UNFINISHED
by VINTERSORG

Carry on my wayward child
For there'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Now don't you cry no more

- Kansas

- - -

Chapter III
- 3 years later -

The sun was setting when eight men stood around a newly dug mound at the knights' graveyard at Badon Hill, during the three years since a strange rider had rode past and held a silent moment for the many Sarmatian warriors that lay beneath the hundreds of grave-mounds five more knights has died. The men gathered there now was burying the fifth of them, Pellinore, who was Gawain's younger brother.

The air was growing colder and winter was around the corner. They were all waiting for Gawain to say a few words, but every time the long haired knight tried to open his mouth nothing came out. On his seventh try a small sob escaped him and his cousin Galahad, who stood to his left, put a hand on his shoulder to make him know it was okay to cry.

"He was a proud man and a fierce warrior," Lancelot finally said when it became apparent to him that Gawain would not be able to say any last words of his fallen brother. "Now he walks among his equals - the heroes of old."

The other knights nodded in agreement to the dark knight's words, even Gawain seemed to pull himself together to a sad smile in way of thanks to Lancelot for taking his place. Every knight made sure to touch Gawain's back as they walked past him and away from the grave.

Tristran was the first to straighten his neck and listen carefully into the air. The sound of horse hooves pounding the ground could be heard not too far off. A few moments passed as the knights walked towards the road that went past the graveyard before they saw a rider break down to a trot, then to a walking pace until the large, black horse stood completely still as if it had magically grown roots in that exact spot.

When Arthur saw the rider he immediately recognised the horse and he lengthened his step, stopping at the edge of the graveyard, a few feet away from the rider who nodded a silent greeting in respect of the newly buried knight.

"Hello Nouri, it's been a while. Did you get whatever you planned to get done done?" Arthur babbled, very happy to see the woman again, he had begun to suspect she had broken her word and would never return.

"Yes, Art, I did." she answered quietly before dismounting, not prepared for the hug the Roman pulled her into, but she answered it nonetheless.

She smiled slightly as he released her and took a step back to look at her. Arthur noticed that she still looked very much like a young boy, but he figured it must be the armour and that he still hadn't met another female warrior. The other knights had by now caught up with Arthur, save for Gawain and Galahas who had stayed by Pellinore's grave.

Nouri looked past Arthur's shoulder at the knights and felt a pang of something remarkably close to sadness when she only recognising Dagonet from last time. She wanted to ask if these were all the knights that was left of the initial one hundred, but she knew that they were and that it would hurt them deeply if she asked the question.

"So my friend," Arthur said, and she could see that the knights was surprised at his words, no-one really knew what he was going about at and Dagonet feared that Arthur might have gone just as crazy as he did the last time Nouri had visited. "You arrived just in time."

She nodded, but there was something haunted and sad in her eyes when she did so. Arthur couldn't place it and that made him feel just as uneven as he had felt when he had come to the conclusion that he knew a person he had never met before.

"What's the matter?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder in a brotherly manner.

"There's something I need to tell you, but not here." She finally answered, taking a deep breath before continuing. "It's something you won't take too well I'm afraid and I got a feeling you would need a chair close by."

"Nouri?" the commander asked concerned, but something in his voice told her he wanted her to tell him what it was that instance. He was a man who didn't like long waits if he could help it.

"A chair, Arthur." The woman persisted, putting her hand on the arm he still held at her shoulder.

"Nourikka, I'm not a little boy." he suddenly snarled, annoyed at his friend for suggesting that he was weak in anyway. He had seen his mother burn to death right before his eyes, unable to do anything, he had lived through that and now he could handle anything.

Upon hearing the name and not only the nickname Arthur had called the rider Bors looked up as if he was a marionette and his master had pulled at the string that was connected to his head. He stared straight at the woman who stood right in front of Arthur, wondering why he hadn't noticed anything before. She had their father's eyes and his hair, though hers reached well beneath her shoulders while Kardok's had been cut right above them. The same kind of face, though a lot more feminine, her jaws weren't as strong and her chin was sharp instead of ending in a dimple like their father's had.

"Trust me on this one, my friend." Nouri begged the Roman quietly, holding his gaze until he nodded.

