A/N: Ugh. I always forget the stupid disclaimer. Anyway, I planned on this being short and sweet but it's slowly drawing itself out and adding in other unspeakably odd plots…like the Giant Squid going bonkers in the next chapter. Oops…gave you a peak, didn't I?

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Hermione had an odd dream. She slapped Justin Finch-Fletchey with a stuffed squid and then allowed Loony Lovegood to suck his brains out through a straw, at which point, she complained loudly:

"There's nothing in there but earwax and bellybutton lint!"

Wondering with a slight smile why Justin had bellybutton lint in his head, she had proceeded to walk through the dream-Hogwarts until she came to the kitchen.

Slytherins cooking breakfast and carrying Ron around on their shoulders, singing "Weasley is Our King" had replaced the house-elves.

Then Filch, sitting in the headmaster's chair, stood and gave a long revealing speech about why Mrs. Norris was spelled as if she were married and happily announced that their cat/Squib hybrid children would soon run freely through Hogwarts.

Then someone had tapped her on the shoulder, and turning she saw Blaise Zabini drinking coffee with Dumbledore, both wearing cow suits and Hermione found herself thinking that utters should be banned by the fashion police.

She had then woken up and found herself face-to0face with the real fashion police: Parvati and Lavender.

Parvati was staring at Hermione as if she were some unbelievable animal found in one's own nasal passage.

"You…were in the library with that Slytherin boy."

"I know I was." Hermione stood and started dressing, uncomfortably aware of them watching her.

"Professor Trelawney said that a new and unexpected love would come about by trickery…"

Hermione raised an eyebrow at Lavender. "Well, that has nothing to do with me, I'm afraid."

They exchanged knowing glances. "Of course it does. We know…There's a plot that involves you… though I'm afraid we've already said too much."

With that, the pair of them left the room, giving her all-knowing smiles.

"Weirdo's, aren't they?" Ginny Weasley was shaking her head as she entered the room.

"Tell me about it. Zabini and I? I hardly think." She grinned at Ginny. "Where they got the idea…"

They went to breakfast, Harry and Ron nowhere to be found.

Hermione glanced at the staff table, caught Lupin's eye, and waved. He smiled and waved. He really looked much better since getting his job back as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

Hermione then saw Filch talking to Dumbledore…who was wearing black and white robes that strongly reminded Hermione of the cow suit he'd warn in her dream.

A tap on her shoulder nearly made her laugh as she remembered Zabini with utters, but turning, she found herself facing the real Zabini.

His head was held high and he had a very Slytherin expression on his face. Wondering if that expression would look less intimidating in a cow suit, she gave him an equally arrogant glare.

"What, Zabini?"

"We're on hall duty today, Granger. Malfoy talked Snape out of him having to do it…" Hermione distinctly heard "rotten git" being muttered under Blaise's breath as he shot a resentful look at Malfoy yawning at the Slytherin table.

"Whatever, Zabini. I'm assuming you know what hall duty is?"

He snorted and left the hall, leaving Hermione with a sinking feeling. Hall duty with Zabini? They couldn't even be in the library together without snapping at each other.

As they walked along the halls, not speaking, Hermione slowly came to realize that Blaise most likely wasn't the one she'd meet in Hogsmeade. However…a certain Hufflepuff…

But the witch had said it was from a Slytherin…but the witch hadn't been to Hogwarts in years. And the scarf? She'd heard Crabbe and Goyle cackling about throwing a scarf on a cat to confuse it.

This rather confused her because she was a bit too smart to understand their gorilla logic. Not noticing that her rambling thoughts were changing her facial expressions from frowns to grins to sneers, she continued to walk on.

Blaise Zabini was thinking about nothing in particular, therefor his sleep-deprived, caffeine-pumped mind made odd comments about anything and everything he saw.

If you squint at that tile and turn your head, it looks a bit like Malfoy when he loses a Quidditch game.

Wow…if you look out any of the windows on this staircase you see the lake…oh that window's a mirror…

I wonder if Filch would know if I paid the Weasleys to drop a large supply of Weasley's Wet Start Super Smart Rude and Obnoxious Fireworks into the lake on Halloween night.

Trelawney's class smells like cheese and doorknobs.

He shook his head to relieve himself of his stupor, only to see Hermione in a daydream of her own.

"Granger, we've checked the whole castle."

She looked around at him, an expression that said, quite clearly:

'Who are you again?'

He gave an exasperated sigh. Muggle-borns… "I said, we've checked the whole castle."

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed…" She drifted away to lunch; they had already missed the morning classes.

She really is a bit like that Ravenclaw…Loony or something. With a start, Blaise realized that Loony wasn't likely to be the girl's real name.

Smirking for no reason he could think of, he went to lunch.

As he took his seat at the Slytherin table, Malfoy elbowed him in the rib.

"How was hall duty with the mudblood?"

Blaise shrugged. "Not bad. Nothing happened, accept for Peeves tried to push Finch-Fletchey down a flight of stairs."

Malfoy looked appalled. "And you stopped him?"

"No. I only realized it when I heard Finch-Fletchey calling for help. He was hangin from the banister. I set off a dung-bomb and Filch came running. I guess he got the stupid Hufflepuff down."

Malfoy glanced at the Gryffindor table. "Goodness, Blaise, what did you do to Granger? She looks as if you hit her with a rather heavy club."

Zabini shrugged and continued to eat his way through another helping of beef casserole.

Over at the Gryffindor table, Ginny Weasley was berating a dreamy Hermione with questions about hall duty.

"And you say Finch-Fletchey almost fell, or did Peeves finish the job…I mean push him down the stairs?"

Hermione was looking at Ginny with a serene smile…or rather, looking through Ginny with a serene smile.

A/N: REVIEW…now… Anyway, this version is COMPLETELY different from what I had written down in my notebook. In that version we are introduced to the way Blaise's older brother taught him to stop a girl from crying. And a few other Zabini-Family-Tactics-of Big Bro.

And you would have learned some basic Italian, but I'm saving that for next chapter when I work it into the story for Blaise to use Italian.

And that annoying Hufflepuff gets in the story…Not to mention every one of Ron's brother's, a newly revived Sirius, Tonks with a crush on a teacher, and a bit of nosebleed that leads to a bit of hospital wing that leads to a bit of twin hugging that leads to a bit of swimming and an angry Giant Squid. I think I've covered it…oh…I forgot the most important thing! But you'll have to wait, huh?

Sound fun?