but the kappa was already running off on his own and since Gojyo had made it obvious that he didn't want company, Hakkai decided, after some time of staring helplessly after the kappa, to head back to the inn.

- . - . -

Several minutes later, Gojyo figured that he would be out of sight of Hakkai by now so he slowed down and ducked into an alley. He leaned against a wall and forcibly slowed his breathing to steady, even breaths. 'Dammit!' he thought, 'Why did I have to snap at him, he was only trying to help. He didn't deserve it.'

Gojyo stayed where he was for quite some time, leaning against the brick wall before he finally headed back out the alley and wandered aimlessly. It was beginning to get dark and while the kappa had no real idea of the time, he didn't think it was that late.

"Gojyo…" whispered a faint voice.

He looked all around but saw no one. The streets were almost devoid of people and those that were around were hurrying off and already some distance from him. It couldn't have been any of them calling to him. A chill ran through his body as he suddenly remembered the dream he'd been trying to forget all afternoon.

Gojyo looked up. He didn't really believe whoever it was, was in that direction but he couldn't help but look anyway. Involuntarily, Gojyo snapped his eyes shut as a large droplet of rain hit the corner of his eye.

"Great…" Gojyo muttered. "Rain... I couldn't give a shit about Sanzo but Hakkai'll be in a bad mood as well. I need to apologize for how I acted earlier but he's not going to be in a listening mood."

"… Gojyo."

The kappa looked around again as the spitting rain quickly built to a downpour. Still no one around, they all had the sense to get indoors. He shivered a little from the chill of his already sodden clothing and began the trek back to the inn.

"… find…"

The rain seemed to get even heavier, making it difficult to see any real distance ahead and the kappa found he had to slow down to pay more attention to where he was going.

"Gojyo…"

Whoever that was, Gojyo wished they would quit this game of theirs. It was annoying! 'Hang on,' he thought, 'that voice is quiet, hardly more than a whisper. How the hell can I hear it over this rain?' And that was when Gojyo realised that he wasn't actually hearing the voice from without. Instead, it was coming from somewhere within.

- . - . -

By the time Gojyo reached the inn, the wind was howling and he was convinced he was losing his mind. When he ran inside, the half-drowned kappa began apologising to the receptionist.

"Just wait there." She said sternly as she disappeared into the small room behind her desk. When she re-emerged, the young woman was carrying a couple of towels, one of which she handed to the surprised kappa and the other of which she began using to mop up the puddles of water left in his wake.

"Thanks." Gojyo said gratefully, wearing the smile he normally reserved for flirting with.

"That's okay." she replied dismissively, "I'll add the service charge to your room. Just take the towel with you."

"Alright, thanks again." The kappa acknowledged before heading up to his room. Just as he was reaching for the handle to the door, a loud voice spoke up from behind, startling him.

"Hey red cockroach! You look like you almost drown… oops!" Gojyo turned to see Goku slam his hands over his mouth and blush. "Uh… sorry…" The saru mumbled.

The kappa forced a grin onto his face, "Heh! Well it is raining pretty heavily out there… bakazaru."

The reaction was instantaneous. "Don't call me that, ero… Hey! You just called me bakazaru." Goku grinned as Gojyo's words sunk in. "Does that mean you're you again and that you remember us properly now?"

Gojyo sneezed and opened his and Hakkai's door, "I gotta get out of these wet clothes." He said, inviting Goku to follow him in. "Any idea where Hakkai is?" he asked when it became clear the room was empty. He grabbed a dry change of clothing and slipped into the on-suite bathroom.

"Yeah, he's with Sanzo. They're both doing their usual wet weather moping." Goku answered, pulling a face. "You didn't answer my question before. Are you back to being you again, now?"

In the bathroom, Gojyo sighed and muttered, "Not quite." Aloud so Goku could hear, he asked, "What do you think?"

"Um, I don't know. You seem like you're back to normal but… something seems a little off and since you haven't eaten cucumber wasabi sushi lately, I know that's not the problem. It's more like… as if you're trying to act normal again but aren't."

'Sometimes that saru acts brighter than we give him credit for.' Gojyo thought as he turned on the shower to get warm by. He slipped beneath the high-pressure, not-quite-scalding water for a few almost blissful minutes. The only thing that ruined it was the re-emergence of that voice again. At that point, he hurriedly turned off the taps, dried and dressed. Feeling shaken but determined not to show it, he walked out of the bathroom into the main room with a towel still wrapped around his hair. Gojyo saw Goku sitting on his bed with an expectant expression on his face. The kappa sighed, guessing there was no real way of avoiding answering him, so he sat down on Hakkai's bed, opposite Goku.

"Yeah saru, I'm trying."

"Very." Goku inserted quickly with a grin, unable to resist.

"Very funny." Gojyo replied dryly as he leaned over and messed up Goku's hair more by rubbing the top of the youth's head in a rough, playful manner. Goku squirmed a little under the contact and Gojyo withdrew, continuing to speak, "It's, look, I remember you, the bouzu and Hakkai. It's not like I actually forgot you as much as my memory of you was pushed aside by my obsession with Su, uh, that succubus. I'm still having trouble stopping myself from thinking about her but at least the rest of my memories are becoming clearer now, I guess."

"So… you still love her then?" Goku pried.