"You... you can't be..." Bors almost stuttered in disbelief and Nouri's eyes moved to look at the short and stocky man.

"Bors?" she asked, her eyes wide as she looked at him. He looked the same, but not. Fifteen years could do that to a man she figured. When she last had seen him he had been sixteen, a young man with long hair and a beard. It looked like hell and didn't fit him any, but he hadn't cared because mother had said that that was how a Sarmatian man should look like. She wondered what had made him change his mind about it. Maybe some woman had told him her thoughts about his looks, Nouri thought amused.

She wasn't prepared either when Bors swept her into a bear-hug, absolutely crushing her against him. She was sure she wasn't getting any oxygen and was almost relieved when the stocky man released his hold on her. Well, he let her stand on her own two feet at least, but his arms were still around her in a protective manner.

"How do you know Arthur?" he asked a bit louder than he had to, glaring down at his sister. Before she could open her mouth he changed his mind, "No wait."

"How in the bloodiest of hells do you know my sister?" Bors corrected, yelling at Arthur now, almost biting Lancelot's nose off when he started to laugh.

- - -

The walk to the milecastle had been slightly surreal everyone agreed, the first few minutes Nouri had to assure Bors that she in fact very much alive and not some kind of ghost, dream or illusion. The next couple of minutes she had to explain to him, as had Arthur and Dagonet, why she hadn't come visited earlier or why he hadn't heard about it. The last ten minutes they had all laughed and joked as if nothing had happened and they'd never been apart, though everybody knew Bors was still slightly miffed that she hadn't stayed and said hello to him last time.

When the group of siblings, cousins, knights and brothers-in-arms reached the stables Jols exited and made his way over to the crowed. Everybody wondered if the man had been waiting on their return and this was an ambush of some sort, or maybe the man just knew on some subconscious level that they were around.

"Nouri!" the once young man shouted excited-like when he saw her and the large horse, "You're back!"

"Hello Jols," she greeted back, amused at his excitement, remembering that she had promised to tell him more about her travels and 'adventures' when she returned. He had grown and was not as young as he had been back then three years ago.

He had been sixteen then, or so he had told her, but he still acted like a boy. Maybe it was the fact he was a 'lowly squire', as he himself had put it, and not a 'great knight' who got to fight and do interesting things. She knew that all he and the other squires ever wanted to be was knights; he hadn't told her that, but she had guessed it from the way they had watched hers and Arthur's sparing match and from his thirst for good battle-stories.

"I'll be in my study," Arthur told the woman as she and Jols walked through the gates to the stable square, she nodded to tell him she would meet him later.

"Good," he decided and turned to Jols, "Jols, find her a room in the barracks."

"I will, Arthur," the squire answered. It always gave him a thrill to say the commander's name, made him feel kind of important to be allowed to do so, but he was always careful not to let it show on his face or in his voice to avoid ridicule from the knights.

- - -

The oil lamp spread a flickering light over the report Arthur was writing at his desk. He had decided to start writing his final report, the one that was going to sum up all the long years he and his knights had spent at Badon Hill.

Silently he asked himself how he should put it down into words, all the missions he and the knights had been out on, all the knights that had died during those missions. Arthur could clearly see the faces of all of them, he could remember every name and the melody of all of their voices as if it was just yesterday they had gathered in the fortress main hall for the first time.

He hadn't thought this was going to be a hard report to write, he had written hundreds of reports on practically everything from how much grain they had in the granaries to how often they had to empty the lavatory to how many soldiers had died. Though, somehow summing it all up seemed to be a whole lot harder.

A knock on the door disturbs his thoughts and he was thankful it had as he bides the person on the other side enter. He pushed the parchment away and nodded at a chair across from his desk to let Nouri know she could sit there when she had entered and closed the door.

They stayed in a pleasant silence a few moments. The calm before the storm she thought, wondering if it was smart to tell him this and what he would think if he knew why she even asked herself that. He didn't know what to think about it really, because just like her brother Bors Nouri could talk about practically anything at any time.

"There's no good way to begin this," she finally began after taking a deep breath. "But seeing as out fathers were best friends and I count you as a friend of mine also there is no way for me not to tell you."

"Tell me what?" was the confused reply she got from the man across from her. She had hoped he would just keep quiet and let her get done with it in her own pace.

Wasn't it enough that she was more or less ordered to be there and what she was going to tell him was a sneaky way of dirtying someone ease's hands? She sighed and looked down at her hands as they lay on her lap, she felt guilty somehow and wondered why. She would have been here telling him the same thing she was about to tell him now even if she hadn't been told to do so by those Roman jerks; but now she felt as if she was lying and keeping him in the dark about something.

"Whatever it is I would suggest you start at the beginning," the man joked in an attempt to lighten her spirits, she seemed so lost as she sat there searching for words.

"Of course," she smiled briefly at him before her eyes returned to her hands. "But there is more than one beginning to this," she paused again, this time she looked up at the man across the desk that she had begun to consider a friend and brother during the few hours she was at Badon Hill last time. This time she didn't let her eyes fall back at her hands, instead she held his gaze as she spoke. "But I think I know where to start."

"You know that the Roman Mother Church holds strongly to Augustine's doctrine of original sin," her eyes still firmly on Arthur who had no idea where this was going, but now he didn't feel as sure about not needing a chair and was rather happy he was in one. "That man's nature is tainted by the sin of Adam and Eve and because of this can only inherit either hell or damnation. That you only through the Church can gain salvation; that some men are born to be slaves or become surfs because it is the will of God."

"Pelagius says,--" Arthur began, confused about what this theological lecture could mean, he was cut off by Nouri who was not quite finished yet.

"Shh... Pelagius was a good man who didn't believe in this, I know that as well as you do. His teachings on free will and equality has won a great following in Rome - especially among common people and slaves. Pelagians still exist, but..." her voice hitched and she had to take a calming breath before she dared to continue. Arthur didn't interrupt her again, he just sat still as death wondering why she had said 'was a good man' and 'Pelagians still exists'.

"But less than a year past some bishops had him excommunicated and later killed - Gnaeus Germanus was one of the men behind it."

"Dead... I can't believe it..." Arthur breathed, his eyes lowering as it sunk in. He knew she hadn't lied, he had seen no lie in her eyes as she had spoken, but it was a hard blow to everything he had ever believe in.

"Arthur," Nouri tried to reach out to him, she had heard him speak of Pelagius when she was visited Badon Hill three years ago and knew the man was as close to him as a father. She as well as the men that had told her to come here now knew that the Church would make sure he got no word of his mentor's death, they needed him as a pawn more than an angered fly that was going to annoy them and get in their eyes.

"The Rome that Pelagius wished for and dreamed of doesn't exist. There was a dream that was Rome, but when the first emperor was coronated that dream was destroyed. Rome, as it should have been, have been dead for hundreds of years - politics and the Christian Church rules it now - the Senate and the Emperor are just puppets kept to allow the people their traditions."

Nouri finally stood, wanting to leave her friend to his mourning. Pelagius had spoke highly of Arthur, his young friend or young charge as he called him with fondness. She had promised Pelagius as she met him last, just after the Church had shut him out and he knew he would die, that she would look after Arthur for him and make sure the other Pelagians wouldn't do anything stupid. 'Stupid,' he had told her, 'is what young children and warriors do.'

"I'm so sorry," Nouri whispered as she began to walk to the door, her voice was thick with unshed tears and she wondered if she would ever allow herself to cry over anyone. She couldn't remember ever crying and it made her feel cold and inhuman.

"No," she heard Arthur say, stopping her from going any further, "Wait."

- - -

An hour later Nouri left Arthur's study, they had talked about everything between the earth and the sky, but mainly Pelagius. She had told him what Pelagius had told her and even though she herself had guessed what he meant she had let Arthur figure it out on his own. Still, even though she hadn't lied it had made her feel awful, just as if she was a puppet in someone political agenda. With a sigh she figured she was and she had let herself be, but even if she hadn't this would have happened, it was rather inevitable.