Gojyo squeezed his eyes shut and leaned backwards on his extended arms. "I can't shut my thoughts off from thinking about her." He muttered, "It's almost as though she's calling out to me." There was no way he was going to tell Goku of all people, of the voice that he kept hearing. The voice seemed to go silent when he was with someone else but when he was on his own, like in the shower, it would start up again with a vengeance. When he ran dripping into the inn earlier, the voice had finally gone silent, but all the way here, it hadn't left him alone. Still, since Hakkai was off with Sanzo lost in their thoughts from the rain, Gojyo was actually kind of glad to have Goku as a sounding board. He didn't think he would have said anything about the voice to Hakkai either so it didn't really matter.

"But, she's dead isn't she?" Goku asked, confused, "I mean, you and Hakkai killed her an' all."

"Yeah…" Gojyo swallowed, trying to push the guilt he felt about it aside. He knew he shouldn't feel guilty about it but dammit, even if it was artificial, he loved her. In the end, she had been trying to kill not only him but Hakkai and Hakuryu as well. It no longer mattered how much he cared about her, Hakkai came first, no ifs, no buts. "… She's dead."

Gojyo stood, shucking off the towel around his hair, he'd had enough of speaking about this. Goku, well, he was grateful to have the saru listen to him but he was no Hakkai. Besides, even though he was with someone, he was beginning to hear that voice, her voice again. Gojyo wanted, needed to get into a crowd. He just hoped that the building storm outside hadn't kept everyone away from the inn's restaurant. "You hungry?"

"Yeah!" Goku vigorously admitted, "How did you know? I'm pretty sure I didn't complain for once." The perplexed saru screwed up his face and tried to remember if he had or not.

Gojyo grinned, "Yeah, that did make me wonder if you were the real saru or not."

"Don't call me saru! I'm not a monkey, stupid ero-kappa!"

The kappa forced a laugh as he walked out of the room, "Then what are you, a chibi-chimp?"

"Hey! Don't call me names, cockroach! I think I almost preferred it when you didn't remember me properly." Goku grumbled.

Gojyo laughed again and this time, it felt more natural, "Let's go get dinner."

Goku hesitated at the threshold of the stairs, "What about Sanzo and Hakkai?"

"Go grab 'em then, if they'll come."

"Yeah… well, I'll at least get Hakuryu if they don't." Goku said.

Gojyo nodded as he continued down the stairs. He held one hand in the air, almost as if he were about to wave. "I'll order."

- . - . -

Dinner passed fairly quickly and more quietly than usual. Goku had been able to coax Hakkai downstairs, more by mention of Gojyo than anything else but Sanzo had not paid any attention to Goku and after the last time Goku had pushed during a heavy rain like this, he wasn't willing to do so again in a hurry.

Goku and Gojyo had fought over food a little, though on the kappa's part, it was half-hearted at best. Hakkai picked at the meal and absently fed Hakuryu but for the most part, he simply stared into the distance. Once Hakuryu had eaten his fill, Hakkai mumbled an excuse for leaving and went back to his and Gojyo's room.

The restaurant itself was quiet and subdued. The only tables filled, which were few, were by people staying in the inn and the staff were low in numbers.

"Gojyo." The whispered voice began again insistently. Gojyo tried to ignore it but to no avail. "Gojyo…" He was beginning to feel pulled towards it. He hadn't really been that hungry to begin with but now, Gojyo was finding it almost impossible to eat.

Goku continued his meal, not realising the kappa's troubles, even going so far as to swipe food from Gojyo's plate. It was only when there wasn't any reaction that Goku realised something was up and commented.

Gojyo still didn't want to talk about 'the voice' he'd been hearing since he had left Hakkai that afternoon so he shook his head. "Nothing's wrong, I'm just… a bit tired." His chair scraped the floor as Gojyo pushed it out from the table and stood. He raised his hand as he walked away. "Later." He called casually.

Goku watched with a little concern as the kappa disappeared up the stairs and then went back to his food. What Goku didn't see, was Gojyo come back down a few minutes later, wearing his heavy raincoat and walking through the reception and out of the building.

- . - . -

It was several hours later when the kappa returned, blind, stinking, drunk and barely able to walk. He had found a pub that, through the heavy rain, still miraculously had enough life in it to help distract him from that persistent calling. The distraction itself however, only helped for so long. The longer time that passed, the louder and more unrelenting it became and that was what drove Gojyo to the heavy drinking.

The kappa only left at the insistence of the pub's manager, who quite frankly, became a little alarmed over Gojyo's berating of some unseen, unheard woman that the kappa had begun yelling at to "Go 'way!" "Lea' me 'lone!" and to "Get ou' o' my head, life eatin' bitch!" The only way the manager was able to convince his customer to leave was by giving into his demands for another bottle of alcohol, which he had, unknowingly to Gojyo at the time, switched the contents with plain water.

It wasn't until about a hundred meters or so down the road that Gojyo discovered the pub manager's deceit and he would have returned it but by then, he was so plastered and turned around, he no longer remembered where he bought the bottle. Instead, Gojyo threw it to the ground in frustration and disgust.

After much wandering in the heavy rain and wind, Gojyo eventually found his way back to the inn. Leaning heavily on the wall, he opened the door and walked through it unsteadily. Before he made it fully inside the warm, dry building, his body and brain had enough and Gojyo collapsed unconscious in the threshold. Unknowingly, in his insensate state, he was blocking the door from closing and allowing the elements to roar into the building, unchallenged.

To be continued

- . - . -

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I am sorry but I can no longer respond publicly to each of you as I recently heard that FFNet is at times going around and deleting people's fics for responding to reviews in a chapter (sighs in frustration) But I always do appreciate all comments I get. Thanks (smiles)