Half a minute later, as the fresh air outdoors washed over her face, she was feeling like her normal and happy self again - a trait she had inherited from her mother. No matter how angry or upset she had been a moments earlier it would pass like a small cloud across a summer sky.

Her head was bowed and her pace rather quick as she hurried to find Jols and ask him where he had put her saddlebags and her armour. She had let him take them to the room he had found for her when she had walked to Arthur's study almost two hours earlier.

In mid-stride her walk was abruptly stopped as she walked into someone, she was not really prepared for this and fell on her arse. Instead of becoming angry at either herself or whoever she had walked into she began to joke about it.

"Who the bloody hell put a wall there?" she asked in mock anger, "Can't be a very practical location for a wall!"

She looked up to see Dagonet chuckle softly as he offered her his hand and helped her to her feet, she couldn't help to smile as he did so. He was one of those quiet people, she knew this from the last time she had been at the fort, he had only spoken when the other knights urged him to and once or twice on his own. She wondered if it was because he was shy or if he just din't had anything interesting to say.

"Thanks, I bet I'm not the only woman who crawls at your feet!" she joked when he had helped her up.

"I'm sorry..." he blushed. He was rather comfortable around the bar-wenches, but Nouri wasn't one of them. The other knights had acted as she was one of them when they walked back from the graveyard earlier and when she wore her armour it was easy to mistake her for a young knight. Now on the other hand, out of armour she looked like a woman - a respectable woman. One could almost pretend that her long riding-shirt was a dress, though only almost, as it was a male garment after all.

"Don't worry, big guy," she laughed, mistaking his discomfort for shyness, "I'm tougher than I look."

"I know that." Dagonet smiled, "Bors would like to see you."

"You're his errand-boy then?" Nouri asked with one eyebrow arched, he knew she was still joking around; her jokes were more obvious than Bors and he thanked the gods for that.

"Ha, ha, ha. Very funny," he answered and made sure his mock laughs sounded as bored and dry as possible.

"Just checking," she smiled and let herself be led down the way from where he came.


Sigh, beside the prologue I like this chapter the best - at least this far. It's a bit longer than my previous chapters, isn't it? (is so happy she can't think of anything else to write here) Oh, and by the way, I'M BACK!

• Yes, it should have been "Carry on my wayward son", but artistic freedom and all that, you know (sticks her tongue out).

• Augustine is of course S:t Augustine, but he hadn't been sainted yet (I think). Just like Pelagius he was a man who had converted to Christianity. He was the Bishop of Hippo in North Africa (354-430 A.D.) and is one of the "Fathers" of the Roman Catholic Church. I've done my research!

FlamezBlaze1: It was pretty obvious, wasn't it? (laughs) Thank you, I'll try to have the next chapter finished and online by tomorrow!

Babaksmiles: No, thank you for commenting again! (is very happy) Yeah, in my story he's just a Roman citizen, not ethnically Roman. I still curse the day when I decided to read the novelisation, it cleared out a few things but confused others! (laughs)

I got a new story in the works! A TristranOC story, with romance as the primary genre - wow. It's called "Just Beyond Time" and I've put up the prologue and first chapter, please check it out too!

(You could have ignored this paragraph, I just need to rant a bit.) I would just like to say that my mum is the most amazing person in this entire world. I love her, she's the strongest person I've encountered during my twenty years of life and that is saying a lot! She raised me and my sister when my dad left because he couldn't handle it and she is the original iron mum(tm). I felt a bit bad about staying with her and my sister because mum obviously has a whole lot of work to do and my sister doesn't help any by being the obnoxious teenager she is. My sister has reached, even before I moved out to live with my bf, the stage physiologists call the adolescence, which is when a person mature mentally in opposite to physically. She's a bit late seeing as she was sixteen when she started and is still in the process of breaking free. Anyhow they fight like cats and dogs, something that I hate. I hate it when people fight, me and my bf fight all the time too but we're like Bors and Vanora so we make up quickly. My sister on the other hand is stubborn and could hold a grudge passed Armageddon if she so pleased. So I did my very best not to be a nuisance and tried to help out with all the house work, meaning: my so called three day vacation was cancelled.

Don't forget to review, this is after all my very first fanfic and all comments are very much welcomed!